Stanley Moon Quotes in Bedazzled (1967)

Stanley Moon: You're a nutcase! You're a bleedin' nutcase!

George Spiggott: They said the same of Jesus Christ, Freud, and Galileo.

Stanley Moon: They said it of a lot of nutcases too.

George Spiggott: You're not as stupid as you look, are you, Mr. Moon?

George Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you has been a lie. Including that.

Stanley Moon: Including what?

George Spiggott: That everything I've ever told has been a lie. That's not true.

Stanley Moon: I don't know WHAT to believe.

George Spiggott: Not me, Stanley, believe me!

George Spiggott: [having gotten Stanley's attention by mentioning a million pounds] Your great-great-great grandfather, Ephraim Moon, sailed to Australia in 1782 on a ship of the Line. Set himself up as an apothecary. The business flourished, and by the time he died it was worth something in the region of 2,000 pounds - a large amount in those days.

Stanley Moon: Yes...

George Spiggott: Your great-great-grandfather, Cedric Moon, by skillful management and careful husbandry, increased that sum a hundredfold. This in turn was inherited by your great-grandfather, Desmond Moon, who expanded, diversified, and built up a personal fortune of well over a million pounds!

Stanley Moon: Oh!... it's a lot of money!

George Spiggott: A great deal of money, Mister Moon! And this gigantic sum was inherited by your grandfather, Hubert Moon, who returned to London and frittered it away on wine, women, and loose living.

Stanley Moon: ...ermh... where does that leave me, then?

George Spiggott: Penniless, and on the brink of suicide!

[giggles]

Stanley Moon: Well, I suppose Lust and Gluttony really have to be rather near the bathroom.

Stanley Moon: [after having been transformed into a nun] I love you, Margaret.

Margaret Spencer: And I love you, Sister Luna.

Stanley Moon: I thought you were called Lucifer.

George Spiggott: I know. "The Bringer of the Light" it used to be. Sounded a bit poofy to me.

Stanley Moon: [reading Faustian contract] "I, Stanley Moon, hereinafter and in the hereafter to be known as 'The Damned' - " The damned?

Stanley Moon: Here, my ice lolly's melted. You really must be the Devil.

George Spiggott: Incarnate. How d'you do?

Stanley Moon: [regarding his contract] Shouldn't I sign it in blood?

George Spiggott: Blimey, you are a traditionalist.

Stanley Moon: Apart from the way He moves, what's God really like? I mean, what colour is He?

George Spiggott: He's all colours of the rainbow, many-hued.

Stanley Moon: But He is English, isn't He?

George Spiggott: Oh yes. Very upper class.

Stanley Moon: You painted a beautiful dream and shoved me into a nightmare.

Stanley Moon: [after George Spigott tells him who he is] I know... you've escaped from somewhere!

George Spiggott: But suicide, Mr. Moon... Really, really, really. That's the last thing you should do. Don't you think it's taking the easy way out?

Stanley Moon: Huh! Easy way out? What's easy about it? Look, the bleeding pipe's broken! Can't even manage to kill myself!

Margaret Spencer: Who's George?

Stanley Moon: He's the Devil. He's not so bad once you get to know his problems.

Stanley Moon: You're an angel, George.

George Spiggott: Here's hoping.