Nadal Quotes in The Dictator (2012)

[Aboard the helicopter, Aladeen and Nadal are smiling at the American tourists in front of them, as Aladeen points at his sheriff's badge]

General Aladeen: I love being an Americans! America is number one! Oh, I am from U.S.A.! My father also from U.S.A.! My great-grandfather fought in the American Civil Jihad. I am very proud to be an American. I am America's number one douche.

[Nadal sighs]

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] I've fooled them. Job done.

Nadal: [Speaking in Wadiyan] So, how are things back at the Palace?

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Fine, but guess who's still living in my guest house?

Nadal: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Ooh, Bin Laden?

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Yes, Osama. Bin Laden flooding the bathroom every time he showers... And how hard is it to put a bath mat down, Bin Laden?

[Tourists look worried]

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Hey, do you remember my favorite sports car?

Nadal: [Speaking in Wadiyan] You mean your Porsche?

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Yes... the 911.

Nadal: 911, it's the best!

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] So I was driving the 911 near the Palace one day...

[making hand gestures of driving the car]

General Aladeen: and I totally crashed!

[Aladeen and Nadal laugh as the tourists get more nervous]

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] It's okay, I've already ordered a new one. A brand new 911 2012.

[Tourists get even more nervous]

Nadal: [Speaking in Wadiyan] You know, while you are here, you should try to see some of the sights such as the Empire State Building and Yankee Stadium.

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] And I'd love to see the fireworks over the Statue of Liberty.

[makes exploding sounds before giving Nadal a high-five and looking at the tourists]

Nadal: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Hey, have your old back problems been bothering you?

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that I made myself a back brace.

Nadal: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Really?

General Aladeen: [Speaking in Wadiyan] Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.

[unzips his jacket to reveal a black vest with strings on it]

General Aladeen: Hey, my English is getting good. I bet I can count down from five faster than you can!

General Aladeen, Nadal: Five, four, three, two, one!

[the tourists scream. Later, Aladeen and Nadal have their mug shots taken]

[Nadal notices Aladeen walking funny as they approach the helicopter]

Nadal: Are you okay?

General Aladeen: My guy has a limp. I fell off me horse at the old Bull & Bush Pub because I'm a cockney.

Nadal: Listen, listen, okay? You need to focus up right now and be prepared to deliver a small, subtle performance.

General Aladeen: Okay, great, okay.

Nadal: Okay, good.

General Aladeen: [Pulling eyelids backwards] Okay, so when we go to fly...

Nadal: [Slaps Aladeen's hands off] Don't do that with your eyes! You can't be a Chinese person on this thing, okay?

General Aladeen: I'm not Chink, I'm Chinese-American!

Nadal: No, but you cannot hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think you're Chinese-American because you hold your eyes like that! It's racist, what you're doing!

General Aladeen: Do you know it's a fact that they cannot pronounce their R's? They pronounce them as L's. So instead you know what 'rabbit' is in Chinese?

Nadal: I don't know how to speak Chinese.

General Aladeen: It's 'labbit'.

Nadal: It's not 'labbit'!

General Aladeen: Yes! 'Who Shot Loger Labbit' was a huge hit in China!

Nadal: Nobody... It's stup... All right, I don't care! This is stupid, okay?

General Aladeen: Okay, I'll do Filipino. I like to work, I like to talk.

[pulling eyelids backwards]

General Aladeen: I like the shit, I do the kids.

Nadal: [Pulling Aladeen's hands off] Stop that! Your Filipino is the same as your Chinese!

General Aladeen: Now who's being a lacist? You're being lacist now!

Nadal: I'm not being racist! Right now, we have to get on this helicopter and we have to act like true Americans.

General Aladeen: I guess you don't want me to play black, then.

Nadal: Of course, I don't want you to play black.

General Aladeen: Okay, just throwing it out there.

Nadal: Okay. Don't.

Nadal: I am a mac genius.

General Aladeen: So what do you do?

Nadal: Mostly I clean semen out of laptops.

Nadal: When the thought of someones decapitated head upsets you, that is love.

[Aladeen and Nadal are dispiting the shape of the nuclear missile]

General Aladeen: Have you consulted Professor Bobeye about this?

Nadal: Professor who?

General Aladeen: Bobeye. He is the one whose forearms are very large in proportion to his body.

Nadal: I believe his name is Popeye.

General Aladeen: Bobeye.

Nadal: Popeye. And he is not a professor. He is, as the song says, a sailor man.

[Aladeen and Nadal are at Gotham Helicopter Tours, preparing to board the helicopter]

Nadal: Here's the plan: We're going to take this helicopter tour and fly over the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses. Remember, we're just two ordinary American tourists looking at the sights.

General Aladeen: [Wearing an American flag jogging suit and a sheriff's badge] Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect anything. It's a great plan, pointy.

Nadal: Don't do anything to arouse any suspicions.

General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!

General Aladeen: My performance in 'Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom' was outstanding.

Nadal: I gave it thumbs down.

General Aladeen: Have you seen 'You've Got Mail Bomb'?

Nadal: Yes, I've seen them all! They're all terrible movies! Listen to me, okay? You are a terrible actor. I urge you, right now, keep your performance small and real.

General Aladeen: All right. Can you get me a cloak?

Nadal: Why?

General Aladeen: Because I think my guy would be wearing a cloak.

Nadal: No. Your guy wears an American flag sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.

General Aladeen: I need the sheriff's badge.

Nadal: For what? You're the sheriff of American douche-town!

General Aladeen: That's rude.

Nadal: Listen: We're going to walk over there, act very inconspicuous.

General Aladeen: Okay, no problem.

Nadal: This has to work.

General Aladeen: Don't worry, just relax.