Mitchell Quotes in The Shaft (2001)

Mitchell: We live in a vertical world. If you can't trust the elevators, what the fuck *can* you trust?

Greta: He lays me then busts me.

Mitchell: Well, she asked me to.

Desk Sergeant: What, lay her or bust her?

Mitchell: Both!

Mitchell: Hey, did you ever do any of that, you know, obscene photographs and all that?

Greta: Mmm hmm. When I needed the bread.

Mitchell: Where can I buy some?

Mitchell: Piss off, kid!

Mitchell: Mr. Cummings! Mitchell, police department?

Cummings: Permit's not due till January, son.

Mitchell: Uh, Mr. Cummings!

Cummings: Make an appointment son, or have your chief give me a ring!

Mitchell: Mr. Cummins!

Benton: No salesmen at this entrance.

Mitchell: [after smashing a guy's fingers] Shut up, you're waking the neighbors.

Child: My mother doesn't like you.

Mitchell: Well, I don't like your mother.

Child: Why not?

Mitchell: Why not?

Child: No, why not?

Mitchell: No, why not?

Child: Why are your repeating what I say?

Mitchell: Why are your repeating what I say?

Child: I'm not.

Mitchell: Well, I'm not.

Child: You are.

Mitchell: Buzz off.

Child: What?

Mitchell: What?

Child: What did you say?

Mitchell: What did you say?

Child: Did you say something?

Mitchell: Did you say something?

Child: You said buzz off.

Mitchell: You're lying through your teeth.

Child: You're lying through your teeth!

Mitchell: Buzz off, huh?

Child: Buzz off!

Mitchell: Buzz off, kid!

Mitchell: She'll lie in my bed for nothin'.

Mitchell: I've got beer and... vodka.

[last lines]

Mitchell: Alright, let's get your coat.

Mitchell: Sorry, beer's got a little excited.

Mitchell: How often does this once-in-a-lifetime wave come along?

Mitchell: [to Jack] Chill Brah.

Augie: Did he just call you a piece of underwear?

Mitchell: The rule is, there's no rule, everything goes

Leo: Why you sad?

Mitchell: You wouldn't understand.

Leo: 'Cause I am a retard?

Mitchell: Hehe yeah. Old enough to pee, old enough for me.

Mitchell: Are you fucking crazy?

Sean Bateman: Define crazy.

[Shrieks like a lunatic]

Harry Mork: You know I like the get well designs, and the birthday, but what's this anniversary here? You've drawn the wife with half a head.

Mitchell: That's the way I see wives.

Huey: You wanna work with me, you stay outta my fucking business, alright?

Mitchell: Yep.

Huey: Good.

Mitchell: Well, I don't work for you no more, you arse-wipe!

The Man: Want some coffee?

Mitchell: Sure.

The Man: I'm her husband. I'm Ginny's husband. I was a soldier. I conked out. You're wondering about this setup, aren't you? Well, ask her. She was a tramp when I married her. I didn't know it at first, but I knew it before we were married. That's one of the reasons I enlisted - to get away from her. I couldn't wait to get out, to get back to her. And when I did, she didn't want me. Funny, isn't it? I still want her, I still love her... You know what I just told you? That's a lie. I'm not her husband. I met her the same as you did, at the joint. Can't keep away from her. I want to marry her. She won't have me... You believe that? Well, it's a lie, too. I don't love her, and I don't want to marry her... Hey, you suppose I could be a soldier? Make some dough by the next war?

Mitchell: Why not?

The Man: Why not? Because I don't want to. What do I wanna be a soldier for? I'm too restless. I don't know what I wanna do. Wait for her if you want to. I'm gonna take a nap.

Mitchell: [to Danel] You dirty slave-trading rat!

Mitchell: You're wasting your time. There's only one way out of here. Make 'em kill you. Don't die... day at a time. Get it over! Then you can rest. Dead men can't work. Never... get out... till you die. Then you get paroled to a pine box.

Mitchell: What the hell are you doing, driving us through the middle of nowhere?

Carter: We're taking the scenic route, remember?

Mitchell: By scenic I was thinking, I don't know, more trees, mountains, people.

[indicating the map]

Mitchell: Dots a lot closer together.

Carter: By scenic I meant... rarely seen.

[breaths deeply]

Mitchell: I'm gonna get you a dictionary when I get back.

Mitchell: Blech! Oh, what flavor is this?

Carter: Bacon and margarita.

Mitchell: A 30 year old loser, living in his car, is about the last person that I'm going to be looking to for advice on how to fix my life. So unless you want to put out a book of "don't"s based on all of the ways you've screwed up, which is the only thing you're ever likely to publish, you should probably just shut the fuck up.

Carter: You look like a goddamn horror movie extra!

Mitchell: Let's remember why I look like this. This, this was your idea. Oh, "what am I afraid of, what could it hurt." Well, there ya go. That is exactly why you can't have a Mohawk in the real world.

Carter: I gave you a haircut, not a lobotomy!

Mitchell: Are you telling me that you're not at all suspicious that things have gone so smoothly?

Carter: Suspicious? No, I'm stunned, I'm impressed. But I'm not suspicious.

Mitchell: Well, maybe you should be. I mean, think about it, things could be just a little too good to be true, you know what I mean?

Carter: Believe me, if I was making this up, there would be a lot more lottery winning and super models.

[last lines]

Carter: [on the phone] If we're still out in the middle of desert somewhere, I just finished an imaginary book.

Mitchell: Wow, that's really, really fast. So tell me how it ends.

Carter: Well, that's the funny thing.

[click]

Mitchell: Carter? Carter... Piece of shit!

[throws the phone done, and it starts ringing but there is no display]

Mitchell: Tonight's a big night, you know, going live, without a net... just like Johnny!

Bobby: Johnny got to tape them at four.

Mitchell: Fuck 'em, fuck 'em, he's a dinosaur.

Bobby: My name is Kevin, Mitch. Did you know that?

Mitchell: No. That's great. Thank you for sharing.

Mitchell: [about Red] Funny thing is, I ain't never heard Red make a sound. Not so much as a peep. Walkin' body bag, that one. He died in the 'Nam.

Wilkie: [pouring scent onto his handkerchief] Want some?

Mitchell: I don't think so. I'd be afraid to wear perfume around a lot of sailors.

Wilkie: [makes a long pause before climbing up the ladder of the hold]

[last lines]

Mitchell: Well, that settles that. Anything I can do for you, Joe?

Joe Kidd: [punches him in the nose]

Mitchell: Joe, you shouldn't 'o done that.

Joe Kidd: Next time I'll knock your damn head off.