Master of Ceremonies Quotes in Melody Time (1948)

[introduction to "Little Toot"]

Master of Ceremonies: There's drama, there's excitement, and there's harmony for three in a story of adventure on the sea. Now, featured in this epic is a ship of proud design. No, it's not this ocean liner. We take a different line. So with a huff and a puff and a chug-chug-chug, and a perky little hoot, we introduce our hero, the tugboat, Little Toot.

[introduction to "Pecos Bill"]

Master of Ceremonies: Here's a tall tale straight from the chuck wagon, just the way the old-timers used to tell it. According to them, Pecos Bill was the roughest, toughest, rootin'est, tootin'est, shootin'est cowpoke that ever lived. Well, any story about old Pecos is bound to be right strong medicine, so maybe it's best to sashay into it kinda gentle-like.

[introduction to "Blame It On the Samba"]

Master of Ceremonies: The intoxicating rhythm of the samba. A talented miss serves a musical cocktail with a true Latin American fling. So if three boisterous birds of a feather fall under the influence of this torrid tropical tempo, don't blame them, blame it on the rhythm of the samba.

Master of Ceremonies: You will survey Underlord Beldar Corhon and Marlax Zanthstram from Frodoit-fuel Adminstration.

Master of Ceremonies: [introducing on stage performer on horseback] Katinka who saved Holland by putting her finger in the dyke. Show them the finger babe.

Katinka: [extends bandaged middle finger to audience]

Master of Ceremonies: Greetings, greetings! My little folks. Tonight there is one among us who adds a bit of unaccustomed drama to our little revel. She sits here, eyes sporting, a face reaved in a lovely smile; drinking in the charm, the glitter, the gay sounds - of life. So drink your wine! Laugh and applaud! While this little doomed child sits saying goodbye to you. Her last goodbye. With a grateful smile on her lips.

Master of Ceremonies: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. First of all may I thank you all for coming along tonight and supporting our appeal to raise funds for the sick children's unit.

Alex Law: You didn't tell me that this was for children. I hate children. I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down. I want me money back!

Master of Ceremonies: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It's now my privilege to introduce, Miss Florabelle Higgins, Miss Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Garda Sloane: She ought to be Miss Tulsa. She's built like an oil well.

Master of Ceremonies: Outside it is windy, but inside it is so hot, every night we have ze battle to keep the girls from taking off all their clothing. So don't go away, who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!

Master of Ceremonies: [singing] Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome, im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret!

Master of Ceremonies: In here, life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the orchestra is beautiful!

[Curtains pull back to reveal an all-girl band]

Master of Ceremonies: Leave your troubles outside! Life is disappointing? Forget it!

Master of ceremonies: What's the difference between a girl from Paris and the Eiffel Tower? Not everyone's been up the Eiffel Tower!

Master of Ceremonies: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm awfully sorry about my being late like this. You see in the last number I was supposed to appear... I was supposed to sing a sort of a sad doughboy song. And, there were - were several people that applied for the position and, eh, I won it. I mean, they wanted a sad singer and after the Warners heard me they said, "Well, he's about as sad as you can get 'em." So, ladies and gentlemen, I was picked! Now, I was to sing the sad number and I-I probably could sing it for you now, but, I've forgotten the lyrics. I have a very nice moon song though, that I could sing for you. You know they write those moon songs every 20 minutes. I'd like to sneak this one in before they write another.

Master of Ceremonies: I want to tell you that I have sung and gotten some real recognition. Decorations for singing. Here's one little medal I got for yodeling.

[Points to his German Iron Cross]

Master of Ceremonies: Praise Allah!

Al Jolson Impersonator: Praise Allah Jolson!

Master of Ceremonies: What do you do for a living?

Tops Cardona: The best I can.

[Stu has just won $300 by killing another man in a shootout]

Master of Ceremonies: Let me know when you're ready to go and you can pick up the prize money.

Stu Christian: That's alright. I never stay for the funerals anyway.