Frank Baker Quotes in The Tripper (2006)

Band member: Well, what you want us to sing, Frank? Taps?

Frank Baker: God, I don't give a fuck if you sing motherfucking Kumbaya. Just get the fuck out there. We have a contract by grace of George fuckin Washington, you motherfucking fucking fucks.

[repeated line]

Frank Baker: Fuck you.

Frank Baker: Gentlemen, there's a saying - Rome wasn't built in a day. I got a little saying of my own - Fuck Rome. This is America! We can do what we please. Some of you look a little worried. Don't be. We'll be out of here first thing Monday, and your precious little forest won't be any the worse for wear.

Mayor Hal Burton: Well, Mr. Baker, yours is certainly an impressive enterprise.

Frank Baker: Please, call me Frank!

Mayor Hal Burton: Well, it's just that... there's a couple of concerns regarding, uh...

Frank Baker: What? Gate receipts, profit sharing?

Buzz Hall: Fatalities.

Malcolm Hughes: One: Do you have any references?

Frank Baker: References?

Malcolm Hughes: Two: Are you a neat and tidy person who makes his, stroke, her own bed and washes the dishes?

Frank Baker: Hey?

Malcolm Hughes: Three: Are you a good cook?

Frank Baker: Listen, I just want a room.

Malcolm Hughes: Are those boxes?

Frank Baker: Nah, they're pineapples.

Frank Baker: I just got out of jail. So if you're gonna blabber that all over the place we may as well pack up and leave now.

Judith: Frank.

Malcolm Hughes: You're not gonna leave, are ya?

Frank Baker: What's he doing out there?

Judith: Who knows?

Malcolm Hughes: It's a getaway car.

Frank Baker: What?

Malcolm Hughes: Like on T.V.

Frank Baker: I can run faster than this. Open her up.

Malcolm Hughes: What Frank?

Frank Baker: Faster! Faster!

Malcolm Hughes: This is as fast as it will go.

Frank Baker: Shit!

Malcolm Hughes: Open the glove box.

Frank Baker: Just drive this shit heap will you.

Malcolm Hughes: Open the glove box.

Frank Baker: All right.

Frank Baker: This is a convertible.

Judith: Oh yeah?

Judith: What in God's name got into you?

Frank Baker: He did it himself.

Judith: Crap Frank. You're a bloody liar!

Frank Baker: Cops wouldn't know where to start looking. He never left his bedroom.

Judith: They're not total idiots. They find out sooner or later.

Frank Baker: Okay, let's hear it. We trashed the Avedon, the Luau Lounge - what's our beef with 'Feelings'?

Susie Diamond: Nothing... except who cares? I mean, does anybody really need to hear 'Feelings' again in their lifetime? It's like parsley, okay? Take it away, nobody's going to know the difference.

Frank Baker: 'Feelings' is not parsley!

Susie Diamond: Frank, to you 'Feelings' may be goddamn filet mignon, but to me, it's parsley. It's *less* than parsley.

Frank Baker: Look, 'Feelings,' despite what you may think of it, has always been one of the bright moments of the show, and a consistent crowd-pleaser, and consequently we have an obligation to perform it. If we didn't, the audience would be disappointed.

Susie Diamond: Oh. Well, they weren't exactly crying their eyes out on New Year's Eve.

Frank Baker: You passed over 'Feelings'?

Susie Diamond: Yeah. Oh, and 'Bali Hai' went out with the bathwater, too.

Frank Baker: Ah ha. I see. The cat goes away for the night, and the mice take over the orchestra.

Susie Diamond: Hey! I ain't no mouse.

Frank Baker: That's right - you're parsley.

Susie Diamond: Oh no, not the goddamn Luau Lounge again!

Frank Baker: What's the matter with the Luau Lounge? They don't salt their peanuts?

Susie Diamond: Singing 'Feelings' knee-deep in paper orchids and plastic tiki lamps is not exactly my idea of a fun evening.

Frank Baker: Fun? Who promised you fun? We get paid, remember!

Frank Baker: Jesus, when was the last time we played the Mallory?

Jack Baker: '78, November.

Frank Baker: Right, it was someone's birthday... Halloran?

Jack Baker: He had a daughter, sweet sixteen.

Frank Baker: Oh Christ! How could I forget? What a nightmare!

Jack Baker: She asked for it!

Frank Baker: I told Halloran we didn't do vocals, and he said, "What my Sissy wants..."

Jack Baker: "My Sissy gets!"

Jack Baker: [Leering] She got it, all right!

[repeated lines]

Frank Baker: You hit me!

Jack Baker: I told you I was gonna hit you.

Frank Baker: [as she auditions 'The Candyman'] Thank you, Miss Moran, that's enough. Miss Moran... Miss Moran!

[shouts]

Frank Baker: Blanche!

Blanche 'Monica' Moran: Sorry! I get so caught up in it sometimes, it's scary.

Frank Baker: Yes, it is.

Frank Baker: I'm sorry. I'm a bit wound up.

Jack Baker: Frank, you're a fucking alarm clock.