Erin Quotes in No Good Deed (2002)

Erin: I can't let you escape, because then I would have to escape, and nobody escapes Tyrone.

Jack Friar: That's ridiculous.

Erin: Is it? This is how Tyrone says you shouldn't have escaped.

[Erin removes a shoe to reveal a toe is missing]

Erin: It's alright, I get 10% off my pedicures now.

Erin: The best way to chase something, Hoop, is to let it chase you.

Erin: You don't look so good.

Jack Friar: That's because you're used to looking at you.

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: [getting ready for bed] Oh, come on. Am I supposed to make my best friend stay in a hotel?

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: Best friend, my ass. You haven't seen him in two years and in that time he has turned into a complete jerk.

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: Excuse me?

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: You heard me and his girlfriend is nauseating.

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: Nauseating?

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: [shouting] Her mother died last night, but she didn't to come! She models nude in videos!

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: She wasn't nude though. She was wearing one of those G-things.

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: It probably wasn't a video.

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: Well, m-maybe her mother wasn't a very nice person.

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: I don't care if she was or if she wasn't! That bitch has no feelings! And make me sick she's sleeping in our house! I'll have to burn the sheets!

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: What if it was one of your friends, huh? What if the shoe was on the other foot?

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: I'd go barefoot!

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: [sits on the bed] Oh, jeez. Don't give me that righteous pose.

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: Move! Move!

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: So what do you want me to do? Tell me, tell me, tell me. You want me to throw them out in the snow? You'd like that wouldn't you?

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: Yes.

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: Well, forget it!

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: You're not sleeping in this bed!

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: Oh, really?

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: Anywhere but in this room or in this bed!

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: Isn't it gonna be a little bit embarrassing to have Davis know that we're fighting?

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: Not to me.

Jefferson "Jake" Edward Briggs: [shouts] Ok, fine! Forget it! Forget it! But if he asks... I'm telling him everything.

Kristen "Kristy" Briggs: Don't forget to tell him how I feel about his girlfriend!

Erin: [downstairs in the living room] She's got some when she wants them, huh?

[Davis shushes her]

Erin: Suck my dick!

Damon: She doesn't have a dick.

Erin: Yes I do! And you can put your mouth on my penis!

[Last lines]

Maya: Mommy, are you okay?

Garrett, Erin, Corinne, Phil: *Maya, statue.*

Corinne: He's thousands of miles away from here. You don't know what he's doing right now. He could be in some bar, doing shots with some sexy bartender dry humping her.

Erin: We haven't set the boundaries yet. Okay?

Corinne: Oh, my God.

Erin: We're not trying to choke each other with commitment. But now you're fucking freaking me out and I can't do anything but picture him humping some fucking bartender. Thank you.

Corinne: I'm your sister. This is what I'm here to do: terrify you.

Brandy: Where are you going?

Erin: I'm 31. I'm an intern. I'm going to get wasted.

Garrett: I gotta tip for you.

Erin: [very excited] Is it the tip of your penis?

Garrett: [grossed out] No, gross.

[happy]

Garrett: Yes, it is.

Erin: Let me tell you something steroid face. I would think you were conformable with needles.

Garrett: Can I ask you a question?

Erin: Yeah.

Garrett: I don't know what your situation is... I miss you.

Erin: That's not a question.

Garrett: Yeah, it is.

Erin: Tell me you did not go to Mexico to buy weed.

Kemper: We did not go to Mexico to buy weed.

Erin: Her body is starting to stink, you guys!

Morgan: It's better than that store.

Erin: I didn't go to Mexico to watch you get shit-faced for four days.

Kemper: That's what you do in Mexico!

Andy: Erin, I'm dead. Please finish it. You can do it.

Erin: I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Andy: Here's a knife. Erin, do it. Do it!

Erin: I can't do it.

Andy: Do it! Do it! Do it!

Erin: Please forgive me... Please forgive me.

Andy: I love you...

Erin: Please forgive me...

Andy: Yo, Kemp, can you do something about the A.C. back here? I'm melting.

Kemper: No. But if you or Pepper get too hot, you could always take your clothes off.

Andy: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Erin: You are such a perv. Don't listen to him, Pepper.

Pepper: Why not? I think he's funny.

Erin: She's only known you for 19 hours. I've lived with him for 3 years, and trust me, he is not funny.

Morgan: I was like Erin don't drink the water down there...

Erin: I didn't!

Kemper: And she didn't drink the tequila, she didn't drink the weed, smoke the weed.

Erin: What's wrong with you fucking people?

Sheriff Hoyt: Nothing wrong with us.

Erin: [trying to hotwire a patrol car] Come on, you bitch, start!

Henrietta: [Hangs up the phone] I've got to go. Bye.

[Looks at Erin]

Henrietta: Something the matter, child? You don't look so good.

Erin: I thought you said you didn't have a phone.

Erin: [Watches Henrietta cradle the baby after she discovered that it was related to the hitch-hiker] That's not your baby.

[pause]

Erin: YOU STOLE HER!

Henrietta: She's MINE.

[Erin starts feeling an overwhelming emotion of everything that's been going on in combination of the drugged-up tea. She walks a little ways through the hallway, into the living room and then faints]

Crispian: Why?

Erin: Why the fuck not?

[after Erin beats up the Cat masked man]

Erin: Thanks for your help by the way.

Felix: You seem to have a handle on it.

Erin: Grab anything that might make a good weapon.

Aubrey: [cries] Oh my god, what is happening to us?

Erin: You know what's going on?

Paul: I don't know.

Felix: Do you see anyone?

Paul: I don't see anyone. Do you see anyone?

Erin: No.

Erin: I wanna meet your family.

Wendy Christensen: We need to know who was sitting behind you on the rollercoaster.

Erin: Ok, who was sitting behind us on the roller coaster? Oh! Oh wait, Uh, wasn't it that one guy who got voted most likely to become manager of Red Lobster?

Ian McKinley: Oh, no, you know what? God, I remember. There was this guy, uh, black cloak. I didn't see his face. But um, the ride attendant, did take his sickle before the ride started, if that's helpful in any way.

Wendy Christensen: [in Wendy's premonition] Erin! Hold on! Hold on!

Erin: [Ian and Erin are holding onto the seats] I can't.

[Ian falls so Erin lets go also]

Kevin Fischer: You know what? You're a real piece of shit Lewis. Fuck you.

Lewis Romero: Fuck moi? No fuck you.

[Kevin grabs his arm and Lewis slaps Erin in the face]

Erin: Agh.

Jason Wise: [Ian gets up and grabs Lewis, who is already in a fight with Kevin] Dude, let me off!

[the fight between Lewis, Ian, and Kevin continues]

Jason Wise: Dude let me OFF!

Ashley Freund: This is so high school.

Ashlynn Halperin: Out.

[Ashlyn and Ashley leave their seats]

Frankie Cheeks: Wait where are you ladies going?

Erin: [trying to get Ian up from the fight] Ian!

Jason Wise: [while Security guards grab Wendy, Kevin, Ian, Erin, and Lewis] Dude let me off, I got to see if she's okay.

[crowd starts chanting, "Aye, oh, let's go!"]

Jason Wise: DUDE LET ME OFF!

[worker signals other roller coaster worker to start the ride]

Jason Wise: Let me off!

[ride starts]

Jason Wise: Dude that's my girlfriend!

Erin: Death is fucking complicated.

Erin: Hey, after I restock this stuff that these pinhead customers can't manage to return to the shelves themselves, we can blow out of here, okay?

Ian McKinley: Rightio, babe.

Wendy Christensen: [Wendy and Kevin knock on the get at the hardware store] Erin, It's Wendy and Kevin.

Erin: Shit! You scared the shit out of me!

Kevin Fischer: Wait til you hear what we have to tell you.

Erin: [on the walkie-talkie] Zip, it's Pip. Come over here. You are gonna trip when you hear this.

Ian McKinley: [answers back on his walkie-talkie] Well paint me intrigued, Pip. I'm on my way.

Erin: A rollercoaster is just elemental physics, a conversion of potential energy to kinetic energy.

Ian McKinley: Yeah, odds are like 1 in 250 million of dying on a roller coaster.

Jason Wise: Yeah, yeah, thanks for that McKinley.

Ian McKinley: You're more likely to die driving to an amusement park than dying at one.

Erin: So let me get this straight. I'm gonna OD on nail polish, and Ian is gonna be embarrassed to death?

Kevin Fischer: You saw what happened to Wendy. Alright, what's happened to the others, you just saw their pictures.

[All the lights in the hardware store begin flickering]

Ian McKinley: [Ian comes into view and is seen turning the lights on and off and laughing] Oh my God, guys, what's going on? What's going on, that's crazy. That's crazy.

Erin: [Ian is loading a nail gun when he hears Erin over the walkie-talkie] Zip, it's Pip. You cut those plywood orders yet?

Ian McKinley: Uh that's a big no, Pip. Osama bin-supervisor wants me to get rid of these pigeons first. They keep setting off the alarms.

[Ian raises himself on the forklift]

Ian McKinley: Hello babies.

[He starts shooting at the pigeons wit the nail gun, killing one]

Erin: I'm not wearing any underwear.

Erin: It's just sex. You have the whole rest of your life to be monogamous.

Carter: That's just it Erin. I'm ready for the whole rest of my life to begin. I want to be in love with the next person I sleep with. I was the next person I sleep with to be the last person I sleep with.

Erin: No guy hopes for that.

Amy: Mommy thinks your daddy's a psycho.

Erin: Amy! You are not helping.

Charlie: What's a psycho?