Doofer Quotes in Sorority Boys (2002)

Doofer: After we get that mustache, maybe we can do those armpits. and then... we can do your knuckles. And your back, Your legs... your ass.

Doofer: [while contemplating how to get back the money stolen from the house safe] Though I hardly think this is the appropriate time to ask, but what about the tape?

Adam: [sighs] What tape?

Doofer: The tape of Adam humpin' the Tri Pis, man.

[Adam looks up in surprise]

Dave: [turns around] Doofer, what are you saying?

Doofer: [cuts to a flashback, Doofer narrates. Doofer stumbles into his room, drunk] I had just gotten done studying for some school when I notice that Adam's speaker was tipped over

[trips over Adam's speaker in his drunken haze]

Doofer: Inside of it was a video camera rigged with a motion detector. I carefully traced back the source to a footlocker at the bottom of Adam's closet, which was... you know, already unlocked

[Doofer tries to pick and hammer the lock open, but finally succeeds in blowing it off with a revolver]

Doofer: . Inside the footlocker was a video cassette recorder. But naturally, since it was his private property, I didn't touch anything

[Doofer hits play on the VCR, which starts up a home video of Adam having sex with a Tri Pi]

Doofer: . You could see the safe right next to his bed!

Adam: [enraged] You were watching my tape?

Doofer: [under his breath] ... Noooooooo

[cuts to Doofer eating popcorn and "cleaning up" with tissue]