Centurion Quotes in Ben-Hur (1959)

Centurion: There's a Jew outside. He wants to see the Tribune Messala.

Messala: I assume he has a name.

Centurion: [sneeringly] He says he's a prince, Prince Judah Ben-Hur.

Messala: [loud and quickly] Then treat him like one!

[quietly]

Messala: Tell him I'll join him.

[the centurion starts to leave, and Messala shouts again]

Messala: CENTURION!

[Again quietly]

Messala: This was his country before it was ours. Don't forget that.

Centurion: Yes, Tribune.

[the centurion then goes out]

Sextus: That was very wise. This Judah Ben-Hur is the son of one of the wealthiest families in Judea.

Centurion: Save your excuses. It is the way of your race to walk backwards!

Pontius Pilate: So, yaw fatha was a Woman? Who was he?

Brian: He was a Centurion, in the Jerusalem Garrisons.

Pontius Pilate: Weally? What was his name?

Brian: 'Naughtius Maximus'.

[the Centurion laughs]

Pontius Pilate: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?

Centurion: Well, no, sir.

Pontius Pilate: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?

Centurion: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir... like, uh, 'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.

Pontius Pilate: [guard chuckles] What's so funny about "Biggus Dickus? "

Centurion: Well, it's a joke name, sir.

Pontius Pilate: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.

[guard chuckles]

Pontius Pilate: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.

Brian: Can I go now, sir?

[slap]

Brian: Aaah! Eh.

Pontius Pilate: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this!

[guard chuckles]

Pontius Pilate: Wight! Take him away!

Centurion: Oh, sir, he - he only...

Pontius Pilate: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.

Centurion: Yes, sir. Come on, you.

[takes the guard away as continues laughing histerically]

Pontius Pilate: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. - - Anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...

[another guard chuckles]

Pontius Pilate: ... Dickus?

[more chuckling]

Pontius Pilate: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... 'Biggus'...

[chuckle]

Pontius Pilate: ... Dickus?

[both guards chuckle]

Pontius Pilate: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'... Incontinentia Buttocks

Pontius Pilate: [Guards are laughing] Stop! What is all this?

Pontius Pilate: [laughing continues] I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not - Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

Pontius Pilate: [Pilate is going to release a prisoner to the crowd] People of Jewusalum,

[Everybody laughs at his speech impairment]

Pontius Pilate: Wome... is your fwiend!

[They laugh more]

Pontius Pilate: To pwove our fwiendship, we will welease one of our wong-doers! Who shall I welease?

Man in crowd: Welease Woger!

[Everybody laughs, and begin to chant, "Welease Woger"]

Pontius Pilate: Vewy well, I shall... Welease... Woger!

[Everybody laughs]

Centurion: Uh, we haven't got a "Woger", sir.

Pontius Pilate: Oh, okay. We have no "Woger'!

[They all laugh]

Man in crowd: Well what about "Wodewick" then?

[They laugh and chant "Welease Wodewick!"]

Pontius Pilate: Vewy well! I shall welease... Wodewick!

[the crowd laughs some more]

Centurion: Sir, there's no "Wodewick".

Pontius Pilate: Who is this "Wodewick" you speak of?

Man in crowd: He's a wobber!

[they laugh]

Man in crowd: And a wapist!

[more laughter]

Girl In Crowd: And a pick-pocket!

[Everybody shakes their heads at her and say no]

Pontius Pilate: He sounds a notowious cwiminal.

Centurion: Where is Brian of Nazareth?

Brian: You sanctimonious bastards!

Centurion: I have an order for his release!

Brian: You stupid bastards!

Mr. Cheeky: Uh, I'm Brian of Nazareth.

Brian: What?

Mr. Cheeky: Yeah, I - I - I'm Brian of Nazareth.

Centurion: Take him down!

Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!

Victim #1: Eh, I'm Brian!

Mr. Big Nose: I'm Brian!

Victim #2: Look, I'm Brian!

Brian: I'm Brian!

Victims: I'm Brian!

Gregory: I'm Brian, and so's my wife!

Victims: I'm Brian! I'm Brian!...

Brian: I'm Brian of Nazareth!

Centurion: All right. Take him away and release him.

Mr. Cheeky: No, I'm only joking. I'm not really Brian. No, I'm not Brian. I was only - It was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! I'm not him! I'm just having you on! Put me back! Bloody Romans! Can't take a joke!

Centurion: You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal?

Matthias: No.

Centurion: Crucifixion!

Matthias: Oh.

Centurion: Nasty, eh?

Matthias: Could be worse.

Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"?

Matthias: Well, you could be stabbed.

Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, horrible death.

Matthias: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.

Centurion: You're weird!

Matthias: [Answering the summons of the door] My legs are old and bent, my ears are grizzled, yes?

Centurion: There's one place we didn't look. Guards!

[the guards troop into the house]

Matthias: ...Nose is knackered.

Centurion: Have you ever seen anyone crucified?

Matthias: Crucifixion's a doddle.

Centurion: ...Don't keep saying that.

Lead Search Guard: [Guards troop out, last guard pauses] Found this spoon, sir.

Centurion: Well done, Sergeant!

Centurion: We'll be back... Oddball...

Centurion: You are fucking nicked, me old beauty!

Matthias: Crucifixion's a doddle.

Centurion: Don't keep saying that.

Centurion: Quiet! - silly person.

Centurion: We'll be back, weirdo.

Matthias: [quietly] Bignose.

Centurion: Watch it!