Blaine Quotes in Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

Blaine: America!

Adam: Listen to me, man. That guy, that guy has pummeled you again and again.

Nick: He made you his little bitch!

Adam: He's humiliated you, emasculated you. The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, utterly defeated.

Lou: None of this is helping me at all.

Adam: I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.

Nick: Patience.

Adam: Maybe you're supposed to do something different...

Blaine: What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on.

Adam: You're better than him!

Blaine: America!

Adam: Maybe not by a lot, but a little. You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!

Blaine: The moment's over. Let's go!

Adam: You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! You can be the hero!

Nick: Enrique'-fucking'-lglesias.

Adam: You love that song, don't you?

Lou: I love that fucking song!

[Lou gets up, launches himself one-footed off of the couch at Blaine. Blaine moves out of the way and punches Lou twice, knocking him back to the ground]

Adam: Shit.

Lou: God damn it! None of what you said worked at all!

Blaine: Is it just me, or am I the only one who can't seem to find someone special. I beg the question: Am I the only gay man who's looking for more than what's behind the zipper? Why, in an ocean of beautiful men, do I feel like I'm alone at sea?

Blaine: Being average in a world of physical perfection is the worst kind of gay purgatory.

Michelle: Cameron is your roommate. He is not your friend. Why do you keep confusing the two?

Blaine: He's a gay man. We have a code of ethics, you know.

[Blaine laments that Xander slept with Cameron under the mistaken impression that he was Blaine]

Michelle: As far as Xander's concerned, he didn't do anything wrong. He slept with you - well, I mean "Blaine" - and you can't blame him for that.

Blaine: Nope, I can't, but I can't be happy about it. Christ! I just hope I wasn't any good!

Barista: That'll be $7.50.

Blaine: Well, it's usually only, like, $5.50.

Barista: It's aggravation charge. Since I'm the only one working today, pay it or leave it.

Michelle: Wow, that is fascinating.

Blaine: Isn't it?

Michelle: No. I was practicing my sarcasm. How'm I doing?

Michelle: You know you belong in a mental institute, right? And I say that from a place of love.

Blaine: Why do I tolerate you?

Antonio: I totally wanna write for USA To-Gay. I'm working on this sample column called Circuit News. It's important news for, you know, circuit people in the crowd.

Blaine: That's a great idea. Another guide to where you can find cheap, empty, unfulfilled, drug-induced sex.

Cameron: Hey, uh, you know anything about gonorrhea? Balls are on fire.

Blaine: It's probably nothing. Just put a little Johnson & Johnson on your johnson.

Pool Shark: Hey, sweetie, what's your sign?

Blaine: Exit.

[Sebastian has just caught Greg in bed with Blaine]

Greg McConnell: This could ruin my career, man...

Sebastian: Your career? Greg, think about your family. Can you imagine the pain and humiliation your father is going to feel when he finds out that his pride and joy is a fudge-packer?

Greg McConnell: Valmont, please! Let's just forget about this...

Sebastian: [Pretends to ponder for a beat] No. Sorry... can't help you there. After all, it is you who's been bad-mouthing me to Annette Hargrove.

Greg McConnell: [Panicking] Annette Hargrove? I don't know what you're talking about!

Sebastian: I'm talking about a letter you wrote some time ago to your old girlfriend, Annette Hargrove, telling her all about me and my sordid secrets. You're the only one who knows her. The truth will save you.

Greg McConnell: I never said a word to her about you! I promise!

Sebastian: Yeah, right.

Blaine: Come to think of it, Valmont, he is probably telling you the truth. The man can barely write out a shopping list, let alone a letter. What was I thinking!

Sebastian: Unbelievable! Some fag, no offense...

Blaine: None taken.

Sebastian: Wrote a letter to this chick describing my lascivious tactics.

Blaine: Any ideas who it could be?

Sebastian: Blaine, if I knew who it was, that person would be in a momentous amount of pain!