Axel Quotes in Barb Wire (1996)

Axel: What happened to "Barb doesn't take sides"?

Barb Wire: Keep it to yourself.

Charlie Kopetski: You don't have to buy me a drink, Axel. I'm tight with the management here. You've got a lot of nerve coming in here.

Axel: I had no choice. Where's Barb?

Charlie Kopetski: I don't think talking to Barb's going to be such a good idea. She took what went on in Seattle a lot better then I did.

Axel: I need her help, Charlie. I need her to put me in touch with the local resistance.

Charlie Kopetski: Haven't you heard? Barb's retired. Leave... now... before Barb sees you. There's no telling what she might do.

[Axel sees Barb across the room who also sees him and she starts to walk towards him with an angry look on her face]

Axel: Too late.

Charlie Kopetski: Three... two...

Axel: Hello, Barb.

Charlie Kopetski: One!

[Barb walk up and puches Axel in the face; Charlie laughs]

Axel: You got a fifty dollar bill?

Jon Flint: I got a wife and three kids. I haven't seen a fifty in twelve years.

Axel: Hey.

Mrs. Todd: I understand that you were with him at the end.

Axel: Yeah, his last words were about you.

Mrs. Todd: That does not sound like my Douglas, Axel. Try again.

Axel: Actually his last words were 'Axel are you on a coffee break, go and get that son of a bitch.' Those were his last words.

Mrs. Todd: That sounds like my Douglas.

Axel: Yeah, sounds like a good idea, too.

Axel: What'd they promote you to captain, or something?

Det. Sgt. William 'Billy' Rosewood: I'm DDO-JSIOC.

Axel: The jay gee jojo see? What is that?

Axel: [Axel is dressed up as Oki-Doki the elephant]

Little Kid: Oki-Doki.

[runs over and hugs him]

Axel: Hey, nice little kid. How you doin'? Nice little boy. Good to see you.

Little Kid: I love you Oki-Doki.

Big Kid: Hey, Oki. Do the Oki Shuffle.

Axel: [starts to jump around] Oki-Doki, Oki-Doki, Doki Doki Oki.

Big Kid: THAT'S NOT RIGHT. IT'S LIKE THIS.

[does the Oki Shuffle]

Axel: Hey listen, kid, I'm Oki-Doki and I changed the steps. You got a problem with that?

Big Kid: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE TO ME NO MATTER WHAT I DO.

[punches him in the stomach]

Axel: Oh, you little motherfucker. I'll kick your ass.

Levine: They got fuckin' machine guns! I thought you said they had no guns!

Axel: They must've changed their world view!

Orrin Sanderson: Mr. Foley, Mr. DeWald.

Axel: [Goes to attack DeWald, is restrained by security guards] You fuck! Motherfucker! That's him! Motherfucker! That's the fuckin' guy I'm looking for!

Ellis De Wald: Orrin, you want to tell me what's going on here?

Axel: This fuckin' guy shot a Detroit police officer last weekend!

Ellis De Wald: Last weekend? I was at my beach house in Laguna *last weekend*.

Axel: Your beach home in Laguna?

[starts to calm down]

Axel: Wait, wait, hold it, I think I got the wrong guy, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is a big...

[to security guards]

Axel: I'm cool. It's a big misunderstanding.

Axel: [to DeWald] I know you got your beach...

[goes at DeWald again and is restrained]

Axel: No fuckin' beach house in Laguna, you motherfucker!

Jon Flint: [walks in] Axel.

Axel: [pointing to DeWald] That's the guy! That's the killer!

Jon Flint: Ellis DeWald?

Axel: Get the fuck outta here.

Serge: No I cannot.

Axel: Billy, you got a fifty dollar bill?

Det. Sgt. William 'Billy' Rosewood: When do I get it back?

Axel: Man, gimme fifty dollars!

Axel: Boss, I cancelled the SWAT team.

Todd: You what? I wouldn't raid a church bingo game without SWAT.

Jon Flint: Look, isn't it just possible that you're mistaken, Foley? That Ellis Dewald just resembles Todd's killer?

Axel: I made the guy in Detroit. It was Dewald.

Jon Flint: I mean, Dewald is the head of the largest private police department in Southern California. I mean, he works with us! With the L.A.P.D. Hell, with the governor's office! Everybody loves him.

Det. Sgt. William 'Billy' Rosewood: He's even getting an award tonight from the National Association of Security Agencies.

Jon Flint: Axel, it's understandable that you're distraught and-and looking for justice, and not to mention revenge. But, isn't it just possible that you - that you want it so much, that you saw your killer in a man who bore a slight resemblance?

Det. Sgt. William 'Billy' Rosewood: Hell, we run into this all the time in police work, Axel.

Axel: Where's Dewald getting that award tonight?

Jon Flint: Axel, don't.

Axel: Hey Flint, your friend Dewald is foul, okay? I know he's foul and I'm goin' down to this award show tonight and I'm gonna put some pressure on him and maybe I'll panic him into doing something stupid.

Det. Sgt. William 'Billy' Rosewood: Axel, if you go to that dinner tonight... I'm going with you.

Axel: Then pick me up at the Sunset Motel.

Ellis De Wald: You caught him. Good. He broke into a security area.

Axel: [stands up and security guards grabs him] Hey, relax.

Axel: [to De Wald] Why don't you save that shit for New Talent Night at San Quentin. I'm onto your operation.

Ellis De Wald: [acting confused] My operation?

Jon Flint: [walks in] Goddamn it, Axel, what the hell have you done now?

Ellis De Wald: He went berserk. He was firing a weapon in the park. My God, there are hundreds of small innocent children around.

Axel: You know they don't give out Oscars in prison, right?

Jon Flint: [on the phone with Axel who is in jail with Billy] You and Billy disturbing the peace?

[sarcastically]

Jon Flint: NO.

[laughs]

Axel: Do me a favor, just make your fuckin' phone call and get us outta here, alright.

Jon Flint: Sure, sure, sure I will. Let's see, now who do I know down there? Let's see...

Axel: Hey, don't fuck with me right now.

Jon Flint: Alright, keep your shirt on. I'll get you guys out. Oh, incidentally I think we found that truck you were looking for.

Axel: Where?

Jon Flint: By the Santa Monica Pier at the beach. I'm headed out there now and I'll pick you guys up on the way. Oh and Axel, in the meantime, don't take any showers.

[laughs]

Axel: A prehistoric boneyard's no fit place to bring up babies.

[Dubbed English version]

Axel: Yesterday you had a deep gash on your forehead. Wounds apparently heal must faster here.

Axel: Ah, then what a fine battleground it would make!

Stan: Alright you guys, whoever took my boots, I want them back.

Axel: I got a boot for you, Stan, right up your ass!

Stan: Hey Mike, lemme borrow your spears, eh?

Michael: No, Stan.

Stan: No? What do you mean no?

Michael: Just what I said, no. No means no.

Stan: Some fuckin' friend. You're some fuckin' friend, you know that?

Michael: You gotta learn, Stanley. Every time you come up here, you got your goddamn head up your ass.

Axel: Maybe he likes the view from up there.

[John and Axel laugh]

Axel: Lemme ask you a question: how come I never see you eat?

Nick: I like to starve myself: it keeps the fear up.

Axel: You're so full of shit, you're gonna float away.

[first lines]

Michael: Hey, watch out, Axel. We'll be calling him old fireballs after tonight.

Axel: Fuckin' A.

Michael: Not bad.

Stan: Where the hell's my boots? Anybody seen my boots? Somebody took my boots. I bought 'em special. All right. All right, you guys. Whoever took my boots, I want 'em back.

Axel: I got a boot for you, Stan, right up your ass.

[jokingly throws a kick near his rear to which he responds by playfully pointing his gun at him]

Axel: Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike, let me borrow your spares, huh? Your extra pair?

Michael: No, Stan.

Stan: [taken aback] No?... What do you mean, "No?"

Michael: Just what I said. No. "No" means no.

Stan: [getting upset] Some fuckin' friend. You're some fuckin' friend, you know that?

Michael: You gotta learn, Stanley. Every time you come up here, you got your goddamn head up your ass.

Axel: Maybe he likes the view from up there, huh?

[the group laugh at him]

Michael: Every time he comes up, he's got no knife, he's got no jacket, he's got no pants, he's got no boots. All he's got is that stupid gun he carries around like John Wayne. That ain't gonna help ya'.

Axel: Oh, what the hell, Mike. Give him the boots.

Michael: No way. I ain't giving him no boots no more. No more. That's it.

Stan: You're a fuckin' bastard, you know that? Huh?

Michael: [holds up a live round] Stanley, see this? This is this. This ain't somethin' else. This is *this.* From now on, you're on your own.

Stan: [appalled, angry] I fixed you up a million times!

[to the group]

Stan: I fixed him up a million times! I don't know how many times I must have fixed him up with girls! And nothin' ever happens! Zero! Hey, you know your trouble, Mike, huh? Nobody ever knows what the fuck you're talking about. Huh? "This is this!" What the hell is that supposed to mean? "This is this!" I mean, is that some faggot-sounding bullshit or is that some faggot-sounding bullshit?

Nick: Shut up, Stan, will ya'?

[Stan shoves him]

Nick: Hey, man, you're outta line.

Michael: Watch out with that gun, Stan.

[more strictly]

Michael: Watch out with the gun.

Stan: [yelling] There's times - do you know what I think? There's times I swear I think you're a fuckin' faggot!

John: Hey! Come on, you guys!

[Michael smirks in amusement]

Stan: Last week - last week, he could've had that new redheaded waitress down at the Bowladrome. He could've had it knocked and look what he did. Look what he fuckin' did. Nothin', that's what.

John: Shut up, Stan, huh? Would ya' SHUT UP? Just shut up. Just take - take Michael's goddamn boots and SHUT UP!

[takes the laced boots and places them on Stan's shoulder]

John: Otherwise, I'm goin' home!

Michael: [Stan starts to walk away with Mike's boots] Hey, Stosh.

[Stan turns to look at him]

Michael: I said, "No."

Stan: What, are you gonna shoot me? Huh? Here...

[opens a gap in his shirt to make a target for him, Mike just stands there staring at him; knowing this will go nowhere, Stan takes the boots and throws them aggressively at Mike, walking away]

Nick: [walks over, picks up the boots, says to Mike] What's the matter with you?

[walks over to Stan]

Nick: Stan.

[gives him back the boots]

Michael: [Mike puts the live round into his rifle, takes aim and vents his anger by firing it out into the woods, then looks at the group to see their bewildered reactions]

Angela: [Last lines] Its been such a gray day.

John: [Humming] Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm-Mm

[singing]

John: Stand beside her and guide her. La-la-de Da-da-da...

Linda: [singing] God bless America, Land that I love.

Linda, John, Axel, Michael, Stan, Steven, Angela: Stand beside her and guide her, Through the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies, To the oceans white with foam. God Bless America, my home sweet home. God Bless America, my home sweet home.

Michael: Here's to Nick!

Steven: To Nick!

Linda, John, Axel, Michael, Stan, Steven, Angela: To Nick!

Axel: [Jason's hand falls on Axel and Nurse Morgan] Jesus Christmas! Holy Jesus! Goddamn! Holy Jesus jumping Christmas shit!

Axel: [Nurse Morgan starts to leave] Hey, hey. Where you going?

Nurse Morgan: I'll tell you where I'm going! I'm going crazy!

Axel: I'm free, doll.

Nurse Morgan: And a bargain at twice the price.

Axel: Hey. What's the matter?

Nurse Morgan: I have a headache, Axel. For you, I always have a headache.

Axel: Oh, I can fix that. Meet me in the cold room. I'm closing up for the night. What do you say? Okay?

Nurse Morgan: Axel, I am not going to fake any more orgasms for you.

Officer Jamison: [on TV news] But to answer your question, yes, the man responsible for the murders in Wessex County this past week is at this moment in the Wessex County Medical Center morgue.

Axel: [to Jason's body] Hey. That's you they're talking about on TV, pal.

Axel: You got the curse?

Nurse Morgan: If I do, you're it!

Vincent: Is this your last?

Axel: Got one more over there. A real cute girl.

Vincent: Was.

Axel: [looks at the body] She still is. All you gotta do is go over there and take off...

Vincent: Nice talk, real nice talk. I get the top copy.

Axel: Mi na mi! Axel!