Timothy Simons quotes:

My first job in L.A. was actually playing an employee in a Best Buy commercial, but I played a bad employee at another store. I also worked at a commercial casting company running cameras and session directing.

David Letterman was my guy growing up. My parents recorded the tenth anniversary special for me, and I watched it 40 times.

My dad's a photographer, and my sister is a writer and a poet. My little brother is a mandolin player - he's a bluegrass musician. It's always been a part of the family.

I got my SAG card doing a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial in Chicago.

I started out with the intention of studying physics. I was a terrible high school student outside of the fact that I did well in physics, but there's a big difference between being good at physics and being a physicist, so I jettisoned that very quickly.

I think the absolute worst job I ever had - not because it was a terrible job, just because I was just so bad at it - was when I worked at a scenic factory in Chicago.

When I was a carpenter, I built sets for small storefront Chicago companies. Like, I built sets for friends of mine at The House Theater.

There is that great thing of D.C. being Hollywood for ugly people. There's very distinct crossover behaviors.

I don't know, and certainly I've been guilty of making a judgment about a celebrity, but there's a part of me that's like, 'Why don't you take the time you're spending ripping James Franco and go do something you like?'

I've done a pretty good job of curating a Twitter feed that doesn't make me hate the world.

My children, twins who are three years old, they're awful creatures right now.

I grew up in Maine working at a video store and found myself being pulled more and more to on-camera stuff.

Reed Scott is really good at coming up with insults.

I'm saying nothing new that Dave Pasquesi is really good at what he does.

I really wanted to go to a city and get involved in a theater scene and a theater community. I had some friends who had moved out to Chicago and had said really good things about it and about the work. I didn't care at that time about making money.

Unless you're playing a historical figure, a writer or director can change their minds. And sometimes your job is to make them change their minds - to make them believe that you're the one that can do it.

When I was in Chicago, I was working as a carpenter while I was doing plays. I thought it'd be a fun set construction job, but it turned up to just be a straight-up factory.

I've lived with myself for a very long time, so I'm aware of what I look like. I'm under no false pretense that I'm a stunner, so if somebody comes up and says something about my physical appearance, it's okay.

I was born in the Northeast, and I have Midwestern parents.

It's so odd because I don't even know if I'm cut out for it, but being a movie star guy, I sort of end up gravitating toward the Coen brothers. That's one of the reasons my wife and I moved to L.A.: that however much of a pipe dream that would be, I moved to L.A. because I'd love to work with the Coen brothers.

I had grown up working in a video store, and I'd grown up more with film than I had with theater, so I kind of felt a natural call.

I was a terrible high school student outside of the fact that I did well in physics, but there's a big difference between being good at physics and being a physicist, so I jettisoned that very quickly.

I used to love going to shows and finding new bands, but the Internet takes the fun out of it. Like a band? You can buy and download every single song they have ever done within five minutes.

I'm a dog person, but I don't have a pet.

You're taught from a very young age that you shouldn't get too big for your britches, so I tend to err way too much on the side of 'Nothing means anything.'

IPods just made music about how many songs you could have on you at all times.

I'm very much in favor of vaccinations, and I've been very vocal about that because it's insane to forgo this.

I was born tall. I was awkward and gangly. Before that, I was a really chubby elementary school kid. I've always been sort of a physical abnormality.

After school, I was planning to jump from regional theater to regional theater.

"Believe in yourself" - that makes sense. You should believe in yourself - you should believe that you're capable of great things - but you would hope that somebody would have some sort of self-awareness.

I was interning at a children's theater group in Kentucky - that was my first job out of college. I had jumped around a couple of regional theaters, and I was about to go back to Maine to work at a summer Shakespeare theater there. I didn't want to just jump around the country from gig to gig. I really wanted to go to a city and get involved in a theater scene and a theater community.

It's weird to have to look at another co-worker and have a silent discussion - any discussion - about how you are going to touch their genitals or allow them to touch your genitals.