Simon Jordan quotes:

What does Everton chairman Bill Kenwright think he will get for £6m? Andy Johnson's trainers?

I had an Aston Martin phone worth ?15,000 given to me as a present. I dropped it in a gin and tonic about 15 seconds after opening it.

If I see another David Gold interview on the poor East End Jewish boy done good I'll impale myself on one of his dildos.

I'm no respecter of tradition and I have no time for the Manchester Uniteds and Arsenals of this world. There's nothing to admire in these clubs. They're just bullshit worlds full of bullshit people.

In retrospect, of course I regret calling them (Charlton fans) morons. Imbeciles would have been more appropriate.

Andrew is an integral part of the team and he is staying at my football club. The reality is I need him to score the goals that will get us promoted.

Agents are nasty scum. They're evil and divisive and pointless. They only survive because the rest of the sport is so corrupt and because leading football club people employ their sons in the job.

I'm not going to drag it out or make a point, because points are pointless.

Even if I built a 50,000-seater stadium and bought Ronaldinho, there'd still be complaints about crap hotdogs.