Paul Mooney quotes:

Hillary Clinton could say she was a woman and running for president. And Sarah Palin could say she was a woman and running for vice-president. But Obama couldn't say, 'I'm black and I'm running for president.' It couldn't come out of his mouth. He couldn't say that because, if he did, he'd lose votes.

I can't change the past, but one person can change the future - anything can happen.

I love Obama because he is proof all black people don't look alike. Nobody every told me, 'Good morning, Mr. President.' We don't all look alike.

Tennessee Williams knew about the South, but he would clean it up and lie about it.

I've never seen anyone more messed up over success than Richard Pryor. For him, it's a constant battle between success in the white world and keeping it real for his black self.

There are still plenty of movie people peddling black stereotypes. I guess Tyler Perry's probably the most massively successful.

White people are very good at acting like they're not racist. They deserve an Academy Award for that.

The king of comedy is dead. Richard Pryor was the king of comedy. The rest of them are the king of copycats.

A woman can tell me about her having a baby, but I'll never know what it is to have a baby.

I read a lot of history. The passive Jews in Germany didn't survive. The smart ones got out.

I got my sense of humor from my grandmother. You know, my grandmother was very funny.

Sometimes, what you do you have no control over because it's predestined. It's gonna happen in spite of you. There's nothing you can do about it.

If your hair is relaxed, white people are relaxed. If your hair is nappy, they're not happy.

I have nothing to do with racism in America; it was here when I got here.

When they were making black films in the '60s and the '70s, everyone knew their place, if you get my drift. You understand? Everyone knew the rules, and everyone knew their place. Everyone knew what to say. They had the written rules in Hollywood film, and the unwritten rules.

Whatever that thing is that white people like in blacks, I don't have it. Maybe it's my arrogance or my self-assurance or the way I carry myself, but whatever it is, I don't have it.

America has a rap sheet. You can't police the world and tell the world how to act when you're just as bad yourself.

Comedians period, in general, have demons, and myself included.

White people made up the n-word, they knew about racial jokes before anybody, and in their old movies and old cartoons they made fun of everybody, especially black folks. Racial jokes were not new to them.

I like when people are trapped in the joke, when there's no escape. I like to lead people down the wrong path and then trap them.

I could drop dead tomorrow, the truth will be here. Truth is forever; when you read our history, truth is forever, and it always outs itself.

There's always a message in my comedy.

An audience can be like a pack of wolves.

I think about never losing my voice, never giving in, never selling out, always keeping black, always sticking to the street. Staying neighborhood and not Hollywood.

I do celebrate anything with freedom in it, you know.

My grandmother was the best. She loved you for you. She loved me for me. She was old-school. They broke the mold with her. They don't make them like that any more.

We have a lot of black Anglo-Saxons. Their skin is black, but their brain is white. When I get real mad at them, I call them graham crackers.

You can't pick when you're touched. You can't pick the time. It just is. It's the reality. What it is, is. I can't change the past. I can only deal with the present and the future.

I think I have a mental nappy attitude.

I'm passionate about what I do. I'd be naive to be passive.

Robin Williams learned technique. He has the technique of being funny.

I have known Michael Richards for something like 20 years. We're friends.

I don't do drugs. Because my grandmother raised me. I think like an old, black, Southern woman. If I'd have done coke, I'd probably be cooking pancakes.

I'm as American as apple pie.

Julie Christie, I used to hang out with her. She was friends with Richard Pryor and Warren Beatty and all of them. There was a club in Beverly Hills called the Candy Store, a private club. I used to hang out with them all.

People ask me, when was my best time? I always say, 'Today.'

If you have money and you have fame, but you don't have any confidence in your blackness, then it's all for nothing.

I have such an ego 'cause I'm a double Leo. I can't let go of me, you know, so it's very difficult for me to be somebody else and not me. I'm so into me.

When I was 16 or 17, I saw Lenny Bruce being taken to jail. They took him off stage because he talked about race.

You white folks see UFOs in your dreams. You don't hear about Martians in Harlem.

My comedy is a nuclear bomb inside my mind. It's a weapon that's never been tested. It just blows up and flattens everybody.

You know who you are. If my mother is a nun and someone comes up to me and they go, 'Your mother is a prostitute.' It is not going to bother me, because I know my mother is a nun, she's not a prostitute.

We have a lot of black Anglo-Saxons. Their skin is black, but their brain is white. When I get real mad at them, I call them 'graham crackers.'

When you know who you are, you know who you are. That's the real dangerous thing in Hollywood, because they all want to create you and mold you.

There's no such thing as reverse racism.

If you're happy with what you're doing, then you don't get bored.

A goat's a goat. Whether you sauté or barbeque it, it's still a goat.

A new broom can sweep the floor, but an old broom knows where the dirt is.

America does not like losers. Look how we treated those soldiers who came back from Vietnam. Because they lost. America likes winners.

America is racial. America was founded on race. Race is America. The code name for America is 'race.'

Arizona has always been anti-black.

Handshaking means, 'I don't have a weapon.'

I don't want affirmative action - too much affirmative, not enough action.

Listen, we've got one little ol' black president, and white folks are upset, but they've had 43.

Majority doesn't rule. One person can change the history of the world.

No wonder circus animals do what they do: They tortured them. And you know the only ones they can't control? It's the chimpanzees. You can't control them. That's why you never see a gorilla in a movie, because the gorilla may decide there'll be no filming.

People do many things for many reasons. Sometimes, what you do you have no control over, because it's predestined. It's gonna happen in spite of you. There's nothing you can do about it.

People don't want to hear the truth, they never do. They wanna live in some kind of fantasy. And then when they get caught up in it, they start being in denial because they don't want to be wrong.

People in America worship money, and a white man's face on a green piece of paper does not make me wealthy. My health makes me wealthy. I used to work at a hospital, so I know the real deal.

People think you're crazy if you turn money down... people worship money.

Racism is a form of insanity. Human beings became racist when they started talking. Speech has a lot to do with it.

The political arena is the funniest.They [politicians] are always pretending to change, but they never change. They're the best actors and actresses in the world. They've always been hilarious since the beginning of time.

What does America love more than one white male?

What does it mean to be too black for Hollywood? It's self-explanatory. Hollywood has certain kinds of blacks that they like.

You got to remember that slavery's very complex. It has a lot of levels to it.

Hollywood doesn't even have respect for itself. Hollywood lies to itself.