Ned Vizzini quotes:

I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.

You all right, man?' This should be my name. I could be like a super hero: You All Right Man. Ah...' I stumble. Don't bug Craig,' Ronny is like. 'He's in the Craig zone. He's Craig-ing out.

Game of Thrones' cares about children. Children are heirs. There's no hemming and hawing about how they're desensitized to violence or they cost too much to send to college. They're a blessing - in many ways the only blessing - and even the evil ones have parents who love them.

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?

People have always asked me why I'm drawn to material about kids, and for me, it's - I remember being at that age and feeling completely and utterly powerless. You know, there's so many things you wanna do and so many things you're told you can't do.

I always start a book thinking that it can be something other than first-person present, and I always come back to first-person present. It's just the easiest way.

A lot of the books that I grew up reading were pretty brutal, like the 'Redwall' books.

I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know~?

A novel wouldn't be a book if there weren't some flights of fancy on the part of the author, stopping time to examine things, or to tell a joke.

Putting lessons in young adult books is very dangerous.

It's such a silly little thing, the heart.

So why am I depressed? That's the million-dollar question, baby, the Tootsie Roll question; not even the owl knows the answer to that one. I don't know either. All I know is the chronology.

I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else, and I don't have to hide mine when I'm around you.

That's all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better.

I have a system with bathrooms. I spend a lot of time in them. They are sanctuaries, public places of peace spaced throughout the world for people like me.

Once you have a kid, it's amazing how quickly people ask, 'So are you going to stop at just one?'

A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. It's the nonworking brains that get blocked, that have dead ends, that are under construction like mine."

Relationships change even more than people. It's like two people changing. It's exponentially more volatile. Especially two teenagers.

Some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle.

A lot of the books that I grew up reading were pretty brutal, like the Redwall books.

And I'm not assuming and I'm not judging. I'm just being curious.

I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here.""Is there something wrong with that?""Absolutely.

It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare, you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.""And what is that nightmare, Craig?""Life.

Relationships change even more than people. It's like two people changing. It's exponentially more volatile. Especially two teenagers."

Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad.

I'm done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.

I don't-" I shake my head. (...) "What? What were you going to say?" This is another trick of shrinks. They never let you stop in midthought. If you open your mouth, they want to know exactly what you had the intention of saying.

We look into each other's eyes as we shake. His are still full of death and horror, but in them I see my face reflected, and inside my tiny eyes inside his, I think I see some hope.

A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. It's the nonworking brains that get blocked, that have dead ends, that are under construction like mine.

'Game of Thrones' cares about children. Children are heirs. There's no hemming and hawing about how they're desensitized to violence or they cost too much to send to college. They're a blessing - in many ways the only blessing - and even the evil ones have parents who love them.

You have tremendous freedom in the young adult book world to write what you want. You can put R-rated content in a book that you can't in a similarly targeted movie.

(...) Since I was a kid." "Which you refer to as 'back when you were happy.'" "Right.

A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships.

And I could have died right then. And considering how things went, I really should have.

And that was the closest I've ever come to an epiphany.

But some people have to get lucky just to live. And I never knew I could make anybody lucky.

Dad nods, looks me dead in the eyes; slowly and regretfully, he banishes all the smiling and joking from his face, and for once he's just my dad, watching his son who has fallen so low.

deep down I believe my year was a special year: it produced me.

Depression starts slow.

Do you even know who the enemy is?" "I think... it's me".

Dr. Barney stared at me, his lips puckered. What was he so serious about? Who hasn't thought about killing themselves, as a kid? How can you grow up in this world and not think about it?

Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.

Every tounge bit had another word to say.

How would you know? Everything's like sex. It's the universal metaphor. To pick a lock, let me guess, you have to go slow at first, but then you have to pull off some fancy moves, and you have to stay concentrated, and you have to stick something in something, right?

I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time.

I don't owe people anything, and I don't have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to.

I feel dead, wasted, awful, broken and useless. It's not the kind of feeling you forget.

I found myself jealous of the people who wrote the books. They were dead and they were still taking up my time. Who did they think they were?

I had fooled myself into thinking that I was something important to the rest of the world.

I had hurt her feelings, I found out later; I didn't know I had that power.

I just want to not be me.

I know a lot of famous people didn't do well at school, like James Brown; he dropped out in fifth grade to be an entertainer, I respect that... but that's not going to be me. I'm not going to be able to do anything but work as hard as possible all the time and compete with everyone I know all the time to make it.

I owe her everything and I love her and I tell her these days, although every time I say it, it gets a little diluted. I think you run out of I love yous.

I should be a success and I'm not and other people- younger people- are. Younger people than me are on TV and getting their lives in order. I'm still a nobody. When am I going to not be a nobody?

I think you run out of 'I love yous

I want my brain to slide back into the slot it was meant to be in, rest there the way it did before the fall of last year, back when I was young, witty, and my teachers said I had incredible promise.

I want to live but I want to die. What do I do?

I wanted to tell people, "My depression is acting up today" as an excuse for not seeing them, but I never managed to pull it off.

I was never big on rage.' 'Why?' "It's so much more angry in my head than it could ever be outside.

I wasn't gifted. Mom was wrong. I was just smart and I worked hard. I had fooled myself into thinking that was something important to the rest of the world. Other people were complicit in this ruse. Nobody had told me I was common.

I work. And I think about work, and I freak out about work, and I think about how much I think about work, and I freak out about how much I think about how much I think about work, and I think about how freaked out I get about how much I think about how much I think about work.

If there is a next life, I hope it's in the past; I don't think the future will be any more handleable. I think it's a little harsh how the END button is red.

If you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed away

I'm glad you came here and got the help you needed," Neil says, and he shakes my hand in that way that people do in here to remind themselves that you're the patient and they're the doctor/volunteer/ employee. They like you, and they genuinely want you to do better, but when they shake your hand you feel that distance, that slight disconnect because they know that you're still broken somewhere, that you might snap at any moment.

I'm going to be here until I'm cured?" "Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner. Life is managed".

I'm jealous of her. Can you be jealous of your mom for being able to handle things? I couldn't take a day off, take a dog to the vet, and cook dinner. That's like three times too much stuff for me to get done in one day. How am I ever going to have my own house?

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living.

I'm smart but not enough--just smart enough to have problems.

I'm still a nobody, when am I not going to be a nobody?

Is that the truth, Jimmy?" I ask without looking at him. "It's the truth and it come to ya!" I smile.

It's a huge thing, this Shift, just as big as I imagined. My brain doesn't want to think anymore; all of a sudden it wants to do.

It's tough to get out of bed; I know that myself. You can lie there for an hour and a half without thinking anything, just worrying about what the day holds and knowing that you won't be able to deal with it.

its hard to talk when you want to kill yourself

Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.

I've had good moments scattered since then, times when I thought I was better, but that was the last day I felt triumphant.

I've started to think it must just be chemistry, in which case we're looking for the Shift and we haven't found it yet.

Life can't be cured, but it can be managed.

Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner." Dr. Mahmoud leans in. "Life is managed.

Life's not about feeling better, it's about getting the job done.

Misfortune is no excuse for cruelty.

My brain was all right back then; it didn't get stuck in ruts.

My family shouldn't have to put up with me. They're good people, solid, happy. Sometimes when I'm with them I think I'm on television.

No," mom says, looking at me in the eyes. "What's a triumph is that you woke up this morning and decided to LIVE. THAT'S a triumph. that's what you did today.

Nobody had told me I was common.

Of course I wasn't abused. If I were; things would be so simple. I'd have a reason to for being in a shrinks office. I'd have a justification and something to work on. The world wasn't going to give me something that tidy.

One thing I've learnt recently: how to think nothing. Here's the trick: don't have any interest in the world around you, don't have any hope for the future, and be warm.

People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.

People don't make good Anchors, though, Craig. They change.

See, when you mess something up, you learn for the next time. It's when people compliment you that you're in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up.

She doesn't want to end up like me. At least I'm giving someone an example not to follow.

She's pretty." (It's amazing how girls can say this and make it the most withering insult.)

Ski. Sled. Play basketball. Jog. Run. Run. Run. Run home. Run home and enjoy. Enjoy. Take these verbs and enjoy them. They're yours, Craig. You deserve them because you chose them. You could have left them all behind but you chose to stay here. So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live.

So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live.

Some days I woke up and got out of bed and brushed my teeth like any normal human being; some days I woke up and laid in bed and looked at the ceiling and wondered what the hell the point was of getting out of bed and brushing my teeth like any normal human being.

Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.

Sometimes when you open a book, time stops.

That made me happy. That was my Anchor.

That's the number one thing I hear about humans. You have all these choices, so you're confused all the time, and you think so much that you're never happy.

That's what gets me through the day. Knowing that I could do it. That I'm strong enough to do it and I can get it done.

That's worst than gonerreha, man!

The absolute worst part of being depressed is the food. A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships. I don't think your relationship with your parents is that important. Some people never know their parents. I don't think your relationship with your friends are important. But your relationship with air-that's key. You can't break up with air. You're kind of stuck together. Only slightly less crucial is water. And then food. You can't be dropping food to hang with someone else. You need to strike up an agreement with it.

The Shift is coming. The Shift has to be coming. Because if you keep living like this you'll die.

The stuff adults tell you not to do is the easiest.

They always said on TV you could do anything you wanted, but here I was trying to do something and it wasn't working. I would never be able to do it.

They're sort of ancillary anyway, friends. I mean, they're important -- everybody knows that; the TV tells you so -- but they come and go. You lose one friend, you pick up another.

They've spent alot of money on me. I'm ashamed.

Things to do today: 1) Breathe in. 2) Breathe out.

Time is a person-made concept.

We wear our problems diffrently

We're all animals, high school is animals, but some of us are more animal than others. Like in 'Animal Farm,' which I read, all animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others? Here in the real world, all equals are created animal, but some are more animal than others.

What am I always going to do? I'm going to go home and freak out.I'm going to sit with my family and try not to talk about myself and what's wrong. Im going to try and eat. Then I'm going to try and sleep. I dread it. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?

What happened when you woke up?" "I was having a dream. I don't know what it was, but when I woke up, I had this awful realization that I was awake. It hit me like a brick in the groin." "Like a brick in the groin, I see." "I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare." "And what is that nightmare, Craig?" "Life." "Life is a nightmare." "Yes.

Yes, Doctor. I'll do what you say. I'll do what you all say.

You shouldn't be able to be alive and you are. You want to trade?

You want to play video games twenty-four hours a day?" "Or watch. I just want to not be me. Whether it's sleeping or playing video games or riding my bike or studying. Giving my brain up. That's what's important.

The Shift hasn't happened yet, maybe it never will, but sometimes-just enough times to give me hope-my brain jars back into where it's supposed to be.