Morey Amsterdam quotes:

A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.

My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."

Even the police have an unlisted number.

Our Congress is the finest body of men money can buy.

People who live in glasshouses might as well answer the door

According to the statistics, a man eats a prune every twenty seconds. I don't know who this fellow is, but I know where to find him.