Maureen Lipman quotes:

I suppose the nearest equivalent to a bar mitzvah in terms of emotional build-up would probably not even be one's wedding day, but one's coronation.

Jewish Alzheimer's is forgetting everything except a grudge.

What does a Californian make for dinner? Reservations.

As for blondes having more fun, well, let me dispel that rumor forever. They do.

A tortoise is, I suppose, a Jewish pet. It knows its place. Out on the lawn. It doesn't bark. It doesn't tear the Dralon.

Acting requires absorption, but not self-absorption and, in the actor's mind, the question must always be 'Why am I doing this?,' not 'How am I doing it?

I've discovered over the years that if my hair is all right, then generally speaking, so am I.

Of all the forms of exercise that I have done, Power Plate® training is the most concise. If I start my session at 9.30am, I know I can be at my desk by 10.15am and I can even fit in a workout before rehearsals. Power Plate® exercise is not at all intimidating, and I know that in a short session I have had a complete workout.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then get up. This is no time for sloth.

Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went.

Did you ever meet a mother that complained that her child phoned her too often? Me neither.

You know the worst thing about oral sex ? The view.

My idea of a good work-out is two hours spent worrying about the bags under my eyes.