Joey Comeau quotes:

There are plenty of fish in the sea, if I run out of women.

I have a form of ESP that allows me to consistently pick losing lottery numbers, and generally make poor life choices.

I am writing to apply for the position of bookkeeper. Attached, you will find my list of qualifications. I have been keeping books for four years now, and I am never going to give them back.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. I am gonna drink it through this crazy straw.

Romance is all about making a story out of our love

Alzheimer's disease is death before death, and I'm terrified of it.

Kissing girls is easy, like breaking windows.

If at first you don't succeed...run.

I don't know what you believe in. I believe we just stop. Because if we move on to an afterlife, any kind of afterlife, that means there will be other people there. I'm tired of the chit chat. Oh, that is a handsome boy. He takes after his grandfather. Did they change the breakfast again? It tastes different to me. For Eternity? No thanks.

Judge if you want, we are all going to die. I intend to deserve it.

We are terrible for each other, and, yes, we are a disaster. But tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. I'd rather die terrified than live forever.

Be the trouble you want to see in the world.

Listening to music that I hate calms me down.

Memories are like everything else. They're a trap.

Having all the answers just means you've been asking boring questions.

And when our sun explodes and we are all destroyed, we'll be rocks and chunks of I am not sure what, and maybe we'll rain down on somewhere else.

I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.

I don't fall in love very easily. It takes a long time, and then, when I have fallen in love, I'm still not sure. I'm suspicious of myself. What if tomorrow I don't feel the same? I have to wait, to be sure. And I wait and wait.

I want to make something, and I want people to know I made it.

There's a romance to danger. There's a romance to drinking, to drugs, to petty crime and to heartbreak and loneliness. All of those things can be used to make the STORY of our lives better.

I live to feel her fingers move inside of me like this. The bus makes another stop. A fat man climbs aboard, hauling himself up the stairs. I would kill him for one more moment with her fingers inside me. I don't have to. She gives me my moment for free. He lives because of her generosity. We all live because of her generosity.

I'd rather die terrified than live forever.

When the end comes, I hope it's as strange as that. I hope that the sky tears open and the world is washed with colors that we've never seen before.

Well, it's possible to be mentally ill and rational.

Home is where the heart is, until we get a chance to bury it. Home is where the heart pulled the nails out of its feet, and fled.

The family that prays together, still probably dies in the fire.

I never wanted anything to happen to my parents, but a hero needs an origin story.

I've always known I'd be a bank robber. So judge all you want, ladies and gentlemen. Because you never did become an astronaut.

Art isn't just paint and music, art is breaking glass and the sounds we make without realizing.

Death is not the end. Death is an ocean on all sides of our lives. Deep and dark and cold, and anything but empty.

When I played doctor I played to win.

If we couldn't carry our dead inside us, we would be empty.

Being in love is totally punk rock.

Happiness is not a house where you can live. (But it is a house you can build.)

Satellite images, maps and blueprints of the whole world, of every city. We could look it up and know what's there in someone else's words. Or we could get wicked drunk and just go.

You are never so low that you deserve to be lower.

Depression is like slashing at ghosts. Of course it's tempting to finally cut something real.