Joe Orton quotes:

The Oscar Wilde of Welfare State gentility.

I'd the upbringing a nun would envy. Until I was fifteen I was more familiar with Africa than my own body.

The humble and meek are thirsting for blood.

Cleanse my heart... Give me the ability to rage correctly

FAY: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. TRUSCOTT: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

Reading isn't an occupation we encourage among police officers. We try to keep the paperwork down to a minimum.

The kind of people who always go on about whether a thing is in good taste invariably have very bad taste.

Every luxury was lavished on you - atheism, breastfeeding, circumcision.

Policemen, like red squirrels, must be protected.

Civilizations have been founded and maintained on theories which refused to obey facts.

On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, "Melancholia? Ad nauseam.

With madness, as with vomit, it's the passerby who receives the inconvenience.

I'm too amused by the way people carry on to give in to despair.

God is a gentleman. He prefers blondes

People think I write fantasy, but I don't. Some things may be exaggerated or distorted, but they're realistic figures. . . . There's nothing incredible about it.

The humble and meek are thirsting for lood

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

It's all any reasonable child can expect if the dad is present at the conception.