J. Richard Singleton quotes:

I love Las Vegas because it's the one city less classy than Los Angeles.

No man wants his daughter to be the kind of girl whom he liked in high school.

You have to think if we've been visited by extraterrestrial life, it was like a zookeeper walking into the chimp enclosure: He looks around, takes some pictures, then leaves without interacting significantly with the environment. Meanwhile the chimps have no idea what the fuck just happened.

The truth is like sunlight: It causes cancer.

You can't make a woman love you. Not even with duct tape.

I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.

That's crazier than a boatload of prostitutes!

Life.... It's better than the alternative.