Irvin S. Cobb quotes:

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

A good storyteller is a person with a good memory and hopes other people haven't.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

Until you go to Kentucky and with your own eyes behold the Derby, you ain't never been nowhere and you ain't seen nothin'!

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

Golf - a young man's vice and an old man's penance.

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been discontinued.

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

You had to hate the Colonel a whole lot to keep from loving him.

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial. If she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid.

Of all American cities of whatever size the most friendly on preliminary inspection, and on further acquaintance the most likable. The happiest-hearted, the gayest, the most care-free city on this continent.

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

Reelfoot is, and has always been, a lake of mystery.In places it is bottomless. Other places the skeletons of the cypress-trees that went down when the earth sank, still stand upright so that if the sun shines from the right quarter, and the water is less muddy than common, a man, peering face downward into its depths, sees, or thinks he sees, down below him the bare top-limbs upstretching like drowned men's fingers, all coated with the mud of years and bandaged with pennons of the green lake slime.

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.