Henry Beard quotes:
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You can often wash your troubles away with the right kind of bath. Throw everything you have into the tub: bubble gels, bubble oils, bubble powders, bubble gum.
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Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners.
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Chef: Any cook who swears in French.
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Whenever I dream of playing a perfect round of golf, which I rarely do more than a dozen times a day, I picture myself on one of my favorite British Open-style links, and in particular the great courses of the west of Ireland, whose holes flow through naturally bunkered dunesland never far from the sight or sound of surf.
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Wear it if it clashes.
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Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.
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Hole in One: an occurence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole in a single shot by a golfer playing alone.
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Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
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Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.
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Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.
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Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.
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Handicap: an allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.
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You do not sew with a fork and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.
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A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.
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There is no such thing as a 'correct' weight for any particular height - they are only averages.
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"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf
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A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
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A driving range is the place where golfers go to get all the good shots out of their system.
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Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club.
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Follow through: The part of the swing that takes place after the ball has been hit, but before the club has been thrown.
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Garden: One of a vast number of free outdoor restaurants operated by charity-minded amateurs in an effort to provide healthful, balanced meals for insects, birds and animals.
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Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.
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I simply cannot imagine why anyone would eat something slimy served in an ashtray.
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If the wind is in your face, you swing too hard just to get the ball through it; if the wind is at your back, you swing too hard just to see how far you can get the ball to go.
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It's often necessary to hit a second shot to really appreciate the first one.
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The true definition of a perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year.
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When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.