George S. Kaufman quotes:

Satire is what closes on Saturday night.

Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Claus!

God finally caught his eye.

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

I've never had any complaints yet!

Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, "What can we postpone next?" The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill from his lawyer which said, "For crossing the street to speak to you and discovering it was not you, twelve dollars."

You've heard of people living in a fool's paradise? Well, Leonora has a duplex there.