Donnell Rawlings quotes:

Tiger Woods is stupid; not for cheating, but for having one cell phone. What type of player you know has one cell phone?

Tiger Woods is a billionaire. Do you know how much ass you can get with a billion dollars? I know guys with $20 and a pack of Newports who'd try to screw your whole neighborhood.

The best thing about where comedy is now is if you have a little bit of talent and a strong work ethic, and strong social skills, you can make a name for yourself and you can make money.

I just had a baby girl. My daughter weighed 27 pounds. She was 3 years old. She was delivered to me by way of the court system and a blood test.

If Elvis is alive, Tupac is alive. I saw Tupac on 46th Street selling Biggie t-shirts 2 for 10 dollars...

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is that you can overcome anything son.

Rise and grind... the money ain't gonna wait for you while you sleep son.

The better alternative to fighting a guy, go have sex with his girlfriend. That's how you knock a dude out!

I had a dream this girl was cheating on me! I woke up and went back to sleep to find him, he kicked my ass in my dream!

Live life to the fullest everyday, 'cause we never know what day will be our last.

When I started off in DC, you didn't get viral first. You got funny first.

Chicks can make you flip more than any drug would.

A kid asked me for advise about getting into entertainment? I said you better know how to be happy being broke!

That's why when I talk to younger comics, and they say, 'Well I need this and this, and I need so and so,' I tell them they don't need nothing. All you need is some great idea and go shoot it.