Dick Van Dyke quotes:

When I auditioned for 'Bye Bye Birdie' on Broadway, Gower Champion said, 'You've got the job!' I said, 'Mr. Champion, I can't dance.' He said, 'We'll teach you what you need to know.'

I think, the 'Van Dyke Show' and 'Mary Poppins' are two of the best periods of my life. I had so much fun, I didn't want it to end.

One day in '61, I was looking in the Santa Monica phone book for a number, and there it was: Stan Laurel, Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica. I went over there and spent the afternoon with them. And pumped him with questions. I must have driven him crazy. I spent a lot of happy hours at Stan's house on Sundays just talking about comedy.

No, I did night clubs right here in Los Angeles. My partner, Phil Erickson, put me in the business, a guy from my home town, a dear friend who we just lost a couple of months ago.

Mary Poppins' was one of the best experiences of my life.

My son Barry, of course, has been on from the beginning. And his son Shane is playing now a med student regularly on the show. And at one point or another, I've had all four of his kids on the show.

I have four kids, seven grandkids, and four great-grandkids. Maybe I can become a great-great-grandfather if I hang on!

No, no, it was the relationships. That was that group. People believed that Rob and Laura were really married in real life. You know, a lot of people believed that.

Probably one of the happiest moments, outside the birth of all of my kids, was the first time we won an Emmy, that the show won an Emmy. That was a big night.

I never had a lot of drive, but because I had family responsibilities, I had a lot of tenacity - the tenacity of a drowning man.

The Dick Van Dyke Show' was the most fun I ever had and the most creative period of my life.

I like 'The Office.' I particularly like the British version with Ricky Gervais. Of course, I liked the 'Seinfeld' show a lot. I thought that was an awfully good show.

I was always in show business but in many ways was not really of show business. I didn't move in show business circles, particularly, still don't do it.

Somebody asked what I wanted on my gravestone. I'm just going to put: 'Glad I Could Help.'

Once you get the kids raised and the mortgage paid off and accomplish what you wanted to do in life, there's a great feeling of: 'Hey, I'm free as a bird.'

As wonderful as they were, my parents didn't teach me anything about self-discipline, concentration, patience, or focus. If I hadn't had a family myself, I probably never would've done anything. Marriage taught me responsibility.

So at 16 I got a job at the local radio station. And I was working after school and weekends. I did the news; I did everything. I did - played records.

My favorite unknown movie is 'The Comic.'

My wife, as proud as she was of me, hated show business for good reasons. There was something about the spouse always being pushed out of the way, shoved aside. She wanted to get away from it.

I was the class clown, you know, that kind of thing, and I gathered around me a group of guys who also were silly. I was in all the plays and everything. But I don't know, at that time show businesses looked like the moon, you know, it was so far away. I wanted to be a radio announcer.

They did ask me to do 'Dancing With The Stars;' I said I can do one show, but on that show you have to come up with a new number every week, and I told them that I think I'm a little past that stage.

I watch 'Al Jazeera.' They have news that you can't find anywhere else. They do great documentaries, too.

Oh, I had an idea for a pilot of my own at the time, and then Carl sent me about eight scripts and simply I threw my idea out the window because the writing was just so good.

When I was a kid, I had ambitions for being a television announcer, which was before television took off, you know, in the late '40s. And just through necessity, going out looking for work, I was starting to sing, and dance, and act, and I never expected to do that, nor to have any success at it at least.

Put me on solid ground and I'll start tapping! At my age they say to keep moving.

I went from my mother to my wife. And to this day, I can't bear to be alone.

My kids are so much better parent than I was.

I loved to fall down.

The secret to keeping moving is keeping moving.

We had all week to rehearse. An audience would come in at the end of the week and we'd our little show. Most of the ad- libbing happened during the week on the show.

Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him."

I think the saddest moment in my life just happened two months ago. My old nightclub partner passed away, Phil Erickson down in Atlanta. He - I owe him everything. He put me in the business and taught me about everything I know."

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.

But once we got on the air, everybody except Morey Amsterdam pretty much stuck to the script.

I think the saddest moment in my life just happened two months ago. My old nightclub partner passed away, Phil Erickson down in Atlanta. He - I owe him everything. He put me in the business and taught me about everything I know.

I was a 'Laurel and Hardy' nut. I got to know Laurel at the end of his life, and it was a great thrill for me. He left me his bow tie and derby and told me that if they ever made a movie about him, he'd want me to play him.

Life is like a box of chocolates, I'm a nerd and I read books

When I was a kid, I loved all the silent comedians - Buster Keaton, Laurel and Hardy, Chaplin. And I used to imitate them. I'd go to see a Buster Keaton movie and come home and try things out I'd seen. I learned to do pratfalls when I was very young.

I've had a lot of writers, in particular, who said they got into writing because of the 'Van Dyke Show.' They said it looked like fun.

All of us involved say 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' was the best five years of our lives. We were like otters at play.

I have two kids who were like me, we get out of bed feeling good, and the other two would sit at the breakfast table and grumble. I think it's born into us. I usually wake up feeling pretty good. Looking forward to the day.

I've been talking about retiring for years. It's my standard answer to the question, 'What are your future plans?' The truth is, I'll always want to do things that are worthwhile or fun.

I did a 'Golden Girls' once, which shot in front of an audience, and that went well. I had a good time. But I need an audience, for comedy at least.

I have four children and I have seven grandkids.

I grew up in Danville, Illinois, right in the middle of the state.

Stan said he used to keep Hardy late, make him miss his golf game, and really get him mad.

Rob Petrie is who I really am - in personality and general ineffectiveness.

I know friends of mine who have never changed their mind about anything in their lives, despite evidence from all directions. And I think if you can keep an open mind and some understanding, that helps you stay young.

I'm not a loner. I have to have a life partner.

When I was a kid, I had ambitions for being a television announcer, which was before television took off, you know, in the late 40s. And just through necessity, going out looking for work, I was starting to sing, and dance, and act, and I never expected to do that, nor to have any success at it at least.

Jon Stewart kills me. I love him. And Bill Maher. He does an hour on HBO. But entirely political. It is awfully rough, but he does make me laugh.

I worked nightclubs all through my 20s, and I was a teetotaler.

Some people never change their mind through their whole lives, about anything, despite new information that comes in. And now that we know that homosexuality is not a choice, it's biological, I think we have to love and understand them.

He wanted the show to be fresh to audiences 50 years down the line.

Something greater than me was happening. And yet, it was happening to me.

I do miss the rhythms of comedy. And I've never been able to perform very well without an audience. The sitcoms I've done had them. It was like doing a little play.

I don't play golf. I have more fun singing and dancing.

I sing all day. And it's good for you. Good for your vocal cords.

I wanted to be Stan Laurel, then I wanted to be Fred Astaire and then Captain Kangaroo. I actually started out as a radio announcer when I was 17 and never left the business, so that's literally 70 years.

I wanted to be a radio announcer.

I'm always announcing my retirement. I'm still not retired.

In my seventies, I exercised to stay ambulatory. In my eighties, I exercise to avoid assisted living.

I asked Fred Astaire once when he was about my age if he still danced, and he said 'Yes, but it hurts now.' That's exactly it. I can still dance, too, but it hurts now!

I never wanted to be an actor, and to this day I don't. I can't get a handle on it. An actor wants to become someone else. I am a song-and-dance man, and I enjoy being myself, which is all I can do.

Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him.

I got into a Broadway show before I ever sang and danced. I learned how after I got in the show.

When I get some budding young comic who'll come up to me and say, 'What was it like to do it in those days?' I try to be as gracious to him as Stan Laurel was to me.

I've made peace with insecurity... because there is no security of any kind.

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey.

My brother and I laughed a lot as kids. We came up in the middle of the Depression, and neither one of us knew we were poor. We had nothing, but we didn't know it.

I get little kids who recognize me from 'Mary Poppins,' and it just delights me because it's our third generation.

'Mary Poppins' was one of the best experiences of my life.

Do you know that I was the anchor on the 'CBS Morning Show?' And my newsman was Walter Cronkite.

But I wish they would make a musical of some kind. I miss musicals so much. You don't see them anymore.

'The Dick Van Dyke Show' was the most fun I ever had and the most creative period of my life.

I've won several Emmys, a Tony and a Grammy, so maybe somebody will let me have an Oscar, and then I'll have a full set.

You know, I'm almost out of the habit of watching episodic television now.

I was the worst game show host that ever lived, and I knew it.

I cannot tell you what it means when children recognize. This is about the third generation for me. And when kids that small recognize me, it really pleases me, very gratifying.

I don't think we've got much of a chance to tell you the truth. But our main problem is our audience skews a little older than most shows, and I don't think our people can stay up that late. I certainly can't.

I played a killer twice. Once on 'Matlock,' on Andy Griffith's show, I got to play the killer.

I'm really in retirement. My career is over. I'm just playing now and having a great time. I like to keep busy, and I'm doing what's fun for me.

We should never judge a day by its weather.

If you spend your life thinking, "I wonder if today is when it ends," you're going to miss out on everything wonderful.

You're going to die. That's going to happen. What matters is what you do with your time before you get flushed out.

You can spread jelly on the peanut butter but you can't spread peanut butter on the jelly.

I didn't know the answers, but I could feel that the things that gave life meaning came from a place within and from the nurturing of values like tolerance, charity, and community.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. Attitude is almost more important than what happens to you.

I would love to be Moses.

Walt Disney and I always said we were two children looking for our inner adults.

There aren't many pratfalls in comedy anymore.

Hope is life's essential nutrient, and love is what gives life meaning

I had an uncle who had a car with a rumble seat, and I used to love to ride in that thing. I mentioned this to some kids, and they were like, "What are you even talking about?"

Young people ask me for advice, and I tell them to do what I didn't do. Get some training. I took jobs that required talents I didn't have.

I taught Sunday school when I was younger, and ended up an elder in the church, and it just seemed to me that a lot of people who went to church certainly weren't - the rest of the week - living what I would call an Christian life.

Emotionally, I'm about 13.

There are people with their iPads are taking pictures so much that they're not experiencing the moment. They go home and look at the pictures later.

I've never been what you'd call a great singer, but I loved to sing.

We all know we're going to die. We're all circling the drain. Some of us are closer than others. I'm 90, I know I'm closer to the drain than most people.

I don't have any children; I have four middle-aged people.

I wasn't a falling-in-the-gutter type. I drank at home because it relaxed me. I was shy around new people, but after a drink or two, I became more sociable.

I never made a good movie.

I could probably play an alcoholic. I've had some experience with that.

Today, if you're not an alcoholic, you're nobody.

So I think we're kind of an alternate choice for people who have had it with sex and violence.

I'm the anti-Quentin Tarantino.

I never wanted to be an actor and to this day I don`t. I can`t get a handle on it. An actor wants to become someone else. I am a song-and-dance man and I enjoy being myself, which is all I can do.

I wrote a little autobiography about how luck has to do with everything. It's called 'My Lucky Life In and Out of Show Business.' A publisher came to me and said, 'Write a book,' so I did. I wanted to call it 'Everybody Else Has Got a Book.'

I hear music and my feet just start moving.

Once I got a job singing and dancing, a reasonable person might think, "Maybe I should learn how to do this." But no, I never did.

I've got plenty of arthritis. But if you keep moving, it won't bother you that much. That's why old guys stiffen up. They forget they have to get out of their chairs and do something. You let the moss grow over, it's your own fault.

Sing like nobody can hear you, dance like nobody can see you, and love like you've never been hurt.

When I started having kids, I thought, 'I don't want to do anything they can't watch.'

I think that's the answer to a good marriage. Everyone has their own room.

[My mother] once cooked a ham and later found it in my father's shirt drawer. I am not kidding.

I was lucky to get the kinds of parts I wanted. I always said I didn't want to do anything my kids can't see.

I have also heard and read various accounts of why they [Sheldon Leonard and Carl Reiner] liked me. My favorites? I wasn't too good-looking, I walked a little funny, and I was basically kind of average and ordinary. I guess my lack of perfection turned out to be a winning hand. Let that be a lesson for future generations.

I think most people will tell you that. They can go along and, while they're denying that they are addicted, say it's stress this, it's this, it's that. But I - it's - I think - I really believe there is a gene. Some people become addicted and others don't.

I just think everyone needs their own private space.

Haters are going to hate.