Damien Fahey quotes:

Personally, I'm not into reality shows - I can't even name a reality show that I was a really big fan of, altogether as a whole, not just from MTV. Like, if ABC has another reality show, I'm like, 'Oh God, another reality show.' But people love them. 'The Hills', 'Laguna Beach'... those do extremely well. It's just a personal preference.

Paul Ryan looks like the car rental salesman who bullies you into getting full coverage.

Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'

It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes

Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.

My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone.

No one's dream job involves a kiosk.

My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car.

Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.