Clarence Budington Kelland quotes:

My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it.

The duty of a toastmaster is to be so dull that the succeeding speakers will appear brilliant by contrast.

I get up in the morning, torture a typewriter until it screams, then stop.