Benny Hill quotes:

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish.

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

Do unto others, then run

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?

Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.

Do unto others, then run.

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.

I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.