Barry Cryer quotes:

Why does it take two days for a polaroid of John Major to appear?

Quick: noise made by a dyslexic duck

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

Iâ??m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know?

They say that adultery is the main thing that can damage a marriage, but it's not. It's boredom.