Alice Roosevelt Longworth quotes:

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Dorothy is the only woman in history who has had her menopause in public and made it pay.

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

People in Washington seem as hypnotized by precedence as though they were hens with their beaks on a chalk line.

My specialty is detached malevolence.

... [woman suffrage] has made little difference beyond doubling the number of voters. There is no woman's vote as such. They divide up just about as men do.

I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both.

He sprang from the grass roots of the country clubs of America.

[Remark about Calvin Coolidge she says was erroneously attributed to her:] I do wish he did not look as if he had been weaned on a pickle.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

You can't make souffle rise twice.

You can't make a souffle rise twice.

I'm the only topless octogenarian in Washington.

I live by three rules: I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired and scratch when I itch.

[On Washington, D.C.:] a town of successful men and the women they married before they were successful.

If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come and sit with me.

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE..COME SIT BY ME.

If you can't think of anything nice to say, come sit here beside me.