Zinnia Wormwood Quotes in Matilda (1996)

[asked to sign Matilda's adoption papers]

Zinnia Wormwood: You're the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. And I never understood you, not one little bit... Who's got a pen?

Narrator: Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse.

[Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves]

Narrator: Most parents believe their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. Others take a less emotional approach.

[Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby]

Harry Wormwood: What a waste of time!

Zinnia Wormwood: And painful!

Harry Wormwood: And expensive, $9.25 for a bar of soap?

Zinnia Wormwood: Well I had to take a shower, Harry!

Harry Wormwood: $5,000? I'm not paying it. What're they going to do, repossess the kid?

Matilda: I love it here! I love my school... it isn't fair! Miss Honey, please don't let them...

Harry Wormwood: [interrupting] Get in the car, Melinda!

Matilda: Matilda!

Harry Wormwood: Whatever.

Matilda: I want to stay with Miss Honey.

Zinnia Wormwood: Miss Honey doesn't want you. Why would she want some snotty, disobedient kid?

Jenny: Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her.

Matilda: Adopt me, Miss Honey! You can adopt me.

Harry Wormwood: Look, I don't have time for all these legalities!

Matilda: One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers.

Zinnia Wormwood: What? Where did you get those?

Matilda: From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox.

Zinnia Wormwood: Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! I mean, take a look at you and me. You chose books - I chose looks. I have a nice house, a wonderful husband... and you are slaving away teaching snot-nosed children their ABCs. You want Matilda to go to college? Ha, ha, ha, ha...

Harry Wormwood: College?

[scoffs]

Harry Wormwood: I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody who did. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha...

Jenny: [insulted] Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate.

Harry Wormwood: Yeah...

Jenny: Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too.

Harry Wormwood: What car? Sued by who? Who you been talking to?

Jenny: N-nobody.

[sighs]

Jenny: I can see we're not going to agree, are we?

Harry Wormwood: Any packages come today?

Matilda: Mm-mm.

Harry Wormwood: [noticing her books] Where'd all this come from?

Matilda: The library.

Harry Wormwood: The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old.

Matilda: Six-and-a-half.

Harry Wormwood: You're four!

Matilda: Six-and-a-half!

Harry Wormwood: If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already.

Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.

Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book.

[He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]

Harry Wormwood: Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?

Zinnia Wormwood: Four.

Matilda: I'm six-and-a-half, mommy!

Zinnia Wormwood: Five, then!

Matilda: I was six in August.

Harry Wormwood: You're a liar.

Matilda: I want to go to school.

Harry Wormwood: School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.

[Matilda leaves]

Zinnia Wormwood: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.

Harry Wormwood: Hmph, tell me about it.

Zinnia Wormwood: [Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids] Mine are driving me crazy. I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school IS NOT enough.

Matilda: [walking out of the room excitedly] I'll say!

Zinnia Wormwood: [cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did.

Harry Wormwood: I did *not* glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers fused to my hair!

[Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to]

Zinnia Wormwood: You don't let me talk to people! I live in a cage, Harry! I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids!

Harry Wormwood: Oh, yeah? Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of male strippers!