Zeke Quotes in xXx: State of the Union (2005)

Zeke: [repeated] If its got wheels, we can jack it.

[Zeke and Darius are inspecting a truck full of weapons they've just commandeered]

Zeke: What you think D? This enough bang for you?

Darius Stone: [Picks up an M249 SAW] God bless America.

Zeke: [to pigs] Get in there, before I make a dime bank out of you.

Zeke: It's a twister! It's a twister!

Zeke: Listen, kid. Are you gonna try and let that old Gulch heifer try and buffalo ya'? She ain't nothing to be afraid of. Have a little courage, that's all.

Dorothy: I'm not afraid of her.

Zeke: Well then, next time she squawks, walk right up to her and spit in her eye. That's what I'd do.

Joe Dirt: Hey man, you done with that apple core?

Zeke: [farts] I'm done with that fart. You want that?

Joe Dirt: Maybe if it came out of Charlene Tilton's ass I'd take a bite.

Zeke: Yeah, you probably like JR you queer. I saw your bumper sticker: Cowboy's Butts Drive Me Nuts!

Joe Dirt: Is that right? You think that's queer? Is this queer?

[slapping muscles]

Joe Dirt: They're large and in charge and lookin' for chickies.

Zeke: You wanna back that up?

Joe Dirt: You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air.

Zeke: That's it. You and me, let's go.

Joe Dirt: You know I'd love to beat your ass all up and down this place but I gotta go back to work.

Oil Rig Boss: Joe Dirt, your fired. Here's your week's pay.

Joe Dirt: Dang.

Zeke: Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. I can't wait to get my paws on that mammoth.

Soto: Nobody touches the mammoth until I get the baby.

Zeke: ...First I'm gonna slice its hindquarters in sections. I'll put the white meat in one pile, and the dark meat in another.

Lenny: Hey, knock it off. I'm starving.

Zeke: Next, the shoulders. Occasionally tough, but extremely juicy.

Lenny: I told you to knock it off!

Diego: You want to maul something, don't you, Zeke?

Zeke: [whining anxiously] I wanna maul.

Diego: Then what are you waiting for?

Diego: Well, I've a message for Soto. Tell him, I'm bringing the baby. And tell him I'm bringing... a mammoth.

Zeke: A *mammoth*?

Lenny: Mammoths never travel alone.

Diego: Well, this one does. And I'm leading him to Half Peak.

Ben Wheeler: We can't go East.

Phil Taylor: Why not?

Ben Wheeler: Because!

Phil Taylor: Why?

Zeke: Because it's against "The Code."

Phil Taylor: It's against what code?

Ben Wheeler: You know very well what code. The Code... of the West.

Phil Taylor: Oh, the Code of the West. Isn't that the same code that says, ah...

Ben Wheeler: "The only good Indian is a dead Indian."

Phil Taylor: And "Die with your boots on." Wait, wait a minute, I got another one for you - "If someone steals your horse, you hang him." That's some code. Hey, this is quite a code! Let's just stay here! What a code.

Julian Rogers: It's not a very enlightened ideology.

Zeke: [Elmo St. Peters had fainted after the appliances scared him half to death and escaped] Did I catch ya at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes.

Zeke: When a man begins to do a lot of talking about hanging, he better make pretty sure as to who is going to decorate the end of the rope.

Gussie: Zeke, did you hear that terrible crash?

Zeke: Hear it? I seen it! That was your wagon!

Gussie: Was my mother-in-law in it?

Ruth Cameron: Zack, you're not really leaving us?

Zeke: Yeah, gal, I'm pullin' out. You're all nice and settled now and this here valley is getting altogether too civilized for me. Whenever I get more than three or four families within a hundred miles of me, I begin to feel kind of crowded.

Ruth Cameron: Look how queer his horse is acting!

Zeke: Yeah, he's riding zigzag - that's the Indian sign for palaver. There's the chief riding out to meet him now for a powwow.

Breck Coleman, Wagon Train Scout: Say, Zeke, who was the he-grizzly that just went by?

Zeke: That's Red Flack. He's bullwhackin' for Wellmore. He's gonna whack Wellmore's train clear through to Oregon.

Windy Bill: You reckon you'll ever find out who downed old Ben?

Breck Coleman, Wagon Train Scout: It's just possible that a certain low-down coyote left his sign there.

Drummer: [remarking on the area's isolation] What I'd like to know is, how do you fellows get into this valley?

Zeke: We was born here!

Mya: I don't go out with guys who don't open the door for me.

Zeke: Really?

Mya: Really

Zeke: Seriously?

Mya: Yes. No he didn't...

Zeke: Gotcha...

Cedric: While we in here right now, don't nobody say nothing to nobody in here. Let me do all the talking.

Guys: Hell no

Zeke: Why would we let you do all the talking?

Cedric: Because I'm a season one holder of 'Oz!' Have you seen it? Have you seen season one?

Zeke: No

Cedric: Exactly, so you don't have the knowledge!... Everybody, listen up! What I need to know is who's the boss in here because the new boss just walked in. That's right, me and my crew, we just took this over. You got that?... Mercy please!

Driver: Zeke! Zeke the Freak! This man is a legend with the ladies!

Mya: I can only imagine.

Driver: Oh baby, you don't have to imagine. We got this on video!

Zeke: She don't want to see that.

Driver: Zeke the Freak is back in town!

Zeke: I don't know that dude.

[last lines]

Zeke's Wife: Funny couple, ain't they?

Zeke: Yeah.

Zeke's Wife: If you ask me, I don't believe they're married.

Zeke: They're married all right. I just seen the license.

Zeke's Wife: They made me get them a rope and a blanket on a night like this. What do you reckon that's for?

Zeke: Blamed if I know. I just brung 'em a trumpet.

Zeke's Wife: A trumpet?

Zeke: Yeah, one of them toy things. They sent me to the store to get it.

Zeke's Wife: But what in the world do they want a trumpet for?

Zeke: Dunno.

[the trumpet sounds, and the blanket falls to the floor]

Zeke: This is my brother's Ritalin. Ritalin's good for studying math or science, just don't try to write English papers on it or it won't make any sense. Enjoy that.

Cliff: Zeke!

Zeke: [terrified] Cliff!

Cliff: How you been man? I haven't seen you since high school!

Zeke: I-I thought you were dead.

Cliff: No! But about THIS close though!

Zeke: Step outside!

Rafe Guttman: Sorry, Zeke - I'm just not in the mood for a blowjob.

Brad: So you see, I got this chick back at my apartment, right. She thinks I'm her best friends brother.

Zeke: Why the fuck does she think that?

Brad: Because I told her I was. It was the only way she'd come home with me.

Eric: Do you even know her best friend?

Brad: Of course not, I never know their best friend, but if they believe I know their best friends, then I'm like... Safe.

Zeke: What the fuck you mean safe?

Brad: Safe, you know, it's like she wants to know you have something in common before she lets you in. It's kinda like the college connection. When you meet a chick from college she automatically feels comfortable lettin you nail her. She thinks that you have this common bond all because you go to the same school. All of the sudden,(snaps fingers), SAFE.

Zeke: That chick could suck a taxi driver through immigration.

Sylvester: Payback's a bitch, ain't it?

Zeke: I'll see you at Nationals.

Sylvester: Yes you will.

[repeated line]

Zeke: Wolves!

Stokely: I'm not putting that hack drug up my nose - it's so eighties!

Zeke: Aliens are taking over the earth. Weigh it!

Zeke: Here, take this.

Casey: Now Marybeth.

Zeke: Sniff it.

Casey: You're out of your fucking mind!

Zeke: I'm about to take my chances. I leave for five minutes, and when I come back everyone's a fucking alien. Now, if I have to Men In Black your ass, you're gonna fucking take it!

[Casey sniffs it hasefuly]

Casey: Happy now?

Zeke: Stan, take it.

Stan: No way, you're takin' it!

Casey: [laughing and obviously high] You're takin' it!

[Stan picks up gun and points it at Casey]

Stan: What the hell is wrong with him?

Zeke: Nothing's wrong with him. He's tweaking you asshole! Let him fucking tweak!

Casey: Tweak! Tweak!

Zeke: Hello Miss Burke!

Miss Burke: Hello sweety pie, What are you looking for?

Zeke: Ah, nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?

Miss Burke: Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.

Zeke: Sorry I'm all outta those but I have something else for you.

Miss Burke: Yes?

Zeke: Oh yeah.

Miss Burke: Something tasty?

Zeke: [softly] Let me hook you up.

Zeke: Yeah, my parents are dead too.

Marybeth: Really?

Zeke: Well, they are still *breathing*, but for all intents and purposes they might as well be dead.

Zeke: This is where I get my equipment.

Marybeth: You borrow it from science labs?

Zeke: I like to think of it as stealing actually.

Zeke: Guaranteed to jack you up.

[about Delilah]

Zeke: Is she always this much fun, man?

Stan: Sometimes she can be a real bitch.

Zeke: Casey, the only person in this school who's an alien is you, man.

Casey: Fuck you, Zeke.

Miss Burke: Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.

[Zeke sits down on his car]

Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.

Miss Burke: Well I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?

Zeke: You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya.

Miss Burke: You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that.

Zeke: Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives.

Miss Burke: You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies...

Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh?

Miss Burke: ...you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year.

Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me.

Miss Burke: That's so rude.

Zeke: [to Stan] No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fucking pain!

Zeke: Now, you, Delilah.

Delilah: No. Her first.

Marybeth: I'm allergic.

Delilah: Yeah, and I'm Portuguese. Who cares?

Zeke: [to Marybeth] So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe.

Casey: [after being told to sniff scat] Why me first?

Zeke: It's your birthright man, just fucking take it.

Zeke: [while seeing 'alien'-Miss Burke looking for her head] Ah, fuck this, I'm outta here!

Zeke: Answer me something, Marybeth. Why are you naked?

Marybeth: Oh. Does it bother you, Zeke, my body? I'm gettin' kinda used to it myself.

Zeke: Not today. It's too damn hot, and I got zero fucking tolerance.

Miss Burke: Eat me, you asshole! I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt!

Student: Ouch! Come back.

Zeke: [sarcastic] What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother?

Miss Burke: And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week... to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for TOO FUCKING LONG you dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being!

Zeke: Whoa... woman. What are you on?

Miss Burke: "Woman"? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy! And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation!

[exits]

Zeke: [to himself] Whoa! She got some bad shit!

Zeke: That's called a gun, man.

[Zeke gives two students fake ID cards]

F'%# Up #1: Dude, that's not me. Doesn't even look like me

F'%# Up #2: It's 50 bucks right?

F'%# Up #1: Does that look like me?

F'%# Up#2: Uh, it's the new you.

F'%# Up #1: I don't know man. How do we even know these things are gonna work?

Zeke: Trust me man, I'm brilliant.

F'%# Up #1: Then why are you repeating your senior year?

Zeke: [to Marybeth] Just doin' my part for the deconstruction of America.

Zeke: Crusoe was afraid he'd be stuck on the island with nothing but calluses.

Miss Burke: That's not correct Zeke. Isolation was his greatest fear.

Zeke: Yes, but his external existence was in no way compared to his internal agony of the loneliness he felt.

Miss Burke: That's very good.

Zeke: Like I said, calluses.

Marybeth: This is your big secret? Caffeine pills?

Zeke: [puts a rag on top of packages] You never saw that.

Zeke: You both take the drug.

Casey: Ohh... showdown!

Casey: I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?

Marybeth: Either way we're completely unarmed.

Zeke: Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.

Casey: In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient.

Zeke: [Holds up his car keys] You got a better idea?

Zeke: Comfy up there?

Paris: Amazing how you can do without the essentials of life, so long as you have the little luxuries.

Johns: Zeke, fully-loaded clip. Safety's on. One shot if you spot him, okay?

Zeke: Don't tell me you're going off too.

Johns: Yeah.

Paris: But what happens if Mr. Riddick spots us first?

Johns: [grinning] There will be no shots.

Zeke: [mopping up blood] This blood's dried up crustier than old Delhurst.

Zeke: A little early for huntin' season, ain't it, Doc?

Neil Hamilton: ...Zeke, you know you can't be down here? It's not safe!

Zeke: Tell that to the kids freezing their asses off. Heat's off. Besides, I been comin' down here for twenty years. Ain't nothin' gonna sneak up on me.

Neil Hamilton: You just keep your eyes open! Holler if you see anything!

Zeke: Like giant rats, Doc?

[breaks into a wide smile and laughs, shaking his head before riding away on his floor polisher]

Abe: You know what's the matter with him, don't ya?

Zeke: What?

Abe: He's in love.

Zeke: Oh!

Abe: Do you know a longer way to the governor's office, Captain?

Zeke: Yes, through the woods, kinda pretty.

Marietta: See the lovely flowers Captain Warrington bought me. Lovely aren't they?

Abe: Squeeze the juice out of them things and it's mighty good when you get a boil on your neck.

Zeke: Good for swollen feet too.

Missy Rose: I don't ever asks you for no weddin' dress. Who'd marry you?

Zeke: Why you would! Why what does you think Mammy adopted you for 'cept so's you could marry me.

Zeke: Mammy, I can't buy you nothin'. I got to buy you somethin'. Why they ain't no nothin' to buy.

Zeke: Excuse me, Missy Rose, but it looks like the devils in me here tonight.

Johnson Kid: Good night, Mammy.

Mammy: Good night.

Spunk: Good night, Mammy.

Mammy: Good night, Spunk.

Missy Rose: Good night, Pappy.

Parson: Good night, Missy.

Zeke: Good night, Mammy.

Mammy: Good night, Zeke.

Zeke: I'll see you in the morning.

Mammy: All righty.

Johnson Kid: Good night, Zeke.

Zeke: Good night, sleep tight. Good night, Pappy.

Parson: Good night, Zeke.

Spunk: Good night, Pappy.

Parson: Good night, Spunk.

Mammy: Oh, thank God.

Zeke: You is just what I has got on my mind. Let's get on away from here.

Chick: Say, get outta the way small change. You don't look like no big money to me!

Zeke: What is the matter with that tinhorn?

Parson: Come, Son, I am not here to judge you.

Zeke: Oh, Pappy, I've sinned. I've sinned! And I'm hangin' on the edge of hell!

Parson: Yes, Son, but the Lord forgives.

Zeke: My heart is achin' for my poor brother. Oh, my heart is achin'! Oh, Pappy, show me how to repent. Show me the way.

Parson: Look, Son, the Lord has sent an angel to show you the way. Can't you see him comin' in that snow white chariot, in his snow white robe? Can't you hear him Son? It is the angel of the Lord. That comforts them that mourns. Look, Son! Can't you see him?

Zeke: Yes, Pappy, I see him and I hear him. The Lord has done shown me the light. The Lord has shown the truth of his creation. I lay my brother down in the ground. But, the ground can't hold my brother. No, Pappy, the ground can't hold him. For the Lord is stronger than the ground. But, the Lord is the ground. The Lord is the sky and the heavens and the moon and the sun. The Lord is the earth and all the living things on earth. The Lord in his kingdom. Ain't no pain. Ain't no more sorrow. And there ain't no more death. So, why do wail and grieve?

Zeke: Brothers and sisters, the point of my sermon is going to be: repent, ye sinners, before it is too late. The road to hell is downhill. Easy and greased like lightin'. And the Cannonball Express is leavin' for hell twice a day. I'm talkin' to all you sinners out there whose on that train. I'm ridin' along with ya. And I'm gonna give all you sinners your last chance. But, remember, they ain't no round trip ticket to hell All aboard...

Mammy: Tired Son? How you like to have a nice plate of this hot chitterlings?

Zeke: I sure would, Mammy. But, I likes everything you cooks.

Mammy: I know you sure is crazy about chitterlings.

Mammy: What is the matter, Son?

Zeke: I'm just thinkin' Mammy. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you and Missy Rose to look after me.

Mammy: I tell you, it done take a good woman for to keep a man out of mischief these days.

Zeke: That's right, Mammy, it sure does.

Missy Rose: What's the matter, brother Zeke?

Zeke: That's just it. I don't know what is the matter. Seems like the devil's done took a hold of me.

Missy Rose: What you mean? What kinda talk is that? A big strong man like you ain't gonna give into that... after we done traveled this far.

Zeke: I don't want to give in! But he just keeps on a torin' and a pullin' after me all the time.

Missy Rose: That's just the way he is.

Zeke: Just won't let me be.

Missy Rose: What's we want to do, big brother?

Zeke: I don't know what we gonna do. Unlessin'...

Missy Rose: Unless what, Zeke?

Zeke: Missy Rose, supposin' you and me, em, let's you and me get married at the next station. That'll stop him quicker than anything!

Zeke: I sure is tired, Chick. I'm tired of thinkin'

Chick: I know you is. Stop thinkin'.

Zeke: Pappy, can I come into your house?

Parson: Boy, you're just in time to help us with the pickin'.

Zeke: Missy Rose, you ain't forgot me?

Missy Rose: Of course not. I love you too much.

Mammy: [Last lines] Son, you must be mighty hungry. Don't you want some chitterlings and spare ribs?

Zeke: Mammy, I like anything you cook.