Youngman Grand, Esq. Quotes in The Magic Christian (1969)

Youngman Grand, Esq.: Dad, do you think words corrupt?

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: I don't know, let's try. Agnes?

Dame Agnes Grand: [looks up from the television] Yes?

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Nipple.

Dame Agnes Grand: Shh!

[turns back to the television]

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [watches her a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change.

Sir John: [Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race] It would never have happened in my day!

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Nor mine!

Youngman Grand, Esq.: Well, it's happenin' in mine!

Hamlet: [Laurence Harvey, onstage] "To be..."

Youngman Grand, Esq.: [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy] I've seen it.

Hamlet: "Or not to be... that is the question."

Youngman Grand, Esq.: Shakespeare, right?

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [whispers, eyes toward the stage] Right, and double right.

Youngman Grand, Esq.: You're certainly puttin' everybody on today, Dad.

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Well, you know, Youngman, sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause.

Youngman Grand, Esq.: Cause for pause?

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: Yes.

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [as he and Youngman admire a painting] I like school of Rembrandt.

Youngman Grand, Esq.: St. Rembrandt's High.

Hon. Esther Grand: [as all hell breaks loose, aboard the Magic Christian] Youngman, what IS going on?

Youngman Grand, Esq.: [innocently] Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder.

Sir Guy Grand KG, KC, CBE: [speaking with the Oxford crew, before the annual Boat Race] We have come here, in fact, to make you a very interesting offer...

Youngman Grand, Esq.: ...of money.

Oxford crew: [as the whole crew laughs] I think... I think they're trying to bribe us!

Oxford coach: [giving a matter-of-fact look] They ARE.