Yellowbeard Quotes in Yellowbeard (1983)

Yellowbeard: She couldn't be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived.

Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.

Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?

Betty: Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.

Dan: Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify!

Yellowbeard: Do what?

Dan: Putrify, go rotten!

Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.

Betty: That's Yellowbeard.

Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!

Yellowbeard: Where's the map?

Betty: What map?

Yellowbeard: If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table!

Yellowbeard: Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die!

Commander Clement: Twenty years ago today you were sentenced to jail.

Yellowbeard: Yes, and now I'm due to released.

Commander Clement: Yes. Or rather, no. You see, twenty years ago, no one was expected to live in jail for twenty years.

Yellowbeard: Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!

Dan: What?

Yellowbeard: You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!

Dan: Everyone will be following you and if they catch you they'll have the map.

Yellowbeard: Bugger them! I'll eat it first. Won't be the first head I've eaten.

Betty: Well, it's been awhile since we had a little cuddle.

Yellowbeard: I raped ya, if that's what you mean.

Betty: Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.

Yellowbeard: I'm sure I killed the last one I raped, it can't have been you.

Betty: Well, the afterplay was a bit on the rough side, but not fatal dear.

Yellowbeard: Oh, been out raping, lad?

[sees Troila]

Yellowbeard: Nice work lad.

Dan: No, I haven't raped her!

Yellowbeard: [disappointed] No, you wouldn't have you poncy little git! You're not the prawn of my loins, your mother's a bloody liar!

[grins]

Yellowbeard: That's what I liked about her!

Troila: What's happened to Daddy?

Yellowbeard: I killed him!

Dan: He's gone to heaven.

Troila: Aw, that's nice! He sent all his friends there.

Yellowbeard: With your head on my shoulders we could wreck civilization!

Yellowbeard: When they stretched me on the rack for a couple of years, I didn't go around dyin' all over the place!

Gilbert: Where did you hide the treasure, exactly?

Yellowbeard: You won't catch me with those trick questions.

Yellowbeard: Who're you talkin' about?

Betty: The fruit of your loins, sugar drawers.

Yellowbeard: Are you mad, woman? I haven't got fruit in my loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em!

Betty: When little Dan came along...

Yellowbeard: Who's Dan?

Betty: [indignantly] My and probably your son!

Yellowbeard: Where's my pirating outfit?

Yellowbeard: Alright, Dan, if you're my son, prove it. Kill this stupid old bugger!

Lord Lambourn: Hold your horses...

Dan: I can't kill him! He brought me up! Just like a father.

Yellowbeard: Oh, you mean he's beat ya and kicked ya and smashed ya in the teeth?

Lord Lambourn: Yes...

Dan: No!

Lord Lambourn: No.

Dan: He's been kind and gentle.

Yellowbeard: What kind of a father is that? Kill him!

Dan: No!

Yellowbeard: Alright, I'll do it!

Betty: You're all going after the treasure!

Dan, Lord Lambourn, Yellowbeard, Dr. Gilpin: No!

Lord Lambourn: Uh, botanical...

Yellowbeard: Killing plants!

Dan: Father! We thought you were dead.

Yellowbeard: Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead. How are you gettin' on pirating?

Dan: Um, well...

Yellowbeard: How many men have you killed so far?

Dan: One. Two, I think.

Yellowbeard: You think? You'll never kill anyone if you go around thinkin'.

Yellowbeard: Oh, bugger me, you've sodded the whole thing up like the stupid little twerp that you are. I was recreating what happened to me twenty years ago, man and boy.

Yellowbeard: You are a Yellowbeard!

Dan: What?

Yellowbeard: Killin' your father as I killed my father before me.

Dan: Dad, the blood...

Yellowbeard: That's what I like to hear! You are my son!

Betty: I'm talking about the fruit of your loins.

Yellowbeard: Fruit of me loins? I haven't got fruit in me loins! Lice, yes, and proud of 'em, but no fruit!

Yellowbeard: I'll kill anyone who get's in the way of me killing anyone.

Yellowbeard: She's yours, is she then, Dan? Let me have a bit of a prod at her first.

Yellowbeard: [a knock at the door] KILL!