Wrigley Quotes in Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

Rex Rexroth: Have you sat before her before?

Miles Massey: No. No, the judge sits first. Then we sit.

Rex Rexroth: Well, have you sat after her before?

Wrigley: Sat after her before? You mean, have we argued before her before?

Miles Massey: The judge sits in judgment. The counsel argues before the judge.

Rex Rexroth: So, have you argued before her before?

Wrigley: Before her before, or before she sat before?

Rex Rexroth: Before her before. I said, before her before.

Wrigley: No, you said before she sat before.

Rex Rexroth: I did at first, but...

Miles Massey: Look, don't argue.

Rex Rexroth: I'm not. I'm...

Wrigley: No, you don't argue. We argue.

Miles Massey: Counsel argues.

Wrigley: You appear.

Miles Massey: The judge sits.

Wrigley: Then you sit.

Miles Massey: Or you stand in contempt.

Wrigley: And then we argue.

Miles Massey: The counsel argues.

Rex Rexroth: Which you've done before.

Miles Massey: Which we've done before.

Rex Rexroth: Ah.

Wrigley: But not before her.

Wrigley: Uh, I'll just have a, um, salad, please. Um, baby field greens.

Nero's Waitress: What did you call me?

Wrigley: Uh, no, I-I... I-I didn't call you anything.

Nero's Waitress: You want a salad?

Wrigley: Yeah. Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?

Nero's Waitress: What the fuck color would it be?

Miles Massey: I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.

Marylin Rexroth: Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.

Freddy Bender: No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.

Wrigley: Hear, hear.

Freddy Bender: Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.

Wrigley: Miles's house.

Freddy Bender: Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.

Miles Massey: Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth. What do they have in common?

Wrigley: [thinks] Middle name?

Wrigley: Who needs a home when you've got a colostomy bag?

Wrigley: Why are we eating here?

Nero's Waitress: What's his problem?

Miles Massey: Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy tomato wedge smothered with French Dressing.

Nero's Waitress: And for you?

Miles Massey: Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.

Nero's Waitress: Slaw Cup?

Miles Massey: What the hell.

Wrigley: What do you think?

Miles Massey: What are they, ladles?

Wrigley: Berry spoons.

Miles Massey: Spoons?

Wrigley: Berry spoons. Everybody has spoons.

Miles Massey: And nobody *needs* berry spoons.

Wrigley: Everybody eats berries.

Miles Massey: Who are you, Pollyanna? Where'd you see 'em at? A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings? Stadium seat ass-warmers?

[Wheezy Joe has just accidentally shot himself]

Wrigley: Told him it was no go...

Wrigley: Rex, sit!

[the two are sneaking into what used to be Miles' house, now Marylin's, to find Wheezy Joe]

Miles Massey: Looks like she's gone... looks like she bought it.

Wrigley: Good stuff! There's no one here.

Miles Massey: Except for the rottweilers.

[Uncaps and shakes his can of mace]

Wrigley: Sure, rottweilers.

[Also uncaps and shakes his can of mace]

Miles Massey: Go that way.

[They sneak away in opposite directions]

Wrigley: Who are you looking for?

Miles Massey: Tenzing Norgay.

Wrigley: Tenzing Norgay? That's someone she slept with?

Miles Massey: I doubt it. Tenzing Norgay was the Sherpa that helped Edmund Hillary climb Mt. Everest.

Wrigley: And Marilyn knows him?

Miles Massey: No, you idiot. Not the Tenzing Norgay. Her Tenzing Norgay.

Wrigley: I'm not sure that I actually follow that.

Miles Massey: Few great accomplishments are achieved single-handedly, Wrigley. Most have their Norgays. Marilyn Rexroth is even now climbing her Everest. I wanna find her Norgay.

Wrigley: But how do you determine which of the people on here are...

Miles Massey: How do you spot a Norgay?

Wrigley: Yeah.

Miles Massey: You start with the people with the funny names.

Miles Massey: Your Honor, I call Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

Bailiff: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.

Guard #1: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

Guard #2: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

Guard #3: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

Freddy Bender: Problem?

Marylin Rexroth: Puffy.

Guard #4: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!

Wrigley: Tenzing Norgay.

Wrigley: You had a guy break into her house and photograph her address book?

Miles Massey: No, Wrigley. I happened to let a man know that I was interested in her address book.

Wrigley: Rex Rexworth kept everything. You win, no compromise. Isn't that what you wanted? Good God, Miles. What are you looking for?

Miles Massey: I don't know.

Miles Massey: I intend to devote myself to pro-bono work in East Los Angeles, or one of those other... God bless you all.

Wrigley: I love you, man.

Wrigley: Thank God you have the pre-nup.

Miles Massey: I have no pre-nup.

Wrigley: You have no pre-nup.

Miles Massey: I have no pre-nup.

Howard D. Doyle: [distorted] You have no pre-nup.

Wrigley, Miles Massey: Aaaaaagh!

Wrigley: [Pointing to Abigail, he is drunk and forcibly escorted away] She's the "Queen of Burlesque" with the Golden Rooster! She's "The Belle of the Bowery!"

Mrs. Ella Patterson: Oh dear, dear. This is dreadful. This is really dreadful.

[to Abigail]

Mrs. Ella Patterson: I'm so sorry.

'Spike': Well, what's the matter with being "The Belle of the Bowery?" What's wrong with that?

Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: There's nothing the matter with being "The Belle of the Bowery" Mr. Marengo except she's not the sort of a person we'd care to have in the opera.

'Spike': Oh, you was thinkin' of her for the opera?

Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: Miss Abigail has a very beautiful voice. I'm sure it was the alcohol in Wrigley that was talking, wasn't it Miss Abigail?

Martha Canford Chandler: [Before Abigail can speak, Martha jumps in] Oh, he meant me. I'm the one who sings at the Golden Rooster, not Abigail.

Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: Martha, have you lost your mind?

Martha Canford Chandler: I am High "C" Suzie.

Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: [laughs nervously] This is ridiculous. Abigail, what's gotten into her?

Abigail Chandler: I'm sure that butler's been drinking.

Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: Mr. Marengo, you know she's talking nonsense.

'Spike': [to Martha] Are you on the level, kid?

Martha Canford Chandler: I'm "The Belle of the Bowery" and I'm proud of it.

Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: Well, I... I refuse to believe it. I shall, if necessary, go down to, uh, the place and prove it all to be a fiction.

Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: That might be best.

Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: I shall be there tomorrow night.

Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: I think it a very good idea.