Wreck-It Ralph Quotes in Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

[last lines]

Wreck-It Ralph: Because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?

Surge Protector: Step aside, sir. Random security check.

Wreck-It Ralph: Random, my behind. You always stop me.

Surge Protector: I'm just a surge protector doing my job, sir. Name?

Wreck-It Ralph: Lara Croft.

Surge Protector: Name?

Wreck-It Ralph: Wreck-It Ralph.

Surge Protector: And where you coming from?

Wreck-It Ralph: Uh, "Pac-Man."

Surge Protector: You bring any fruit with you?

Wreck-It Ralph: [hides the giant cherries behind his back] No! No, no fruit.

Surge Protector: Okay, then, where you headed?

Wreck-It Ralph: Uh, "Fix-It Felix, Jr."

Surge Protector: Anything to declare?

Wreck-It Ralph: I hate you.

Surge Protector: I get that a lot. Proceed.

[Ralph hurtles down towards Diet Cola Mountain, preparing to sacrifice himself to save Vanellope and the rest of the game]

Wreck-It Ralph: I'm bad, and that's good! I will never be good, and that's not bad!

[He looks at the cookie medal Vanellope gave him: "YOU'RE MY HERO"]

Wreck-It Ralph: There's no-one I'd rather be... than me.

[last lines]

Wreck-It Ralph: [voice-over] But the best part of my day is when the Nicelanders throw me off the roof. Because when they lift me up, I get a perfect view of "Sugar Rush," and I can watch Vanellope racing. The kid's a natural, and the players love her, glitch and all, just like I knew they would.

[Over at Sugar Rush, Venellope wins her race, receives her trophy, and fist-bumps the girl playing the game]

Wreck-It Ralph: Turns out I don't need a medal to tell me I'm a good guy. Because if that little kid likes me...

[Vanellope, holding her trophy, smiles and waves at Ralph. Ralph waves back, smiling contentedly]

Wreck-It Ralph: How bad can I be?

Wreck-It Ralph: [Referring to his medal] I didn't win it in my game, I won it in Hero's Duty.

Vanellope von Schweetz: 'Hero's Doodie'? Pffffft!

[giggles loudly]

Wreck-It Ralph: It's not that kind of duty!

Vanellope von Schweetz: [Still laughing] I bet you really gotta watch where you step in a game called 'Hero's Doodie'! What did ya get the medal for? Wiping? I hope you washed your hands after you handled that medal!

Wreck-It Ralph: I don't have time for this.

Vanellope von Schweetz: One more, one more. Why did the the hero flush the toilet?... Say why.

Wreck-It Ralph: Why?

Vanellope von Schweetz: Because it was his... doodie!

Wreck-It Ralph: How dare you insult Hero's Duty, you little guttersnipe! I earned that medal! And you better get it back for me toot-sweet sister!

Vanellope von Schweetz: Well unless you've got a kart hidden in the fat folds of your neck, I can't help you.

Sergeant Calhoun: Do you know what the first rule of Hero's Duty is, soldier?

Wreck-It Ralph: No cuts, no butts, no coconuts?

Vanellope von Schweetz: You could stay. You could have your own castle, where you can wreck and stink as much as you want, and no one would ever treat you badly ever again.

Wreck-It Ralph: Thanks. But I have a job to do. It may not be as fancy as being president but it's my duty, and it's a *big* duty!

[Vanellope chuckles bashfully]

[from trailer]

Vanellope von Schweetz: What's your name?

Wreck-It Ralph: Ralph, Wreck-It Ralph.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Why are your hands so freakishly big?

Wreck-It Ralph: I don't know. Why are you so freakishly annoying?

[first lines]

Wreck-It Ralph: My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Uh, let's see... I'm nine feet tall, I weigh six hundred and forty-three pounds. Got a bit of a temper on me. My passion bubbles very near the surface, I guess, not gonna lie. Anyhoo, what else? Uh... I'm a wrecker. I wreck things, professionally. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. Thing is, fixing's the name of the game. Literally. "Fix-It Felix, Jr." So yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you, you will not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly. When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But, are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that, I say, ha! And no, there aren't. For thirty years I have been doing this, and I have seen a lot of other games come and go, it's sad. Think about those guys at Asteroids? Boom, gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at, I'm very lucky. It's just, I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job... when no one else seems to like you for doing it.

[Ralph returns to Vanellope with the fixed go-kart]

Wreck-It Ralph: I know, I know, I know. I'm an idiot.

Vanellope von Schweetz: And?

Wreck-It Ralph: A real numb-skull?

Vanellope von Schweetz: And?

Wreck-It Ralph: A selfish diaper-baby.

Vanellope von Schweetz: AND?

Wreck-It Ralph: A stinkbrain?

Vanellope von Schweetz: The stinkiest brain ever.

Sergeant Calhoun: All right, listen up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once! "Fear" is a four-letter word, ladies! You wanna go pee-pee in your big-boy slacks, keep it to yourself! It's "make your mamas proud" time!

Wreck-It Ralph: I love my mamma!

Fix-It Felix: Do you have any idea what you put me through? Higgeldy-piggeldy, I ran all over creation looking for you! I almost drowned in chocolate milk mix! And then... I met the most dynamite gal. Oh, she gives me the honey glow something awful! But, she rebuffed my affections. And then, I GOT THROWN IN JAIL!

Wreck-It Ralph: Felix, pull yourself together!

Fix-It Felix: No, Ralph! You don't know what it's like to be rejected and treated like a criminal.

Wreck-It Ralph: Yes I do... That's every day of my life.

Fix-It Felix: It is?

Wreck-It Ralph: Which is why I tried to run away and be a good guy. But I'm not! I'm just a bad guy. And I need your help. There's a little girl who's only hope is this cart. Please, Felix, fix it. And I promise, I will never try to be good again.

[from trailer]

Wreck-It Ralph: You're a winner!

Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm a winner...

Wreck-It Ralph: And you're adorable!

Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm ADORABLE!

Wreck-It Ralph: What's going on in this candy-coated heart of darkness?

Wreck-It Ralph: They invited Pac-Man? That cherry-chasing dot-muncher isn't even part of this game!

Wreck-It Ralph: But right now, you have to fix this go-kart for me.

Fix-It Felix: I don't have to do boo! Forgive my potty-mouth.

Clyde: Question, Ralph. We've been asking you to Bad-Anon for years now, and tonight you finally show up. Why is that?

Wreck-It Ralph: I dunno, I just felt like coming. I mean, I suppose it has something to do with the fact that uh... well, today's the 30th anniversary of my game.

Saitine: Happy anniversary, Ralph.

Wreck-It Ralph: Thanks Satan.

Saitine: Uh, it's "Saitine".

Wreck-It Ralph: Got it. But here's the thing... I don't wanna be the bad guy anymore.

[the Bad-Anon members gasp]

Cyborg: You can't mess with the program, Ralph!

M. Bison: You're not going Turbo, are you?

Wreck-It Ralph: Turbo? No, I'm not going Turbo! Common guys! Is it "Turbo" to want a friend? Or a medal? Or a piece of pie every once and awhile? Is it "Turbo" to want more out of life?

Zombie: Yes.

Clyde: Ralph, Ralph, we get it. But we can't change who we are. The sooner you accept that, the better off your game and your life will be.

Zangief: Hey, one game at a time, Ralph.

Clyde: Now let's close out the with Bad Guy affirmation.

Clyde, Saitine, Cyborg, M. Bison, Zombie, Zangief, Bad-Anon Members: I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be then me.

Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm gonna learn how to drive, I'm gonna learn how to...! Wait. Do *you* know how to drive?

Wreck-It Ralph: Yeah...! I mean, I've never done it, but I flew a spaceship today!

Vanellope von Schweetz: You crashed it.

[in the middle of "Hero's Duty"]

Wreck-It Ralph: I thought this would be like "Centipede"! When did video games become so violent and scary? Just let me out of here, please!

King Candy: It's game over for both of you!

Wreck-It Ralph: No... Just for me!

Vanellope von Schweetz: Hey, why are your hands so freakishly big?

Wreck-It Ralph: Uh, I don't know. Why are you so freakishly annoying?

Wreck-It Ralph: Sometimes I think, man, it sure must be nice being the good guy.

[Bad-Anon members applaud]

Clyde: Nice share, Ralph. We've all felt what you're feeling and we've come to terms with it.

Wreck-It Ralph: Really?

Zangief: Right here. I'm Zangief, I'm bad guy.

Bad-Anon Members: Hi Zangief.

Zangief: I relate to you, Ralph. When I hit bottom, I was crushing man's skull like sparrow's egg, between my thighs... and I think, why you have to be so bad, Zangief? Why can't you be more like good guy? Then I have moment of clarity... if Zangief is good guy, who will crush man's skull like sparrow's eggs between thighs? And I say, Zangief you are bad guy, but this does not mean you are *bad* guy.

[Bad-Anon members agree]

Wreck-It Ralph: Right... I'm sorry, you lost me there.

Zombie: Zombie! Bad guy!

Wreck-It Ralph, Bad-Anon Members: Hi Zombie.

Zombie: Zangief saying labels not make you happy. Good, bad, nggghhhh... you must love you.

Cyborg: Yeah!

[Performs a Heart-rip Fatality on Zombie]

Cyborg: Inside here!

Vanellope von Schweetz: [after a trial run] So how'd I do?

Wreck-It Ralph: Uh... well, you almost blew up the whole mountain...

Vanellope von Schweetz: Right, right. That's a good note.

King Candy: Sad as it is, Vanellope can not be allowed to race.

Wreck-It Ralph: *Why* are you people so against her?

King Candy: I'm not against her! I'm trying to *protect* her! If Vanellope wins that race, she'll be added to the race roster. Then gamers can choose her as their avatar. And when they see her glitching and-and-and twitching and just being herself, they'll think our game is broken. We'll be put out of order for good.

[Sugar Rush being unplugged, characters fleeing into Game Central Station]

King Candy: All my subjects will be homeless. But there's one who can not escape, because she's a glitch.

Vanellope von Schweetz: [terrified, pounding on the barrier surrounding Sugar Rush] Help! Somebody come help!

[being sucked into a vortex]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Noooooo!

King Candy: And when the game's plug is pulled... she'll die with it.

Wreck-It Ralph: You don't know that will happen. The gamers could love her!

King Candy: And... if they don't?

[Wreck-It Ralph sits down, dejected]

Wreck-It Ralph: See ya later, President Fartfeathers.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Au revoir, Admiral Underpants.

Wreck-It Ralph: And farewell, Baroness Boogerface.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Goodbye, Major Body Odor.

Wreck-It Ralph: Hasta la vista, you...

Fix-It Felix: Ralph!

Wreck-It Ralph: All right, to be continued.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Yeah!

Vanellope von Schweetz: What's the big deal over that crummy medal, anyway?

Wreck-It Ralph: The big deal? Well, this may come as a shock to you, but in my game, I'm the bad guy, and I live in the garbage.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Cool!

Wreck-It Ralph: No, not cool! Unhygienic, and lonely, and boring... and that crummy medal, was going to change all that. I bring that baby home I'll get fireworks, ice sculptures, pies! Ah, it's grown up stuff, you wouldn't understand.

Vanellope von Schweetz: No, I get it! That's exactly what racing would do for me!

Wreck-It Ralph: Well, guess what?

Vanellope von Schweetz: What?

Wreck-It Ralph: News flash: neither one of us is getting what we want!

Wreck-It Ralph: What's going on in this candy-coated heart of darkness?

Sour Bill: Nothing...

Wreck-It Ralph: Talk!

Sour Bill: No!

Wreck-It Ralph: I'll lick you.

Sour Bill: You wouldn't.

Wreck-It Ralph: Oh, yeah?

[licks Bill]

Sour Bill: Ugh! That's like sandpaper!

Wreck-It Ralph: Hmm, wonder how many licks it'll take to get to your center.

Sour Bill: I'll take it to my grave!

Wreck-It Ralph: Fair enough.

[pops Bill into his mouth]

Wreck-It Ralph: Mmm... they call you Sour Bill for a reason!

[takes him out]

Wreck-It Ralph: Had enough yet?

Sour Bill: Okay, okay, I'll talk, I'll talk!

Vanellope von Schweetz: Now, rise my royal chump! I've got a date with destiny.

[Ralph doesn't move]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Ralph, come on. Move your molasses!

Wreck-It Ralph: Um, I've been thinking...

Vanellope von Schweetz: That's dangerous!

Wreck-It Ralph: Who cares about this stupid race, anyway, right?

Vanellope von Schweetz: Huh-huh. That's not very funny, Ralph.

Wreck-It Ralph: No, I'm serious. And it was really fun to build the car and everything, but maybe... maybe you shouldn't do it.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Uh, hello? Is Ralph in there? I'd like to speak to him, please.

Wreck-It Ralph: Look, what I'm saying is, you can't be a racer.

Vanellope von Schweetz: What? Why would you...

[she notices that Ralph has his Hero's Duty medal back]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Wait a minute.

[she grabs the medal]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Where did you get this?

Wreck-It Ralph: Look, I'm gonna be straight with you, kid. I've been talking to King Candy.

Vanellope von Schweetz: King Candy? You sold me out?

Wreck-It Ralph: No, I didn't... Listen, you don't understand.

Vanellope von Schweetz: No, I understand plenty. Traitor!

[she throws the medal back at him]

Wreck-It Ralph: I'm not a traitor. Listen.

Vanellope von Schweetz: You're a rat! And I don't need you. And I can win the race on my own.

Wreck-It Ralph: But I'm trying to save your skin, kid!

[He lifts her in the air]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Put me down! Let me go!

Wreck-It Ralph: No, you listen to me. You know what's gonna happen when the players see you glitching? They're gonna think the game's broken.

Vanellope von Schweetz: I don't care! You're a liar!

Wreck-It Ralph: Well, you'd better care, because if your game goes out of order, you go down with the ship, little sister!

Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm not listening to you! Get outta my way! I'm going to that race!

Wreck-It Ralph: No, you're not!

[He hangs her by the collar from a tree branch]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Take me down from here, Ralph, right now!

Wreck-It Ralph: No! I'm doing this for your own good!

[He walks up to the cart, makes fists and raises his arms]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Wait, wait, wait. No, no. No, no, no, no, no! Please, Ralph!

[He smashes the cart]

Vanellope von Schweetz: No! Ralph, stop it!

[He continues smashing]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Stop it! No!

[She sobs]

Vanellope von Schweetz: You really are a bad guy.

Wreck-It Ralph, Vanellope von Schweetz: Top shelf!

[fist-bump]

Wreck-It Ralph: [enters the empty penthouse] Hello? Felix? Mary? Anyone?

Gene: [pouring himself a martini at the bar] Well, you actually went and did it.

Wreck-It Ralph: Gene, where is everybody?

Gene: They're gone. After Felix went looking for you and didn't come back, everyone panicked and abandoned ship.

Wreck-It Ralph: But I'm here now!

Gene: It's too late, Ralph. Litwak's pulling our plug in the morning.

[he motions to the window; Ralph goes to the window and sees the "OUT OF ORDER" sign hung over the game console]

Gene: But, never let it be said that I'm not a man of my word. The place is yours, Ralph.

[tosses the penthouse key at Ralph]

Gene: Enjoy.

[He heads for the door, pulling a suitcase]

Wreck-It Ralph: Gene, wait! I didn't want any of this to happen...

Gene: Well, what did you want, Ralph?

Wreck-It Ralph: I don't know! I was just sick of living alone in the garbage!

Gene: Well, now you can live alone in the penthouse.

[Ralph runs to the exit of "Sugar Rush," carrying Vanellope]

Vanellope von Schweetz: Ralph, it's not gonna work...

Wreck-It Ralph: We gotta try!

Wreck-It Ralph: I'm a wrecker, not a baker.

Wreck-It Ralph: [gives a cherry to the homeless Qbert and Co] Here you go, guys. It's fresh. Straight from Pac-Man.

[repeated line]

Wreck-It Ralph: I'm gonna wreck it!

Wreck-It Ralph: It's not my fault one of your children of the candy corn stole my medal.

[Ralph is brought to Candy's castle]

King Candy: Milk my Duds! It's Wreck-It Ralph!

Wreck-It Ralph: Yeah. Who are you, the guy that makes the donuts?

King Candy: [laughs] Oh, please. No, I'm King Candy!

Wreck-It Ralph: [looks around] I see you're a fan of pink.

King Candy: Salmon! Salmon, that's obviously salm... what are you doing here?

[from trailer]

Wreck-It Ralph: Everything changes, NOW!

[runs]

[from trailer]

Wreck-It Ralph: I'm not leaving you here alone!

Wreck-It Ralph: [takes Calhoun's hoverboard] Let me borrow this, lady!

[to Vanellope]

Wreck-It Ralph: Stay with Felix!

Vanellope von Schweetz: Ralph, where are you going?

Wreck-It Ralph: I've got some wrecking to do!

King Candy: And if I ever see you here again, Wreck-It Ralph, I'll lock you in my Fungeon!

Wreck-It Ralph: "Fungeon"?

King Candy: Fun-Dungeon. It's a play on words. Get it?

[Ralph stares blankly]

King Candy: A play on... never mind!

Vanellope von Schweetz: [as Ralph pounds out a track] Hey, what are you doing? Come on! I know it's a dump, but it's all I got.

Wreck-It Ralph: If you're gonna be a racer, you're gonna have to learn how to drive. And you can't do that without a track.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Whoa!

Wreck-It Ralph: All right now, let's hustle up. We've got some driving to do.

Vanellope von Schweetz: I'm gonna learn to drive! I'm gonna learn to drive! I'm gonna - oh wait, do you know how to drive?

Wreck-It Ralph: Yeah! I mean, I haven't done it, but - look, I flew a spaceship today, okay?

Vanellope von Schweetz: You crashed it.

Wreck-It Ralph: Just get in. How hard can it be? Okay, uh, start it up.

[She presses the starter button and the engine starts]

Wreck-It Ralph: There we go. So, there's some buttons on the floor.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Pedals.

Wreck-It Ralph: Pedals, right. Now, uh...

[He presses the gas pedal and the engine revs]

Wreck-It Ralph: That's the "go" pedal.

[He presses the brake pedal and the brakes squeak]

Wreck-It Ralph: That, I believe, is the stopper. And this...

[He presses the clutch and nothing happens]

Wreck-It Ralph: Wait, what is this? That doesn't do anything.

Vanellope von Schweetz: Ooh, what's this joystick do?

[She moves the stick shift and the cart jumps into gear and shoots forward, knocking Ralph down]

Wreck-It Ralph: Okay, good. Let's try that again.

[looking in the back room of Tapper's, Ralph pulls out red underwear]

Wreck-It Ralph: Oh, come on Zangief... Gross!

Wreck-It Ralph: Turbo? So THAT'S REALLY YOU!