Woody Quotes in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

Basil: Did we get Dr. Evil?

Radar Operator: No, sir, he got away in that big spaceship that looks like a huge...

Teacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Also known as tallywhacker, schlong, or...

Friendly Dad: Wiener? Any of your kids want another wiener?

Friendly Son: Dad, what's that?

Friendly Dad: I don't know, son, but it has great big...

Peanut Vendor: Nuts. Hot, salty nuts. Who wants some?...

Peanut Vendor: Lord Almighty!

Woman: That looks just like my husband's...

Circus Barker: ONE-EYED MONSTER. Step right up and see the One-eyed Monster!

Cyclops: RARRR.

Cyclops: Hey, what's that? It looks like a...

Fan: Woody. Woody Harrelson. Could I have your autograph?

Woody: Sure. Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing!

Fan: It's so huge.

Woody: No, I've seen bigger. That's...

Dr. Evil: Just a little prick.

Cholla: [the Black Widows have shown up at Philo's home, Ma Boggs is on the porch, they pull their bikes into her yard and Cholla pulls up on the porch] Say, old lady, where's Philo Beddoe?

Ma Boggs: How the hell do I know? Get off my porch with that thing. Get off my property!

Cholla: You're uh... you're not very hospitable.

Ma Boggs: Hospitable my ass. Get off my porch!

Cholla: Very well, if you insist.

[Cholla chains his bike to a support on the front porch, pulling it down... bikers laugh, Ma pulls out a pump-action shotgun]

Woody: [seeing the gun] Alright lady... put down that gun now!

[bikers dive out of her way]

Woody: I'm warning you lady! Put down that gun now!

[Ma fires and bike next to Woody explodes... she shoots several other bikes as they're attempting to flee]

Ma Boggs: [during a recoil] Oof!

Woody: [running after his gang on foot] Wait for me!

Ma Boggs: [seeing the flaming bikes on her lawn... to herself] First the police, and I told those boys not to leave a vulnerable old lady all alone!

[goes inside with gun]

Ma Boggs: Hospitable? Horseshit!

[In Georgetown, Colorado, Philo walks up to Lynn's SUV, but she immediately takes off]

Philo Beddoe: Lynn!

Cholla: You Philo Beddoe?

Philo Beddoe: Do I know you?

Cholla: You're gonna.

[Philo walks down the alley towards Cholla, but then sees Woody and Dallas, the two widows who escaped Philo earlier in the valley; "Spaghetti Western" music plays]

Philo Beddoe: [notices Woody & Dallas] Yeah, last time I saw you two, you were going for a fast freight.

Dallas: Last time we saw you, you were dirt-diving in an alfalfa patch.

Woody: Philo Beddoe, your time has come.

[Biker's Theme sax intro; Elmo enters the Widow compound]

Cholla: You're late, pretty boy. I don't believe this.

Frank: Damn, I've never knowed nobody who hit so hard or so fast.

Elmo: Yeah. He could've been Denver Tank Murdock.

Frank: That's right.

Cholla: Sound like him?

Dallas: Don't know. Didn't get to see him so close as Elmo.

[Dallas and Woody laugh]

Elmo: At least I didn't drop my bike and run.

Frank: Yeah, like you two, goofy suckers!

Cholla: [screams] Shut up!

[the four quiets down]

Cholla: Now is it bad enough that you let somebody else kick your butts without you trying to do it to each other? Now if we're all talking about the same man, and I think we are... it appears he's got a rather growing collection of our bikes.

Frank: Yeah, but we don't know for sure if he took them or not. We were...

Woody: Unconcious for two hours!

[Dallas and Woody laughs again]

Elmo: [yells] That's not true!

Cholla: [screams] SHUT UP!

[Cholla hits Elmo in the groin with his cane]

Cholla: The very first thing we do is find out who we're talking about. I mean, we don't even know where to find him.

Elmo: How are we gonna find him?

Cholla: Well, it appears to me that there can't be too many guys driving around this valley with an ape.

Woody: Is that it?

Zach: No, it's another spaceship that fell out of the sky, dumbass.

Woody: Man, I'm gonna cut you deep!

Mason Rand: Why don't you do that?

[challenging him]

Woody: I'm gonna make you cry!

[lunges at him]

Woody: All right, that's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy.

Buzz: Toy?

Woody: T-O-Y, Toy!

Buzz: Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".

Woody: The word I'm searching for - I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.

[Woody finds Buzz dressed up as "Mrs. Nesbitt" and in the company of two headless dolls]

Woody: What happened to you?

Buzz: One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down darjeeling with Marie Antoinette... and her little sister.

[chuckles nervously]

Buzz: [Woody, scared, walks backwards and he gets startled by Buzz. Buzz keeps talking to his "mission log"] And according to my navi-computer, the...

Woody: [whispers] SHUT UP! Just shut up, you idiot!

Buzz: Sheriff, this is no time to panic.

Woody: This is a perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move to their new house in two days, and it's all your fault!

Buzz: My fault? If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...

Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, if *you* hadn't shown up with your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...

Buzz: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of *you*, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy!

Woody: What? What are you talkin' about?

Buzz: Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals this weapon's only weakness. And *you*, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!

Woody: [pauses, then screams] YOU - ARE - A... *TOY*! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're a... aw, you're - you're an action figure!

[holds hand up to eyes indicating something small]

Woody: You are a child's play thing!

Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.

Buzz: [waves in military fashion] Farewell.

[starts to walk away]

Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony!

Woody: [walks off grumbling] Rendezvous with Star Command.

Woody: [through his voice box] Reach for the sky!

Sid Phillips: Huh?

Woody: This town ain't big enough for the two of us!

Sid Phillips: What?

Woody: Somebody's poisoned the waterhole!

Sid Phillips: It's busted.

Woody: Who are you calling busted, Buster?

Sid Phillips: Huh?

Woody: That's right! I'm talking to you, Sid Philips! We don't like being blown up, Sid. Or smashed, or torn apart.

Sid Phillips: [hyperventilating] W-we?

Woody: That's right, your toys!

[Mutant Toys get up and surround the terrified Sid]

Woody: From now on, you must take good care of your toys, because if you don't, we'll find out, Sid!

Woody: [while turning head around slowly] We toys can see EVERYTHING!

Woody: [speaking and moving] So play nice!

[Sid screams, drops Woody and runs inside]

Woody: Hey, who's got my hat?

Mr. Shark: [Pops out right next to Woody, wearing his hat] Look, I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!

Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha...

[snatches his hat away]

Woody: Gimme that!

Woody: Hey, Buzz! You're flying!

Buzz: This isn't flying, this is falling with style!

Woody: [Excitedly] To infinity and beyond!

Rex: Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?

Woody: He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.

Buzz: Excuse me.

Buzz: [Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]

Hamm: Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.

Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly.

Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.

Woody: No, you can't.

Buzz: [scoffs] Yes, I can.

Woody: Can't.

Buzz: Can.

Woody: Can't, can't, ca-an't!

Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!

Woody: Okay, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it.

Buzz: All right then, I will.

Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come *you* don't have a laser, Woody?

Woody: It's not a laser! It's a...

[sighs in frustration]

Woody: It's a little light bulb that blinks.

Hamm: What's with him?

Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.

Woody: [Whispering to Buzz from inside the Milk-crate, which he can't get out of since Sid placed a Toolbox ontop of it] Psst! Hey Buzz!

[No response, Woody throws a washer against Buzz' helmet. Buzz slowly looks over]

Woody: Hey! Get over here and see if you can get this toolbox off me!

[Buzz looks away]

Woody: Oh, come on Buzz. I can't do this without you. I need your help.

Buzz: I can't help. I can't help anyone.

Woody: Why sure you can Buzz. You can get me out of here and then I'll get that rocket off you, and we'll make a break for Andy's House.

Buzz: Andy's house. Sid's house. What's the difference?

Woody: Buzz, you've had a big fall. You must not be thinking clearly!

Buzz: No, Woody. For the first time, I am thinking clearly. You were right all along. I'm not a Space Ranger. I'm just a toy. A stupid, little, insignificant toy.

Woody: Wait a minute. Being a toy is a lot better than being a Space Ranger.

Buzz: Yeah, right.

Woody: Not, it is!

[Points through the Window to Andy's Room]

Woody: Look, over there in that house is a kid who thinks you are the greatest, and it's not because you're a Space Ranger, pal, it's because you're a toy. You are his toy!

Buzz: [Buzz looks at his Plastic Parts and Fake Control Panel] But why would Andy want me?

Woody: [sighs] Why would Andy want you? Look at you! You're a Buzz Lightyear! Any other toy would give up his moving parts just to be you. You've got wings, you glow in the dark, you talk, your helmet does that... that whoosh thing. You're a Cool Toy. As a matter of fact, you're too cool. I mean - what chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear action figure. All I can do is this.

[Pulls his Pull String]

Woody: [Voice box] There's a Snake in my Boot!

Woody: Why would Andy ever wanna play me me, when he's got you? I'm the one that should be strapped to that rocket.

[Woody leans against the milk-crate, and Buzz looks at the sole of his foot with Andy's Name printed on. He glances back at Woody with a look of determination across his face from the Words Woody gave to him]

Buzz: What's going on?

Woody: Nothing that concerns you space man, just us toys.

Buzz: I'd better have a look anyway.

[he looks through Lenny the binoculars]

Buzz: Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device?

Woody: [moves Lenny] That's why. Sid.

Buzz: [seeing a dog] Sure is a hairy fella...

Woody: [re-moving the binoculars] No, no, that's Scud, you idiot. *That* is Sid.

Buzz: [Sid is laughing maniacally] You mean that happy child?

Mr. Potato Head: That ain't no happy child!

Rex: He tortures toys - just for fun!

Woody: [Running towards Buzz in a Mocking sort of Manner] Oh Buzz! Buzz Lightyear! Thank Goodness! We've Got Trouble!

Buzz: Trouble? Trouble where?

Woody: Down there. A helpless toy is trapped, Buzz!

Buzz: On it!

[Buzz jumps over to the Side of the Desk, while Woody sneaks over to RC's Remote, waking him up, and aiming him directly at Buzz]

Buzz: I don't see anything!

Woody: Oh he's there, just keep looking.

[Woody sends RC driving towards Buzz. Buzz jumps out of the way, and RC crashes into the pin-up Board in the corner, knocking all the pins down around Buzz. The board crashes down into Andy's Globe, knocking it loose, rolling towards Buzz]

Woody: [Buzz jumps out of the globe's way, onto the Windowsill, but the Globe strikes Andy's Folding-Arm Desk Lamp. It spins over Woody, who ducks out of the way, and hits Buzz, sending him flying out the window]

Hamm, Mr. Potato Head: [Stop their Card Game, and run over to the Window in Panic] BUZZ!

Woody: Buzz!

[Buzz flies into the Bushes nearby and disappears]

Slinky Dog: [the Rest of Andy's Toys gather round] I don't see him in the driveway. I think he bounced into Sid's Yard.

[Woody gulps and backs away from the window after what happened]

[first lines]

Andy: [playing with and mimicking the voices of his toys; holding Mr. Potato Head] All right, everyone! This... is a stick-up. Don't anybody move! Now empty that safe!

[empties Hamm the piggy bank and coins fall out]

Andy: Ooh, hoo hoo! Money, money, money!

[has Potato Head "kiss" the money; as Bo Peep]

Andy: Stop it! Stop it, you mean old potato!

[as Potato Head]

Andy: Quiet, Bo Peep! Or your sheep get run over!

[as the sheep, on a toy car track]

Andy: Help! Baaa! Help us!

[as Bo Peep]

Andy: Oh no! Not my sheep! Somebody do something!

[brings Woody into view on his bed. In front of the other toys, he pulls Woody's string]

Woody: [voice box] Reach for the sky!

Andy: [as Mr. Potato Head] Oh no! Sheriff Woody!

[as Woody]

Andy: I'm here to stop you, One-eyed Bart!

[pops off Mr. Potato Head's right eye; as Mr. Potato Head]

Andy: D'oh! How'd you know it was me?

[as Woody]

Andy: Are you gonna come quietly?

[as Mr. Potato Head]

Andy: Ya can't touch me, Sheriff! I brought my Attack Dog,

[Andy places down Slinky Dog]

Andy: with a built-in force field!

[as Woody]

Andy: Well, I brought my dinosaur!

[brings out Rex]

Andy: Who eats force field dogs!

[making sound effects first as Rex then as Slinky whom he drags away]

Andy: Arr rawr rawr! Yipe, yipe-yipe-yipe!

[as Woody]

Andy: You're going to jail, Bart. Say goodbye to the wife and tater tots.

[Andy places Mr. Potato Head in Molly's crib; she laughs and picks up Mr. Potato Head, and drools on him. His ear and arm fall near Woody]

Andy: You saved the day again, Woody!

[pulls Woody's string]

Woody: [voice box] You're my favorite deputy!

Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.

Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.

Buzz: This is an intergalactic emergency. I need to commandeer your vessel to Sector 12. Who's in charge here?

All Aliens: [pointing up] The clawwwwwwwww!

Alien #1: The claw is our master.

Alien #2: The claw chooses who will go and who will stay.

Woody: This is ludicrous.

Woody: Hey, Etch... Draw!

[Etch draws a picture of a gun]

Woody: D'oh! Got me again! Etch, you've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the west.

Buzz: Terrain seems a bit unstable. No readout yet if the air is breathable. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere...

Woody: [sneaks up on Buzz] Hello-o-o!

Buzz: HO-YAH!

[Woody screams. Buzz fires his "laser" at Woody]

Woody: Hey hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy. My name... is Woody... and this... is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see... the bed here.

Buzz: [sees Woody's "Sheriff" star badge] Local law enforcement! It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake.

Woody: Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot.

Buzz: I need to repair my turbo boosters. Are you still using fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?

Woody: Well, let's see, we got double-A's.

Woody: [after Buzz thinks that the air is toxic] You actually think you're THE Buzz Lightyear? Oh, all this time I thought it was an act!

[to the room]

Woody: Hey, guys, look! It's the *real* Buzz Lightyear!

Buzz: You're mocking me, aren't you?

Woody: Oh no, no no no, no...

[suddenly points behind Buzz]

Woody: BUZZ, LOOK! AN ALIEN!

Buzz: [looks] Where?

[Woody keels over with hoarse laughter]

Woody: Hey! Who moved my doodle pad way over here?

Rex: [jumps in front of Woody] ROAR!

Woody: Hey, how ya doin', Rex.

Rex: [stops roaring] Were you scared? Tell me honestly.

Woody: I was close to being scared that time.

Rex: I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it! I'm think I'm just coming off as annoying.

Woody: [thinks Buzz has gone crazy] I think you've had enough tea for today. Let's get you out of here Buzz...

Buzz: Don't you get it?

[points to a doll's hat on his head]

Buzz: You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nesbitt!

[laughs hysterically]

Woody: Snap out of it, Buzz!

[opens Buzz's helmet, slaps Buzz across the face with his detached arm, then closes the helmet]

Buzz: [calmly] I-I-I... you're right. I'm sorry, I am just a little depressed, that's all. I can get through this.

[breaks down again]

Buzz: Oh, I'm a sham!

[last lines]

Woody: Buzz? Buzz Lightyear? You're not worried, are you?

Buzz: Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Are you?

[camera pans out]

Woody: Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?

Andy: [from downstairs] Oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Wow, a puppy!

[camera zooms back in]

Woody, Buzz: Heh, heh!

Mr. Potato Head: [Noticing Woody calling from Sid's house] Son of a building block!It's Woody!

Hamm: He's in the psycho's bedroom!

Bo Peep: Woody?

Woody: Boy, am I glad to see you guys!

Slinky Dog: I knew you'd come back!

Bo Peep: What are you doing over there?

Woody: It's a long story, I'll explain later. Here! Catch this!

[Woody throws a String of Christmas Lights across to Andy's Window, which Slinky grabs successfully]

Slinky Dog: I got it!

Woody: Good going Slink! Now tie it onto something!

Mr. Potato Head: Wait, I have a better idea! How about we don't?

[Snatches the lights off Slinky]

Slinky Dog: Hey!

Bo Peep: Potato Head!

Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take those Stupid Pills this morning? Have you forgotten what he did to Buzz?

[the other toys shake their head]

Mr. Potato Head: And now you wanna let him back over here?

Woody: No, no. You got it all wrong Potato Head. Buzz is right here. He's with me.

Woody: [Calling to Buzz] Buzz, come over here and tell the nice toy's that you're not dead!

[Buzz sits on the floor of Sid's Room, peeling off the sticker of his wrist communicator]

Woody: Just a sec.

Woody: [Walks back into Sid's Room and calls over to Buzz] Buzz, will you get up here and gimme a hand?

[Buzz throws his broken-off arm to Woody]

Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's real funny. THIS IS SERIOUS!

Woody: Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting, was I think, a big success. We'd like to thank Mr. Spell for putting that on for us. Thank you Mr. Spell.

Mr. Spell: [mechanically] You're. Welcome.

Woody: [Feeling miserable for what he'd done, lying on the seat of Andy's Car] How am I gonna convince those guys it was an accident?

[Woody spots Buzz up at the Sunroof, staring down at him]

Woody: Buzz!

[Buzz leaps down onto the seat right next to Woody, furious, covered in leaves and twigs]

Woody: Buzz! You're alive! This is great! I'm saved! Andy will find you here, he'll take us back to the room, and then you can tell everyone that this was all this all just a Big Mistake. Huh?

[Buzz glares at him, speechless]

Woody: Right? Buddy?

Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.

Woody: Oh. Well, that's good.

Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?

Woody: No. Daaaah-oof!

[Buzz attacks Woody, knocking them both out of the open car door]

Woody: Okay, come on. You want a piece of me?

[Buzz punches Woody in the face, having it spin around for a brief momemt, then he gets knocked down by Woody, he closes his helmet on Woody's hand]

Woody: Ow!

Buzz: [Through his button speakers whilst as Woody attacks him] Buzz, Buzz, Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue.

Andy's Mom: [Andy and his Mum just re-enter the car] Next stop...

Andy: Pizza Planet! Yeah!

[Woody and Buzz stop fighting and pause]

Andy: Andy!

[Andy and his Mum drive off as Woody and Buzz watch in horror, leaving them behind at the Gas Station]

Woody: [Walks away from Buzz, and pauses] He doesn't realise I'm not there?

[Sulking out loud]

Woody: I'm lost! I'm a lost toy!

Woody: Listen, Lightsnack. You stay away from Andy. He's mine, and no one is taking him away from me.

Buzz: What are you talking about? Where's that bonding strip?

[slides under his ship with a skateboard]

Woody: [pulls him back out] And another thing, *stop* with this *spaceman* thing! It's getting on my nerves.

Buzz: Are you saying you want to lodge a complaint with Star Command?

Woody: Oh-ho! O-okay, ooh, well, so you wanna do it the hard way, huh?

Buzz: [gets out from under his ship] Don't even think about it, cowboy.

Woody: Oh yeah, tough guy?

[Pushes Buzz and opens his helmet. Buzz chokes the "Toxic Air" around him. Woody looks around, unsure how to react]

Buzz: [sniffs] The air isn't toxic?

[gets up and points accusingly at Woody]

Buzz: How dare you open a space man's helmet on an uncharted planet! My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!

[closes his helmet]

Slinky Dog: [after Buzz gets knocked out the window and lands into the bushes nearby] Hey guys, RC's trying to tell us something.

Rex: What is it Boy?

R.C. the Race Car: [RC Whirrs his wheels]

Mr. Potato Head: He says that this is *no* accident!

Bo Peep: What do you mean?

Mr. Potato Head: I mean Humpty Dumpty was pushed, by Woody!

[the toys all stare at Woody in shock]

Woody: Wait a minute, You don't think I even meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you? Potato Head?

Mr. Potato Head: That's Mr. Potato Head to *you* you Backstabbing murderer!

Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me.

Slinky Dog: We believe ya, Woody. Right, Rex?

Rex: [Nervously] Well, I mean, uh, I don't like confrontations!

Mr. Potato Head: Couldn't handle Buzz cutting on your playtime, could you Woody? Didn't wanna face the fact that Buzz might be Andy's *new* favourite toy. So you got rid of him. Well what if Andy starts playing with *me* more Woody, huh? You gonna knock me out the window too?

Hamm: I don't think we should give him the chance.

Woody: [the Mutant Toys in Sid's Room start to surround Buzz] Buzz! Go away, you disgusting freaks!

[Woody screams as he shields Buzz's arm from Babyface which grabs Buzz's arm from Woody]

Woody: All back! Back, you cannibals!

[Woody screams again as he loses his grip on Buzz's arm, which sends him flying to the wall, he wakes up and attacks the mutant toys]

Woody: He's still alive and you're not getting him, you monsters.

[Woody sees that Buzz's arm is attached to its socket with the help of The Mutant Toys]

Woody: Hey, they fixed you? But... but they're cannibals, we saw them eat other toys.

[the Pterodactyl and Janie Doll from earlier on are shown to be alright, back on their correct bodies]

Woody: Uh, sorry. We thought you're gonna... you know... eat my friend.

[the Mutant Toys get scared away]

Woody: No, no, no, no, wait. What's wrong?

Sid's Mom: Sid?

Sid Phillips: Not right now, Mom. I'm busy!

Woody: Sid! Buzz, get up! Use our legs! Fine, let Sid trash but don't blame me!

[Woody and Buzz pass over the Moving Van]

Woody: Uh, Buzz, we missed the truck!

Buzz: We're not aiming for the truck!

[Buzz closes his wings, and the two land through the Open Roof of Andy's Car, landing in a box packed right next to Andy]

[Preparing for the toy mutiny]

Woody: Wind the frog!

Woody: [From inside the milk-crate] Listen Buzz, forget about me. You should get outta here while you can.

[Woody looks over to see that Buzz has disappeared. Suddenly the milk-crate he's in begins to shake. He notices Buzz trying to push the toolbox off]

Woody: Buzz! What are you doing? I thought you were...

Buzz: Come on, Sheriff. There's a kid in that house who needs us. Now let's get you out of this thing.

[Both Woody and Buzz push against the milk-crate, which budges very slowly. As the sun rises, Woody and Buzz notice the Moving Man pull into Andy's Driveway]

Buzz: Woody! It's the Moving Van!

Woody: We've gotta get out of here, now!

[Buzz manages to push the milk-crate for enough to the Edge of the Desk for Woody to hop out of, and onto the floor, but Buzz doesn't notice]

Woody: Buzz! Hey, I'm out!

Buzz: [Continuing to push the crate] Almost there!

[the toolbox and the milk-crate fall off the desk, and land right ontop of Woody]

Buzz: [Noticing Sid still asleep, then runs to the Edge of the Desk] Woody! Are you alright?

Woody: [Lifting up the Toolbox that fell ontop of him] I'm fine... I'm OK.

[Sid's Alarm Clock rings, as Woody hides back under the milk-crate]

Sid Phillips: [Waking up] Oh yeah! Time for lift off!

[Sid grabs Buzz and runs out the door. Woody tries to run after Sid, only to find his Dog, Scud, right outside, who runs out at Woody, only to be shut out just in time]

Buzz: [in Sid's backpack, approaching his home] Sheriff, I can see your indwelling from here. You're almost home.

Alien: Nirvana is coming, the mystic portal awaits.

Woody: Will you be quiet? You guys don't get it, do you? Once we go into Sid's house, we won't be coming out!

[as Woody and Buzz rocket up and toss RC back into the Moving Van]

Woody: AAAAAH! This is the part where we blow up!

Buzz: Not today.

[Buzz opens his wings, cutting the Duct Tape from the Rocket just before it explodes]

Slinky Dog: Gaddily bob-howdy!

Woody: Oh, shut up.

Sergeant: [he can't see what Andy is holding up] It's a...

Rex: It's A WHAT? WHAT IS IIIITTTTT?

[Rex shakes the table, inadvertently knocking off the TalkBoy and causing the batteries to fall out]

Rex: Oh, no!

Mr. Potato Head: Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!

Hamm: Way to go, Rex!

[moves forward]

Woody: [as the toys struggle to put the batteries back in the TalkBoy] No, no, turn 'em around! Turn 'em around!

Hamm: He's putting them in backward!

[to Mr. Potato Head]

Hamm: Hey, you're putting 'em in backwards!

Woody: PLUS IS POSITIVE! MINUS IS NEGATIVE! Oh, let me!

[jumps down]

Sergeant: [downstairs, into the Baby Monitor] Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!

[Woody puts the batteries back in properly and picks the Talkboy up]

Sergeant: ...juvenile intrusion, repeat! Assume your positions now!

Woody: ANDY'S COMING! Everybody back to your places! Hurry!

[mayhem breaks out]

Mr. Potato Head: [in a panic] Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?

Woody: Hey uh, Slinky?

Slinky Dog: [with a checker board] Right here, Woody. I'm red this time.

Woody: No, Slink...

Slinky Dog: All right, you can be red if you want.

Woody: Not now, Slink. I've got some bad news.

Slinky Dog: [shouts] Bad news?

Woody: Shhh!

[all the toys freeze]

Woody: Gather everyone for a staff meeting and be happy.

Slinky Dog: Got it.

[walks away slowly with his head down]

Woody: Be happy!

Slinky Dog: [laughs hysterically]

Woody: [while everyone else is scared by the long, thin present one of Andy's guests is bringing] Al lright, all right! If I send out the troops, will you all calm down?

Rex: [yells] Yes, yes! We promise!

Woody: Okay! Save your batteries.

Buzz: [lands on the bed after his lucky acrobatic maneuver] Can!

Rex: [the toys applaud and whistle] Whoooa! Oh wow, you flew magnificently!

Bo Peep: I've found my moving buddy!

Buzz: [proudly] Thank... th-thank you all, thank you!

Woody: That wasn't flying! That was... falling with style!

Woody: [after RC's batteries die after as Woody and Buzz chase after the Moving Van] Great!

Buzz: [Buzz drops RC's Remote, and looks at Woody's Side Pocket] Woody! The Rocket!

Woody: The Match! Yes! Thankyou, Sid!

[Woody lights the match against the road, only for a car to drive over them, blowing it out]

Woody: [Sulking to the ground] No! No, no, no, no, noooooo!

[the Sunlight streams through Buzz' helmet, acting just like Sid's Magnifying Glass from earlier, leaving a tiny white-hot dot shining at the back of Woody's hand. This gives him an idea]

Buzz: [as Woody grabs onto Buzz' Helmet] What are you doing?

Woody: Hold still Buzz!

[Woody places his hot hand against the fuse of the Rocket, lighting it up successfully, and hops back onto RC with Buzz]

Buzz: You did it! Next stop, Andy!

Woody: Wait a minute. I just lit a Rocket. Rockets explode!

[the Rocket lights up, sending Woody, Buzz and RC racing up fast towards the Moving Van]

Slinky Dog: Woody? Where'd you go?

Mr. Potato Head: He's lying, Buzz ain't there.

[Woody returns with Buzz' detached arm, hiding it slightly from the other toys]

Woody: Oh hi Buzz. Why don't you say hello to the guys over there.

Woody: [Intimidating Buzz' voice] Oh hi, how you doing?

[the other toys from Andy's Room stare at Woody confused]

Woody: You guys won't believe this, but Buzz and I are friends now.

Woody: [Imitating Buzz] You bet. To infinity and beyond!

Woody: Gimme five!

[Hi fives Buzz' severed arm and chuckles without the others knowing, as they look in amazement]

Rex: Hey look, it is Buzz!

Slinky Dog: I knew you were right all along Woody! I never doubted you for a second.

[to Mr. Potato Head]

Slinky Dog: Now gimme back the lights so we can help the two over here.

Woody: [trying to get Buzz into Molly's stroller] It's a special spaceship, I just saw it.

Buzz: You mean it has hyperdrive?

Woody: Hyperactive hyperdrive, and astro... uh... turf.

Woody: [Coming to life for the first time in the film] Pull my string! The birthday party's today? Okay everybody, the coast is clear!

Bo Peep: What would you say if I get someone else to watch the sheep for me tonight?

Woody: [blushing and giggling] Oh-ho yeah. Thought so.

Buzz: [Referring to Andy's other toys] Do you know these life forms?

Woody: Yes, they're Andy's toys.

Woody: [mocking Buzz as they split-up] "Rendezvous with Star Command."

[sees a delivery truck with a "Pizza Planet" logo on it]

Woody: Pizza Planet?

[enlightened]

Woody: Andy! Oh, no! I can't show my face in that room without Buzz.

[yelling to Buzz]

Woody: Buzz! Buzz, come back!

Buzz: [walking out from under the truck, annoyed] Go away!

Woody: No! Buzz, you gotta come back! I...

[Woody looks at the Pizza Planet delivery truck, and notices a miniture spaceship on the top]

Woody: [calling] I found a spaceship!

[Buzz stops and looks at the delivery truck]

Woody: [calling] It's a spaceship, Buzz!

Buzz: [as the driver asks for directions] Now, you're sure this space freighter will return to its point of origin once it jettisons its food supply?

Woody: [nodding his head] Uh-huh. And when we get there, we'll find a way to transport you home.

Buzz: Well, then, let's climb aboard.

[Buzz runs towards the truck]

Woody: No, no, no, wait, Buzz! Buzz! Let's get in the back. No one will see us there.

Buzz: Negative. There are no restraining harnesses in the cargo area. We'll be much safer in the cockpit.

[Buzz climbs through the open window and jumps into the seat]

Woody: [whispering] Yeah, bu... Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!

[the Pizza Planet truck's engine starts, Woody climbs into the back, and sees Buzz attaching a seat belt]

Woody: It's safer in the cockpit than the cargo bay. What an idiot.

[the Pizza Planet truck moves forwards sharply, Woody is tossed and thrown by the extreme motion of the truck as it speeds down the road and up a hill. Items start in the back of the truck start to tumble towards Woody, one of them being a heavy tool box]

Woody: [asking a Magic 8 ball] Will Andy pick me?

[Shakes the ball and flips to see the answer:]

Woody: 'Don't count on it'? Awwww! Arrrgh!

[throws the ball down, then it falls down a crack between the table and the wall]

Woody: Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red. You know what to do.

Sergeant: Yes, sir!

[jumps down]

Sergeant: All right, men, you heard him! Code Red, repeat: we're at Code Red! Recon plan Charlie: Execute! Let's move, move, move, move, move!

Woody: Has everybody picked a moving buddy?

Hamm: Moving buddy? You can't be serious!

Rex: I didn't know we were supposed to have one already!

Mr. Potato Head: [holding his left arm in his right hand] Do we have to hold hands?

[All laugh]

Mr. Potato Head: [as Woody tries to persuade everyone that Buzz is alright so that they may help him over] Wait just a minute here. What are you trying to pull?

Woody: [Throwing both hands into the air, accidentally revealing Buzz' severed arm completely] Nothing!

[the toys from Andy's Room in horror, and Rex throws up at the sight of it]

Hamm: That is Disgusting!

Mr. Potato Head: *Murderer*

Woody: No, no no no. It's not what you think. I swear!

Mr. Potato Head: Save it for the jury!

[Throws the String of Christmas Lights out the window, which go flying back to Sid's house where Woody is pleading for mercy, and land into Sid's Yard]

Mr. Potato Head: I hope Sid pulls your voice box out, ya creep!

[He and the other toys start to leave]

Woody: Don't leave! You've gotta help us please!You don't know what's it's like over here!

Woody: [to Slinky] Slink, please! Please listen to me1 Slink, don't...

[Slinky sadly close the blind]

Woody: [Sadly] SLI-I-I-I-NKYYY!

[Sid at Pizza Planet ends up spotting Buzz in the Alien Claw Game, much to Woody's shock]

Sid Phillips: A Buzz Lightyear? No way.

[the claw reaches down and collects Buzz successfully]

Sid Phillips: Yes!

[Woody grabs Buzz' legs, trying to pull him out and stop him from being obtained]

Sid Phillips: [Banging against the glass] HEY!

All Aliens: [as Woody struggles to pull Buzz out of the Claw Machine] He has been chosen.

[the Alien Toys all push Woody back through]

Woody: Stop it! Stop it!

Sid Phillips: [after having obtained both Buzz and Woody] Alright, Double Prizes!

Sid Phillips: [Picks up them both] Let's go home and play.

[Sid chuckles as the camera zooms in on his shirt]

[last lines]

Woody: So long... partner.

Woody: You'll be okay in the attic?

Jessie: Of course I will... Besides, I know about Buzz's Spanish Mode.

Buzz Lightyear: My what?

Spanish Buzz: [immediately after being reset into Spanish, Buzz speaks into his wrist communicator] Bitácora Espacial - Me he despertado de hiper-sueño en un planeta extraño.

[Star Log - I have awaken from hypersleep on a strange planet]

Hamm the Piggy Bank: [to Rex] Now what did you do?

Rex the Green Dinosaur: I just did what you told me!

Spanish Buzz: Estoy rodeado por criaturas extrañas y desconozco sus intenciónes. ¿¡Quién anda ahí? ¿Amigo? O enemigo?

[I am surrounded by creatures of unknown intent. Who goes there? Friend? Or Enemy?]

Spanish Buzz: [aims his laser at Woody]

Woody: Uh... Amigos! We're all amigos!

Spanish Buzz: [turns off laser and is suddenly friendly] Me debo haber estrellado, y se me borró la memoria.

[I must have crash landed and had my memory erased]

Spanish Buzz: [visor still closed, he kisses Woody quickly on each cheek]

Spanish Buzz: ¿Han visto a mi nave espacial?

[Anybody seen my spaceship?]

Woody: [dumbstruck] We gotta switch him back.

Slinky Dog: Well how do we do that?

Hamm the Piggy Bank: [looking at the manual] I don't know, that part's in Spanish!

Woody: Oh... we don't have time for this. Come on, El Buzzo!

[They all start running]

Spanish Buzz: Mi nave espacial? Encontraste? Excelente!

[My spaceship? You know where it is? Excellent!]

Woody: [Chatter Telephone rings. Woody picks up phone] Hello?

Chatter Telephone: You shouldn't have come back cowboy. They've cracked down hard since you left. More guards, more patrols, you and your friends ain't ever getting out of here now.

Woody: I made it out once.

Chatter Telephone: You got LUCKY once. Want my advice? Keep your heads down, you'll survive.

Woody: Yeah, for how long?

Chatter Telephone: I've been here years, they'll never break me. There's only one way toys leave this place.

[Both see the janitor dropping a toy train down the trash chute]

Chatter Telephone: Poor fella. Trash truck comes at dawn, then it's off to the dump.

Woody: Look, I appreciate your concern old-timer, but we have a kid waiting for us. Now, we're leaving. If you'd help us, one toy to another, I'd sure be grateful.

Chatter Telephone: [pause] Well... if you're gonna get out, first things you're gonna get through is the doors. Locked every night, inside and out, keys are left on a hook in the office.

Woody: Got it. What else?

Chatter Telephone: Lotso has trucks patrolling all night long. Hallway, lobby, playground...

Woody: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what about the wall?

Chatter Telephone: Eight feet high; cinder block; No way through it. You go over, or under.

Woody: That's it? It doesn't seem so bad.

Chatter Telephone: It's not. Your REAL problem's the monkey. The Monkey's the eye in the sky. He sees everything... classrooms, hallways, even the playground. You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall, but if you don't take out that monkey you ain't going nowhere. You want to get out of here... GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

[Buzz, in Spanish mode, sees Jessie for the first time]

Spanish Buzz: ¡Ven conmigo! ¡Te mostraré las maravillas de la galaxia, y juntos lucharemos contra el despiadado Zurg!

[Come with me! I will show you the wonders of the galaxy, and together we will fight the evil Zurg!]

Jessie: [Buzz plucks a dandelion and offers it to her. Woody pushes through the bushes and Jessie runs to him and hugs him] Woody! Thank goodness!

Woody: C'mon! We're almost there!

[the rest of the toys leave, Buzz, stunned and angry, throws down his dandelion]

Spanish Buzz: ¡El Vaquero!

Woody: [in Bonnie's room] Look, I just need to get out of here...

Buttercup: [dramatically] There is no way out!

[Woody stares at him in horror]

Buttercup: Just kidding. Door's right over there.

[he points]

[Woody jumps on to a train of orphaned Troll dolls. He pulls the brake to try and stop the train before reaching the broken bridge, but they still fall into the canyon]

Jessie: No!

[Suddenly, Buzz Lightyear appears, lifting the train and its passengers out of the canyon]

Buzz Lightyear: Glad I could catch the train!

Woody: Now let's catch some criminals!

Buzz Lightyear: To infinity and beyond!

[Cut to the Potato Heads and the aliens in their car, counting money and laughing evily]

Aliens: [pointing at the sky] Ooh!

[Buzz flies above the bandits and slices their car with his laser. After the criminals tumble to the ground, Woody, Buzz, and Jessie enter]

Woody: Reach for the sky!

Mr. Potato Head: You can't touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!

[Mr. Potato Head calls Slinky Dog over with a whistle. Slinky bounces down from the mountains and forms the force field around the Potato Heads and aliens]

Woody: Well, I brought my dinosaur who eats force field dogs!

Jessie: Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!

[the ground cracks apart, and Rex emerges. He roars at the evildoers, but then notices something]

Rex the Green Dinosaur: Huh?

Buzz Lightyear: [a pig-shaped spaceship suddenly appears. Its driver is Hamm, portraying Dr. Porkchop] Evil Dr. Porkchop!

Hamm the Piggy Bank: That's *Mr.* Evil Dr. Porkchop to you.

[Hamm teleports the Potato Heads, the aliens, and Slinky onto his ship. He also pushes a button reading, "Death by Monkeys," trapping our heroes with a flood of plastic red monkeys. As Mr. Potato Head reaches toward a button activating a destructive ray, the scene suddenly cuts to Andy's bedroom. The whole scene actually took place in Andy's imagination, as he plays with the toys and a cardboard spaceship]

Young Andy: [as Woody] Buzz, shoot your laser at my badge!

Young Andy: [as Buzz] Woody, no! It'll kill you!

Young Andy: [as Woody] Just do it!

[Andy shields Buzz's eyes and pushes the laser button. He uses his finger to trace the laser bouncing off Woody's badge, then knocks the spaceship and its evil passengers towards the ground]

Sergeant: [Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes] We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.

Army Man 1: Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.

Buzz Lightyear: Trash bags?

Woody: Who said anything about trash bags?

Sergeant: It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.

Army Man 2: You're gonna need it!

[they jump out]

[Buzz is back to Normal and no longer Speaking Spanish]

Buzz Lightyear: That wasn't me, was it?

Jessie: Buzz, you're back!

Buzz Lightyear: [confused] Uh, yes, yes I am. Where did I go?

Woody: Beyond infinity, Space Ranger.

Lotso: Ken? New toys!

Ken: Far out! Down in a jiff, Lotso.

[goes down the elevator]

Ken: So, who's ready for Ken's dream tour?

Lotso: Let's show our new friends where they'll be staying!

Ken: Uh, folks, if you'll just want to step right this way...

[he sees Barbie]

Ken: Hi, I'm Ken.

Barbie: Barbie. Have we ever met?

Ken: I would have remembered.

[she laughs]

Ken: Love your leg wamers!

Barbie: Nice ascot!

Lotso: Come on, Ken, recess don't last forever.

Ken: Right on, Lotso. This way everybody.

Lotso: Got a lot to look forward to, folks. The little ones love new toys.

Buzz Lightyear: What a nice bear!

Rex the Green Dinosaur: And he smells like strawberries.

Woody: Ugh.

[Chuckles is finishing his story about Lotso to Woody]

Chuckles: We were lost, cast-off, unloved, unwanted. Then we found Sunnyside. But Lotso wasn't my friend anymore. He wasn't anyone's friend. He took over Sunnyside and rigged the whole system.

Woody: So, how'd you get out?

Chuckles: I got broke. Bonnie found me, took me home. Other toys... they weren't so lucky. It ain't right what Lotso done. New toys... they don't stand a chance.

Lotso: I didn't throw you out. Your kid did. Ain't one kid ever loved a toy, really. Chew on that when you're at the dump.

Woody: Wait. What about Daisy?

Lotso: I don't know what you're talking about.

Woody: Daisy? You used to do everything with her?

Lotso: Yeah, then she threw us out.

Woody: No, she lost you.

Lotso: She *replaced* us!

Woody: She replaced *you*, and if you couldn't have her, then no one could! You lied to Big Baby and you've been lying ever since!

[Woody pulls out Daisy's tag attracting Big Baby's attention]

Lotso: Where'd you get that?

Woody: She loved you, Lotso.

Lotso: She never *loved* me!

Woody: As much as any kid ever loved a toy.

[Woody tosses the tag to the other side of the open dumpster. Big Baby picks it up and looks at it]

Big Baby: Mama.

[Lotso snatches the tag away]

Lotso: What? You want your mommy back? She never loved *you*! Don't be such a BABY!

[Lotso smashes the tag with his mallet, causing Big Baby to start crying]

Lotso: [to Stretch] Push 'em in! All of them!

[Stretch starts shoving the Toys in the dumpster, then Lotso addresses his cronies]

Lotso: This is what happens when you dummies try to think! WE'RE ALL JUST TRASH WAITIN' TO BE THROWN AWAY! THAT'S ALL A TOY IS!

[Suddenly, Big Baby lifts Lotso into the air, making him drop his mallet]

Lotso: Hey, stop it! Put me down, you idiot!

[Big Baby throws Lotso in the dumpster]

Lotso: AAAAH! No! No, wait a minute, Big Baby! Wait!

[In Bonnie's room; she is playing with her toys and Woody]

Woody: [voice box] There's a snake in my boot!

[Bonnie pulls his string again]

Woody: I'd like to join your posse, boys, but first I'm gonna sing a little song.

Bonnie: A sheriff!

[she sets Woody down at a table surrounded by stuffed animals]

Bonnie: Move over, Mr. Pricklepants!

[she pushes him aside]

Bonnie: We have a guest!

[she hops from foot to foot]

Bonnie: You want some coffee?

[she sets out cups and pretends to pour from a pitcher]

Bonnie: It's good for you, but don't drink too much or you'll have to - Be right back!

[she runs out the door]

Woody: [Woody looks around, the other toys are still frozen] Pssst! Hey! Hello! Hi. Excuse me...

Mr. Pricklepants: Shh!

[he freezes]

Woody: Can you tell me where I am?

Mr. Pricklepants: Shhh!

[he freezes again]

Buttercup: The guy's just asking a question.

Mr. Pricklepants: Well, excuse me! I am trying to stay in character!

Buttercup: [to Woody] My name's Buttercup.

Mr. Pricklepants: [at Buttercup] Shh!

Trixie: Hello! I'm Trixie!

Mr. Pricklepants: [at Trixie] Shhh!

Trixie: [back at him] Shhh!

Woody: [waves his arms] Guys, hey! Guys, look, I don't know where I am...

Trixie: We're either in a café in Paris or a coffee shop in New Jersey. I'm pretty sure I just came back from the doctor with life-changing news.

Buttercup: We do a lot of improv here. Just stay loose, have fun - you'll be fine!

Woody: No, no no no, I...

[Bonnie flushes the toilet in the bathroom and Woody goes limp]

[first lines]

[Mr. Potato Head, portraying One-Eyed Bart, jumps out of a train while carrying money sacks]

Mr. Potato Head: [laughs evily] Ah, ha ha ha! Money, money, money!

[Woody lassoes a rope to grab the money from Mr. Potato Head's hands, then trips him]

Woody: You've got a date with justice, One-Eyed Bart!

Mr. Potato Head: Too bad, Sheriff! I'm a married man!

[Mrs. Potato Head jumps onto the train, giving karate yells]

Woody: One-Eyed Betty?

[Mrs. Potato Head chases Woody across the train tops, then uses nunchucks to knock him off. As the Potato Heads look and laugh evily, Woody suddenly reappears, riding Bullseye with Jessie]

Jessie: I think you dropped something, mister!

Mr. Potato Head: Jessie?

Woody: Give it up, Bart! You've reached the end of the line!

Mr. Potato Head: I always wanted to go out with a bang!

[Mr. Potato Head presses a button on a remote, causing dynamite to blow up the bridge]

Jessie: Oh, no!

Woody: The orphans!

[cut to a group of Troll dolls riding the train]

Mr. Potato Head: Hate to leave early, but our ride is here!

[Three aliens drive up in a pink Barbie Corvette]

Aliens: Ooh!

Mr. Potato Head: It's me or the kiddies, Sheriff! Take your pick!

[the Potato Heads jump into the convertible and drive off]

Woody: Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

Rex the Green Dinosaur: Mr. Lotso, do toys here get played with every day?

Lotso: All day long! Five days a week.

Jessie: But what happens when the kids grow up?

Lotso: Well now, I'll tell you.

[Lotso walks over to a wall with class photos from past years]

Lotso: When the kids get old, new ones come in. When they get old, new ones replace them. You'll never be outgrown, or neglected. Never abandoned or forgotten. No owners means - no heartbreak!

Jessie: Yee-haw!

Mrs. Potato Head: It's a miracle!

Mr. Potato Head: And you wanted us to stay at Andy's!

Woody: Because we're Andy's toys!

Lotso: [walks over] So you got donated by this "Andy", huh? Well it's his loss, Sheriff. He can't hurt you no more.

Woody: Whoa! Whoa, whoa whoa...

Lotso: Now let's get you settled in.

Woody: Oh no.

Hamm the Piggy Bank: Oh yes! Return of the Astro-Nut!

Hamm the Piggy Bank: Hey, where's that fur-ball Lotso?

Slinky Dog: Yeah, I'd like to loosen his stitching.

Woody: Forget it, guys. He's not worth it.

Woody: You wait. Andy's gonna tuck us in the attic. It'll be safe and warm...

Buzz Lightyear: And we'll all be together.

Woody: Exactly! There's games up there and books and...

Buzz Lightyear: The race car track!

Woody: The race car track. Thank you!

Slinky Dog: And the old TV.

Woody: There you go, the old TV. And those guys from the Christmas decorations box. They're fun, right?

Woody: [Woody is trying to find directions to Andy's house on Bonnie's mother's computer. Suddenly a chat window pops up, and Woody reads the username of its sender] Who's "Velocistar237"...?

Trixie: [knocks Woody aside and starts typing frantically] Oh! That's just a dinosaur toy down the street, that's nothing, let just take care of that.

[finishes typing]

Trixie: It's just a dinosaur!

Woody: All right...

Woody: We're all still here! I - I mean, yeah, we've lost friends along the way... Wheezy... and Etch...

Rex the Green Dinosaur: And Bo Peep?

Woody: ...Yeah. Even - even Bo.

Woody: Day care is a sad lonely old place for toys who don't have a home.

Barbie: ...WAAAAGH!

Hamm the Piggy Bank: Quite the charmer, ain'tya?

Dolly: Wow, cowboy. You just jump right in, don't you? I'm Dolly.

Woody: [shakes her hand] Woody.

Dolly: Woody? You're gonna stick with that? Well, now's the time to change it, you know, new room and all. That's coming from a doll named Dolly.

Woody: Hey, if any of you get to Sunnyside Daycare, you tell 'em Woody made it home.

Dolly: You came from Sunnyside?

Trixie: But how'd you escape?

Woody: Well, it wasn't easy. I... What do you mean "escape"?

Mr. Pricklepants: Sunnyside is a place of ruin and despair, ruled by an evil bear who smells of strawberries.

Woody: Wh...? Lotso?

Buttercup: The guy may seem plush and huggable on the outside, but inside, he's a monster!

Woody: But, how'd you know that?

Mr. Pricklepants: Chuckles... he'll tell you.

Bo Peep: [amorously] You're cute when you care.

Woody: [embarrassed] Bo, not in front of *Buzz*.

[repeated line]

Woody: Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

Woody: [the Prospector's true colours have been revealed] Wait a minute, you turned on the TV last night, not Jessie.

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Look, we have an eternity to spend at the museum together. Let's not start by pulling fingers, shall we?

Woody: You really ARE Stinky Pete, aren't you?

Jessie: Prospector, this isn't fair!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair: Spending a lifetime on a dime-store shelf watching every other toy be sold! Well, finally my waiting has paid off, and no hand-me-down cowboy doll is gonna mess it up for me now!

[Throws his box back into his display case]

Woody: Look Jessie, I know you hate me for leaving, but I have to go back. I'm still Andy's toy. Well, if you knew him, you'd understand. See, Andy's...

Jessie: Let me guess. Andy's a real special kid, and to him, you're his buddy, his best friend, and when Andy plays with you it's like... even though you're not moving, you feel like you're alive, because that's how he sees you.

Woody: How did you know that?

Jessie: Because Emily was just the same. She was my whole world.

[last spoken lines]

Buzz Lightyear: You still worried?

Woody: About Andy? Nah, it will be fun while it lasts.

Buzz Lightyear: I'm proud of you, cowboy.

Woody: Besides, when it all ends I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company - for infinity and beyond.

Woody: [Seeing a human boy hugging him on the TV, playing a guitar, on the set of "Woody's Roundup"] What am I doing? Buzz!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Woody, where are you going?

Woody: You're right, Prospector. I can't stop Andy from growing up... but I wouldn't miss it for the world.

[Runs to the heat duct]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: No!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: [to Woody just as he's about to leave back to Andy's through the heat duct after removing the screw and opening it] How long will it last, Woody? Do you really think Andy is going to take you to college, or on his honeymoon? Andy's growing up, and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your choice, Woody. You can go back, or you can stay with us and last forever. You'll be adored by children for generations.

Woody: [pets Bullseye, then suddenly decides to stay] Who am I to break up the Roundup Gang?

[Closes the heat duct and turns to Jessie at the window, smiling]

[right when the Prospector is out of his box, and is tightening the screw back onto the heat duct]

Jessie: Prospector?'!

Woody: You're outta your box!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: I tried reasoning with you, Woody, but you keep forcing me to take extreme measures.

[Taps his pickaxe onto the remote, turning off the TV]

Woody: [Jessie shuts off the TV as the "Woody's Roundup" episode ends] Hey, w-wait, What happened? What happens next? Come on, let's see the next episode!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: That's it.

Woody: What?

Stinky Pete the Prospector: The show was cancelled after that.

[Flips his Box round, no longer facing the TV]

Woody: Wait, wait, wait. What about the gold mine and... and the cute little critters and the dynamite? That was a great show! I mean, why cancel it?

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Two words: Sput-nik. Once the astronauts went up, children only wanted to play with space toys.

Woody: ...

[sighs]

Woody: I know how that feels.

[Woody flings his pull string onto a point onto the upper point of the nearby wheel of the plane he and Jessie are hanging off like a lasso, and comes up with an idea]

Woody: Jessie, let go of the plane!

Jessie: What? Are you crazy?

Woody: Just pretend it's the final episode of "Woody's Roundup"!

Jessie: But it was cancelled! We never saw if you made it!

Woody: Well, then, let's find out together!

[Both let go, swing like a rope, and land atop Bullseye, still galloping after them down the runway with Buzz]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Idiots! Children destroy toys. You'll be ruined, forgotten, spending eternity rotting in some landfill!

Woody: [staring at The Prospector in the eyes, then chucking his chin] Well, Stinky Pete, I think it's time you learned the true meaning of playtime.

[points to something off screen]

Woody: Right over there, guys!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: No, no, noooooooo!

[the scene changes to show a Barbie backpack come out of the baggage room with the Prospector sitting in the netting in front]

Amy: [offscreen] Look, Barbie! A big ugly man-doll! Ooh, he needs a makeover.

[Amy grabs her backpack and puts her Barbie doll in. The doll's head is facing to the left of the screen]

Barbie: Hi, you'll like Amy.

[Turns her face to reveal a bunch of make up on her cheek; The Prospector gasps]

Barbie: She's an artist!

Buzz Lightyear: Don't worry, Woody. In just a few hours you'll be sitting around a campfire with Andy making delicious hot Schmoes.

Woody: [lamely] They're called "S'mores", Buzz.

Buzz Lightyear: Yes, yes. Of course.

Woody: [yelling through the heat duct, which the Prospector just put the screw back on, stopping it from being opened] Help! Buzz! Guys!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: It's too late, Woody! That silly Buzz Lightweight can't help you.

Woody: His name is Buzz Lightyear!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Whatever. I've always hated those upstart space toys.

[Closes the lid to his box]

[Woody's arm is ripped by the Prospector with his pickaxe]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Your choice, Woody. You can go to Japan together or in pieces. If he fixed you once, he can fix ya again. Now get in the box!

Woody: Never!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Fine!

[the Prospector prepares to sever Woody's arm off completely, when Buzz suddenly returns with the others, stunning the Prospector with the cameras they'd found in another suitcase earlier]

Woody: [Woody's arm finally rips completely off] Aaaahhh! It's gone! I can't believe it! My arm is completely gone!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: All right. Come here. Come on. Let me see that. Oh, it's just a popped seam. Easily repaired! You should consider yourself lucky.

Woody: Lucky? Are you shrink-wrapped? I am missing my ARM!

Jessie: Big deal!

[shoots a plunger onto a cardboard display of Woody]

Jessie: Let him go! I'm sure his precious Andy is dying to play with a one-armed cowboy doll.

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Now, Jessie, you know that he wouldn't last an hour on the streets in his condition. It's a dangerous world out there for a toy.

[Buzz #2 and the other toys tries to get Woody back home]

Buzz Lightyear: Hold it right there!

All: Buzz?

Buzz Lightyear #2: You again?

Buzz Lightyear: Woody! Thank goodness you're all right.

Woody: Buzz, what is going on?

Buzz Lightyear #2: [throws Woody onto the floor] Hold on! I am Buzz Lightyear, and I'm in charge of this detachment.

Buzz Lightyear: No, *I'm* Buzz Lightyear.

Buzz Lightyear #2: [arguing with Buzz #1] *I'm* Buzz Lightyear!

Buzz Lightyear: *I* am Buzz Lightyear!

Woody: So, who's the *real* Buzz?

Buzz Lightyear, Buzz Lightyear #2: I am!

Buzz Lightyear #2: Don't let this imposter fool you! He's been trained by Zurg himself to mimic my every move.

[Buzz opens up Buzz #2's helmet, leaving him to choke on the "Toxic Air" around him]

Buzz Lightyear: Woody, stop this nonsense and let's go.

Woody: Nah, Buzz.

[sigh]

Woody: I can't go. I can't abandon these guys. They *need* me to get into this museum. Without me, they'll go back into storage. Maybe forever.

Buzz Lightyear: Woody, you're not a collector's item, you're a child's plaything. You - are - a *toy*!

Woody: For how much longer? One more rip, and Andy's done with me. And what do I do then, Buzz? Huh? You tell me.

Buzz Lightyear: Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I traveled all this way to rescue that toy because I believed him.

Woody: Well, you wasted your time.

Woody: [deleted scene]

[Woody is asking the Roundup gang to come back to Andy's with him]

Woody: Bullseye, are you with me?

[Bullseye licks him like a dog]

Woody: Ah! Okay! Good boy.

[walks toward Prospector's box]

Woody: Prospector, how 'bout you?

[turns box around]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: [talking to two Barbie dolls] ... And so you two are absolutey identical?

[laughs softly]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: You know, I'm sure I could get you a part in Toy Story 3.

[notices the camera crew filming]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: I'm sorry, are we back? Oh! All right, girls. Lovely talking with you -

[pushes box door open]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: yes, any time you'd like some tips on acting I'd be glad to chat with you. Alright, off you go, then.

[they leave]

Mr. Potato Head: [From under Andy's bed sheets] I found it.

Woody: You found my hat?

Mr. Potato Head: Your hat? No. The missus lost her earring.

[singsong to Mrs. Potato Head]

Mr. Potato Head: Oh my little sweet potato!

Mrs. Potato Head: [turning around fast] Ooh, you found it! Ohh, it's so nice to have a big, strong spud around the house.

[Woody, Buzz, Jessie, and Bullseye are celebrating their escape when another plane comes in only a few inches over them]

Woody: Let's... go home.

[On "Woody's Roundup", Jessie's animal friends run to Woody to come to her and Stinky Pete's rescue]

Rabbit: [incoherent chatter]

Woody: What's that? Jessie and Prospector are trapped in the old abandoned mine and Prospector just lit a stick of dynamite thinking it was a candle and now they're about to be blown to smithereens?

Rabbit: Uh-huh.

Woody: Ride like the wind, Bullseye!

[Woody explains his newfound past to his old friends]

Woody: Oh, you should have seen it. There was a record player. And a yo-yo. Buzz, I was a yo-yo!

Mr. Potato Head: [to Hamm] WAS?

Jessie: You callin' me a liar?

Woody: Well, if the boot fits.

Jessie: Say that again.

Woody: [slowly enunciating] If the boot-tah fits!

Woody: I have no choice, Buzz. This is my only chance.

Buzz Lightyear: To do what Woody? Watch kids from behind glass and never be loved again? Some life.

[Buzz closes the heat duct behind him as he and the other toys leave sadly, and the Rest of the Roundup Gang approach Woody]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Good going Woody. I thought they'd never leave.

Woody: Here's your list of things to do while I'm gone: batteries need to be changed. Toys at the bottom of the chest need to be rotated. Oh, and make sure everyone attends Mr. Spell's seminar on what to do if you or part of you is swallowed. Okay? Okay, good, okay.

Buzz Lightyear: Woody you're in Danger here, we need to leave now.

Rex: Al's selling you to a Toy Museum, in Japan.

Woody: I know! It's okay, Buzz. I actually wanna go.

Mr. Potato Head: [Shocked] What? Are you crazy?

Woody: Look, the thing is, I'm this rare "Sheriff Woody" doll, and these guys, are my - round-up gang.

Buzz Lightyear: Woody, what are you talking about?

Woody: What am I talking about? "Woody's Round-Up"! Oh, it's this great old T.V. show, and I was the star.

[turns on T.V. and "Woody's Round-Up" video starts playing]

Woody: See, look, that's me!

Hamm: This is weirdin' me out.

[in the cargo hold of the plane to go to Japan, Woody finds Jessie rolled up in a corner of the green case]

Woody: [deep voice] Excuse me, ma'am, but I believe you're on the wrong flight.

Jessie: [Hugs Woody] Woody.

Woody: Come on Jessie. It's time to take you home.

Jessie: But, what if Andy doesn't like me.

Woody: Oh sure, Andy will love you. Besides, he's got a Little Sister.

Jessie: He does? Why didn't you say so?

[In Woody's dream, Andy came home from the cowboy camp. Woody then yells at the other toys that Andy's back. The toys ran back to their places. Andy ran up to his bedroom, riding on his stick with a horse head on. He then sees Woody]

Andy: Hey, Woody! Did you miss me?

[Takes Woody and plays with him]

Andy: Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup, ridin' cowboy!

[notices Woody's broken arm]

Andy: [depressed] Ohh, I forgot, you're broken. I don't wanna play with you anymore.

[In slow motion, Andy drops Woody on the cards. Woody fell through the cards and into the trash can. Woody then got scared in the trash can and the arms and hands reaches out to grab him. Woody then wails for Andy]

Woody: No, Andy, no, no, Andy, no!

[now choking]

Woody: Andy. Andy.

[the silhouette of Andy came and looks at Woody]

Andy: [echo] Byyyyyyyyyyyyyye, Woodyyyyyyyyy.

Woody: No, no! ANDY!

[Andy closes lid and Woody's nightmare ends. Woody wakes up, screaming, and sees his broken arm tangled around his neck]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: [Woody and Jessie have gotten into a fight over who turned the TV on, waking up Al in the process who'd been holding onto Woody's severed arm] Jessie, Woody, stop this at once!

[gasps as he and his box tip over face down, then Jessie and Bullseye push it up again]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: I don't know how that television turned on. But fighting about it isn't helping anything.

Woody: [angrily] If I had both my arms...

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Well the fact is, you don't, Woody. So I suggest you just wait till morning. The cleaner will come, fix your arm...

Woody: And then I'm outta here!

[Bullseye sulks]

Woody: Oh, no, no, Bullseye, don't take it that way. It's just that Andy...

Jessie: [pets Bullseye and walks away] Andy, Andy, Andy. That's all he ever talks about.

[Woody shows his boot to the rest of the Roundup Gang, with Andy's name on it, much to their shock]

Jessie: [panicking to herself] No, can't go. I can't do storage again, I just can't! I won't go back in the dark!

Stinky Pete the Prospector: [Confrontingly] Jessie, Jessie.

Woody: What's the matter? What's wrong with her?

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Well, we've been waiting in storage for a long time waiting for you.

Woody: Why me?

Stinky Pete the Prospector: The museum's only interested in the collection if *you're* in it, Woody. Without you, we go back into storage. It's that simple.

Jessie: [Frustrated] It's not fair! How can you do this to us?

Woody: Hey look, I'm sorry, but this is all a big mistake. See, I was in this yard sale and...

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Yard sale? Why were you in a yard sale if you have an owner?

Woody: Well, I wasn't supposed to be there. I was trying to save another toy when...

Stinky Pete the Prospector: [Noticing Woody's torn arm] Was it because you're damaged? Hmm? Did this Andy break you?

Woody: Yes, but... No, no, no, no, no! It was... was an accident. I mean...

Jessie: [Unamused] Sounds like he *really* loves you.

Woody: It's not like that, okay? And I'm not going to any museum!

Jessie: Well, I'm not going back into *storage*!

Woody: [after having met the Rest of the Roundup Gang in Al's Apartment] OK I'm officially freaked out now.

Stinky Pete the Prospector: [as the Roundup Gang walk over to Woody] Oh we've waited Countless Years for this day! It's good to see you Woody.

Woody: Listen, I don't know what... hey! How do you you know my name?

Jessie: Everyone knows your name, *Woody*.

[Woody pauses for a moment]

Stinky Pete the Prospector: Why you don't know who you are! Bullseye?

[Bullseye turns up the lights, revealing an entire set of Woody's Roundup Brands with Woody on them. Woody glances at them in amazement]

Woody: [Voice box] There's a Snake in my Boot.

[This catches the Attention of a Man in the corner at the Yard Sale, who picks Woody up, and glances at him, the camera covers his face up]

Al McWiggin: [Gasps] Original hand-painted face, Natural dyed blanket-stitched vest,

[Looking at Woody's torn arm]

Al McWiggin: Hmm, a little rip... fixable, if only you had your hand-stitched polyvinyl...

[Spots Woody's hat on the ground, and places it back on]

Al McWiggin: [Overjoyed] A hat, yes I found him! I found him!

[the other toys start attacking the Roundup Gang, much to Woody's confusion]

Woody: Look guys. You don't understand. They're my friends.

Rex: Yeah! We're his friends.

Woody: [Pointing at his Roundup Gang in the corner] No Rex, I mean *they're* my friends.

Woody: [Having dealt with the Prospector] Happy trails Prospector.

[Slinky and the Other Toys struggle to help Jessie and Bullseye out of the Suitcase, who Woody insisted to come along with them, but they're reaching the end of the line]

Slinky Dog: Uh Guys? We could use a 'Lil Help over here.

[Bullseye already managed to get out]

Woody: Oh no, Jessie!

[the Suitcase slips down to the Ground Support Equipment at the Runway below with Jessie in it]

Jessie: [Hanging out from the Suitcase in Dispair] No!

[the driver of the GSE puts Jessie back into the Suitcase, and loads it up]

Woody: [With help off Buzz and Bullseye, parodying his line on Woody's Roundup] Run like the Wind Bullseye!

[the three of them jump out onto the Runway and chase after the Ground Support Vehicle with the Suitcase containing Jessie]

Woody: [Whilst Gazing at the Woody's Roundup Collection in Al's Apartment] Hey, what's this?

[Presses the Gun Styled Boot, sending out a Toy Snake, which reminds Woody of one of his voice box messages]

Woody: [laughs] I get it. There's a Snake in my Boot!

Woody: Public dancing is against the law under 18 in Bomont.

Ren MacCormack: Wait, wait, wait. Jump back. Are you kidding me? *Dancing* is against the law?

Kat Ellis: Woody?

Woody: Not yet...

Kat Ellis, Woody: But it's getting there!

Woody: [Waking up in Nell's body] Tits? Oh my God! I have tits! I have TWO tits!

Woody: [inhabited by Nell, seeing how Woody has dressed her body for school] You look like a common prostitute.

Nell Bedworth: [Woody in Nell's body] Damn... I was going for high class hooker.

Woody: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and... temperate. Rough winds... blah blah blah... There's something in there I can't remember. And, uh... yadda yadda yadda. I'm sorry, I... I'm no Shakespeare. My guess, Romeo wasn't much of a quarterback either, right?

Woody: [inhabited by Nell, looking at a boy standing next to him at the mens' urinals] Nice penis.

Mr. Zbornak: Woody, you... you crying?

Woody: [inhabited by Nell] Yeah.

Mr. Zbornak: What's... what's wrong?

Woody: I'm sorry. I just found out I lost my virginity in a trailer park.

Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] What're you wearing?

Woody: [inhabited by Nell] Chinos and an Oxford cotton button down I found it in the back of your closet.

Nell Bedworth: Which is exactly where it's meant to stay until another one of my relatives croaks.

Woody: Nonsense. You can't beat a classic look.

Woody: [inhabited by Nell] So we've got the wrong lives, but sometimes you just got to get on with life. Let things fall into place.

Woody: [voiceover: Woody in Nell's body, putting on a bra] Ah, it's tough enough getting these damn things off! How the hell does anyone know how to get these freaking things on?

Nell Bedworth: But chew on this: While archetypal outsiders such as myself rarely fit comfortably into high school environments, THIS is as good as your life will get: The big football star and his vacuous cheerleader girlfriend.

Breanna: HEAD cheerleader.

Nell Bedworth: Hm. Because, let's face it, the old grey matter ain't exactly top-range, now is it, Woodster. So you'll end up with a job in Spachlor World, with your Dad, and probably marry Breanna here, but soon you start drinking to numb this aching feeling you have inside. And, you fast-forward a few years, and you're a drunk, fat, depressed guy at a bar talking about the good old days, while your little wife, whose looks and stuff have gone to doodoo, is propping up her own self-esteam by indulging in squalid sexual encounters with your friends behind your back.

Woody: What friends?

Nell Bedworth: I'm guessing most of 'em. Have a good day.

Woody: [inhabited by Nell] What exactly is it that people like me don't get?

Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] People like ME!

Woody: Then educate me, PLEASE.

Nell Bedworth: Okay. We like to play ball. Maybe we're even pretty good at it. So... maybe we get accepted at some second-rate, shit-kicker college, or maybe we go work for our dad at the spatula store. Who knows. But what we don't get is a great job, a big apartment in the city, and a Yale education.

Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] I'm a loser, I'm trouble and I'm stupid. It's basic genetics. Can't help it.

Woody: [inhabited by Nell] Funny... never took you for a quitter.

Woody: That no racket! That's Mystikal!

Woody: Nice grab, Horse. How's it hangin'?

Horse: To the floor, my friend. Now what's say we shift this baby into warp drive, huh? Wancha to feel the wind blowin' through the hair in your fine, muscular ass.

Woody: Think about it, Harry. Are you willing to trade the love of a good woman for the cheap thrill of a tawdry one-night stand?

[Horse laughs]

Woody: [inhabited by Nell] Can we just keep playing football, please?

Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] Sure, as long as you keep my dick out of your butt.

Nell Bedworth: Come here, dumb jock.

Woody: Try and stop me, pencil-neck.

Woody: Waste your brain; wax your board; pray for waves.

Woody: [on the phone to Valerie, as cops attack him] I gotta go, Val - I'm gettin' my butt kicked!

Woody: You gave him my pink shirt? You gave a complete stranger my pink shirt? That shirt was a Christmas present from you! I treasured that shirt, I loved that shirt! My collar had grown a full size from weightlifting, you saw that my arms had grown, you saw that my neck had grown and you bought me that shirt for my new body! I loved that shirt! My first shirt for my new body and you gave that shirt away? I can't believe you! I hate this life and I hate you!

Woody: That was my first shirt for my new body!

Dave: I heard about this guy who got some spanish flies for his girlfriend, because she wasn't putting out. He gave her one and stopped at a liquor store or something, and when he came out guess what he found?

Woody: She was dead on top of the gearshift.

Dave: You know the same guy!

Woody: No, the same story.

Woody: Your hurting my bike!

Billy: I'm not hurting your bike. I can't hurt a person's bike!

Woody: Well your shaking it and it's hitting my dilly dink!

Billy: Don't say stuff like that!

Woody: My dilly dink is my penis!

Woody: Yeah; he got sick from chicken pox, too much Halloween, and putting toothpaste on a lightbulb. And he got sick at the zoo... from watching a pig lick itself.

Erika: [singing] I wish I had a horse that I could ride, ride, ride.

[throws a rock in the pond]

Woody: [singing] I wish my older brother was dead, dead, dead.

[throws a rock in the pond]

Woody: Billy, I have to poop.

Woody: [Imitating Harvey] I'm Harvey and I'm here to give you jip.

Woody: Listen to me. He's a young lad. He's had a fucking bad week. So we bring him in wi' us to show him a bloody good time and you've just friggin back handed him roun' head. I'M DISAPPOINTED MATE!

Woody: Honestly mate, you look sterling.

Woody: [after Gadget tells Shaun to go home] Now I feel bad, I feel bad now.

[Looks at Gadget]

Woody: You fucking prick, you know what you are?

[smacks a pastry out of Gadget's hands]

Woody: You're a friggin' bully, Gadget.

Willard: Woody over here don't know a dance from a dipstick.

Woody: And you do? You do, huh? Which way is left? Willard, which way is your left?

[Willard looks perplexed]

Woody: He don't know his left foot from his right foot.

Woody: [Emily has just conducted a seance] Do you really believe in that kind of stuff?

Emily: I don't know.

Woody: [reacting to sound of Jessica and Duncan's lovemaking upstairs] Do you believe in THAT kind of stuff?

Emily: [embarrassed, laughing] Oh, I don't know.

Old man: Look what they're driving. Damn hippies, creeps!

Duncan: Some welcoming committee.

Jessica: I don't think they like our mode of transportation.

Woody: Look at those bandages. I think these guys are left over from the Civil War.

[to the old men]

Woody: It's cheaper than a station wagon!

[They drive off, laughing]

Old man: Good riddance.

Emily: [Emily and Duncan have just finished playing a song together] Wow, terrific! He's really something! I mean, really.

Jessica: He's an important man. He was with the Philharmonic.

Emily: Are you going to try to find someplace around here to play?

Woody: No, he's gonna farm. Raise apples, have a garden... get back to nature. He's a nut.

Jessica: *I'm* the nut.

Emily: Let's have a seance.

[the others are visibly uncomfortable]

Emily: Why not? Don't you believe in spirits? Nothing's ever completely dead.

Woody: Right! I even hear The Twist is coming back.

Woody: [Jessica and Duncan are trying to communicate with the Girl in white, who is mute, when Woody shows up] What's that?

Jessica: She led me to the body.

Woody: What's the matter with her?

Jessica: She knows who killed that man!

Woody: What man?

Duncan: [exasperated] I don't know.