Winston Quotes in John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)

Winston: You stabbed the devil in the back and forced him back into the life that he had just left. You incinerated the priest's temple. Burned it to the ground. Now he's free of the marker, what do you think he'll do? He had a glimpse of the other side and he embraced it. But you, Signor D'Antonio... took it away from him.

John Wick: Winston... tell them... Tell them all... Whoever comes, whoever it is... I'll kill them. I'll kill them all.

Winston: 'Course you will.

Winston: Jonathan, listen to me.

Santino D'Antonio: A man can stay here a long time and never eat the same meal twice.

Winston: Jonathan, just walk away.

Santino D'Antonio: Yeah Jonathan. Walk aw...

[John kills Santino with a bullet in the forehead]

Winston: What have you done?

John Wick: Finished it.

Winston: So, what's your little problem got to do with His Majesty's Royal Air Corps?

Rick: Not a damn thing.

Winston: Is it dangerous?

Rick: Well, you probably won't live through it.

Winston: By Jove, do you really think so?

Jonathan: Well, everybody else we've bumped into has died. Why not you?

Winston: What's the challenge, then?

Rick: Rescue the damsel in distress, kill the bad guy, save the world.

Winston: [as the plane spins through the sandstorm] Here I come, laddies! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Winston: You know, O'Connell, ever since the end of the Great War, there hasn't been a single challenge worthy of a man like me.

Rick: Yeah? Well, we all got our little problems today. Don't we, Winston?

Winston: [stepping into a fountain] Some bloody idiot spilled his drink.

Winston: Ms. Perkins.

[pauses as he walks up to Ms. Perkins]

Winston: Your membership to The Continental has been, by thine own hand, revoked.

[Gunmen execute Ms. Perkins]

Winston: Now, as I recall, weren't you the one tasked to dole out the beatings, not to receive them?

John Wick: Rusty, I guess.

Winston: Have you thought this through? I mean, chewed down to the bone? You got out once. You dip so much as a pinky back into this pond... you may well find something reaches out... and drags you back into its depths.

Winston: I know what you're thinking, Jonathan. We live by a code, which is why I'm not the one telling you that a certain helicopter at a certain helipad is being fueled for a certain someone.

Winston: To what do we owe the pleasure?

John Wick: Iosef Tarasov.

Winston: What about him?

John Wick: I'd like to talk with him.

Winston: A talk, you say. I'm familiar with the parlance, Jonathan.

Winston: It's... okay...

Thomas: [Thomas cries and turns back] Sorry...

Winston: Thomas... Take care of them...

[Thomas nods and leaves]

Winston: [as the group leaves, a gunshot is heard]

Winston: Don't let me turn into one of those things.

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610.

Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he?

Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.

Peter Venkman: Ouch.

Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh?

Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy.

Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]

[Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]

Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.

The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.

Winston: Mr. Mayor?

[Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]

The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?

Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.

The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got 2 minutes. Make it good.

Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that 50% of us voted for you in the last election.

The Mayor: I appreciate that.

Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.

Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proprtions is building up beneath the city.

The Mayor: Psycho-what?

Egon: Psychomagnatheric.

Peter Venkman: Big word, big word.

Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.

The Mayor: Can somebody speak english here?

Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.

Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]

[Aggrivated]

Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?

Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?

[to the Mayor]

Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.

Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please?

Peter Venkman: I beg your prdon, 3 million and *one*.

Hardemeyer: Hey.

Ray: And what *fuggy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.

Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah right.

The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?

[Begins to walk off]

The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your 2 minutes are up, good night gentlemen.

Ray: [of the insulting birthday party kids] Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city.

Winston: Yeah, we conjured up a hundred-foot marshmallow man, blew the top three floors off an uptown high-rise, and ended up getting sued by every city, county, and state agency in New York.

Ray: Yeah... but what a ride.

Ray: It looks like a giant Jell-O mold.

Winston: I hate Jell-O.

Peter Venkman: Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O!

[looking at the painting of Vigo]

Winston: Wow, that is one ugly dude.

[Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbusters' attack]

Egon: Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster. Could you move, please?

Peter Venkman: Ray...

Winston: Ray?

Egon, Peter Venkman, Winston: RAY!

[Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo]

Ray: [demonic voice] NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, shall rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men!

Peter Venkman: Now!

[they attack]

[At the foot of the Statue of Liberty]

Peter Venkman: Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Winston: Wonder what?

Peter Venkman: Whether she's naked under that toga. She *is* French. You know that.

[the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital]

Ray: As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art.

Psychiatrist: Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them?

Egon: You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city.

Psychiatrist: Yes, tell me about the slime.

Winston: It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it.

[motions to Peter]

Winston: And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby.

Psychiatrist: A bathtub?

Peter Venkman: [with his head buried in his arms in despair] Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.

Egon: [talking about the mood slime after yelling at it] We're running tests to see if we can get an equally strong positive response.

Peter Venkman: What kind of tests?

Ray: Well, we sing to it, talk to it, and say supportive, nurturing things to it.

Peter Venkman: You're not sleeping with it, are you, Ray?

[Ray doesn't answer, but stares intently at Egon]

Peter Venkman: [noticing Egon, teasingly] You hound.

Winston: It's always the quiet ones.

Egon: [clears throat, and hastily changes the subject] How 'bout the kinetic test?

[viewing the River of Slime]

Egon: You know how much negative energy would be necessary to generate a flow this size?

Winston: New York - what a town, huh?

Egon: [after a ghost train runs through Winston] I think that was the old New York Central "City of Albany"! Derailed in 1920! Killed hundreds of people! Did you catch the number on the locomotive?

Winston: Sorry. I missed it.

Winston: That was really stupid.

Egon: I think that was the New York Central City Albany! Derailed in 1920 and killed hundreds of people, did you catch the number on the locomotive?

Winston: Sorry, I missed it.

Egon: Something's trying to stop us, we must be close.

Judge Wexler: [At the Ghostbusters' trial] Before we begin this trial, I want to make one thing very clear: The law does not recognize the existence of ghosts, and I don't believe in them either. So I don't wanna hear a lot of malarkey about goblins, spooks, and demons. We're gonna stick to the facts in this case. Leave the ghost stories to the kiddies, understood?

Winston: Wow. Sounds like a pretty open-minded guy, huh?

Egon: Yeah, they call him "The Hammer."

Ray: What can we do? It's all in the hands of our lawyer now.

Louis Tully: I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and some probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school.

Ray: Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.

Peter Venkman: [the Ghostbusters enters the museum's restoration room] All right, suck in the guts, guys. We're the Ghostbusters.

[they breathe in]

Janosz: [approaches the four; claps] No! No, please go! You...

Ray: Who's this wiggler?

Ray: He's yours, Ray. Sic him.

Peter Venkman: [to Peter] I have discuss things with you. Now I...

Ray: Hi, how are you? Ray Stantz from the Ghostbusters. Nice to see you. Beautiful lab you have here.

Janosz: Can I tell what I told your friend?

Ray: We're just doing a routine spook check.

Janosz: Eh, Dr. Venkman, Dana is not here.

Peter Venkman: Yeah, we know that, Johnny.

Janosz: So why are you came?

Peter Venkman: Well, we got a report there was a major creep in the area. We checked our list and you were right there at the top. Johnny, where the hell are you from anyway?

Janosz: The Upper West Side.

Egon: The whole room's extremely hot, Peter.

Janosz: Hot?

Winston: [notices the painting of Vigo] Ooh, that's one ugly dude.

Peter Venkman: Oh, that's Vigo. Mr. Vigo?

Janosz: Uh...

Peter Venkman: [starts to take pictures of Vigo] Vigs, would you look this way, please?

Janosz: Please. No, don't. No, no!

Peter Venkman: Come on, show me something.

Janosz: No! No photographs, please! Slides are available in the Gift Shop, eh?

[Winston pulls Janosz out of the way; Janosz yells]

Peter Venkman: Yeah, thanks. Thank you, Winston.

Winston: Lara, do you think there is enough time to save the world?

Lara Croft: Absolutely.

[Jenny has found Oliver and wants to keep him]

Winston: I know you're growing attached to the little fellow, but do try to understand. Your parents left me responsible for you.

Jenny: They won't mind. Really. Don't worry, kitty. I'll take care of you.

Winston: Georgette is not going to like this.

Winston: Rise and shine, Georgette. Your public awaits.

Eve: Aww Kate, you look so beautiful. Now, if Garth gets out of line, take those beautiful teeth of your's, go for the throat and don't let go until the body stops shaking.

Kate: [Looks around in shock]

Winston: [Clears throat] My little girl doesn't want to do this, she's not ready.

Kate: Don't worry dad, I'm ready.

Winston: [laughs]

Kate: Come on Lilly.

Lilly: Ok, ok.

Winston: An Alpha and an Omega. An Omega and an Alpha. Eve, help me out!

Eve: Oh!

[Faints]

Kate: [Kate and Garth are about to be married] I... can't.

Garth: You can't!

[Pumps his fist and sighs in relief]

Garth: I mean... you can't?

Tony: What's this, Winston? Why can't she marry Garth?

Winston: Quiet!

[Softly, to Kate]

Winston: Kate, why can't you marry Garth?

Kate: Because I, sort of, uh... fell in love with an Omega.

Tony: It's the full moon, Winston.

Winston: I can see that, Tony!

Tony: I didn't wanted to come to this.

Winston: But here we are.

Winston: [End scene, in pool] Great party, sire!

Garfield: Yep. When the going gets tough, the great ones party.

Garfield: [Garfield's round figure prevents him to enter the playhouse, shows signs of struggle] Does this castle make my butt look a little too big?

Winston: [Standing behind Garfield] Fits you like a glove.

Winston: [Garfield strains through the entrance and due to excessive pressure, he emits a fart into Winston's face] Ooh! Blimey.

Garfield: Pardon.

Winston: Well struck, sire. Good tone, smooth finish.

Garfield: Well, you took that in the best spirit, didn't you?

[after being served a plate of Carlyle log]

Garfield: Ugh. Does a Great Dane live here?

Winston: It's your Carlyle log, my lord. A savory of liver and spleen served in a sleeve of sheep's intestines.

Garfield: And... you're supposed to eat it? What is this, Fear Factor? Intestines, spleen?

[pushes the plate away]

Garfield: I'm the king, right?

Winston: Prince, actually.

Garfield: Same difference, I rule. Yes?

Winston: Yes, Your Highness.

Garfield: Great. Well, feed this to the humans, and just bring me a piping hot dish of lasagna. Okay?

Winston: I'll see to it at once, sire.

Preston: It's the real Prince. The genuine article.

Prince: Yes, my friends, I have returned to you at this, our darkest hour. So tell me Winston, what exactly is Lord Dargis up to?

Winston: He intends to level our homes and kill us all.

Prince: O... kay. Well, in that case, I decree that we pack our bags and get our scraggy bottoms out of here. Perhaps to the castle next door.

Garfield: [turns to leave] Oh boy.

Nigel: Well, that was inspirational.

Bolero: Brilliant.

McBunny: I am so fired up.

Garfield: [walking back] You know, I believe we can do better.

Preston: I thought you were leaving.

Garfield: Hey. Button the beak, Froot Loops, or I'll stick that thing on backwards. Look, Lord Doofus is just another bully. And what do we do to bullies?

Meenie: Well, generally, we run from them.

Garfield: [confident] No, we don't leave. We stand and we kick royal butt. Trust me, if you beastsssss can bake a two-cheese lasagna, you can beat Dargis.

Preston: Well, do you have a plan, Garfield?

Garfield: Tell you what. For the duration of this battle I would prefer to be called "G-Cat". And *we*...

[indicating Prince]

Garfield: ... have *two* plans.

Prince: [realizing] Oh teamwork.

Nigel: Got it. Could have just come down and told me that, couldn't he? Alright, listen up. Barnyard newsflash. I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Christophe, Bolero, Eenie, McBunny: The bad news.

Nigel: Lord Dargis just threw Prince in the river.

[animals panic]

Winston: Okay, give me the good news.

Nigel: He was in a lovely picnic basket.

Eenie: If he throws us in the river, we'll never survive!

Christophe: You're ducks, you could swim.

Eenie: Oh.

Preston: [enters the barnyard with a scroll] Winston, I'm next in line for the throne.

Bolero: Uh-oh. This could get ugly.

Preston: [rolls out the scroll] I have here a new list of rules for governance.

Winston: Preston, I hardly think that's necessary.

Preston: Rule number one. The barnyard animals congregate entirely too close to the castle. We house pets need our space.

McBunny: Oh, you've got enough space, laddie, right between your ears!

[animals laugh]

Preston: You take that back! I command you! As your new king...

Winston: Look. There's still a chance Prince may find his way back here. In the meantime, Claudius, you go into the castle and find out what Dargis is up to.

I, Claudius: I'm on it. I'm your mouse on the inside.

Winston: I'll see what I can learn from my end.

Winston: Oyez, oyez. Prince XII has returned.

[ducks trumpet]

Garfield: Thank you windbag, for that flobbering introduction. Hello, everybody!

[animals look in astonishment]

Garfield: Hey, listen up...

[flicks Winston's nose]

Garfield: is this an audience or a landscape? Okay, great to be back here at the palace. I look out, I see a sea of... of dumb barnyard animals. I'm here in your country to break up a romance between the guy who owns the house I live in and a girl who's way out of his league. I know that whatever it is that you have, there's some sort of affliction that produces this glazed look behind your eyes. I hope you defeat it. Wish I could take everybody home with me. Thank you.

[walks away]

Garfield: I killed.

Winston: Very funny, sire. Well done.

Nigel: I didn't realize it was amateur hour.

Eenie: What's up with Prince?

Christophe: Oh, he's on the catnip again.

I, Claudius: Hold on, chaps! Have I got news for you!

McBunny: What's the word, Claudius?

I, Claudius: Dargis is going to bulldoze the barnyard and feed us to the tourists!

Nigel: Let him try. He'll have to deal with these fists of fury first, wouldn't he?

[animals complain]

Winston: Calm yourselves, everyone. We're alright as long as Prince is alive.

McBunny: Well, obviously, that feline is not Prince, you idiots!

Preston: He's not even a cat formerly known as Prince.

[animals argue]

Winston: Wait, he doesn't have to be Prince. He just has to look like him. If he fooled me, he'll fool them.

McBunny: But what's to stop Dargis from getting rid of this cat too?

Winston: McBunny's right. We must protect this cat at all costs. Our fates rely on it.

Garfield: Okay.

[jumps onto the table]

Garfield: Hold it right here, all you animals. What goes on here, Winston?

Winston: We're preparing the royal lasagna, sire. Unless you prefer another dish.

Garfield: Did you say dish? Lasagna's not a dish, windbag. It's a way of life. A state of being one's perfect achievement. What did the Indians serve to the Pilgrims? Lasagna. What did Marie Antoinette scream to the rebel? "Let them eat lasagna." What did Neil Armstrong say when he landed on the moon? "That's one small slice of lasagna." It's not a dish. It's the stuff of dreams. It's the food of the gods. It's what's for lunch.

Winston: Well, it seems we've already mucked it up.

Garfield: You just need a little guidance, that's all.

Garfield: Holy cow. I could hear my footsteps. Mom... Dad... I'm home.

Winston: Your highness!

Garfield: You're talking to me, froggy?

Winston: It's me, your trusty servant, Winston.

Garfield: Hey...

[shows off some fighting moves]

Garfield: Warning, I don't fight fair. I scratch, and I bite.

Winston: It's alright, sire. All is well now, your home.

Garfield: Home? A retirement home, a happy home? So what is this... is this an insane asylum? Am I being kidnapped?

Winston: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, sire. Your loyal subjects await you. They need to be comforted by your word.

Garfield: Hey... trust me, windbag. There's no way I'm gonna give a speech to a bunch of deranged...

Winston: And then of course, following your words, a royal feast.

Garfield: [interested] I think I'm just gonna do a tight two minutes, see if that will calm 'em down, okay?

Garfield: Come, my pumpkin windbag. We're ready to roll.

Winston: Roll? Where to?

Garfield: You know, to the hotel, to Jon.

Winston: Your master? The one who's leaving you for his new wife?

Garfield: He's not leaving me. It's more of a... temporary insanity thing.

Winston: Garfield, your master started a new life. It's time for you to begin yours. Come on, I wanna show you something.

Garfield: Look at this room, for example. How are you gonna liven this place up?

Winston: But sire, this castle is centuries old.

Garfield: It's a museum. It's boring. And you know what's missing when your crib is a museum? It's called fun!

Winston: Fun?

Garfield: It's not that hard, you just need a running start at something. Just... whoa...

Winston: This is gonna end up so badly.

[Garfield slides across the floor and bumps into a table which sends a flower vase falling to the floor]

Garfield: It was already cracked.

Winston: Ha-ha. Nothing escapes you, sire.

Garfield: Yeah, I like the way this feels. You slide, baby. Whoa...

[knocks over a china vase and breaks it]

Garfield: D'uh oh.

Winston: Don't worry about that. That one was cracked as well.

Garfield: [leans against a statue] Oh, I can relax. Oops.

[the statue tips over, knocking down all the other statues in succession]

Dargis: [enters the museum] What the... Oof!

[last statue falls on Dargis]

Dargis: Smithee! Get this thing off me!

Garfield: Oh, let's go try another room.

Winston: Good idea, sire.

Garfield: Careful. That's high-quality American cardboard you're tossing around in there. Beautiful, fellas. Hang the plasma over the slip-and-slide.

Winston: Sire, a word?

Garfield: Jowls, my lad. Guess what your enlightened, all-powerful ruler has brought to the castle.

Preston: Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

Winston: Don't tell me, a Renaissance painting.

Garfield: Foosball, you know, foosball.

Winston: Fo-fo-fo-foosball?

Preston: What do you think this is, a pub?

Garfield: Just because we don't have opposable thumbs, doesn't mean we don't play bargains.

Winston: Yes sire, but I feel your life is in danger.

Garfield: Listen, Winnebago, if I may call you that. When history speaks of me, and she will, I wanna be remembered as the Party Prince.

Winston: As you wish.

Nigel: You chaps know me, I'm no snob, right? But this cat is too much.

Preston: That is an embarrassment to our whole way of life.

Nigel: He's a disgrace to the furry race. "My pillow isn't soft enough, my TV remote won't work..."

Winston: Don't get your knickers in a twist. I know he's a pain in the neck but we just gotta keep him safe till Monday.

[ducks trumpet]

Garfield: Yeah, my loyal and fragrant subjects. Please, thank you. Briefly, I hate Mondays. I hate 'em. Therefore I decree, from this day forward, there will be no more Mondays.

Eenie, Meenie: What?

Garfield: Got it? Today is Tuesday, then. Happy Tuesday, everybody.

Christophe: Yeah, I think he's lost it.

Winston: Like I said, we just gotta keep him safe till Tuesday.

Garfield: You know what, I've got two words for that guy: you're fired.

Winston: If only it were that simple, sire.

Preston: Hogwash! This cat is mocking us at every turn.

Winston: Preston, calm yourself. He's only doing what's best for us.

Preston: How much longer should we sustain this charade?

[Garfield peeks into the door]

Preston: I can't believe this cat is so stupid as to think he is actually erotic.

Winston: Well, he does. And house cat or not, we need him.

Garfield: Wha - ? House cat?

Winston: Just have a little patience.

Preston: Patience? Fine. Admit it, Winston. This buffoon couldn't groom the paws of a real king.

Garfield: Buffoon?

Garfield: And there's the time I got hit by that car,

[scratches a line on the wall]

Garfield: and the time I ate that six-day-old halibut.

[scratches another line on the wall]

Garfield: That's only seven lives. I got two more. I'm gonna get out of this.

[a rock falls, creating a hole in the wall]

Garfield: Bingo.

I, Claudius: [pokes his head through the hole] Winston and I have come to your rescue.

Garfield: Took you long enough. What, did you finally hear my stomach growl?

I, Claudius: [enters the dungeon] No, but we heard your tiresome monologue. Bad halibut indeed.

[a rock moves, revealing an escape path from the dungeon]

Winston: Let's get you out of here, your royal highness.

Garfield: Winster.

Winston: The solicitors are here. We have to move quickly.

Garfield: Huh.

Winston: Then we lunge in, your royal highness.

Garfield: Yeah, you can drop that shtik, drool boy. I heard you and the bird. How about the "house cat" part? I love that.

Winston: Oh, all right, all right, so we weren't exactly honest. We had to do it. What would you have done?

Garfield: Save your breath, chubby cheeks. I shall abdicate my throne and return to my TV chair.

Winston: You're our only hope.

Garfield: The only hope of the hopeless.

Winston: These pills don't look like enemas to me.

Karen Silkwood: Winston, do you know what these are? These are little tiny time capsules, like the ones you see on TV. They clear up your nasal passages for up to twelve... hours straight...

[Karen sneezes into her hand loudly, then wipes it on Winston's lab coat]

Karen Silkwood: Excuse me.

Winston: God bless you.

Karen Silkwood: What's that?

Winston: ...Well, what do you want with it?

[Karen licks his finger and dips it in Winston's sandwich]

Karen Silkwood: Mystery meat, hmm?

Winston: There's no mystery!

Winston: It doesn't matter whether you work in plutonium or dog food because they ain't gonna give you a thing, there's nowhere left to go! You close this plant down and then what? You're gonna be up in Washington, but we're gonna be down here outta work! Your cancer's a maybe, that's all it is, a maybe...

[Drew sees Winston standing outside, gawking at Karen and Dolly's quarantined home]

Drew Stephens: What are you doing here?

Winston: Just looking around... same as you.

[Winston bounces his empty beer can off the front porch and leaves it in the grass. Drew walks past him and Winston smiles, but suddenly Drew turns around and punches him in the side of the head]

Winston: Charles, why have we got that cage?

Charles: Uh, security.

Winston: That's right, that's right, security. So what's the point in having it if we're not goin' fucking use it?

Charles: Well, I would've used it but this is Willie and Willie lives here.

Winston: Yes, but you didn't know it was Willie until you opened the door, did you?

Willie: Chill, Winston, it's me. Charlie knows it's me. What's the problem?

Winston: The problem, Willie, is that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep *the fucking cage locked!* What is that?

Willie: That's Gloria.

Winston: Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that?

Willie: Fertilizer.

Winston: You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer. Alarm bells are ringing, Willie.

Willie: We need fertilizer Winston.

Winston: Mmmhmm. We also need a money counter. This money's got to be out by Thursday, I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. Just make sure if you do need to buy sodding fertilizer you could be a bit more subtle.

Willie: What do you mean?

Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah? And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking- culturalist! That's what I mean Willie.

Winston: Charles, get the rifle out. We're being fucked.

Rory Breaker: What did you shoot him with, an air rifle?

Winston: Look, we grow weed. We're not mercenaries.

Rory Breaker: You don't say.

Winston: He's the one we shot in the neck.

[Referring to Plank]

Rory Breaker: Is that right, Mr. Botanical?

Winston: Is something wrong?

Don Johnston: It's probably nothing.

Winston: A love letter, from one of your lovely ladies?

Don Johnston: Something like that. I'll read it to you. "Dear Don. Sometimes life brings some strange surprises. Its been almost 20 years since we've seen each other, but, now there's something I need to tell you. Years ago, after our story ended, I discovered I was pregnant. I decided to go through with the pregnancy and I had a baby. A son, your son. I decided to raise him by myself because our time together had come to a close. My son is now almost 19. He's somewhat shy and secretive, unlike you. But, a sensitive wonderful person. A few days ago he left on a mysterious road trip. But, I'm almost certain he's searching for his father. I've told him almost nothing about you. But, he's resourceful and imaginative. Anyway, if this is, in fact, your correct address, well, I just felt I should let you know." There was no signature and no return address.

Winston: Hey, congratulations! You're a father!

Rita: Daddy, you're not supposed to be smoking.

Winston: Oh, no, no. This is just some assorted herbs, some cheeba.

Don Johnston: Let me see that

[takes a drag of cigarette]

Don Johnston: Yep, it's just cannabis sativa.

Winston: You are the Don Juan.

Winston: Cool. Cool. Cool. Ohhhh, this is my kind of information, man.

[snaps fingers, three times]

Winston: I love the net! Ha-ha-ha. The whole world of information, through the one, click.

David Patrick: We stopped off for ice cream.

Winston: When the fuck did we get ice cream?

Glen: People tell us all the time what we wont ever do. Won't ever read, won't ever have a job, won't ever learn to tie my own shoes, won't ever have a girlfriend. Well I have done all those things.

Mark: But you can't tie your own shoes.

Winston: And you never had a girlfwiend.

Glen: That's right

Winston: Hey steve, ask me *any* movie.

Steve Barker: Okay, hmm..."Jaws"

Winston: That's a good movie.

Winston: Stay away from ginger ale and tequila. It's a bitch!

Winston: Hey, you want to dance?

Tara: What I want, Winston, is I want OUT of here and I want out NOW!

Winston: Why? Don't you know how to dance?

Winston: I was supposed to have her home by midnight, and instead, I sold her to a pimp!

Winston: Did anything happen to you?

Tara: Well, let's see. I was kidnapped, they stole my dress and I was driven over here in the trunk of a car. Did you mean besides that?

Winston: Hey, give me a break here!

Tara: Gee, am I overreacting? Well, I guess being sold into prostitution has made me a little edgy; or maybe it's the thought of almost losing my virtue to the Goodyear blimp - and then again it could be simply the sleazy feeling of vinyl against my skin.

Winston: You know what you are? YOU are an egotistical, self-centered, little BRAT!

Tara: That's terrific!

[Bumps into guy on stairway]

Tara: Excuse me, sir. Now if you'll both pardon me, sir. Do you win over a lot of girls this way, Winston?

[Still can't get past the guy]

Tara: I'm sorry, sir, we'll be out of your way in just one moment.

Winston: Nice hairdo... you get FM on that?

Lisa: You took Tara into a SEWER?

Winston: Yeah, only for a couple of seconds.

Winston: [to rock band at club. Winston is wearing the sunglasses he found in the bathroom] Excuse me, are you gonna talk or are you gonna rock?

Winston: [posturing, trying to look tough] Yeah, I'm looking for this guy named Cueball. You know where he lives?

Newsie: [spits on the sidewalk, in disdain] Who wants to know?

Winston: [spits, weakly] Tito.

Newsie: [demeanor changes to cheerful compliance] Oh, uh... ground floor, first door on the right.

Winston: [tries to untie Tara] What have you got to wear?

Tara: All I've got is a tube-top and a mini-skirt.

Winston: It's *better* than nothing!

Tara: Winston, tube-tops are out, and the mini-skirt is vinyl.

Winston: Look at me. I come back from two back-to-back tours in Iraq last year, and I got shit. No job, no degree, no money... nothin'. All I have is respect, and from you...

[menacingly]

Winston: I'm gonna get respect.

Winston: Look man, there's only three reasons why you can't make your court date. One, you're in a hospital. Two, you're in jail. Three, your ass is dead.

Winston: I don't have to know what I'm doing, just so long as you know.

Max Cherry: I think I do. Good enough?

Winston: You bet.

Winston: [Phone rings] Bail bonds.

Ordell Robbie: Yeah, Max there?

Winston: He ain't here right now, man.

Ordell Robbie: Well, where he at? Out of town?

Winston: He's AROUND, man.

Ordell Robbie: Well, gimme his home number.

Winston: No, I'll give you his BEEPER number.

Ordell Robbie: All right. Break off the beeper number, nigga.

Max Cherry: If you've got time, you think you can find out where he's staying?

Winston: Cops can't locate him, huh?

Max Cherry: They don't have your winning personality.

Tim Nunley: Sure am sorry about your brother, Freddie. Ol' Willard too... good boys both.

Freddie Lee Cobb: Ten years ago, that n*gger'd be hanging by the end of a rope with his balls in his mouth. Now you tell me what's wrong with this country.

Winston: Klan would know what to do.

Freddie Lee Cobb: My granddaddy, he was Klan.

Tim Nunley: Ain't been no Klan around here for years.

Winston: Ah they's still some boys around.

Tim Nunley: What you mean them skinheads that want to blow up the government?

Winston: No sir, good god-fearing Klan... I got a friend, used to be active, could give him a call.

Freddie Lee Cobb: You do that Winston. You tell them boys we need some Klan down here in Canton. And I mean right quick.

Winston: How much?

Jody: I'll let it go for $40.

Winston: $40?

Jody: Look, $35. That's the lowest I can go. You're killing me.

Winston: Okay, $35.

Jody: Thank you.

Winston: I'll squeeze my tiny ass up in this... upstage these bitches in here. You like it girl? Cute?

Winston: If you're at all attached to your hands and wish to remain that way, I wouldn't touch that.