William Lightbody Quotes in The Road to Wellville (1994)

William Lightbody: Oh, no, no, I can't eat fifteen gallons of yoghurt.

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: Oh, it's not going in that end, Mr. Lightbody.

William Lightbody: You were masturbating!

Dr. Lionel Badger: I was not! I was massaging my colon!

William Lightbody: Massaging your colon! I know where the colon is and it doesn't stick up in the air!

Waiter: What would you like for dinner?

William Lightbody: Toast.

Waiter: And how would you like that, sir?

William Lightbody: Toasted.

William Lightbody: They're dead! They've been electrocuted!

Endymion Hart-Jones: Rather a severe cure for flatulence, I do admit.