William Quotes in The Great Wall (2016)

William: I fought for Harold against the Danes. I saved a Duke's life. I fought for him until he died. Fought for Spain against the Franks. Fought for the Franks against the Boulogne. I fought for the Pope. Many flags.

Tovar: Amigo, only you would carry a stupid magnet through the desert.

William: I can use it to make a compass.

William: Is there a chance?

Strategist Wang: There's only one. Kill the Queen. Kill the Queen, or we all die.

William: I've been left for dead twice... it was bad luck.

Ballard: For who ?

William: The people who left me!

William: We are honored, to be honored.

Tovar: Is that the best you've got ?

Commander Lin Mae: I set you free.

William: And here I am.

William: Look at this army... have you ever seen anything like this ?

Tovar: Incredible.

Commander Lin Mae, William: Why are you here?

William: We came to trade.

Commander Lin Mae: You lie. You are thieves!

Commander Lin Mae: Why did you go over the Wall?

William: Xinren... did I say it right?

Commander Lin Mae: Thank you.

William: The last time I saw you, you left me for dead.

Tovar: The the time before that I saved your life!

[William shuts off his laptop where was talking to his mother]

Richard Addison: What have I told you about your mother?

William: My mother's a whore.

[William exhales a sigh of relief after his father leaves without a word]

Prince Edward: [sighs] What a pair we make, huh? Both trying to hide who we are, both unable to do so. Your men love you. If I knew nothing else about you, that would be enough. But you also tilt when you should withdraw... and that is knightly, too.

Prince Edward: [to guards] Release him.

[Edward turns to crowd]

Prince Edward: He may appear to be of humble origins, but my personal historians have discovered that he is descendent from an ancient royal line.

[crowd murmuring]

Prince Edward: This is my word... and, as such, is beyond contestation.

Prince Edward: [turns to William] Now, if I may repay the kindness you once showed me... take a knee.

[draws his sword]

Prince Edward: By the power vested in me by my father, King Edward, and by all the witnesses here, I dub thee Sir William.

[crowd cheers]

Prince Edward: [silencing crowd] Arise... Sir William. Can you joust?

William: What?

Prince Edward: There's my tournament to finish. Now, are you fit to compete, or shall the forfeit stand?

William: No, I'm fit.

Prince Edward: I shall have your opponent informed of it. You look for his shield in the lists... at once.

William: Thank you, my lord.

Wat: You have been weighed.

Roland: You have been measured.

Kate: And you have absolutely...

Chaucer: Been found wanting.

William: Welcome to New World. God save you, if it is right that He should do so.

William: Oi sir, what are you doing?

Chaucer: Uh... trudging. You know, trudging?

[pause]

Chaucer: To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on.

William: Uhhh... were you robbed?

Chaucer: [laughs] Funny really, yes, but at the same time a huge resounding no. It's more of an... involuntary vow of poverty... really.

William: Father, I am afraid, I won't know the way back home.

John Thatcher: Don't be foolish, William, you just follow your feet.

Chaucer: There she is, William. The embodiment of love. Your Venus.

William: And how I hate her.

William: Leave, Roland. Let them have me.

Roland: God love you, William. So do I.

William: Your name lady, I still need to hear it.

Jocelyn: Sir hunter, you persist.

William: Or perhaps angels have no names, only beautiful faces.

Chaucer: Very good.

William: Was she watching? Geoff.

Chaucer: What?

William: Did she see me?

Chaucer: Yes, she saw you.

William: Did she see me take the hit?

Chaucer: Yes, she saw you take the hit.

William: Well, was she concerned?

Chaucer: It was dreadful, her eyes welled up, it was awful.

William: It is strange to think, I haven't seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. I next compete in the city of Paris, I will find it empty and in the winter if you are not there. Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you.

Jocelyn: Sir Ulrick. What are you wearing to the ball tonight?

William: Er... nothing...

Jocelyn: Well, we shall cause a sensation, for I'll dress to match.

William: [annoyed] Don't you ever get tired of putting on clothes?

Chaucer: [whispers] I believe she was talking about taking them off, sir.

Jocelyn: A flower is only as good as its petals. Don't you think?

William: A flower is good for nothing. You can't eat a flower, a flower can't keep you warm...

Jocelyn: And a rose never knocked a man off a horse either, did it?

William: You're just a silly girl aren't you.

Jocelyn: Better a silly girl with a flower, than a silly boy with a horse and a stick...

[she walks away]

Wat: It's called a lance. Heellooo?

Jocelyn: Damn your pride, William. It is you, and only you, that will not see you run.

William: My pride is the only thing that they can't take from me.

Jocelyn: They can take it away from you; they can, and they will. Oh, they will. But love they cannot take.

Chaucer: Are you mad? You knowingly endanger a member of the royal family?

William: He knowingly endangers himself.

Jocelyn: Your name makes no matter to me, so long as I may call you my own.

William: Oh, but I am your own, Jocelyn.

Jocelyn: Run and I will run with you.

William: I cannot run!

William: I will not lose.

Jocelyn: Then you do not love me.

Roland: God love you, William.

William: I know, I know. 'Cause no one else will.

Wat: Say something about her breasts.

Roland: Yeah, you miss her breasts.

William: Her breasts.

Chaucer: Ye... yes, you... you could, umm... umm... but I... I would tend to look above her breasts, William.

William: Well I... I miss her throat.

Chaucer: Uh, still higher really, toward the heavens.

Kate: The moon at least, her breasts were not that impressive.

William: Well then a fox you shall be until I find your name, my foxy lady.

William: [on asking Kate to mend his armour] It's just as well, they told me I was daft for even asking.

Kate: Who?

William: The other armourers.

Kate: Did they say I couldn't do it because I'm a woman?

William: No, they said you were great with horseshoes, but shite with armour. The fact that you were a woman wasn't even mentioned.

William: I can't explain it. She makes me feel like a poet.

Roland: Well you may feel like a poet, but you sound like an idiot. You don't even know her name.

Roland: What are you doing?

William: Losing.

Roland: I don't understand!

William: Neither do I.

William: It's not in me to withdraw.

Prince Edward: No. Nor me. Though it happens.

William: Love has given me wings so I must fly.

William: If I could ask God one thing, it would be to stop the moon. Stop the moon and make this night and your beauty last forever.

William: I'm Ulrich von Leichtenstein, from Guilderland, and these are my faithful squires.

[gestures to Roland]

William: Delves, of Dogington,

[gestures to Wat]

William: and Falhurst, of Crew.

Chaucer: I'm Richard the Lionheart. Pleased to meet you. No, wait a minute, I'm Charlemagne. No, I'm Saint John the Baptist!

[William draws a large knife]

William: All right, hold your tongue sir, or lose it.

Chaucer: Now you see *that* I do believe, Sir Ulrich.

William: I've waited my whole life for this moment.

Wat: You've waited your whole life for Sir Ector to shite himself to death?

William: Can you keep a secret?

[the lone girl nods]

William: I was born in Cheapside, in that house over there.

[points it out to the girl]

Lone Girl in Cheapside: Really? I live just there.

[points to the house across from it]

William: Wait, how old are you?

Lone Girl in Cheapside: Nine and one half, sir.

William: Nine and one half. I wonder, can you remember a man, although probably died just before you were born. He was as tall as a knight, his name was John Thatcher.

Lone Girl in Cheapside: Well of course I remember him.

William: You do?

Lone Girl in Cheapside: Yeah, he lives there still.

[William is shocked]

Lone Girl in Cheapside: Sometimes you can see him looking from his window, though no one knows why.

William: What do you mean?

Lone Girl in Cheapside: He's blind, sir.

Adhemar: And you are?

William: Well, I am, um.

Adhemar: You've forgotten, or your name is Sir Um?

William: Ulrich von Lichtenstein from Gelderland.

Adhemar: Well, I'd forget as well, what a mouthful.

Jocelyn: I demand poetry, and when I want it, and I want it now.

William: Your breasts... they're beneath your throat.

William: You favour cathedrals.

Jocelyn: I come for confession. And the glass... a riot of color in a dreary, grey world.

Chaucer: Look, I have a gambling problem. I can't help myself. And these people will - quite literally - take off clothes of your back.

William: What are you expecting us to do about it?

Peter The Pardoner of Rouen: He assured us that you, his liege, would pay us.

William: And who are you?

Peter The Pardoner of Rouen: Peter, a humble pardoner and purveyor of religious relics.

William: How much does he owe you?

Simon The Summoner of Rouen: Ten gold florins.

William: What would you do to him, if I was to refuse?

Simon The Summoner of Rouen: We, on behalf of the Lord God, would take him of his flesh, so that he may understand that gambling is a sin.

[first lines]

William: Should we help him?

William: Where will we live? In my hovel? With the pigs inside during the winter so they won't freeze?

Jocelyn: Yes, William. With the pigs.

Adhemar: Your armor, sir.

William: What about it?

Adhemar: How stylish of you to joust in an antique. You'll start a new fashion if you win. My grandfather will be able to wear his in public again, and a shield, how quaint.

[William rides off]

Adhemar: Some of these poor country knights, little better then peasants.

William: This is a disaster.

Roland: [staring at the tent material] Nah, I think it'll tunic up quite nicely.

William: I'll ride in his place.

Roland: What's your name, William? I'm asking you William Thatcher, to answer me with your name? It's not Sir William. It's not Count, or Duke or Earl William. It's certainly not King William.

William: I'm aware of that.

Roland: You have to be of noble birth to compete!

William: A detail. The landscape is food. Do you want to eat or don't you?

Roland: If the nobles find out who you are there'll be the devil to pay.

William: Then pray that they don't.

Chaucer: We regret to inform your lady that my lord will not be attending...

William: Herald, do not answer questions you do not know the answer to!

Chaucer: Absolutely, my lord.

William: For that I say my rosary to her and no-one else.

Wat: Will, that's blasphemy.

Peter The Pardoner of Rouen: He assured us that you, his liege, would pay us.

William: And you are?

Peter The Pardoner of Rouen: Peter. A humble Pardoner and purveyor of religious relics.

William: Where will we live? In my hovel? With the pigs inside during the winter so they won't freeze?

Jocelyn: Yes, William. With the pigs... The poor can marry for love...

William: Oh Jocelyn, you speak of what you do not know...

Jocelyn: William I beg you. Please, run... do it for love...

William: She hasn't changed. She has that same light inside her. You must see it.

The Huntsman: You'd be blind if you didn't.

William: I've thought about her every day since I lost her. I can hardly believe I found her.

The Huntsman: You should tell her how you feel. It'd be good for her.

William: No. I wouldn't know how.

The Huntsman: You not telling someone something like that and living with the regret is a lot worse.

Duke Hammond: We have word of the Princess. Ravenna has kept her all these years.

William: She lives?

Thomas: She escaped the castle and into the Dark Forest.

William: I'm going after her.

Duke Hammond: We don't know if she survived. William!

William: What?

Duke Hammond: You ventured beyond the castle walls again, disobeying my orders. You're all that's left. Don't you understand? I cannot afford to lose any more of my men.

William: I'm going alone.

Duke Hammond: I will not lose my only son. You don't know the Dark Forest.

William: Then I will find someone who does. I will not abandon her a second time!

Snow White: William. It's as if nothing's changed here. The world seems beautiful again.

William: It will be when you are queen. The people of this kingdom hate Ravenna with every fiber.

Snow White: I used to hate her. Now I feel only sorrow.

William: Once people find out you're alive they will rise up in your name.

Snow White: It takes more than a name.

William: You are your father's daughter. The rightful heir. If I had a choice I'd take you far away. Keep you safe by my side. But I have a duty and so do you.

Snow White: How do I inspire? How will I lead men?

William: The way you led me when we were children. I followed you everywhere. I ran when you called. I would have done anything for you.

Snow White: That's not how I remember it. We used to fight all the time. And argue.

William: I'm sorry I left you.

Snow White: You didn't.

William: If I'd have thought you were alive I would have come for you.

Snow White: We were children, William. You're here now.

William: I said, do you need a bowman?

William: I will not abandon her a second time!

William: Shoot me. That's an order.

[Veronica points gun and pulls the trigger, but there are no bullets. William sighs and bends down to pick up 2 rocks from the ground]

William: You see, the problem with guns are...

[William throws one towards Veronica and it falls into the lake behind her]

William: You run or of bullets.

[He throws another one]

Veronica: [she dodges the second one] Woah!

William: [he throws his arms out wide] What are you gonna do? I got all this!

[He gestures to the rocks and stones around him on the shore]

William: What do you got?

[Veronica examines the empty gun in her hand]

William: You know what a gun is without bullets? Just a paperweight.

William: I want you to look them in the eyes, Veronica. Make your face the last thing they see.

William: [he is walking up to Veronica, who is sitting in a chair in an empty room] As human beings we are free. Free to love, to hate, to fight, to kill. This freedom is found in every living person on this planet. There is no one person more powerful than the other. Only the one with the most will is the strongest. Height, weight, physical appearance... none of these things matter. The only thing that matters is your mind. The question then becomes: are you the type of person... that can summon their power... at will?

[chokes Veronica]

[first lines]

William: Hello.

Young Veronica: Hello.

William: My name is William. Did they tell you what happened?

Young Veronica: My mom and daddy died.

William: That's right. Does that bother you?

Young Veronica: People die all the time.

[last lines]

William: So, how's your pancakes?

Veronica: [after she licks the cream from her finger] Terrible.

William: Mine too.

William: If we allow ourselves to be full of hate, then they've won. We must not let them take our hearts.

Morgan: They're backwards.

William: I assure you ma'am, they're normal in every respect.

William: Congratulations, madam. There's another town you've destroyed.

Morgan: Give me the map.

William: Give me... a kiss first.

William: It is hard to imagine which part of your life would require me to speak Latin.

William: Why don't *you* row?

Morgan: Why don't you *swim*?

[Morgan has pilfered the governor's carriage and is being chased by British Royal soldiers, and a British Naval ship that canon fires at her. William is confused, thinking that the British is chasing him, unaware that Morgan is a pirate]

William: [shrieking] A SHIP! I find *myself* being *bombarded* by an *entire ship*!

[repeated line]

William: MORGAN!

Effy: I wanna tell you a story. Its about...

William: Whats going on?

Effy: Telling him a story about Skagen. It's in the north of the country where the two oceans meet.

Jeremy: I heard of this place.

William: I went there once with my mother.She was sad because her boyfriend left.And I was sad because I had a fight with my best friend.So she brought me to the end of the beach, and then she pointed to the right where the Baltic Sea is.

Jeremy: I knew that

William: Yeah, from Risk

Effy: So it's a very beautiful and very blue sea.The waves travel west.

William: Current

Effy: What?

William: Current travels west, not waves.

Effy: So the current travels west, and she pointed to the left. Also a very beautiful blue sea, but the current travels east. And then she pointed to the middle,and she said that... that is the perfect relationship. You can look to the left, and you can look to the right,and both seas are there, and they can meet in the middle,but they never lose themselves in each other.They're always themselves no matter what.

Effy: I lied.

William: You're not 14. I knew it! Why the hell would you say that you were?

Effy: No, I'm 14. That's not it.

Effy: Are you trying to get me drunk?

William: What? No, no, no. No, that's not it.

Effy: You're trying to get yourself drunk.

William: You know how I told you that, um... I never saw my father smile? I saw him smile once. The day he left.

Reverend Flasher: William, don't you think it's time you came to church again?

William: What do you mean, Rector? Don't you remember? I was there last Sunday. I took the collection.

Reverend Flasher: I know. Next Sunday I want you to bring it back.

William: [finding Angelica on the deck] I knew you existed!

Angelica: I would have thought you'd be upstairs, listening to that wonderful singer.

William: I was too busy looking for someone. Someone with unforgettable eyes. And now that I've found her, I'm not going to let her get away from me.

[He and Angelica begin to dance]

Angelica: Please don't make fun of me. I don't belong in your world. I could never compete with the young ladies that surround you.

William: What are you saying? I'm dead serious. The most wonderful thing about this trip to America was meeting you.

Angelica: I don't know whether to believe you or not. Please don't be cruel. Don't hurt me. I've had so much disappointment, and I've always managed to see the positive side.

William: I don't even know your name. I'm William. Will, for short.

Angelica: It's Angelica.

William: Angelica. Stay, one minute longer! Will I see you at the reception tonight?

[Angelica waves goodbye and leaves]

Angelica: You know nothing about me.

William: Nothing you can tell me could prevent me from loving you.

William: Christ, Diane! I caused a rift between you and your father

Diane: My father has a problem with you; not with me

Dorothea: He could write with his left hand and scratch my back with his right.

William: And that's it?

Dorothea: I love that.

William: And who knows what it means for a newborn to see wood walls and carpeted floor and to smell real human smells and to feel wool and cotton and flannel clothes instead of starchy, white, deodorized, dot, dot, dot.

Anna Scott: Can I stay for a while?

William: You can stay forever.

[who will get the last brownie?]

Anna Scott: Wait, what about me?

Max: Sorry, you think *you* deserve the brownie?

Anna Scott: Well a shot at it at least huh?

William: Well, you'll have to fight me for it, this is a very good brownie.

Anna Scott: I've been on a diet every day since I was nineteen, which basically means I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a series of not nice boyfriends, one of whom hit me. Ah, and every time I get my heart broken, the newspapers splash it about as though it's entertainment. And it's taken two rather painful operations to get me looking like this.

Honey: Really?

Anna Scott: Really. And, one day not long from now, my looks will go, they will discover I can't act and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while.

Max: [long pause] Nah, nice try gorgeous, but you don't fool anyone.

William: Pathetic effort to hog the brownie.

P.R. Chief: Next question? Yes. You in the pink shirt.

William: Uh, right. Miss Scott, are there any circumstances that you and he might be more than just friends.

Anna Scott: I hoped that there would be but I've been assured that there's not.

William: Yes, but what if...

P.R. Chief: I'm sorry. Just the one question.

Anna Scott: No. It's alright. You were saying?

William: I was just wondering what if this person...

Journalist: Thacker. His name is Thacker.

William: Right. Thanks. What if, uh, Mr. Thacker realized that he had been a daft prick and got down on his knees and begged you to reconsider if you would... indeed... reconsider.

Anna Scott: [pause] Yes. I believe I would.

William: That's wonderful news. The readers of Horse and Hound will be relieved.

William: I live in Notting Hill. You live in Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world knows who you are, my mother has trouble remembering my name.

Anna Scott: I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

Bernie: But she said she wanted to go out with you?

William: Yes - sort of...

Bernie: That's nice.

William: What?

Bernie: Well, you know, anybody saying they want to go out with you is... pretty great... isn't it...?

William: It was sort of sweet actually - I mean, I know she's an actress and all that, so she can deliver a line - but she said that she might be as famous as can be - but also... that she was just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

[pause]

William: Oh, sod a dog. I've made the wrong decision, haven't I?

William: Is this your first film?

12-yr-old Actress: Well... actually it's my 22nd!

William: Any favorites among the 22?

12-yr-old Actress: Working with Leonardo.

William: DaVinci?

12-yr-old Actress: DiCaprio.

William: Of course. And is... is he your favorite Italian director?

Anna Scott: Rita Hayworth used to say, "They go to bed with Gilda; they wake up with me."

William: Who's Gilda?

Anna Scott: Her most famous part. Men went to bed with the dream; they didn't like it when they would wake up with the reality. Do you feel that way?

William: You are lovelier this morning than you have ever been.

William: Whoopsidaisies!

Anna Scott: What did you say?

William: Nothing.

Anna Scott: Yes you did.

William: No I didn't.

Anna Scott: You said "whoopsidaisies".

William: I don't think so. No one says "whoopsidaisies" do they? Unless they're...

Anna Scott: There *is* no "unless." No one has said "whoopsidaisies" for fifty years and even then it was only little girls with blonde ringlets.

William: Exactly. Here we go again.

[He falls off the fence again]

William: Whoopsidaisies. It's a disease I've got. It's a clinical thing. I'm taking pills and having injections. It won't last long.

Keziah: No thanks, I'm a fruitarian.

Max: I didn't realize that.

William: And, ahm: what exactly is a fruitarian?

Keziah: We believe that fruits and vegetables have feelings, so we think cooking is cruel. We only eat things that have already fallen off a tree or bush - that are, in fact, dead already.

William: Oh, all right. Interesting stuff. So, these carrots...

Keziah: Have been murdered, yes.

William: Murdered? Poor carrots. How beastly!

Anna Scott: I can't believe you have that picture on your wall.

William: You like Chagall?

Anna Scott: I do. It feels like how being in love should be. Floating through a dark blue sky.

William: With a goat playing the violin.

Anna Scott: Yes - happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat.

Anna Scott: You know what they say about men with big feet.

William: No, I don't, actually. What's that?

Anna Scott: Big feet... large shoes.

William: It's as if I've taken love heroin, and now I can't ever have it again.

William: Would you like a cup of tea before you go?

Anna Scott: No.

William: Orange juice? No, probably not... something else cold? Coke? Water? Some disgusting sugary drink pretending to have something to do with fruits of the forest?

Anna Scott: No.

William: Do you... always say no to everything?

Anna Scott: [thinks] No.

Bella: Which way are you going?

Max: Down Kensington Church Street, then Knightsbridge, then Hyde Park Corner.

Bella: No, crazy, crazy. Go along Bayswater.

Honey: That's right. Then Park Lane.

Bernie: No, straight down to the Cromwell Road, then left.

Max: [they continue arguing about the best routes to the Ritz, Max finally has enough and screeches to a halt] Stop right there! I will decide the route. All right?

William: Sorry Max.

Honey: Sorry Max.

Max: James Bond never has to put up with this sort of shit.

William: [leaving the restaurant after challenging the loud guys] I'm sorry.

Anna Scott: No, I love that you tried. Time was I'd have done the same thing. In fact...

[turns back and walks up to the loud table]

Anna Scott: Hi.

Loud Man in Restaurant: Oh. My. God.

Anna Scott: I just wanted to apologize for my friend - he's very sensitive.

Loud Man in Restaurant: No, I mean...

Anna Scott: No, leave it. I'm sure you didn't mean any harm, I'm sure it was just friendly banter, I'm sure you guys have dicks the size of peanuts. Enjoy your dinner, the tuna's really good.

William: The thing is, with you I'm in real danger. It seems like a perfect situation, apart from that foul temper of yours, but my relatively inexperienced heart would I fear not recover if I was, once again, cast aside as I would absolutely expect to be. There's just too many pictures of you, too many films. You know, you'd go and I'd be... uh, well buggered basically.

William: Sorry about the "surreal but nice" comment.

Anna Scott: Don't worry, I thought the whole apricot honey thing was the real low point.

Anna Scott: What is it about men and nudity? Particularly breasts? How can you be so interested in them?

William: Well...

Anna Scott: But, but, seriously: they're just breasts. Every second person in the world has them.

William: Oh, more than that, when you think about it: you know, Meat Loaf has a very nice pair.

Anna Scott: [laughs] But they're... they're odd looking, they're for milk, your mother has them, you've seen a thousand of them... What's all the fuss about?

William: Actually, I can't think of what it is, really. Let me just have a quick look...

[peeks under blanket]

William: No, no, beats me.

Spike: Just going to the kitchen to get some food, then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.

[leaves corridor for kitchen]

Anna Scott: Probably best not tell anyone about this.

William: Right, no one. I mean, I'll tell myself sometimes but - don't worry - I won't believe it.

William: [after hitting his shin on a fence while climbing over it] Now what in the world in this garden could make that ordeal worthwhile?

[Anna kisses him]

William: Nice garden.

Anna Scott: Busy tomorrow?

William: I thought you were leaving tomorrow?

Anna Scott: I was.

Spike: There's something wrong with this yogurt.

William: Ah, that's not yogurt, that's mayonnaise...

Spike: Ah, right-o then.

[continues to eat it]

Anna Scott: What do you think?

William: Gripping. It's not Jane Austen, it's not Henry James but it's gripping.

Anna Scott: You think I should do Henry James?

William: I think you'd be wonderful in Henry James but this writer - writers, they're pretty good too.

Anna Scott: You never get anyone in "Wings of a Dove" saying "Inform the Pentagon we need black star cover!"

William: And for me the book is the poorer for it.

William: [about Anna's new film project] Any horses in that one? Or hounds for that matter; our readers are intrigued by both species.

Anna Scott: [seriously] It takes place on a submarine.

Anna Scott: [they arrive at her hotel at the end of their date] Do you wanna come up?

William: Well, there seem to be lots of reasons why I shouldn't.

Anna Scott: [nods her head in understanding and pauses] Do you wanna come up?

[William nods]

Anna Scott: Give me five minutes?

Max: You haven't slept with her, have you?

William: That is a cheap question and the answer is, of course, no comment.

Max: "No comment" means "yes."

William: No it doesn't.

Max: Do you ever masturbate?

William: DEFINITELY no comment.

Max: You see? It means "yes."

Martin: Did you know, and this is pretty amazing, but I once saw Ringo Starr.

William: Where was that?

Martin: Kensington High Street. At least I think it was Ringo, um, it could have been that guy from Fiddler on the Roof. You know, Toppy.

William: Topol.

William: Yes... yes that's right, Topol.

William: Mmmhmmm. Actually, Ringo Starr doesn't- doesn't at all look like, uh, Topol.

Martin: Yes, but, he was- he was quite a long way away from me.

William: So it actually could've been neither of them.

Martin: Yes, I suppose, so.

William: It's not really a classic, anecdote, is it?

Martin: Not a classic, no.

William: I enjoyed the movie very much. I was just wondering, did you ever consider having more horses in it?

Anna Scott: Well, we would have liked to. But it was difficult, obviously, being set in space.

Max: Let's face facts, this was always a no-win situation. Anna's a goddess, you know what happens to mortals who get involved with gods.

William: Buggered, is it?

Max: Every time.

William: Would you like something to eat? Something to nibble? Apricots, soaked in honey? Quite why, no one knows, because it stops them tasting like apricots and makes them taste like honey... and if you wanted honey, you could just... buy honey. Instead of apricots. But nevertheless they're yours if you want them.

William: Max, this is Anna.

Max: [Smiles politely and shakes hands with Anna] Hello Anna

[Suddenly comes to a realisation as to whom Anna is]

Max: Scott!

Anna Scott: What's so annoying is now I'm so totally fierce when it comes to nudity clauses.

William: You have clauses in your contract?

Anna Scott: Yeah. "you may show the dent at the top of the artist's buttocks, but neither cheek or if a stunt bottom is being used, artists must have full consultation".

William: You have a stunt bottom?

Anna Scott: I *could* have a stunt bottom, yes.

William: Are people tempted to go for better bottoms than their own?

Anna Scott: Well yeah, I would. This is important stuff.

William: Hell of a thing to put on your passport, Occupation "Mel Gibson's bottom"

Anna Scott: Actually Mel does his own ass work. Well why wouldn't he.

William: So how is he?

Anna Scott: I don't know. It just got to the point where I couldn't remember any of the reasons why we were together.

William: [Spike is wearing Will's wetsuit] Can I ask you why you are wearing that?

Spike: Combination of factors. No clean clothes.

William: There never will be unless you actually *clean* your clothes.

Spike: Vicious circle. And I was rooting around in your things and found this and thought groovy. Kind of... spacy.

William: Please, sod off.

Anna Scott: Ok.

William: No, no, no! I thought you were someone else. I mean I thought you were Spike, but I'm thrilled you're not.

[talking about Anna Scott]

Writer: Oh, I see she took your grandmother's flowers.

William: Yeah... bitch.

Bella: Do you want to stay?

William: Why not? All that awaits me at home is a masturbating Welshman.

William: Apart from the American, I've only loved two girls, both absolute disasters. The first one marries me and then leaves me faster than you can say Indiana Jones, and the second one, who seriously ought to have known better, casually marries my best friend.

Bella: She still loves you though.

William: Yeah, in a depressingly asexual way.

Bella: I never fancied you much actually.

Anna Scott: So who left who?

William: She left me.

Anna Scott: Why?

William: She saw through me.

Anna Scott: Uh oh. That's not good.

William: You'd go and I'd be... well buggered, basically.

William: [Anna has left after the press showed up on the doorstep] Was it you?

Spike: I may have told a few people down at the pub.

William: [to Martin] If I were to employ a wet rag would I have to pay it as much as I pay you?

William: Calm down, have a cup of tea.

Anna Scott: No! I don't want any goddamn tea!

William: You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us.

[drunk for the first time in his life]

William: I can't feel my legs, I HAVE NO LEGS!

[after drinking his first beer and spitting it out]

William: Nobody drink the beer, the beer has gone bad!

William: Witness Exhibit A: My 8th Grade science project - a working rain forest. Mike Dexter threw it out a third story window. It rains here no more. Witness Exhibit B: An eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film. I saw no third dimension. And of course, how could I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.

William: You know what they say about women and trolley cars. There's plenty of 'em in the sea.

[drunk]

William: You... have to come with me. There's this chick... there's these two chicks... they're triplets, man. You're not going to believe what they're doing. Not because I made it up or anything but because it is so... unbelievable. Come on out to the pool house, 'cause they told me to tell you... they want you to watch. So, come out... the pool house, come on...

Mike Dexter: [interrupting him] I'm a loser. I broke up with the hottest girl in school, my friends all sold me out... and somebody in there just called me a fag!

[holding up a card]

William: I downloaded this little baby off the Net. I will know exactly how many spirits I may imbibe without affecting my judgment or my behavior.

X-Phile 2: You have every angle covered.

X-Phile 1: You know William, from this light, you somewhat resemble David Duchovny.

William: [Rocking out to Guns N Roses] Wild Bill Rock and Roll!

William: [Discussing "The Plan" with the X-Philes] Okay, you're Boba Fett, and you're Grand Moff Tarkin.

X-Phile 1: How come he gets to be Boba Fett?

William: Ok, fine, *you're* Boba Fett, and *you're* Grand Moff Tarkin.

X-Phile 2: I don't want to be Grand Moff Tarkin!

William: All right, fine, you know what? You're both KISS dolls!

X-Phile 1: I'm telling you, that patch of sky right up there above those powerlines is like a superhighway for UFO activity.

X-Phile 2: [sighs] Yeah, right. I wonder how William's doing at the party. I just hope he isn't having any trouble blending in.

[cut to a very drunk William, at the center of attention, downing coutless shots of liquor to show off to a crowd]

William: [to himself] Isn't there something I was supposed to do tonight?

Cop: Lichter? William Lichter? Let's go. Your parents are here to take you home.

William: [drunk] Oh... no. Oh... my parents? They're here? They must be so mad at me! Have you seen my father? Does he have a weapon of some kind?

Cop: Afraid not. Actually, they're more worried about you than anything else. You know, it's not your fault that...

[reads from a clipboard in a very sarcastic tone]

Cop: Mike Dexter beat you up and forced you to drink alcohol until you passed out.

William: Wh-what?

Cop: That's the statement we got from the Dexter kid. He made you drink, took your chothes off.

William: He... he said that?

Cop: Unless... if you have another unconvincing side of the story you'd like to tell...

William: No... no, no, no. It's what... yeah. Uh, you know. It's just the funny thing that... he finally came clean, you know? Mike, always picking on me, yeah.

William: [seeing her grope for her pain pills] Would you like something stronger? Like a gun?

William: Where are you going? Why are you not listening to me? Why are you not enchanted?

William: You know how when you're a kid, and you go to bed, and it snows over night, and you wake up the next day, and everything looks pure and pristine and perfect, and you just wanna get your boots on and get out there and mess it up?

Loray: I'm from Florida.

William: If I'm so toothless, then how come you're afraid to come upstairs with me?

Lamb Mannerheim: Afraid? You've gotta be kidding me, I just spent my entire life being trained to follow a man with long hair and a beard. That would just be down right predictable.

Loray: Maybe it's just a Tuesday night, and I'm trying to be your magical a negro?

Lamb Mannerheim: Um, my what?

William: No! No!

Loray: Magical negro. Magical negro is a narrative convention in which a black person uses her special black wisdom to help a white person in need.

William: I gotta tell you right now, you are awful at being awful.

William: [upon arrival in Paris to visit Xavier]

[in French]

William: Hello Paris! I'm a Parisian! Gimme some escargot and red wine!

Xavier: Hey, my scooter is over there.

William: Oh, ok, you got my scooter.

[sees some girls walking by and speaks to them in French]

William: Do you speak French?

[one girl says yes in French]

William: Wanna sleep with me? Always wanted to say that to a French girl!

William: Yeah. So, come on, Xavier, what about you?

Xavier: It's uh... well, uh, it's complicated. I-I have to rewrite a script in English, so I'll probably have to work with some English writers I don't know.

William: You know, I know the best writer in London.

Xavier: Really?

William: Yeah. She's very very good. And she's fit.

Xavier: What - what is "fit"?

William: It's very very sexy.

Xavier: What's her name?

William: Her name's um... Wendy.

Xavier: Wendy? Your sister Wendy?

William: Yeah, yeah. She's also my sister, yeah.

Wendy: [watching Natacha dance] Now which one...?

William: That one there. Look.

Wendy: The one on the end?

William: No. Look. Right... Second from the left.

Xavier: The blonde one?

Wendy: But they're all blonde!

William: That one! See, look. Second from the left. That one.

Xavier: Right. Yeah. Ok. I see her.

Wendy: They all look the same.

William: No, they don't. She's a great dancer.

Xavier: Who?

William: [to a French couple walking by] Bonjour! I know you! You were ze lady dancing at ze, uh -

[couple starts walking away as William follows]

William: Oh, no! I saw you dancing! The Moulin Rouge, no?... kicked up your legs like that!

Natacha: [speaks in Russian to ask for the stage lights to be turned back on so that she can practice]

William: I-I don't - I don't speak Russian. Sorry.

William: [Natacha climbs up the ladder to reach him] Be careful.

Natacha: [in Russian] Hi. I was talking about the lights. I have to work a little bit longer. Just a bit.

William: I don't understand. Sorry.

Natacha: [in Russian] I need... the light. To work. Like that.

[William shrugs]

Natacha: Like the sun. On the stage.

William: Sunset? Light? Ok, ok. So you want the lights on.

Natacha: [in Russian] Yes.

William: Ok. Sure, sure. Sorry.

[Turns the lights back on]

Natacha: [in Russian] Thank you very much. I'll just be a little while. My name is Natacha.

William: I'm Wi-William.

Natacha: William.

[in Russian]

Natacha: Thank you, William. Bye.

William: The very first time I saw her I knew at that point, cross my heart hope to die... my life'd never be the same again.

Xavier: [Xavier thinks] Ok that's it a love story is first of all a story.

William: Yeah, well, she just appeared in my life, just like an angel. Probably sounds a bit stupid.

Xavier: No, no, not at all. Go ahead.

William: Well, we saw each other everyday before and after each performance. And I would watch the show every single night, and the only person I could see was her... That Russian company played there for 2 weeks, and eventually of course, you know, they had to move on. And I realized I didn't even know her name. I didn't have an address, a number, nothing!

Xavier: So, so you saw her again? You went to St. Petersburg?

William: Yeah... but it took me a year to get there.

Xavier: Why?

William: Well, because I had to learn Russian for a year first!

Xavier: You?

William: This is known as the street of "ideal proportions." It's 25 meters high, 25 meters wide, and 250 meters long. Personally, I don't see what's so ideal about it. The Russians are obsessed with the - they're obsessed with things being ideal, you know?

Natacha: It's not true.

William: Yes, it is darling. Well, it's not a bad thing. I mean, you know, English people, we've got some bad habits as well. I mean do you remember - Wendy, do you remember your boyfriend, the American one? What was his name? Bruce.

Wendy: Yes.

William: Right, well, I was talking to him one day, and he said to me, "Problem with you English guys is, you're always saying 'I'm sorry.' All the time, you're saying 'I'm sorry about this, I'm sorry about that.'" And you know what? It's actually true. We do say "I'm sorry" too much. What can I say? We're sorry. I said to him, "I'm sorry about that. I apologize. But that's it, you know? Nobody's perfect."

William: [responding to Sloan's claim that he isn't gay] If cannibals ate a lot of turnips, that wouldn't make them vegetarians.

William: You know what I could never figure out about the Mummy? The Mummy used to walk with one arm out and a leg draggin' behind him, but he was still always able get his victim. I'm thinkin' as a kid, I was pretty fast, I'd just, ya know, put some moves on the Mummy and the Mummy, he'd never get me.

Jimmy: This is what you're thinkin' about?

William: Then I realized, the Mummy never has to sleep. Eventually, I'd get tired of runnin' around the Mummy. That's when he'd get me.

Lawyer: "They might detatch your salary."

William: "Then I'll quit my job and live on soup."

Lawyer: "They might detach this house."

William: "Then I'll burn down the house!"

[first lines]

Ellen: It arrived!

William: What?

Ellen: The package I ordered from Rome. They imported it from Africa. It's a hand-craved mask, it's supposed to represent the goddess of fertility. I thought we could use all the help we could get.

[William helps Ted back up after falling out of his wheelchair]

William: You're dead weight.

Ted: Yeah, well, I'm not dead yet.

[Jonathan interrupts Allison and William as they kiss]

Jonathan Miller: Out of the car, Allison.

Allison Miller: What? I'm not going anywhere.

William: Yeah, back off, man.

Jonathan Miller: You shut your mouth!

Eddie Ginley: Thanks for the present.

William: What present?

Eddie Ginley: The birthday present.

William: The day I give you a present pigs will fly.

Eddie Ginley: That's what I mean, thanks for the flying pig.

Raud: Don't get me wrong... I just don't understand it... She had unconditional love from both of us! We never forced her to do anything, we never had any rules... She could feel the love, we had our focus on her...

William: Are you asking yourself if love can actually harm a person?

Raud: YES, no!... I mean, I don't really know how the human mind works... I always thought that love can help someone become a better person...

William: Sometimes a person has a darker side... Is it the DNA? Is it our food, the environment? Nobody knows... The best possible conditions can be equal to the worst possible ones. An orphan might have some better chances sometimes to become a well-balanced human. People who have suffered in their childhood can sometimes achieve higher goals... Judy didn't have any experiences, she was lucky enough to have a beautiful home, two lovely parents, never had problems in school, she was never abused, sexually or otherwise... There is lack of experience and possibly enough room for exploring the dark side, especially after hitting puberty... The reality of darkness and awful events is usually mild compared to our fantasy... She kept fantasizing about all the awful weird things that many people are experiencing in their lives...

Raud: Do you mean that raising a child in the best possible way is equal to leaving the child alone and never taking any sort of care? Is that what you are saying?

William: Don't get me wrong. It is only a theory...

William: Humanity was only capable to come up with one single idea, building boxes, everything is a box, houses, cars, factories, the shape doesn't really matter anymore, but everything is basically just a box, it is in our DNA to think that boxes are important, they hide treasures, they protect us and other important things and some are a mystery to us.

William: Let's turn it into a creepy pasta, let's explore how this could feel like. I am going to record it on video and then you can watch yourself being a corpse. Let's find out if this could be convincing enough to our eyes.

Holly Kennedy: Oh, never mind. I'm just screwed up. I'm trouble... yeah.

William: I like trouble.

Holly Kennedy: Oh no, I don't mean "cool Pulp Fiction" trouble. I mean "mental case wacko" trouble.

Holly Kennedy: No, it's not gonna work. I feel like I'm trying on a new pair of shoes I really wanna buy, but they just don't fit. Sorry.

William: Alright then, how about going barefoot for a while?

[he kisses her]

William: You're very sweet.

Holly Kennedy: Oh God. The last time a guy said that, he followed it up with, "But I don't date 13-year-olds."

William: Well, lucky for you, neither do I.

William: You know, it got a lot darker while I was busy.

Holly Kennedy: [after encouragement to say something from Sharon and Denise]

[takes a sip]

Holly Kennedy: Mm. Yeah, it gets dark at night... here.

William: There's no man, alive or dead, who's going to fault you for living.

James Leeds: [at the end of the school year, James encounters deaf student William who has a tendency to use his newly-developed speech skills for profanity] Language skills can be dangerous, so use a little common sense. So long, William.

William: So long, fuck-face!

Eva: Come on! Come on, get personal. Who is it? Who does Jim hate?

Jim: Me.

Mo: Really Jim?

Eva: You hate yourself... So what?

Emily: D'you have an okay family life?

Jim: [Nods] Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a father. But my mum is really nice.

Eva: So you hate yourself, because?

Jim: I've been on anti-depressants for two years.

Emily: And... Do they help? Do you know if they're helping?

Jim: I don't know... Maybe...

William: Come off the medication. If you want to feel like a person again... Come off them.

[last lines]

William: Now!

Maria: You have a kid?

William: Yeah?

Maria: Chico or chica?

William: Chico.

Maria: I bet he's special.

William: He *is* special.

Maria: Everybody's children are so special. It makes you wonder where all the ordinary grown-ups come from.

Wole: There is no freckles pornography.

William: Well, there is "Anne of Green Gables".

Wole: I consider "Anne of Green Gables" to be an erotic masterpiece.

William: I always wondered why the coyote didn't just go out and buy a Road Runner. He had enough money to buy rocket-powered roller-skates so he had money to buy a Road Runner.

William: Tell me something about yourself.

William: Why is she in here? And please, do not use the word finger at any point in your answer.

William: [having trouble with ticketing] What am I going to do, piss out the window at 60,000 feet?

Check In: I wouldn't know enough about your character to say, sir.

William: Damn, I'm all out of bibles.

William: Lo siento.

Maria: "Lo siento... Lo siento." You say that too much.

William: I shouldn't be in Shanghai, I should be in Seattle.

William: Wanna smoke pot?

Ariel: OK.

Juan: We'll go with you and smoke afterward.

[Needing a corpse for his boss's life-restoring experiments, William checks the morgue for a suitable body]

William: This one's got a lily in his hands. He may be dead, but he's neat about it.

[William mistakes the drunk and unconcious Peter for a corpse]

William: They must have embalmed him in Scotch and soda. He's so saturated if a breeze hit him, he'd ripple.

William: We will conquer this wilderness. It will not consume us.

William: Corruption, thou art my father!

William: Did ye make some unholy bond with that goat?

[first lines]

William: [before the court] What went we out into this wilderness to find? Leaving our country, kindred, our fathers houses? We have travailed a vast ocean. For what? For what?

Governor: We must ask thee to be silent!

William: Was it not for the pure and faithful dispensation of the Gospels, and the Kingdom of God?

Old Slater: No More! We are *your* judges, and not you ours!

William: I cannot be judged by false Christians, for I have done nothing, save preach Christ's true Gospel.

Governor: Must you continue to dishonor the laws of the commonwealth and the church with your prideful conceit?

William: If my conscience sees it fit.

Governor: Then shall you be banished out of this plantations liberties!

William: I would be glad of it.

Governor: Then take your leave, and trouble us no further.

William: How sadly hath The Lord testified against you.

William: [turning to leave] Katherine...

Jigsaw: [flashback scene when John questions William about being denied coverage for his cancer treatment] I came to talk to you Will, because I've found a treatment for my cancer that I think holds a lot of promise, but my requests for coverage have all been turned down...

William: Yeah...

Jigsaw: So, I was hoping that if I came and explained it to you that you might be able to get that overturned for me.

William: [smiles doubtfully] Well, the buck stops here, John. Fire away...

Jigsaw: Okay.

[John hands William a brochure]

Jigsaw: This is a doctor in Norway. He's got a 30 to 40% success rate with gene therapy. He injects what he calls suicide genes into cancerous tumor cells; then an inactive form of a toxic drug is administered...

William: Yes. I'm familiar with the therapy you're talking about.

Jigsaw: Right. And a new trial's starting. He's looking for new patients and he seems to think that I'm the perfect candidate...

William: John, if your primary physician, Dr. Gordon, thought you were a suitable candidate, he would have pursued it.

Jigsaw: No. Dr. Gordon is a specialist. You know, he's making money on his specialty. He's not a thinker. I mean, the man has his hand on the doorknob half the time that I'm there.

William: I'm gonna be straight with you. At your age and with the development of your cancer, it's simply not feasible for Umbrella Health...

Jigsaw: Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's not feasible? By whose mathematical equation is this not feasible?

William: It's policy, John. It's policy.

[pause]

William: And if you go outside the system and seek out this treatment, which has been deemed ineffective, you will be in breach of policy and you will be dropped from coverage completely.

[pause]

William: I'm sorry.

Jigsaw: [gets up from his chair and paces around William's office] Did you know that in the Far East, people pay their doctors when they're healthy? When they're sick, they don't have to pay them. So basically, they end up paying for what they want, not what they don't want...

[pause]

Jigsaw: We got it all ass-backwards here. These politicians, they say the same thing over and over and over again; "Healthcare decisions should be made by doctors and their patients, not by the government." Well, now I know they're not made by doctors and their patients or by the government. They're made by the fucking insurance companies.

William: It's not my game...

Harold Abbott: [Places a rejected insurance claim on the desk] I don't get it. I have been with this insurance company for over 10 years.

William: I know, Harold, but unfortunately when we reviewed your claim we found that you failed to mention a previous condition.

Harold Abbott: What condition? There is no condition.

William: It says here that you had oral surgery to remove a cyst from your jaw.

Harold Abbott: This is absurd! I have heart disease. I has nothing to do with some oral surgery I had 30 years ago.

William: Any type of oral surgery is going to leave scar tissue. Scar tissue can lead to gum disease and as you well know gum disease can cause heart disease.

Harold Abbott: You know what? You're a criminal. You are a goddamn criminal. I have paid my monthly premium for 10 years without so much as a cold. And now that I'm actually sick you're going to deny my coverage? I have a family!

William: Those are the rules, Harold! I'm sorry but your own actions have caused this.

Harold Abbott: You've just given me a death sentence. Who is going to cover me now? You just killed me.

[Leaves William's office]

William: [about rejecting Harold Abbot's request for life-saving treatment] I have family, too, so I can empathize with his argument, but basically, the guy lied on his application...

Debbie: [interjects] Hey, whoa! Watch it, Will...

William: What?

Debbie: Do you think he did that on purpose?

William: [sighs] All right. It wasn't my job to assess what his intentions were. It was my job to check the accuracy of his claim. Look, everybody thinks we're the bad guys. Nobody mentions the millions of people we help every year without incident, or the millions of dollars we donate to charity every year or all the free clinics we support.

Debbie: [smiles] Short answers, Will. Short answers.

[William rises out of his chair and briefly watches the news covering the latest Jigsaw case on his TV]

Debbie: One more question; who found the error on his application?

William: [points out to his employees working in the other room] The "Dog Pit."

[pause]

William: They work as a team. If there's a discrepancy to be found in an application, the six of them will find it.

William: [Referring to Pamela] Let her go! I made it! I won!

William: [after Paul has given him an evasive interview] What a load of cobblers.

William: Anne Cooper must leave my house immediately! You are no longer free to act.

Dorothea: You are wrong William. I am free now, from always having to act.

William: You will have nothing! Be no one!

Dorothea: But myself!

Wife: What you do to that girl?

William: Fuck'd her.

Wife: What's that mean?

William: 'S like love makin'.

Wife: What's the difference? If it's LIKE love makin', what's the difference?

William: ...'S the same I guess.

Wife: Can't two different words mean the same thing.

William: Well, they do.

Wife: 'S a waste then. Waste of a word. Could'a meant somethin' else.

William: [standing in front of the group] I'm spreading deviled ham onto a roll when my father comes in and asks me how are things going at school. I say "fine", he says "fine" isn't very descriptive. I say "how are things" isn't very explicit. He tells me not to be smart with him, and I thrust the knife into his throat. Only it's not sharp, so it barely pierces his skin. Holding his throat, gulping for air, the look of shock in his eyes only lasts for a second, then it's anger. He says something, I think it's "what are you doing", but I can't be sure, so I drive the knife again. This time into his stomach. It penetrates, he falls to the ground, I straddle his body and I start digging into the area beneath his rib cage. I just go. After a while he stops struggling, and I'm too tired to continue. His entire abdominal area looks like a gaping bloody hole.