Whillenholly Quotes in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Whillenholly: It may not be my way, but damn if there doesn't go one happy family. All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... Fuckbeans. That was them, wasn't it?

[Willenholly and the Utah police confront Jay and Silent Bob]

Sheriff: Are you fucking crazy? Now they may be gay, but that's not their son. That's the ape.

Whillenholly: I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one, okay? And the only thing I do recognize right now is the political fiasco I'm about to avoid here by letting this butt-fucking Brady Bunch go.

Whillenholly: The C.L.I.T. is an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A.

Reg Hartner: Oh, you mean the Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning Apes movement?

Jay: Hey, lawdog.

Whillenholly: [Willenholly realizes Jay & Silent Bob didn't jump] Hey!

Jay: See you in hell, cocksmoker!

Whillenholly: Aww, Fuck Meeeee!.

Whillenholly: Remember, folks... stimulation of the C.L.I.T is not recommended.

Whillenholly: [Jay and Silent Bob are hiding in the diner] They've got a monkey in there?

Sheriff: An ape.

Whillenholly: What?

Sheriff: An orangutan's a member of the great ape family, it's not a monkey.

Whillenholly: Look, who's the Federal Wildlife Marshal here, me or you? That's what I thought.

Whillenholly: We don't want to rub the C.L.I.T. the wrong way.

Whillenholly: Wow. That was just an incredibly daring escape.

Justice: They didn't really steal the monkey. It was just a diversion so we could steal these.

[showing a bag of stolen diamonds]

Justice: And they're not the leaders of the C.L.I.T. The C.L.I.T is not real.

Whillenholly: No the clit is real. Its the female orgasm that's the myth.

Whillenholly: [to Banky] Wow, there's a lot of love in the room.

Banky: Regardless of what you may have heard, I do not kiss guys.

Whillenholly: Okay, play it cool, hot shot.

[on his cell phone]

Whillenholly: Plaschke, this is Willenholly. I need you to get me on the national news, pronto. Why? Because we may very well be dealing with the two most dangerous men on the planet.

Whillenholly: Fire a warning shot into his bulbous ass.

Sheriff: One rectal breach comin' up.

Whillenholly: Sorry, Justice. We've gotta go.

[to Jay]

Whillenholly: Hey, stop stealing monkeys.

Jay: Fuck you.

Whillenholly: Fair enough.

Whillenholly: And might I add, that is one fine looking boy you are raising.

Jay: Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm. See, I knocked up this hot woman friend of ours that I fuck on the side so as to not be all the way gay, but my tubby husband here is 100% queer. He LOVES the cock.

Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? I'm just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.

Chrissy: Two reasons. One: we're walking, talking, bad girl cliches.

Missy: And two: because you're a man.

Whillenholly: Only on the outside.

Whillenholly: I think I would recognize an ape if I saw one and the only thing I see right now is a political fiasco that I'm about to avoid by letting this buttfuckin' Brady Bunch go!

[Jay and Silent Bob have eluded capture by pretending to be lovers and disguising the ape as their son]

Whillenholly: Well it isn't my way but I'll be damned if their doesn't go one happy family. Okay men let's shoot some tear gas into the diner and when they come out we'll... Fuck beans! That was them wasn't it?

Whillenholly: I don't get out to the movies that much, but "Bluntman and Chronic" was blunt-tastic.

Whillenholly: Who let the cats out?

Whillenholly: [after Jay and Silent Bob struggle to escape through a sewer tunnel] Wow! That was an incredibly daring escape!

[takes his jacket off handing it to the Sheriff]

Whillenholly: Okay, here's the deal. You and your men stay up here, when I corner them, I'll call for back up. I'm counting on you, Sheriff.

[hugs him]

Whillenholly: You've taught me so much.