Wendy Quotes in Howard the Duck (1986)

Wendy: [Message left on answering machine] Hi. It's Wendy. I had this really intense dream last night, Howie. I was running my fingers through your feathers and all of the sudden, oh, well, you better come over tonight and I'll show you what really happened next. Ciao for now, Howie.

Dr. Greenbush: Nice wedding. You know, Jack, next week, I'd like you to swing by the office. I have some new tests I'd like to run on you...

Wendy: Jack, I think we should try dating. Maybe not exclusively at first, at least for me, but...

Mr. Wormwood: Jack, since you're not going on the cruise, I sure could use you at the store on Monday

Jack Putter: [realization dawns on him] That was the Cowboy.

[runs away]

Lydia's Editor: Who's the Cowboy?

Dr. Niles: It's um... classified.

Jack Putter: [stops and turns around - to Doctor Greenbush] Doc, I'm cured!

Jack Putter: [to Wendy] Wendy, not a chance!

Jack Putter: [to Mr. Wormwood] And Mr. Wormwood, thank you! And I quit.

[runs and jumps into Tuck's car]

Wendy: Maybe it's a blessing. At least your grandfather believes in somebody. Speedy Jake. Remero. Whatever. Who are our heroes?

Margaret Winston: Nobody.

Wendy: Isn't that the guy your grandfather was talking about, the guy from the comic books?

Desmond Floyd: Paperback novels!

Wendy: Even weirdos can read!

[Peter and Wendy land to talk to mermaids to find John and Michael]

Wendy: Oh, How sweet.

[Peter looks disgusted]

Wendy: What? Are mermaids not sweet?

Peter: They'll sweetly drown you if you get too close

Peter: Forget them, Wendy. Forget them all. Come with me where you'll never, never have to worry about grown up things again.

Wendy: Never is an awfully long time.

Wendy: Peter... I should like to give you a kiss.

[Peter holds his hand out]

Wendy: Don't you know what a kiss is?

Peter: I shall know when you give me one.

Peter: I want always to be a boy, and have fun.

Wendy: You say so, but I think it is your biggest pretend.

Wendy: Where do you live?

Peter: Second to the right, and then straight on till morning.

Wendy: They put that on the letters?

Peter: Don't get any letters.

Wendy: But your mother gets letters.

Peter: Don't have a mother.

Wendy: No wonder you were crying.

Peter: I wasn't crying about mothers. I was crying because I can't get this shadow to stick. And I wasn't crying.

Wendy: Peter. You won't forget me, will you?

Peter: Me? Forget? Never.

Wendy: Will you ever come back?

Peter: To hear stories... About me.

Wendy: Once upon a time there was a boy named Peter Pan, who decided not to grow up.

Hook: Skip the prologue.

Wendy: So he flew away to Neverland where the pirates are.

Hook: What fun he must have had.

Wendy: Yes but he was rather lonely.

Hook: Lonely? He needed a Wendy.

Pirate: I need a Wendy.

Hook: Why a Wendy?

Wendy: He liked my stories.

Hook: What stories?

Wendy: Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty.

Hook: Love stories?

Wendy: Adventures! In which good triumphs over evil!

Hook: They all end in a kiss.

Wendy: [gasps]

Hook: A kiss. He does feel! He feels about you.

Hook: She told him stories. He taught her to fly. How?

Wendy: You just think happy thoughts. They lift you into the air.

Hook: Alas, I have no happy thoughts.

Wendy: That brings you down!

Hook: [Hook threatens to cut Wendy's throat with his hook] How else?

Michael: Fairy dust! You need fairy dust!

The Lost Boys: Michael!

Hook: What of Pan? Would unhappy thoughts bring him down?

Wendy: He has no unhappy thoughts.

Peter: Wendy? One girl's worth more than 20 boys.

Wendy: [under bed sheets] You really think so?

Peter: I live with boys, the lost boys, they are well named!

Wendy: Who are they?

[asking as she gets out from under sheets and makes Peter fall off the bed]

Peter: Children who fall out of their prams when the nurse is not looking. If they are not claimed in seven days, they are sent to the Neverland.

Wendy: Are there girls too?

Peter: Girls are much to clever to fall out of their prams.

[he says as he looks through the heart in Wendy's bed]

Wendy: Peter, I'm sorry I must grow up...

[Hook grabs her]

Wendy: [to Hook] It is just a thimble.

Captain Hook: By all means my beauty, give Peter Pan your precious thimble.

Wendy: This belongs to you and always will.

[Kisses Peter]

John: That was no thimble...

Michael: That was a hidden kiss.

[Wendy has just become the Lost Boys' mother]

Peter: Discipline. That's what fathers believe in. We must spank the children immediately before they try to kill you again. In fact, we should kill them.

Wendy: Father. I agree that they are... perfectly horrid, but... kill them and they should think themselves... important.

The Lost Boys: So important, Peter.

Curly: And unique.

Wendy: I, propose something far more dreadful. Medicine. The sticky, sweet kind.

The Lost Boys: Kill us, Peter.

[Wendy sews Peter's shadow to his feet]

Peter: Oh, the cleverness of me.

Wendy: Of course, I did nothing...

Peter: You did a little.

Wendy: This belongs to you, and always will.

Peter: Well I will not grow up! You cannot make me! I will banish you like Tinkerbell.

Wendy: I WILL NOT BE BANISHED!

Peter: Then go home. Go home and grow up. And take your feelings with you!

Peter: Tinkerbell... She's my fairy.

Wendy: But, there's no such thing as f-

[Peter flies up and closes her mouth]

Peter: [firmly] Don't say that. Every time someone says that, a fairy somewhere falls down dead.

[he goes to look for Tinkerbell]

Peter: And I'll never find her if she's dead!

Wendy: You don't mean to tell me... there's a *fairy* in this room?

Slightly: If Hook discovers our hideout, he'll gut us.

Wendy: How dreadful!

Slightly: Oh, we live for it!

Twin: Do you tell stories?

Wendy: Yes.

Curly: Then you're perfect.

Wendy: Sir, you are both ungallant and deficient!

Peter: How am I deficient?

Wendy: You're just a boy.

Wendy: My parents wanted me to grow up.

Captain Hook: Growing up is such a barbarous business, full of inconvenience... and pimples.

Wendy: Oh, the cleverness of you.

Peter: Promise me one thing... Leave Hook to me.

Wendy: I promise.

Wendy: Who be you to order me about and call me girlie?

Wendy: Littlest first. Michael?

[Wendy snaps back to "reality"]

Wendy: Michael. John. My brothers!

Peter: Who?

Captain Hook: What of Pan? Will unhappy thoughts bring him down too?

Wendy: He has no unhappy thoughts.

Captain Hook: Oh... Well, what if his Wendy... walked the plank!

Aunt Millicent: A hidden kiss.

Wendy: But what is it for?

Aunt Millicent: It is for the greatest adventure of all. They that find it have slipped in and out of Heaven.

Wendy: Find what?

Aunt Millicent: The one the kiss belongs to.

Wendy: I think you have, Peter. And I daresay you've felt it yourself. For something... or... someone?

Peter: Never. Even the sound of it offends me.

[Wendy tries to touch his face, and he jumps away]

Peter: Why do you have to spoil everything? We have fun, don't we? I taught you to fly and to fight. What more could there be?

Wendy: There is so much more.

Peter: What? What else is there?

Wendy: I don't know. I guess it becomes clearer when you grow up.

Peter: Well, I will not grow up. You cannot make me!

Wendy: We must leave at once... before we, in turn, are forgotten.

Wendy: Might I have time to consider your generous offer?

Captain Hook: Absolutely. You must!

Wendy: What would mother think of my becoming a pirate?

Peter: There's mermaids.

Wendy: Mermaids?

Peter: Indians.

John and Michael: Indians?

Peter: Pirates.

John and Michael: Pirates? Wahoo.

Wendy: My unfulfilled ambition is to write a great novel in three parts about my adventures.

Aunt Millicent: What adventures?

Wendy: I've yet to have them, but they will be perfectly thrilling.

Wendy: Boy, why are you crying?

Wendy: Why do you hate him so?

Peter Pan: Tinker Bell! I hereby banish you forever.

Wendy: Please, not forever.

Peter Pan: Well, for a week then.

Wendy: He can fly!

John: He can fly!

Michael: He flewed!

Peter Pan: Now you try.

Wendy: I'll think of a mermaid lagoon, underneath a magic moon.

John: I'll think I'm in a pirate's cave.

Michael: I think I'll be an Indian brave.

Peter Pan: Now everybody try.

Wendy, John, Michael, Peter Pan: One, two, three!

Wendy, John, Michael: We can fly! We can fly! We can fly!

[the children all fall to the ground]

Peter Pan: This won't do. What's the matter with you? All it takes is faith and trust. Oh! And something I forgot.

[grabs Tinkerbell]

Peter Pan: Dust!

Wendy, John: Dust?

Michael: Dust?

Peter Pan: Yep, just a little bit of pixie dust.

[taps Tinkerbell a bit with his hand to make golden dust come off and rain down on the kids]

Peter Pan: Now, think of the happiest things. It's the same as having wings.

Peter Pan: Well? Get on with it, girl!

Wendy: My name is Wendy. Wendy Moira Angela Darling.

Peter Pan: Wendy's enough.

Wendy: How did Nana get your shadow, Peter?

Peter Pan: Chomped at me the other night at the window.

Wendy: But what were you doing there?

Peter Pan: I came to listen to your stories.

Wendy: My stories? But they're all about you.

Peter Pan: Of course! That's why I like 'em!

Squaw: Squaw get 'em firewood!

Wendy: Squaw no get 'em firewood! Squaw go home!

Michael: [referring to Tinker Bell] Oh, look! A firefly!

Wendy: A pixie.

John: Amazing!

[Tinker Bell angrily gestures at Peter]

Michael: What's the pixie doing?

Peter Pan: Talking.

Wendy: What did she say?

Peter Pan: She says you're a big ugly girl!

[everybody laughs]

Wendy: Oh... well, I think she's lovely.

Wendy: But, Peter, how do we get to Never Land?

Peter Pan: Fly, of course.

Wendy: Fly?

Peter Pan: It's easy! All you have to do is to... is to... is to... Ha! That's funny.

Wendy: What's the matter? Don't you know?

Peter Pan: Oh, sure. It's... It's just that I never thought about it before. Say, that's it! You think of a wonderful thought.

Captain Hook: Fly! Fly! Fly! You coward!

Peter Pan: Coward! Me?

Captain Hook: Ha-ha-ha! You wouldn't dare fight old Hook man-to-man. You'd fly away like a cowardly sparrow!

Peter Pan: Nobody calls Pan a coward and lives! I'll fight you man-to-man, with one hand behind my back.

Captain Hook: You mean you won't fly?

Wendy: No, don't, Peter! It's a trick!

Peter Pan: I give my word, Hook.

Captain Hook: Good, then let's have at it!

Mr. Darling: Wendy, haven't I warned you? Stuffing the boys heads with a lot of silly stories?

Wendy: Oh, but they aren't.

Mr. Darling: I say they are. Captain Crook! Peter Pirate!

Wendy: Peter Pan, Father.

Mr. Darling: Pan... Pirate... Poppycock!

Wendy: Oh, no, Father!

John: Oh my gosh!

Wendy: How can you...?

Mr. Darling: Absolute poppycock!

Wendy: You can't stick it on with soap, Peter. It needs sewing. That's the proper way to do it. Although, come to think of it, I've never thought about it before... um... sewing shadows, I mean.

Wendy: What's the chief doing, John?

John: He's giving an oration in sign language.

Michael: What's he saying?

John: He says... "Peter Pan... mighty warrior... save Tigerlily... make big chief... heap glad."

Wendy: [jokingly] Well, he certainly doesn't look "heap glad".

Wendy: Oh! Mother, we're back!

Mr. Darling: Back?

Wendy: All except the lost boys. They were not quite ready.

Mr. Darling: Lost boys? Ready?

Wendy: To grow up. That's why they went back to Neverland.

Mr. Darling: Neverland?

Wendy: Well... I am.

Mr. Darling: Am...?

Wendy: Uh... ready to grow up.

Mr. Darling: Oh, oh! Well, my dear...

Wendy: Oh, we had such a wonderful time! Well, except when we were kidnapped...

Mr. Darling: Kidnapped?

Wendy: We had lots of fun with Tinker Bell, and the mermaids, and Peter Pan! Oh, he was the most wonderful person of them all! And then we called him a codfish!

[giggles]

Wendy: Uh... Captain Hook, I mean.

[calms down and starts talking in a dreamy tone]

Wendy: And then... we sailed away on a ship in the sky.

Mr. Darling: [weirded out by Wendy's story, yawns] Mary, I'm going to bed.

John: [as Captain Hook] Blast you, Peter Pan!

Michael: [as Peter Pan] Take that! Give up, Captain Hook? You give up?

John: Never! I'll teach you to cut off me hand!

Wendy: [coming in; chuckling] Oh, no, John, it was the *left* hand.

John: Oh, yes. Thank you, Wendy.

Wendy: [Cody prepares his homemade diving suit] Cody it's illegal for somebody to stand around and let somebody else commit suicide!

Cody: Well can't ask you to break the law. Thanks for your help. I can manage from here.

'Wendy': [as she is lifted by the kite] Peter!

Peter Pan: Don't let go, Wendy!

'Wendy': Peter, I'm frightened!

Peter Pan: Hang on, Wendy!

'Wendy': [fading] Peter!

Peter Pan: To die will be an awfully big adventure.

Wendy: Why won't you let him run?

Warren: Hey he's too old and his bike's too old.

Ali: Well I hear he's come halfway around the world to ride that cycle.

Wendy: Yeah, c'mon.

Warren: Wendy, if he was to kill himself.

Wendy: So! It's his life.

Wendy: Hey Burt, how'd it go?

Burt Munro: Not good.

Violet: Hi. I'm Violet Sanford. I just recently moved to New York and I was wondering if you would give my tape to one of your artists.

Wendy: Violet, that is so cute! Now lemme tell you about me. My name is Wendy and I first moved to New York when I was 21 to be a dancer, but I broke my big toe and then I got knocked up by this actor who dumped me to join the Peace Corps, so for the last 16 years I been raising my daughter all by myself and then two weeks ago, she tells me that she is a bisexual and that she hates me more than any person on this planet.

[chuckles]

Wendy: Now tell me how I can help you, please, because I am dying to make *your* dreams come true.

Wendy: You have no idea, what it is like to be a teenage girl having your first period under Taliban rule.

Phil Foster: That is true.

[in low voice]

Phil Foster: And neither do you. Mmm, but...

[Brad enters the living room]

Brad Sullivan: Hey, Phil, can I get a hand... oh... out in the room.

Phil Foster: [interrupting] Yes, yes, yes, yes please, yes, thankyou. Okay. Excuse me ladies.

[leaves the living room]

Phil Foster: Oh my god!

Claire Foster: [to Wendy] You have your period now?

Wendy: Yeah.

Wendy: Tripper, I'm looking forward to some action this summer. I hope you can supply it.

Tripper: I'll supply it for you, but the guy you gotta watch out for is Spaz!

Wendy: Spaz?

Tripper: He's a sex machine.

Wendy: He couldn't wake me up with a trumpet and a drum!

Tripper: Well I went out with him one night and he got off six nurses by himself, and four of them couldn't report to work the next morning!

Wendy: I just wanted the glow. The one that they promise you on the cover of those magazines. Well, I'm calling it - pregnancy sucks. Making a human being is really hard. I have no control over my body or my emotions.

Skeeter Bronson: Okay, I'll do it. But you gotta say ''Skeeter's the coolest, I'm the nerd''.

Wendy: "Skeeter's the coolest, I'm the nerd"?

Skeeter Bronson: Yeah you are!

Wendy: Hey, isn't she a little old for you?

Patrick: She's hot.

Wendy: Don't talk to them about school.

Skeeter Bronson: Why not?

Wendy: They're closing it down. I'm getting laid off.

Skeeter Bronson: No way! You? But you're like the classic school principle! I mean you're scary and bad with people...

Otto: Don't call me stupid.

Wendy: Why on earth not?

Otto: Oh, you English are *so* superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know what you'd be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what! So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.

Wendy: Well, *thank* you for popping in and protecting us.

Otto: If it wasn't for us, you'd all be speaking *German!* Singing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles..."

Otto West: Look, you obviously don't know anything about intelligence work, lady. It's an X-K-Red-27 technique.

Wendy: My father was in the Secret Service, Mr. Manfredjinsinjin, and I know perfectly well that you don't keep the general public informed when you are "debriefing KGB defectors in a safe house."

Otto: Don't call me stupid.

Wendy: Why on earth not?

Wendy: Your father has finally gone completely mental!

Wendy: You can stick this marriage right in your bottom.

Wendy: [answering the phone behind the counter at the roadside diner] Deadbeats.

Pee Wee Morris: [into pay phone, disguising his voice] Hello. Hi. I'm lookin' for a friend of mine. He's s'posed to be there.

Wendy: Uh, what's his name?

Pee Wee Morris: His name's Michael Hunt... uh Mike, Mike. Yes, Mike.

Wendy: Mike Hunt? Okay, just hang on a minute.

[raising her voice to address the patrons]

Wendy: Is Mike Hunt here?

[Pee Wee laughs]

Wendy: Is Mike Hunt here?

[several patrons begin to snicker]

Wendy: Has anybody seen Mike Hunt?

[patrons begin to cackle uncontrollably]

Meat: Practically everybody in town, from what I hear.

Wendy: Is Mike Hunt here? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?

Meat: Everybody in town, from what I hear.

Wendy: Oh, Pee-wee, you little prick! And I do mean that. Literally.

Wendy: Is it hard?

Dean: [nervously looks at his crotch] What?

Wendy: Getting married.

Brandy Klark: I plan on getting finger-banged tonight.

Wendy: I think it's finger-blasted.

Fiona: No, it's finger-bombed, bitches.

Wendy: That was the longest fricking piss in Italian history.

Wendy: Oh my god! This is like the Twilight Zone.

Tom: I couldn't agree with you more.

Val: [Looking for the second girl in a proposed meage a trois] What about you?

Wendy: Who me? No. I don't do it for money. I just can't...

Val: Well, we won't pay you.

Doc: My friend is looking for a "party".

Wendy: Yeah? What kind of party?

Val: Bar Mitzvah.

[Matt has discovered that he can speak coherently to Cynthia when he's dressed up as Francesca]

Matthew: It's just easier to talk to Cynthia as a girl than as a guy. There's just nothing at stake.

Wendy: How do you mean?

Matthew: When you're a guy talking to a girl like Cynthia, you're going for all the marbles. I mean, she's the Super Bowl of women! And you know that if you screw up, and she rejects you, then every other girl after Cynthia is gonna seem like a compromise. And you just know that you weren't good enough to get a girl like her. That's why I don't talk to girls in her league. I just don't want to know that I've crashed and burned, and won't ever get the opportunity to put her Super Bowl ring around my eleventh finger.

Bill: Sorry to burst your bubble, honey, but you're not my type.

[to another driver bothering him]

Bill: I'm moving! I'm moving! Go ahead! Go ahead!

Wendy: What's your type?

Bill: I like big teets and onion butt.

Wendy: What's an onion butt?

Bill: It's an ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Wendy: At 21 years, we're on our third itch... or it's male menopause.

Wendy: I just don't understand why men do that, wag their balls in your face.

Wendy: My sister and I were left alone to raise our mother.

Wendy: Excuse me, you've never, you've never met her?

Darwan: She's from a village near where I grew up. My sister picked her out for me.

Wendy: If my sister picked out a husband for me, he would be some dick-less.

Darwan: Yes, you are better off... That is why you're alone and crazy.

Ted: When did you ever notice anything, Wendy? On the rare case when you look up from your book or your fucking computer, you look right through me like I'm a ghost.

Wendy: Well, I'm looking through you now and you are a prick.

Darwan: [talking about driving] You can't always trust people to behave properly.

Wendy: [talking about Ted] Ain't that the truth?

Wendy: [about the book, the joy of sex] Well, hand it. Let's see if there's anything we didn't cover.

[Ted hands her the book. She reads aloud]

Wendy: Missionary - check. Standing - check. Rear entry

[Both laugh]

Wendy: Oh, check.

Wendy: Let me get you some real money.

Darwan: I don't want anything, I like to help.

Wendy: You like to help? That is impossible. You can't be from New York.

Darwan: Yes, I am. From Queens.

Wendy: That's not really New York, but... You're very kind and I thank you.

Darwan: I think it's time to discuss road rage. You must learn to be calm and relaxed. Not only to drive, But also in your life as well.

Wendy: And how do you manage that?

Darwan: Prayer helps me. I pray everyday.

Wendy: I'm mad at your God too.

Wendy: Come on in...

Ted: You look fine.

Wendy: Therefore I am.

Wendy: [attempting to parallel park] I'm lost.

Darwan: Wendy, how do you know if you put in... Enough salt and pepper when you're making a stew?

Wendy: You taste it.

Darwan: Right. So what do you do when you lose track of which way the car is pointing... When you parallel park?

Wendy: You taste it?

Darwan: You just let the car move back a tiny bit... And see which way it goes. Taste the direction.

Wendy: And then you adjust the seasoning?

Darwan: Right. You adjust a little bit and a little bit. And now I've made myself hungry. I'll go home and make myself a curry.

Wendy: [driving through the parking garage] Look, here is America.

Business Man: You don't understand how much I envy you. I love nothing more than to live a life of a mind.

Wendy: I'd like something to take my mind off my mind.

Darwan: Pass him. Put on your signal, give it the gas.

Wendy: [she maneuvers smoothly]

Darwan: Very good. You only need a little courage, and a little gas.

Wendy: You know there is a reason some people are alone... Because they deserve to be.

Wendy: Darwan, thank you. I'll be hearing your voice in my head... For a long time.

Darwan: That would please me.

Darwan: Wendy... Could we go...? Somewhere we can celebrate, a dinner, please? Or just a coffee sometime, just to chat.

Wendy: I can't.

Darwan: I want to see you again.

Wendy: I know. The trouble is...

Darwan: What? What?

Wendy: You're a good man. You are my faith.

Wendy: Xavier's gone to school. Okay?

Xavier's Mother: Ah, oui! Il est à la fac.

Wendy: What?

Xavier's Mother: La fac!

Wendy: LA "FUCK"?

Xavier's Mother: Yes. After fac he can telephone maman.

Wendy: Why do you always have to smoke joints in *my* room?

Alessandro: Because it's comfortable.

Lars: It's the only clean place in the apartment.

[Tobias and Soledad laugh nervously, Wendy looks desperate]

Soledad: Take it easy, Wendy.

Wendy: I'm going to fuck!

[Xavier is trying to convince Wendy to come with the gang to a night club]

Wendy: Xavier, I can't. I've... I've really got to write, okay?

Xavier: But, Wendy, you will write tomorrow. Come on!

Wendy: No. This is my diary. You know, I need to be disciplined.

Xavier: Wendy, you're too serious, you know!

Wendy: What do you mean, I'm too serious?

Xavier: You are not a nun! Come on! Come with us tonight, please!

Wendy: Listen! I'm not a nun! I just don't want to go out with... e-e-everyone! I don't like clubs and... and I don't like dancing. Maybe I'm not your idea of a typical trendy London girl, but techno music bulls me, all right? And if I'm a nun because I don't get out of this house enough for you guys, then that's too bad!

Wendy: [her boss collapsed on her, pinning her in a chair] Mr Snizer? Mr Snizer? Hey. Hey! Hey, don't drop dead on me, they'll never find me!

[phone begins to ring, but stops as she reaches for it]

Wendy: Oh God, please don't stop.

Frank Schnizer: If you don't want me to stop, I won't stop.

Wendy: Oh you fuck! You miserable lousy fuck!

Frank Schnizer: How do you know, we ain't even done it yet!

Wendy: [her boss is sexually assaulting her in a chair] Mr Snizer, get off of me!

Frank Schnizer: Aww come on, give me a chance. Jesus Christ. What am I, poison?

Wendy: No, you're dead weight! Now get off of me before my tits come out of my back!

Wendy: Hey waiter! Put shit-face's drink here on Commissioner Gebhart's bill! For piss-sake he's up for re-election next week, you think he needs this shit?

Mickey: Hey Pee Wee, how's it feel?

Pee Wee: How does what feel?

Mickey: Getting laid.

Pee Wee: Same as it always feels.

Mickey: I don't believe it.

Tommy: Never again.

Pee Wee: What are you guys talking about, I got bodies laid all over South Florida.

Mickey: Morris, the last time you got any action, it was your fist. The old rosy palm.

Pee Wee: You guys are just jealous because I ruined Wendy for everybody else.

Pee Wee: [after the guys laugh] Now that she's had me, what's left?

Mickey: Yeah well, that's not what she told me, Pee Wee.

Pee Wee: Well, what did she tell you?

Tommy: Ask her, Pee Wee, here she comes.

Billy: Yeah, I can hear her panting from here.

Pee Wee: Look man, when they've been had by Pee Wee Morris, they stay had. I mean, they can't keep their hands off me. You guys better watch out because when she sees me you're likely to get caught in the stampede. Watch this.

Wendy: [walks by passively] Hi, boys.

Mickey: [after the guys laugh at Pee Wee] She's in a frenzy, Pee Wee.

Tommy: Yeah, she's rabid.

Pee Wee: She didn't see me. She didn't know I was here.

Tommy: That's what she said about you on the bus.

Pee Wee: Oh man, the girl's my slave.

Wendy: Pee Wee it's not that bad, just tell the guys that you called up all the girls in your harem and none of them wanted to do it with all those jerks.

Pee Wee: I bet you would.

Wendy: I don't have a harem.

Pee Wee: That's not what I heard.

Wendy: Do you know how I got my reputation?

Pee Wee: How?

Wendy: In the 8th grade, I didn't know anything. A bunch of guys wanted to get me to go skinny dipping, I didn't want to but I didn't care if they did so I just watched. I thought it was funny, flopping around...the next day I was a slut, the original mattress-back.

Wendy: My tit! YOU BROKE MY TIT! I'm gonna sue you!

[while Watching John Dixon practice his relay starts]

Wendy: Romeo, Romeo, cover me in honey and suck it off with a straw.

Jessica: What?

Wendy: God. He's perfect.

Jessica: Fancy him do you?

Wendy: He can pass me his baton any day.

Wendy: So. Where shall we go?

Mark: Fancy a Whopper?

Wendy: Sure. We can always eat afterwards.

Jessica: It's not a gay story, it's a pervert story.

Kevin: What's the difference?

Wendy: You're not gay and you're a pervert.

[after Wendy's husband has grabbed Randy by the neck and threatened her]

Wendy: I just wanted to say that you-know-who is all brawn and no bite.

Randy: Thanks for the info.

Wendy: I'm sorry Arbie, but how could I ever love someone that wants me to eat cock?

Wendy: No cells phones, no internet in the dorms, they force you to take Latin.

Shaman: Tell us not to worry? I mean, Latin's a dead language. Useless.

Wendy: I've got these miserable headaches since September. It starts in my heart - goes around my head - back down to my heart.

Wendy: I know you're not always perfect. I know you have tons of problems, defects, imperfections... but who doesn't? It's just that I prefer your problems. I'm in love with your imperfections. Your imperfections are just great!

[... ]

Wendy: I know most girls they get weak on their knees for what's beautiful, you know, that's all they see, that's all they want. But I'm not like that. I don't just see what's beautiful. I fall for the other stuff. I love what's not perfect. It's just how I am.

Wendy: Maybe the day to day dirt is part of love.

Wendy: This is the best view of London. You see the London Eye there?

Xavier: Oh... Where is Oxford Street.

Wendy: Are you alright?

Xavier: I don't know... I don't feel great. Are you going to this flamenco concert?

Wendy: I don't know. Why not?

Xavier: Oh.

Wendy: What's wrong?... Look I can see something's wrong. What's wrong?

Xavier: [grabs Wendy and kisses her] That's what's wrong.

Wendy: [watching Natacha dance] Now which one...?

William: That one there. Look.

Wendy: The one on the end?

William: No. Look. Right... Second from the left.

Xavier: The blonde one?

Wendy: But they're all blonde!

William: That one! See, look. Second from the left. That one.

Xavier: Right. Yeah. Ok. I see her.

Wendy: They all look the same.

William: No, they don't. She's a great dancer.

Xavier: Who?

Xavier: No, it's difficult. It's not the same in the story and in real life.

Wendy: So then tell me more about real life. I wanna know what really happened to you. What actually made you fall in love with one specific girl-why her in particular?

Xavier: Okay. So. Do you remember Neus?

Wendy: Yes.

Xavier: So, she came to Paris to study one year after we left Barcelona. My idea had been to take a little stroll to show her Paris. As time went on, I sensed we didn't want to separate. We didn't want just a little stroll. We wanted a much longer stroll. At one moment, I don't know why. I don't know how, this happened.

[They hesitantly hold hands]

Xavier: I felt her hand say, "Really? Are you sure?" And my hands said, "I'm sure. I want to, and I sense you do, too."

William: This is known as the street of "ideal proportions." It's 25 meters high, 25 meters wide, and 250 meters long. Personally, I don't see what's so ideal about it. The Russians are obsessed with the - they're obsessed with things being ideal, you know?

Natacha: It's not true.

William: Yes, it is darling. Well, it's not a bad thing. I mean, you know, English people, we've got some bad habits as well. I mean do you remember - Wendy, do you remember your boyfriend, the American one? What was his name? Bruce.

Wendy: Yes.

William: Right, well, I was talking to him one day, and he said to me, "Problem with you English guys is, you're always saying 'I'm sorry.' All the time, you're saying 'I'm sorry about this, I'm sorry about that.'" And you know what? It's actually true. We do say "I'm sorry" too much. What can I say? We're sorry. I said to him, "I'm sorry about that. I apologize. But that's it, you know? Nobody's perfect."

Xavier: So who should say I love you?

Wendy: You should say I love you

Xavier: No, you sould say I love you

Wendy: [to Nicola] We don't hate you! We bloody love you, you stupid girl!

Wendy: Don't get all Breakfast Club on me, bitch!

Pixel: Most stories with a bunch of camp counselors have some serial psycho who systematically butchers everyone one by one.

Wendy: Yeah. And?

Pixel: I don't know, it's kind of funny. I mean who needs a serial psycho with a chainsaw when we have ourselves?

Wendy: Wichita and I were a dream come true, but you know, we have a lot more dreams left. I mean, really, who wants happily ever after when you're nineteen? Before you can be the love of someone's life, you have to have a life first.

Wendy: Isn't fun great?

Little boy: I got stung by a bee.

Wendy: That's terrible, I know how you feel.

Little boy: No you don't.

Wendy: He's right I have absolutely no idea what it feels like.

Wendy: Don't you get it? We're responsible for our own evolution! We can affect change! The work booklet says...

Wichita: Hush. Nobody changes at summer camp. They merely find out who they are and become it more. Oh, we can't be friends if we disagree?

Wendy: Idunno.

Wichita: That word of yours is really starting to piss me of. "Idunno." What do you know?

Wendy: I know that I can't go another summer where I almost did something or almost met a boy. What do you know, smarty-pants?

Wichita: Counselor Wendy... um, I can't seem to find that vital thingy in the storage room.

Wendy: Gadzooks! Why didn't you say something before?

Adam: When you throw a bunch of people together in the forest, they become something more than just a bunch of people together in the forest.

Talia: Personality traits blend into one another: sweet, bitter, moral, immoral, overconfident, overwhelmed.

Wendy: A strange environment is created, one in which anything that happens to anyone, happens to you. Welcome to camp Bleeding Dove.

Wendy: Soon, we'll be adults and all we'll talk about is groceries.

Wendy: Are you a lesbian or what are you, Pixel?

Pixel: I didn't realize I had to declare a major.

Marv: Wait a second. Why'd she call you Wendy?

Wendy: Because that's my name, you ape. Goldie was my sister. My twin sister.

Marv: I guess she was the nice one.

Wendy: [Marv has just easily shrugged off the ropes] You sat there and took it... when you could've taken my gun away from me any time you wanted to...

Marv: Sure, but I thought I might be able to talk some sense into you. And I probably would've had to paste you one getting the gun. And I don't hurt girls.

Wendy: [to Marv] You can call me Goldie.

Wendy: Kill em' for me Marv. Kill 'em good.

Marv: I won't let you down, Goldie.

Wendy: Yea... ya wanna know what's great? Last night I woke up in the middle of the night to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich... and ya know, it was my kitchen, it was my refrigerator, it was my apartment... and it was the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I have had in my entire life

Wendy: No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation.

Leslie: How's Howie?

Wendy: Oh well, I wouldn't say my father's trying to bribe me, but he did offer me a Chrysler Lebaron convertible if I get engaged to Howie.

Jules: Have you fucked him yet?

Wendy: Jules!... God.

Jules: Listen... get the car, fuck him, and if you don't like him, break the engagement... And then you can still fuck him.

Wendy: We're really worried about this affair with your boss.

Jules: I don't know why you're both so worried... So, I bop him for a couple of years, get his job when he gets his hands caught in the vault, do a black mink ad, retire in utter disgrace, then write a best seller and be a fabulous host on my own talk show...

Jules: I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.

Wendy: That doesn't leave much.

[Matt and Wendy sitting at the table looking at things they found in the floorboards]

Wendy: [looking at Matt] What?

Matt Campbell: [looking at a picture of Jonah] Nothing.

Wendy: Matt, come on, just give me a chance.

Matt Campbell: [shows her the picture of Jonah] I've seen him.

Wendy: Shut up.

Matt Campbell: [puts away the picture of Jonah] Gave you a chance.

Wendy: I'm sorry, okay? Just go on. Please.

Matt Campbell: [shows Wendy the picture of Jonah again] I thought that I was hallucinating, but I have seen this kid, almost every day since we've been here. Okay, I wake up in the middle of the night, and it feels like he's been inside me, looking out through my eyes. One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight, okay, me and him, we're just two dead boys.

Wendy: Maybe this place is haunted. Either way, I mean, we have to find out who put these things under the floorboards and why.

Matt Campbell: Yeah, but how?

Wendy: Okay, don't tell anyone, But there are these buildings all over the country where secret knowledge is kept.

[Matt stares at Wendy]

Wendy: Known only as libraries.

[Both laughing]

Wendy: But what about you?

Matt Campbell: I'm already dead.

Wendy: You'd better be careful.

Eric: Of what?

Wendy: I'm serious, Eric. You're not in Modesto anymore. I see the way you look at him.

Eric: He's so beautiful. I can't help it. He's like a god.

Wendy: You don't have to tell me, I was infatuated with him too once. But I know all Neil's secrets and there's shit there you don't even want to know about. Trust me. Once I'm gone, you'll be all Neil has and you have to understand one thing. Where normal people have a heart, Neil McCormick has a bottomless black hole. And if you don't watch out, you can fall in and get lost forever.

Wendy: I can't believe I'm finally getting out of this fucking nowhere town!

Neil: You're the only one I ever told.

Wendy: I know.

Neil: I never told Eric or my Mom. And I know some people might think it's f_____d up, or whatever? But what happened that summer... is a huge part of me. No one ever made me feel that way, before or since. Like I was special.

Wendy: Neil, you were eight years old.

Neil: Yeah, but he really loved me. I mean, there were other kids sometimes, but... I was his prize. I was his one true love.

Wendy: [when the teacher is talking about pollution] Then why don't they do something? Why don't they stop it?

Larry White: Excellent question, Wendy. Why don't they do something? Why don't they stop it? Who is this "They" that Wendy is referring to I wonder? What do you think? "They" is *all* of us.

Wendy: Have you made love with many girls?

Rick Carlson: What, are you writing a book?

[smiles]

Wendy: No, just curious.

[a beat]

Wendy: Have you?

Rick Carlson: Yeah, a few. Have you made love with many boys?

Wendy: Just once. I didn't really like it, though. We didn't really know what we were doing.

Rick Carlson: You got lots of time. A woman doesn't hit her prime till she's thirty.

Wendy: Yeah, by then I wanna be really good at it.

Kimberly Walker: [through tears] Daddy paid Dylan Jordan, the most popular guy in Clearville, 80 dollars to stay away from me.

Wendy: [to Ben] Please tell me that isn't true.

Andy: [after catching her for shoplifting] The food is not the issue. It's about setting an example, right?

Wendy: Sir, I'm not from around here. I can't be an example.

Wendy: Well, that's a great story, standing in the window Juliet on the balcony...

Wendy: Come on Bri, take me off your shit list, honey.

Brian: You're on all my shit lists! Today you made the hall of fame!

Sam: Hey come back here you little shit-head!

Wendy: Hey! Don't talk to Jake like that!

Sam: He acts like a shit-head! And you let him act like one!

Wendy: Well you don't have to act like one too!

Wendy: Kids are cynical these days. It's hip.

Jake: It's not.

Sam: Why don't you tell us whats hip Jake?

Jake: Nothings hip.

Sam: Nothings hip? You mean nothing matters anymore, thats hip? Nothingness is hip?

Jake: Hip isn't HIP anymore.

Alexandra Amberson: A djinn? A genie?

Wendy: Now hold on a minute. Forget what our culture has made of the Djinn. Forget Barbara Eden. Forget Robin Williams. To the people of ancient Arabia, the Djinn was neither cute not funny. It was something else entirely. It was the face of fear itself.

Wendy: [referring to Raymond Beaumont] What an insufferable prick that man is. Still, it's not your problem. Unless, of course, you're stupid enough to be working for him.

Alexandra Amberson: [shaking her head] No.

Wendy: Or sleeping with him.

Alexandra Amberson: [slightly disgusted] No.

Wendy: Oh good. Well, that establishes your discerning good taste.

[turns her attention to something else, then addresses Alex without looking at her]

Wendy: Uh-huh. What can I do for you?

Alexandra Amberson: [assertively] Absolutely nothing at all until I can get your full attention.

Wendy: [turns and stares at her, Alex stares right back] I like you.

[Wendy drives her three friends out to the lake in the woods on Tuesday the 17th]

Wendy: Can you not put that so close to my face?

Joey: Sorry!

Wendy: It's so annoying.

Spider: Wait a minute - You go to this lake every year?

Wendy: Yep.

Spider: By yourself?

Wendy: Um... Yeah. But this year, I have you guys, so it's gonna be fun.

Samantha: What do you do, just like, walk around the woods and play with yourself?

Joey: If - If that's what you do, can I play with Samantha?

Samantha: Get it out...!

[Samantha hits the camera away from her when Joey zooms in on her legs]

[Wendy continues to drive her friends out into the woods when they start to get curious as to why]

Samantha: Because when you told me about this trip, you said it was just gonna be us girls, but now we're...

Joey: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Joey begins recording himself]

Joey: I need to document this, okay? You told me, Wendy - Wendy, my sweet - That this was just gonna be you and me, and now you've told her it's just gonna be an all girls trip.

Wendy: Yeah.

Spider: I'm just glad I'm with, you know, some people and not alone.

Samantha: I don't want to hear a word about you jerking off.

Spider: Well, I mean, I don't jerk off that much, but...

Samantha: Not that much?

Joey: Come on!

[the camera cuts to them arriving closer to their destination]

Spider: Is this it?

Joey: I don't know. Is this it? Oh, okay, yeah.

[dramatically says out loud when reading the dead end street sign]

Joey: This is - Ooh, dead end! Let's take the left! Really, Wendy?

[recording ends]

[the four friends in the woods see the tree covered in mushrooms]

Spider: Whoa, whoa, look at that!

Joey: What?

Spider: Look. Look at this!

Joey: Oh, wow.

Spider: Isn't that awesome?

Joey: [Joey zooms in on the mushroom tree] Yo, we could trip all day on that.

Spider: [Spider laughs] Yeah.

Joey: [Joey starts stroking the mushrooms on the tree] Yeah.

Samantha: [Samantha joins in on stroking the mushrooms on the tree] Oh, yeah.

Joey: [the two start stroking the tree together] Yeah, you like that?

Samantha: Yeah - Dream on!

[Samantha takes her hands off the tree and walks away with Spider laughing]

Wendy: Joey... You're all gonna fuckin' die up here.

Joey: What?

[recording ends]

[Joey records the four friends in the woods having a little smoke together]

Spider: Are you guys doing drugs?

Joey: [Samantha laughs] What?

Samantha: He fuckin' calls it drugs!

Joey: Wait, I gotta get this.

Spider: Are you guys doing drugs right now. Seriously?

Samantha: No, oh, my god, Spider, the look on your face right now...

Spider: No, seriously.

Wendy: Spider, can I tell you something?

Spider: Okay.

Wendy: You're a fucking dweeb.

Spider: Whatever, I don't - I don't do drugs. How 'bout that? How's that sound?

Samantha: Spider, why. What's wrong? Why do you look so scared. Just take a hit.

Spider: I'm... scared of getting the fear.

Samantha: What?

Joey: What?

Spider: The fear. You never heard of that?

[Joey and Samantha laugh simultaneously]

Spider: Don't laugh. Don't laugh! I'm serious. The fear. You know, when you do too many drugs and then you get, like, all freaked out and crazy.

Samantha: Spider, there's no fucking such thing as the fear.

Joey: Just take a hit, bro.

Samantha: Take a fucking hit and chill out!

Joey: Come on!

Spider: I'll take a hit if you don't film it.

Samantha: Promise.

Joey: Okay.

[Samantha hands him the smoke and Joey continues to record]

[Spider records the friends talking to Wendy about the murders in the woods]

Joey: Wendy, what the fuck were you saying before about us all gettin' killed?

Spider: Wait, what?

Samantha: When did she say that?

Joey: When we were over by the mushroom tree. When we were standing over by the tree, she was like, you're all gonna fuckin' die!

Spider: What do you mean, like, here? Like, here-here?

Joey: Here?

Wendy: Did you guys not hear about this?

Spider: No.

Samantha: Why the fuck would I come to this lake if I heard about some damn murders out here?

Wendy: Yeah. It was pretty bad.

Spider: Wait.

Samantha: Are you being serious?

Joey: You're fuckin' with us! Get outta here!

Wendy: No, I'm being dead serious.

Spider: Well, what happened?

Wendy: Um... You know, the weird thing is that I don't remember what he looked like.

Samantha: What do you mean, you don't remember?

Spider: What who looked like? What are you talking about?

[Wendy starts laughing]

Samantha: What?

Spider: Fuck you! Fuck you! I told you guys!

Joey: What the fuck?

Spider: The fear! You see!

Samantha: She gave me the fuckin' fear!

Spider: Fuck this!

[Wendy records Joey as she tells him the truth about the woods]

Joey: You were serious earlier, weren't you? About the murders. I remember reading about it now. It was, like, four kids were killed, and the guy - they said the guy was, like, insane.

Wendy: He was beyond insane. He was evil. This lake ran red with their blood, and I came back...

Joey: To move on. I - I get it. It's some kind of, like, post-traumatic stress therapy or something.

Wendy: No, it's not therapy. I brought you back because I needed bait.

Joey: Bait?

Wendy: They never caught him, Joey. They never believed me, how - How he was everywhere. How he could be at two places at once. That wall back there - my friend smashed her head open on it.

Joey: Wendy, this is crazy, okay? I think you need help. Maybe we should just get the others and get the fuck out of here.

Wendy: They're dead, Joey. He's back.

Kim: You seem a little anxious, Wendy. By the way, who are going with tonight?

Wendy: It's not who you go with, honey. It's who takes you home.

Car Hop: What'll it be?

Lou: Well, uh, I'm a little short of cash.

Wendy: You can owe me.

Lou: Oh! Well, I'll have a couple burgers, a large fries, and, uh, what kinda beer you got?

Car Hop: Come on, man. This is a drive-thru, not a bar!

Lou: All right, all right, don't get nervous! Just a Coke or Pepsi is fine.

[Lou stares at waitress' butt while she walks away]

Wendy: Lou, no!

Wendy: Roses? Ooh, they're lovely! What's the occasion, Gordon? Heheh... not here Gordon, later! Ha ha... Gordon, watch out!

[the pot of water spills and Gordon screams loudly]

Wendy: Gordon... Gordon, stop! Gordon! NO! AHHH!

[the sounds of Gordon killing Wendy, the dog and the baby can be heard]

Wendy: What happens if one of those pledges goes to the police?

Rex: Oh... then they're out O.U.T besides what it can really be charged me? Practical joking?

Wendy: But I don't wanna call 911.

Susie: Do it, you little bitch or we're gonna die!

Wendy: What kind of girl am I?

Billie: A very bad girl.

Wendy: Seriously... what kind?

Billie: ...and when she was good she was very good and when she was bad she was horrid.

Wendy: Don't be average.

Sean: I got spanked for stealing once. It's cruel and it hurt. I'm never spanking my kids.

Wendy: Sometimes you have to. Sometimes they are bad and they have to learn. I never learned. Hit me.

Wendy: Seriously when did being a lesbian become cooler than blowing a rock star?

Billie: You've never blown a rock star.

Wendy: Well, neither have you.

Sean: What? You don't live in what world? The world of first dates? Of holding hands?

Wendy: No you jackass. Of disposable girlfriends. Of bracelets for blowjobs. Of macking and making out and going down and text messaging some asshole whose gonna come all over my shirt. That world.

Wendy: [to Sean] You mean fairytale land? Yeah....I've heard of that place.

Wendy: Fine, fine, fine, I'm abnormal and you just spanked the girl next door.

Sean: You ARE the girl next door!

Wendy: I am so over this fraternity shit. There's three miles of dick in this place and not an inch of it is worth my time.

Wendy: Woof.

Wendy: My husband is not my husband.

Wendy: Your not like any boy I've ever met.

Peter: My name's Peter.

Wendy: I'm...

Peter: Wendy. I know. It's a very pretty name...

Michelle: I told Mommy and they're mad at me. I think they're hiding Foo Foo.

Wendy: Michelle. No one's mad at you. Foo's probably just on an adventure. You know how rabbits are...

Lindsay Darling: I don't what to believe anymore. Can you think of a better reason? Cause our world seems to be falling apart and the only people who have an explanation are the ones downstairs.

Wendy: The ghost hunters?

Lindsay Darling: Yes, Wendy- they're ghost hunters. I know how it sounds! It sounds insane to me too but I can't for the life of me come up with anything else to do. If they can fix things what's the harm in letter them try?

[Cleaned up and dressed as a proper lady, Wendy starts to leave. The cruel bartender stops her]

Bartender: Hold it! Where're you going?

Wendy: I'm leaving.

Bartender: Oh really? Exactly where do you plan on going?

Wendy: Away from you!

Bartender: [gripping her by the arm] You ain't goin' no place.

Wendy: [mutters] How much?

Bartender: How much for what?

Wendy: How much for you to let me leave?

Bartender: [chucles] How much you got?

Wendy: [draws a small pistol] I've got this! Unfortunately, it's all lead.

[Wendy leaves]