Warren Quotes in Smokin' Aces (2006)

Warren: I feel like you're eyeballin' me, dawg! I don't like punk bitches eyeballin' me! You got beef? You got beef? You want some of this?

Pam: Hey Warren, is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?

Stuntman Mike: [tosses keys across table in front of Pam] Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

Pam: You've been eavesdropping?

Stuntman Mike: [chuckles] Eavesdropping and can't help but hear, I think I belong in the latter category.

Pam: So, uh, "icy hot", you're offering me a ride home?

Stuntman Mike: I'm offerin' you a lift, if, when I'm ready to leave, you are too.

Pam: And when are you thinking about leaving?

Stuntman Mike: Truthfully, I'm not thinkin' about it. But when I do, you will be the first to know.

Pam: Will you be able to drive later?

Stuntman Mike: I know looks can be deceiving, but I'm a teetotaler. I've been drinking club soda and lime all night, and now I'm buildin up to my big drink.

Pam: Which is what?

Stuntman Mike: Virgin Pina Colada.

Pam: [pause] Okay. Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar, drinking water?

Stuntman Mike: You know, a bar offers all kinds of things other than alcohol.

Pam: Hmm, really. Like what?

Stuntman Mike: [pause] Women. Nacho Grande platters. The fellowship of some fascinating individuals, like Warren here.

Pam: Fair enough. So what's your name, icy?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: [pause] "Stuntman Mike's" your name?

Stuntman Mike: You can ask anybody.

Pam: Hey Warren, who is this guy?

Warren: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

Warren: He's a stuntman.

Pam: So what's your name icy?

Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: Stuntman Mike's your name.

Stuntman Mike: You ask anybody.

Pam: Hey Warren, Who is this guy?

Warren: Stuntman Mike.

Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

Warren: He's a Stuntman.

Warren: You're very lucky, mate. See, I didn't get to say goodbye to my little brother, after you smashed his fucking head in with that bat. But I'm letting you say goodbye to her 'cos I'm a nice guy. See, I did you a little favour... good of myself - I put a little bit more petrol on the bitch, so hopefully she lash off first.

[he stands by the open door]

Warren: Fuck me, it's cold in here. Don't worry, Georgie... I'll turn the heating up

[he sparks a lighter and throws it]

Lyle: This time you'll be working in a beautiful, warm and very tropical paradise!

Nick: I hate the heat.

Warren: Will it help if we say who recommended you?

Nick: I know who recommended me.

Warren: This isn't the fucking ark, Diane! This is the Titanic! And there is not a life raft in sight.

Warren: [walks in drinking]

Diane: Please, Warren. Couldn't we just have a few sober moments tonight?

Warren: This is the last supper, Diane. You think Jesus was sober for his last supper? You think he turned water into lemonade?

Warren: Put on some Radiohead. I want to do heroin to Radiohead.

God: Hey, Warren! This is the voice of God!

Warren: What's up?

Warren: Jeez, last seen springs on motorcycle had to be in the 1920s.

Burt Munro: Well, she's 42 years old.

Warren: These brakes, they're completely inadequate.

Burt Munro: I'm planning on going, not stopping.

Wendy: Why won't you let him run?

Warren: Hey he's too old and his bike's too old.

Ali: Well I hear he's come halfway around the world to ride that cycle.

Wendy: Yeah, c'mon.

Warren: Wendy, if he was to kill himself.

Wendy: So! It's his life.

Warren: When will you get it into your head that one can produce a copious, regular and exquisitely turned evacuation every day of the week and still be a stranger to reason.

Prince of Wales: Do you like music, Warren?

Warren: [tonelessly] If it's played, sir, I listen to it.

Warren: Have you seen my baseball?

[When Ted gets his genitals stuck in the zippers]

Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans?

Ted: I don't know, both I guess.

Warren: [from outside] Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!

Warren: [as Ted is being taken on a stretcher to the ambulance] He was masturbating! He was masturbating!

Warren: Who glued these quarters down?

A.J.: I did.

Warren: What the hell for, man?

A.J.: I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren.

[Joe is talking to the police about Warren]

Joe: [to Warren] How old are you?

Warren: Old enough to kick your butt through your skull and splatter your brains on the wall.

Joe: [to the cops on the phone] Yeah, he's a juvenile.

Warren: Stop calling me Warren! My name isn't FUCKING WARREN!

Eddie: His name isn't Warren.

Corey: His name isn't Warren.

Berko: His name isn't Warren.

Mark: I thought his name was Warren?

Joe: Deb, what are you doing?

Debra: I just wanted to have a little chat with Warren.

Warren: Oh yeah? Well have a little chat with my gun.

Debra: [into the barrel of Warren's gun] What do you want Warren?

Warren: STOP CALLING ME WARREN. MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING WARREN.

Debra: Well you can't kill me 'cause I'm already dead. And I talked to God, and she says, "Yo, wassup?" and she wants you to lose the gun.

Warren: What? You are psycho. You're a psycho.

Joe: I want you to take these

[CD's]

Joe: , hold 'em against your chest, stand against the wall, and they're gonna take a photograph of you.

Warren: Why don't you go shove 'em up your ass?

Lucas: ...Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.

Lucas: Warren, look what you took.

[going through the CD's that Warren stole from the store]

Lucas: Rap... metal... rap... metal... And Whitney Houston.

Warren: It's for my girlfriend, okay?

Lucas: Suuure it is. You know, someone like you needs to diminish their criminal impulses, not magnify them. Maybe some jazz or some classical.

Warren: Maybe you bite me.

Lucas: Mark, who's your favorite singer?

Mark: Axl.

Lucas: Well if Axl Rose was driving down the highway, and saw Rex Manning stranded on the side of the road, do you think Axl Rose would stop and help him?

Mark: [thinks] ... Does Axl have a jack?

Warren: No way man!... Axl would pound on the gas, turn the wheel, take aim, and take that sucker out!

Warren: Me Joe, you Jane.

Mays Gilliam: Don't steal my car now.

Warren: I don't want that garbage.

Warren: What'm I gonna do? Feed yo car to my car, man?

Warren: But what about the Fellini festival?

Chrissy: Warren - fuck the Fellini festival!

Warren: You're not going to poison anymore kids!

Isabelle: What are you doing?

Warren: I'm molesting you.

Isabelle: Am I supposed to like it?

Warren: You could beg me to stop.

Isabelle: And would you?

Warren: No.

Warren: Are you a registered voter?

Fay Grim: Don't you dare talk to me that way!

[Annabel Lee walks by]

Warren: Gettin' a venereal disease just lookin' at her...

[Ben shows up to his new assistant job where his best friend Miles works]

Warren: Congratulations! How does $8 an hour sound?

Ben Campbell: Eight dollars? Wow! Wow. That's great, Warren. Thank you. Thank you.

Miles Connoly: [Ben's best friend asks him] You slept with him, didn't you?

Ben Campbell: Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

Miles Connoly: Yes, you did! I'll sleep with him, too, and I'll get $8 an hour.

[after sex]

Tally: Why didn't we do this before?

Warren: Because it was always gonna be this hard to stop.

Tally: When I asked you how long you could stay and you said, 'Long enough,' how long is that? When we're not together...

Warren: ...Everything shuts down.

Tally: Why don't you come with me?

Warren: I've already been where you're going.

James: [referring to Joleen and her new boyfriend] Do you know where they might be?

Tara: [when Warren doesn't answer] Do you even know you're in jail? It's your fault she left in the first place, Warren. This whole thing is your fault.

Warren: No, I'm just wondering how long this has been going on, that's what I'd like to know.

Tara: [leaning toward Warren with a savage pleasure on her face] Do you know what Mom would call you? She had a name for you. When it was just me and her talking. She'd say it and we'd laugh. Do you know what it was?

Warren: [crosses his arms] I don't believe you.

[Tara smirks then takes her coat and leaves]

Warren: What was it? Tara, what did she call me? Tara!

Sandy: I'll take a beer and a shot of whiskey.

Al: You forgot to shut the door.

Sandy: No, I didn't.

Al: It didn't latch.

Sandy: Come on, Al. I've been on my feet for hours. Give me a beer?

Al: First the door.

Sandy: Seriously? It's shut. It's fine.

Warren: Sounds pretty sure of herself, Al. At the same time, being sure is sort of a fancy way of being lazy.

Sandy: You want to go check the door?

Warren: I mean, you can see from here it's not shut all the way.

Sandy: I'll buy you a beer.

Warren: Well, when you put it like that.

[Danny kicks in the front door with a shotgun]

Danny: Alright everybody, put your hands on the tables!

Warren: Now I know that one shitty bar might look like any other. But here's some free advice. Get back on whatever road it was that brought you here and keep moving. Because I guarantee you that robbing this place is way more trouble than it's worth.

Danny: This is not a robbery!

Warren: There's nothing out there but God's little creatures, more scared of you than you are of them.

Warren: I'm going to team you up with Dewey Wilson on this Christopher VanderVeer thing.

Rebecca Neff: I didn't know he was back. I thought he retired, disabled, mental...?

Warren: He had a lot of family problems, he started to drink a little too much, police work... piled up on him. He's a good man, you'll like him.

Rebecca Neff: Okay, fine.

Warren: Well I'll be God fuckin' damned.

Miriam Webster: I remember when we were kids, you took this doll away from me and I never saw it again.

Warren: You want it? Take it.

Warren: Quarter of a billion alpha males in this world, and we get the dog-shit one!

Warren: One thing I do know is that there isn't any Bigfoot in these woods, here or anywhere else. It's just another version of the Loch Ness Monster. Still, you can't really blame people for making things up if it makes their own lives seem more interesting...

Susan Miller: Say, are you really millionaires?

[Warren and Maybelle burst into laughter]

Warren: Why?

Susan Miller: Well, there seems to be something missing.

Mrs. Maybelle Worthington: Just the millions, and they can't rule you out for a technicality.

Warren: You see, nature played a little trick on us: we should have been born with blue blood, so we have devoted our entire life to correcting this... biological error.

Susan Miller: What do you do? If you're not, what are you?

Mrs. Maybelle Worthington: Well, we're sort of an excess profits tax. To criticize us would be unamerican.

Warren: We are merely bees that take a little nectar from the flowers that have so much. And you too can have some.

Warren: Someone told me if I wear red suspenders I might get lucky tonight.

Warren: [while flogging Peter] You made a laughing stock of me!