Wanda Quotes in Face/Off (1997)

[Tito, Sean Archer's best friend was killed by Castor Troy]

Buzz: Listen, sir... we just want you to know...

Wanda: We're all really sorry about Tito.

Castor Troy: [as Sean Archer] Yeah, well, shit happens.

Wanda: You turned your beeper off.

Castor Troy: Yes, well... my son's birthday.

Wanda: Well, here's some poetic justice, sir... Castor Troy's dead.

Buzz: He got killed trying to escape from Erewhon.

Castor Troy: Where's his body? I want to see his body.

Wanda: It hasn't been recovered yet.

Castor Troy: IT HASN'T BEEN *RECOVERED YET*? *Get the LAPD on this!*

Wanda: Even if he is alive, Castor isn't stupid enough to come back to the city.

Castor Troy: You must... you must trust me. He's already here.

Castor Troy: [giving a speech] Everybody, I want to thank you for enduring all these years that I was an insufferable bore.

Wanda: Sir, did you just have a surgical procedure?

[Castor's smile freezes. He is unsure what Wanda means]

Castor Troy: What do you mean?

Wanda: Well, was the stick successfully removed from your ass?

[relieved, Castor bursts out laughing. The others join his laughter]

Jared Howe: It's a strange world.

Wanda: The strangest.

Jeb: [narrating] Our world isn't like the other worlds they came to. The way they see it, human beings are just so... alien. But if one of them can find a way to live with one of us, I wonder.

Seeker Burns: Thought I was the only one who switched sides.

Wanda: I guess you never know where you're gonna find your home.

[Julie and Wanda are looking at pictures of a dead kid]

Julie: That new camera really captures the moments.

Wanda: I know. The reds are so red. It really gets me hot.

Wanda: Slug, are you sure no one will come in?

Slug: I paid Tony 15 bucks. He said the place is ours till tomorrow morning.

[Melvin catches Slug and Wanda having sex in the locker room]

Slug: Get out of here you pervert.

[Wanda pulls out a switchblade]

Wanda: Or I'll kill you.

Wanda: [after going over the evil plan] Alright now remember! This is for the people!

Lalo: [with disgust] Spare me.

[Wanda walks into the Third Street Drawbridge operator's office]

Wanda: Hi there.

Bridge Operator: Hello, young lady. What can I do for you?

Wanda: [smiles] Raise the bridge.

Bridge Operator: [incredulously] Raise the bridge?

[pause]

Bridge Operator: Are you kidding?

[Wanda draws her gun]

Wanda: When I tell you to.

[cuts to Maxwell's van following the Mayor's car along Third Street towards the bridge]

The Mayor: Wish we could've stayed. Think the Giants are finally gonna win one.

Mayor's Aide: I don't know, Mr. Mayor. Looks like it's gonna end up as a no-hitter.

[checks his watch]

Mayor's Aide: Besides, you do have the testimonial this evening.

The Mayor: Oh, god, testimonials. They never end, do they?

[cuts to Maxwell's van]

Bobby Maxwell: Lalo, hand me the taser gun.

Lalo: Karl?

[Karl pulls a taser gun out of its box]

Karl: Man, this looks like something from a James Bond movie. You sure it will work?

Lalo: Karl, there's 25,000 volts in this thing. Even the fat boys are gonna do what we want once we hook it up to them.

[hands his taser gun to Maxwell; meanwhile, Wanda - still holding the bridge operator at gunpoint, sees the Mayor's car and Maxwell's van approaching]

Bobby Maxwell: Okay, Tex.

[Tex moves the van into the left lane, speeds up, and passes the Mayor's car; Wanda observes them]

Wanda: Raise it.

[the operator presses a button; the warning bells go off and the gates begin to lower. Maxwell's van stops at the street corner adjacent to the operator's office. As soon as the gates have lowered, the operator moves a lever, and the bridge begins to rise; the Mayor's car stops at the intersection. Maxwell and his men get out]

The Mayor: [spots them] Wait a minute. What the hell? Okay, get me out of this!

[the driver immediately floors it and turns right onto the side street; and Maxwell's men open fire, blowing out the tires]

Lalo: [shoves Tex's gun aside] Save the mayor, goddamnit!

[the mayor's car stops within a few feet of a semi-truck blocking the road. Maxwell fires off a LAWS rocket that hits the truck's engine, causing it to explode. The mayor's driver gets out, only to get gunned down by a hail of bullets. The PRSF members then open the passenger's doors and shoot the mayor's aide in the head]

The Mayor: Who the hell are you? What do you want?

Bobby Maxwell: You.

The Mayor: Get away from me, you son of a bitch. I'm not going anywhere with you.

Bobby Maxwell: The hell you aren't!

[shoots him in the chest with the taser gun; Maxwell, Lalo, Tex, and Karl take the mayor by his arms, and lead him across an industrial lot to a waiting motorboat. As the boat speeds off into the bay, Wanda sticks a star on the bridge operator's dead body]

Wanda: [mounts and rapes the drugged and tied up Nick Styles despite his objections] See, your little mouth says no, but your little friend says yes.

Wanda: He's like my third husband, he should rest in peace.

Oscar Madison: How do you know he's dead? Maybe he's just bluffing.

Wanda: I told him to take the train. I told him to catch the BART. I didn't know they were gonna hurt my baby. I should've just let him drive. I should've let him drive, but I wanted to keep him safe. You gotta let me hug him. Please, let me hug him. Please. Please! He didn't like to be alone.

Edie Sedgwick: I can't take it anymore. I want to die

Wanda: And why do you want to die?

Edie Sedgwick: Because my credit's no good at Bonwit Teller and I just stole $30 worth of underwear at Bergdorf's and I think I might do it again.

[laughs]

Wanda's Father: Hi, Wanda honey.

Wanda's mother: You were on the radio.

Wanda: Would you just get me the fuck out of here?

Wanda's mother: What's "fuck" mean, Hector?

Wanda's Father: Oh, Maggie, it's just a teen nonsense word Wanda uses to make herself feel all grown-up.

Wanda's mother: Your Honor, could we take Wanda the fuck home?

Wanda: Think Cry-Baby's got blue balls for the chick?

Hatchet Face: Allison's a square, Wanda. Cry-Baby don't dig squares.

Pepper: No, she's a scrape - part square, part drape. I think she's pretty.

Milton Hackett: Looks like somebody lost their laundry.

Lenora Frigid: Hello Cry-Baby. You've scorched me, man.

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: Later, Lenora.

Lenora Frigid: But Cry-baby, I need a date for tonight's Jukebox Jamboree.

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: Well, I'm solo, sugar.

Lenora Frigid: [offering to show her breasts] Wanna see these gunboats? I give, Cry-baby. I give bare second on the first date.

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: Use your mentality and cool down!

Wanda: Yeah, Lenora, your bosoms ain't nothin'!

Hatchet-Face: Better watch it, bozo! You might catch a cold!

Pepper: My brother wouldn't touch your titties with a ten-foot pole. He likes his women bad, Lenora, not cheap!

Cry-Baby: [singing] High school hell cats.

Pepper, Hatchet Face, Milton Hackett, Allison, Wanda: [singing] On our own.

Cry-Baby: [singing] High school hell cats.

Pepper, Hatchet Face, Milton Hackett, Allison, Wanda: [singing] Almost grown.

Cry-Baby: [singing] Come on pick a fight, we wish you would. I love being bad cause it sure feels good. Oh-oh!

Wanda: You wanna learn about America, Inga? In America, we like boys! We like hot boys! Boys with roaming hands and rushing fingers!

Wanda's mother: Wanda honey, want some Ovaltine?

Inga: Ja, ja, ja!

Wanda: Yeah, I'm just a bebop baby, and I don't take nothing from no one! See ya later, daddy-os. Have a cool Yule and a frantic First!

Uncle Belvedere Rickettes: Today's a special day for me and your grandmother. We've been together ten whole years.

Ramona Rickettes: I'm just so proud of all my drape children! Oh Wanda, you sure is pretty in them tight clothes, all painted up like trash!

Wanda: I wish you and Belvedere were my parents.

Ramona Rickettes: Now Milton, boy, you are everything a man should be: you're young, stupid, and... mean!

Milton Hackett: We're gonna play some cool music for you tonight, Ramona.

Ramona Rickettes: And Hatchet-face, oh honey! You're just like me. Now, you put the T in tough! So hard you could've been eating nails for breakfast! But that's the way a woman's got to be these days.

Hatchet-Face: I'd kick a square's ass for you in a minute, Mrs. Rickettes!

Ramona Rickettes: Oh, this is the best gang my grandson could ever have!

Allison: It's really wild, but I'm-I'm afraid that I'm not gonna fit in here. You know, with your friends, and stuff.

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: You're cool, Allison. You just look square. Underneath it all, I think you're really hep.

Hatchet-Face: Well, what have we here?

Wanda: The first square to ever set foot in Turkey Point.

Pepper: Hey fine mama, welcome to the Jukebox Jamboree!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: These are the Cry-Baby girls. That's Wanda.

Wanda: Dig it, babe. You need a new look!

Hatchet-Face: Don't you got tits? Stick 'em out, for God's sake!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: That's Hatchet-face. She don't mean no harm.

Pepper: The first thing a Cry-Baby girl learns: our bazooms are our weapons!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: Now, Pepper's pregnant, but she can fight like a man!

Wanda: I wouldn't be caught dead in a full skirt.

Pepper: Hey girls, what do you think? Let's give Allison here a bad girl beauty makeover. You game?

Allison: Sure! Think I got what it takes?

Hatchet-Face, Wanda, Pepper: Whoa ho ho!

Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker: You got it, Allison. You got it raw!

Cry-Baby: [singing] I had my first cigarette before I could walk / And I was strumming this guitar before I could talk, Cause I'm the King.

Hatchet-Face, Wanda, Pepper, Milton Hackett, Allison: [singing] King Cry Baby.

Cry-Baby: [singing] Yeah, I'm the King.

Hatchet-Face, Wanda, Pepper, Milton Hackett, Allison: [singing] King Cry Baby.

Cry-Baby: [singing] Oh, I'm the King.

Hatchet-Face, Wanda, Pepper, Milton Hackett, Allison: [singing] King Cry Baby.

Cry-Baby: [singing] A King Cry Baby with a tear in my eye / If you mess with the King you're gonna cry, baby, cry, baby, cry, baby, cry.

[first lines]

Wanda's mother: Hi Kids. Remember, always look both ways before crossing.

Wanda: [embarassed] Mother!

Wanda: [after Otto breaks in on Wanda and Archie in Archie's flat and hangs him out the window] I was dealing with something delicate, Otto. I'm setting up a guy who's incredibly important to us, who's going to tell me where the loot is and if they're going to come and arrest you. And you come loping in like Rambo without a jockstrap and you dangle him out a fifth-floor window. Now, was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid?

Otto West: Don't call me stupid.

Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?

Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy.

Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

Wanda: I'm sorry about my brother, Ken. I know he's insensitive. He's had a hard life. Dad used to beat him up.

Ken: Good.

Wanda: What about my tits?

Otto: Does he get to handle them?

Wanda: Yes, he does. That's my forecast and I'll stand by it.

Otto: Would this also involve... nuzzling?

Wanda: Yes, I think three million dollars is worth a bit of nuzzling. Fifty percent chance of that.

Otto: Sucking?

Wanda: I thought you weren't jealous?

Otto: I'm not. I don't believe in jealousy, it's for the weak. One thing though. Touch his dick and he's dead!

Archie: Your brother didn't bring you here this time, did he?

Wanda: No.

Archie: He's no idea?

Wanda: He doesn't have a clue.

Archie: What?

Wanda: He's so dumb...

Archie: Really?

Wanda: ...he thought that the Gettysburg Address was where Lincoln lived.

Wanda: Let's make love.

Archie: Well, if you absolutely insist...

Wanda: I want you to know something Otto.

Otto: What?

Wanda: Even if you were my brother I'd still want to fuck you.

Wanda: Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not "every man for himself", and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

Wanda: I looked at the clock... because I was saying to myself... It's five to seven, where could he be going with that sawed off shotgun?

Otto: When you say "friendly", what are we talking about here? Cordial? Courteous? Supportive? What?

Wanda: I don't know. Let's just see what happens.

Otto: So, "friendly" might include actual... what, penetration?

Wanda: Archie? Do you speak Italian?

Archie: I am Italian! Sono italiano in spirito. Ma ho sposato una donna che preferisce lavorare in giardino a fare l'amore appassionato. Uno sbaglio grande! But it's such an ugly language. How about... Russian?

Otto: I'm here because I'm bored. Bored hanging around this God-awful city. Shoving George's ugly pic... Talking to a lot of snotty, stuck up, intellectual British faggots. Jesus they're uptight they get rigor mortis in the prime of life in this country, standing there with their hair clenched.

Otto: [finds a letter from Archie to Wanda] Just, counting the seconds to the weekends so they can all dress up like ballerinas and whip themselves into a frenzy at the flat at 4. 2B St.

Otto: [recovering] To be honest I hate them. I mean pretending they're so fucking lawyer.

Otto: [recovering again] superior, so fucking superior with those phony accents.

Otto: [Ken peeks in the room] Not you Ken, you have a beautiful speaking voice... when it works.

Otto: [about Wanda] Son of a bitch!

Otto: [to Wanda, loudly] So, wanna have some lunch?

Otto: [quietly] Have you heard from him?

Wanda: Who?

Otto: Archie.

Wanda: [loudly] No I have to finish my hair!

Wanda: [quietly] No.

Otto: Nothing?

Otto: [loudly] Ok well I'm outta here!

Otto: [quietly] No plans to see him?

Wanda: No.

Wanda: [loudly] Ok. Bye Bro.

Otto: Bye Wanda!

[Punches Wanda's picture, hands it to Ken]

Otto: Oh Sorry.

Wanda: What have you found out?

Otto: Not a lot.

Wanda: You realise he's in court tomorrow?

Otto: I know. I know that!

Wanda: So nothing, huh?

Otto: Nix! Zip! Diddly! Bupkis!

[seductively]

Otto: Niente!

Wanda: You just wanted to get me into bed.

Archie: I fell in love with you.

Wanda: How come you dumped me then.

Archie: I wasn't rich enough, remember.

Wanda: Say something in Russian.

Archie: No.

Archie: You make me feel free.

Wanda: Free?

Archie: Wanda, do you have any idea what it's like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone "Are you married?" and hearing "My wife left me this morning," or saying, uh, "Do you have children?" and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday. You see, Wanda, we'll all terrified of embarrassment. That's why we're so... dead. Most of my friends are dead, you know, we have these piles of corpses to dinner. But you're alive, God bless you, and I want to be, I'm so fed up with all this. I want to make love with you, Wanda. I'm a good lover - at least, used to be, back in the early 14th century. Can we go to bed?

Wanda: Yeah.

Ken: Otto t-t-tried to k-k-kiss me.

Wanda: I thought he might.

Wanda: Get the fuck out of here, Otto.

Otto: Relax. I heard moaning; I was worried.

Otto: Ok... Ok... DISAPPOINTED. Son of a bitch. What do you have to do in this world to make people trust you?

Wanda: Shut up.

Otto: People are always taking advantage of me.

Wanda: Shut up and think.

[Otto pulls out a silenced pistol and fires two shots at the safe]

Wanda: What are you doing?

Otto: I'm thinking.

Wanda: What are you thinking, Archie?

Archie: I'm just trying to think of one good reason why I should take you to South America with me.

Wanda: How about... because I have the key to the safety deposit box?

[pause]

Archie: That's a...

Wanda, Archie: ...good reason.

Wanda: The central message of Buddhism is not "every man for himself".

Wanda: I'll be right back, take your clothes off.

Archie: You are the sexiest, most beautiful girl I have ever seen... in my entire life.

Wanda: Get me my drink.

Otto: Hello, K-K-K-Ken's p-p-pets!

[taps on fish tank]

Otto: Wake up!

[beats the water with a scrub brush]

Otto: Wake up Limey fish!

[to Wanda]

Otto: So... how are you going to get friendly with this lawyer?

Wanda: I don't know - I'll improvise.

[Otto gets fed up with the fish and tosses the scrub brush into the tank]

Otto: Fucking insects!

Wanda: What about my tits?

Otto: Does he get to handle them?

Wanda: Yes. That's my forecast. I'll stand by that.

Wilma: You'd better stay away from our boyfriends.

Wanda: You fake-breasted sluts!

Wanda: Wait! He's still a blue-blood! He can break the curse.

Penelope: Max, I know this face repulses you... And I wouldn't, I wouldn't dream of asking you to accept it.

Max: No... No... No...

Penelope: But this isn't me, the real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out and you can make that happen and once the curse is broken I'll be just like anybody else.

Max: What if the curse doesn't get broken? What if the curse can never be broken?

Penelope: Then I'll kill myself. I promise, I promise I will.

Penelope: Marry me, Max. Marry me.

Max: I can't.

Penelope: Get out.

Max: I'm...

Wanda: Get out. Get out.

Molly: Wanda, I really like this guy Joel, but I just don't know if he's the one. I mean, I wish there was some sort of sign that proved it.

Wanda: How about this? When you meet up with him tonight, change the way you look - just a tiny little bit, but if he notices, then, that's how you'll know he's the one.

Molly: [Muses] Change the way I look and see if he notices. Wanda, thank you, you're the best.

Wanda: You are.

[Molly moves forward and pecks Wanda on the lips. Wanda looks horrified]

Wanda: . No.

Molly: Just felt like I was getting a vibe.

Wanda: I can't stand people, I hate them.

Henry: Oh yeah?

Wanda: Do you hate them?

Henry: No, but I seem to feel better when they're not around.

Henry: That's it.

Wanda: That's what?

Henry: I'm broke. Can't buy another drink.

Wanda: You mean you don't have any money?

Henry: No money, no job, no rent. Hey, I'm back to normal.

Henry: Why did it have to be Eddie? He symbolizes everything that disgusts me. Obviousness. Unoriginal macho energy. Ladies man...

Wanda: You're right. He's not much

Wanda: I hate the police, don't you?

Henry: I don't know, but I seem to feel better when they're not around.

Wanda: Listen, I drink. And when I drink, I move in the wrong direction...

Wanda: [talking about the rumour that her neighbor killed people] Maybe he had a reason to kill those people.

Henry: Yeah well most people think they do.

[after almost getting in a car accident]

Lance Barton: Sontee, you okay?

Sontee Jenkins: Yeah, I'm okay, Cisco, you okay?

Cisco: Yeah, I'm okay, Wanda, you okay?

Wanda: Hell no! I spilled my drink!

Lance Barton: [as Joe Guy, referring to Wanda's paint-stained coat] You know, your coat's bleeding.

Wanda: Mind yo' business!

Lance Barton: [As Charles Wellington, after offering Wanda a raise]

Lance Barton: Are you happy?

Wanda: I'm estatic.

Wanda: Is everybody hurt? Is anyone okay?

[Last Lines]

Wanda: Nick? Can somebody give me a 20 on Nick?

Angel: What's that?

Wanda: Lidocaine. Stubble always hurts when I'm getting my pussy eaten. So, I spray it on just before a scene.

Angel: Now, that's using your noodle.

Wanda: Thanks. I'm sure you have some of your own tricks of the trade.

Angel: Yeah, I've got a great one. So, if I'm doing this video where I have to lick a guy's asshole, I hit myself in the head with a piece of wood five times really hard right here.

Wanda: What does that do?

Angel: It disables the olfactory bulb in my limbic system. I can't smell or taste anything for 12 hours straight. So, I ask the director to make sure all my ass-licking scenes are in the same day.

Wanda: Cool.

Wanda: [runs into a cabin] Someone help me! Angel's got a dick in her mouth!

[everyone looks at her with indifference]

Rock: [shrugs] And...?

Wanda: It's not attached to anything!

Lance: This may sound kinda stupid, but on the bus here, I was writing a song for you.

Wanda: You were?

Lance: You wanna hear it?

Wanda: Yeah...

Lance: [singing tweedy high] I know a pretty girl named Wanda; She's someone I'm kinda... fond-a

[short break, end singing]

Lance: That's all I got so far.

T.J.: The shooting star, the bright light; Ron acts weird, and his dick takes off running.

Wanda: And killing.

T.J.: Mm, yes. I haven't forgotten that. And killing. What if that shooting star was some alien life form that invaded Ron and took conrol of his dick?

Wanda: I'm sure you have your own tricks of the trade?

Angel: Yeh; I've got one; so if I'm doing this video where I have to lick a guy's asshole, I hit myself in the head with some wood, really hard, five times, right there.

Wanda: What does that do?

Angel: It disables the olfactory bulb in my limbic system for 12 straight hours: I can't smell anything! So I ask the director to make sure all my ass licking scenes are in one day.

Wanda: Cool.

Wanda: Between the two of you there's almost a whole person.

Wanda: Thank God love is blind, otherwise it'd see too much.

Wanda: You know the main reason I opened up an early morning joint. Because you can't pick a better time of day to watch the sun rise.

Wanda: Do you have sinful thoughts sometimes?

Anna: Yes.

Wanda: About carnal love?

Anna: No.

Wanda: That's a shame. You should try, otherwise what sort of sacrifice are these vows of yours?

Wanda: What sort of sacrifice are these vows of yours?

Wanda: [in Italian] Go inside and dry yourself off.

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] I don't have the keys.

Wanda: [in Italian] Where did you put them?

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] In my purse.

Wanda: [in Italian] And where's your purse?

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] Giorgio's got it. We took a walk by the river and I fell in. Giorgio got scared and ran off.

Passer-by: [in Italian] Cabiria, Alberto Lazzari's waiting for you.

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] I'm not even talking to you.

Wanda: [in Italian] Don't listen to her.

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] Who's listening?

Wanda: [in Italian] Hey Cabiria, there's Limpy.

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] There's a winner.

Wanda: [in Italian] Hey, you old lecher. Home sick for jail? Come on, Cabiria, let's have a good laugh.

Wanda: [in Italian] The police! The police!

Heavy prostitute with leopard spots: [in Italian] What you all need is jail.

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] I'm getting married! He asked me to marry him! We're buying a store in Grotta Ferrata. He's already signed the contract. Without me knowing he arranged it all: a store, a house! I'm selling everything... I'll sell the house... the house. We're getting married in two weeks. Wanda, I'm leaving!

Wanda: [in Italian] Does he know that you...

Maria 'Cabiria' Ceccarelli: [in Italian] Of course he knows! I've told him everything. I didn't hide anything from him. He's a saint, an angel! He didn't want to know anything. He didn't care. He loves me! He loves me! Wanda! He loves me! Wanda!

Wanda: [after Matilda is thrown out of Frank's trailer] Matilda, darling, you should be careful about leaving like that; you'll damage your brain.

Wanda: You don't look well, George. Or is it just that I don't find you attractive anymore?

David Kolowitz: You know, Wanda, you're beginning to sound exactly like my mother.

Wanda: David, I didn't come here to be insulted.