Walter Crandell Quotes in Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (1991)

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: You guys spent over $3,000 of the company's petty cash?

Zach Crandell: [sheepishly] Uh... yeah.

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: You're grounded! Until Mom returns, you are ALL grounded! How could you steal from me? You never would have stolen money from Mom!

Zach Crandell: That's because Mom never had that much.

Kenny Crandell: Now, wait a minute, Swell. They didn't steal. They "borrowed". They were following your irresponsibility.

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Oh, shut up Kenny! I am in deep shit here!

Melissa Crandell: Then quit your job. You were never good at it anyway.

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I can't quit now. I'm an embezzler. I am officially an embezzler! Rose or someone is gonna find that money gone and when they do, they'll lock me up and throw away the key!

Walter Crandell: Nah, the judge will probably go easy on you considering that you're a minor.

Walter Crandell: [at the hospital with a broken leg] I fell off the roof!

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: [glares at Kenny] What was he doing on the roof, Kenny?

Kenny Crandell: I don't know, I wasn't with him, but I should've been! I mean not on the roof, but I should've been keeping an eye on him, spending quality time with him, reading Green Ham and Eggs to him or some shit like that.

Walter Crandell: She doesn't look dead.

Zach Crandell: That's because it just happened. So you can't really tell, like on "MacGyver".

Kenny Crandell: Um... what should we do with her body?

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well... I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions...

Kenny Crandell: They'll probably blame us.

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: [scared of the thought] They'll definitely call Mom!

Melissa Crandell: SHE'LL blame us.

Kenny Crandell: Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then be in our faces.

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I don't want Mom to come home.

Zach Crandell: I don't either.

Melissa Crandell: No way.

Walter Crandell: Me too.

Kenny Crandell: Don't you ever go outside?

Walter Crandell: Nope, no TV, and no prizes.

Walter Crandell: [Kenny serves burnt black Belgian waffles] Doesn't look like Julia's.

Kenny Crandell: Shut up, quizzoid, and eat.

Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Look, we are a family of felons. Our summer freedom's going to be a winter prison unless I get some help around here. I want the house spick-and-span by Saturday night or I'm turning us all in. Are you with me?

Kenny Crandell: Guys, what do you say?

Walter Crandell, Zach Crandell, Melissa Crandell: Yeah.

Kenny Crandell: Yeah? Come on, guys, what do you say?

Walter Crandell, Zach Crandell, Melissa Crandell: YEAH!

Kenny Crandell: YEAH! We're with you, Sue, ROCK AND ROLL!

Walter Crandell: [watching a game show, trying to guess the answer] Alaska... Alaska... Alaska container... Alaska... spill.

[Mrs Sturak turns the TV off]

Walter Crandell: Hey! I was watching that!

Mrs. Sturak: TV rots your brains!

[picks up first volume of the encyclopedia and tosses it to Walter]

Mrs. Sturak: Go to your room! I expect a complete report tomorrow morning on the life of the aardvark!