Wallace Quotes in The Magnificent Seven (1960)

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Wallace Quotes:

  • Wallace: You tell 'em! I won, didn't I?

    Britt: You lost.

  • Ryder: Seven! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven!

    [points to the mother]

    Ryder: Lucky lady! Come on, up. Up! Up!

    Wallace: Fuck no!

    [stands between Ryder and the mother]

    Wallace: Come on.

    Mom: Wait!

    [tries to stop Wallace]

    Wallace: It's the only plan I got. Come on, motherfucker!

    Ryder: [looks to the mother] That's your fault.

  • Roy O'Bannon: Reach for the sky ladies and gentle...

    Wallace: Touch that gun and I'll blow your goddamn head off!

    Roy O'Bannon: What are you doing? No, no, I sorta like to be the only guy that talks, alright?

    Wallace: Okay, sorry.

    Roy O'Bannon: [aside to Blue] Why's the new guy talking? Where did you get this guy? I'm the only one who talks!

  • Wallace: I was just winging it!

    Roy O'Bannon: What? No! That's not how we wing it! You've lost your 'winging it' privileges!

  • Wallace: Reach for the sky, O'Bannon, ha ha!

    Roy O'Bannon: That's my line. He stole my gang, he's stealing my lines. It's unbelievable!

  • Wallace: [When the safe blows out of the train, Wallace says to Roy] Roy, he just blew the shit out of our fruits.

  • Wallace: Was that a tear? How do you people do it? Do you poke yourself in the eye? Or are you thinking right now "My dog is dead"?

    Lorelei 'Lori': What's the matter with you? Are you enjoying this?

    Wallace: Enormously! "My dog... is dead".

  • Wallace: [after FINALLY clearing Customs] Which door's England?

  • Immigration Officer: How long will you be staying in this country, sir?

    Wallace: That's a very good question.

    Immigration Officer: Yes, I thought so, too.

  • Wallace: Sorry I get a little bit insensitive, but I'm a hitman!

  • Lorelei 'Lori': What are you? C.I.A., Mafia?

    Wallace: Both.

  • Wallace: Please don't call me by my real name, it destroys the reality I'm trying to create.

  • Wallace: She told me about the letters.

    Gilbert Embleton: Letters? What letters?

    Wallace: The letters. She told me about them. I know all about the letters. How do you think I know? She told me. That's how I found out.

  • Wallace: [Wallace is being shot at] Time out! Time out! I got something in my eye, jagoff!

  • Wallace: Blockbuster... Des Moines.

  • Hawkins: Spencer, did you flush?

    Wallace: I think she's gonna do that, don't you, pal? I'll ask her. Lori!

    Hawkins: [Quietly to Daggenhurst] He's talking to her!

    Sir Roger Daggenhurst: She's still in the bowl?

    Hawkins: Maybe he tried to flush her, but she floated back up!

    Sir Roger Daggenhurst: Tell him to flush her! Spencer knows how to deal with floaters.

  • Wallace: Stay away from that phone!

    [shoots phone]

  • Wallace: [a constable asks Wallace to see his license after a high speed chase] No, you may not! But I do have this nifty communicator with which you can speak directly to my superiors.

    Wallace: [On the communicator/cigarette case] Breaker, breaker, come on back to that big ol' HQ, come on back to me.

    Sir Roger Daggenhurst: Who is this?

    Wallace: This is Spencer.

    Sir Roger Daggenhurst: So you're still using that name, are you?

    Wallace: Well, I figured I would until 11:30.

    Sir Roger Daggenhurst: [to his assistant] How he mocks us.

  • Wallace: Yo matey, you just stabbed me with your pen.

  • Wallace: [in a singsong voice] Gilbert's gone.

  • Lorelei 'Lori': You know, for half a second back there I thought I saw a real human being.

    Wallace: Nobody asked me to be a human being.

  • Police Constable Cochrane: So what's the pay like then?

    Wallace: They pay all your expenses, you're licensed to kill, but there's a down side.

    Police Constable Cochrane: What's that?

    Wallace: Torture.

    Police Constable Cochrane: There's the women, though.

    Wallace: Well, they're nice after the torture. Believe me.

    Police Constable Cochrane: Not much of a car they've given you though, is it?

    Wallace: Oh, it's a piece of crap! They've got an Aston Martin... had trouble with the surface-to-air missiles, so it's in the shop.

    Wallace: Ah.

  • [last lines]

    Wallace: Is this working? Are you liking it?

  • Ashford: I'm beginning to think I need a woman in my life.

    Wallace: Well shit, don't look at me.

  • Wallace: [to Ashford] The only guys your age having sex regularly are college professors.

  • Wallace: [sobbing] Oh, Gromit! I don't wanna be a giant rabbit!

    Hutch the Rabbit: Aww. The bounce has gone from his bungee.

  • [Quartermaine's hairpiece has been sucked up in the Bunvacc]

    Lord Victor Quartermaine: I want...

    [lowers voice]

    Lord Victor Quartermaine: ... toupée, please.

    Wallace: Oh, grand. We take cheques or cash.

    Lord Victor Quartermaine: Toupée, you idiot! My hair is in your machine.

    Wallace: Oh, no, it's only rabbits in there. The hare, I think you'll find, is a much larger mammal.

  • Wallace: Burrowing bounders! They must be breeding like... well, rabbits.

  • Wallace: [tugging on his rabbit ears] I can't answer the door! Not like this!

    Hutch the Rabbit: [going up the stairs] Charming! I'm Wallace.

    Wallace: Ah! I already am!

  • Wallace: Veg bad. Veg bad. Veg bad. Say no to carrots, cabbage and cauliflower.

  • Lady Tottington: [over the phone] It's a disaster. I have the most terrible rabbit problem. The competition's only days away. You simply have to do something.

    Wallace: Certainly, M'um.

    Wallace: [Aside, to Gromit] I think we're about to go up in the world, lad.

    Wallace: [Back on phone] Just stay right where you are, Your Ladyship, and we'll be with you in an...

    [hits the control panel and gets dragged up through the ceiling]

    Wallace: Ahhhh!

    Lady Tottington: In an hour? But I can't wait an hour. I have a major infestation. Hello? Hello?

  • Wallace: I'm sorry, Gromit. I know you're doing this for my own good, but the fact is I'm just crackers about cheese. Look, if I must change me ways, at least let me do it my way, with technology.

    [Lowers the Mind Manipulation-omatic onto his head]

    Wallace: It's time we tried my latest invention, the Mind Manipulation-omatic. It extracts unwanted thoughts and desires. I haven't tested it yet, but it should be perfectly safe. Just a bit of harmless brain alteration, that's all.

  • Lord Victor Quartermaine: I know your little secret, Pesto. I know exactly what's going on.

    Wallace: Your Lordship...

    Lord Victor Quartermaine: Oh, yes. You think you can pilfer my filly, don't you? You think you can con an innocent woman out of her fortune?

    Wallace: Who, me?

    Lord Victor Quartermaine: Well, I got here first! I've spent a long time reeling in that fluffy-headed bunny-lover, and I'm not about to let some puddle-headed peasant poach her from me. Comprenez?

  • Lord Victor Quartermaine: How on earth would those tiny-minded buffoons ever catch such a big rabbit?

    Lady Tottington: Mr. Wallace?

    Wallace: Um... with a big trap!

    [Gromit slaps his face]

    Mr. Crock: By Jove, he... he's got it!

  • [first lines]

    Wallace: Oh ho ho, cracking job, Gromit!

  • Wallace: [referring to vegetables] Oh, lovely food! For rabbits that is!

  • Wallace: [showing the rabbit-sucking machine to Lady Tottington] Aah, the old BV6000, Ma'am, err... capable of 125 rpm - that's "rabbits per minute".

  • Wallace: [strapped into the Mind Manipulation-omatic] . Their tiny bunny brains are being saturated in my veg-free mind waves.

  • Wallace: It's a veritable vegetable paradise!

  • Wallace: [Falling down bed into hole] I'm in the mood for food!

    [Wallace gets stuck in the hole]

    Wallace: Uh, Gromit old pal, it happened again. I'll need assistance.

    [Gromit slowly walks towards a switch cleverly marked "assistance" and pulls it. Camera then shows that a giant hammer comes out of Wallace's wardrobe and hits Wallace on the head]

    Wallace: Ouch!

  • Wallace: Oh, Gromit. We've created a monster. Hutch is the beast. The lunar panels! They must've ovestimulated his primitive bunny nature. And now when the moon is out, he undergoes a hideous transformation.

    [Suddenly Hutch starts twitching and growling until... he lets out a loud belch]

    Wallace: This is absolutely... fantastic! Sure, we've created a veg-ravaging monster, but we have also captured it, just like we promised Lady Tottington.

  • Wallace: And slow down, for pity's sake! You'll buckle me trunnions!

  • Wallace: [as the BunVac 6000 labours] Sounds like a really big brute, this one. Give it some more welly.

  • Wallace: Ah, love, Gromit. That's the biggest trap of all. The tender trap, they call it. And that's how we'll capture this thing. A lovely lady rabbit. How could any hot-blooded rabbit beast resist?

  • [Gromit is manipulating a large female rabbit puppet to lure the Were-Rabbit]

    Wallace: Oh, come on, Gromit. A bit more, you know... alluring.

    [Gromit vamps it up]

    Wallace: Oho, very cheeky.

  • Wallace: [Entering through the gates of Tottington Hall] Ho-ho! Very classy

  • [Wallace is holding a carrot and has fluffy rabbit-ears]

    Wallace: [to Gromit] What's up, Dog?

  • Wallace: Full suction.

  • Wallace: In fairy tales, love inspires you to be noble and courageous, but in real life, love is just an all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior. You can lie and cheat and hurt people, and it's all okay because you're in love.

  • Wallace: I remember the night Allan and Nicole met. And that instant conection. If you're lucky it happens once in a lifetime and if you're unlucky, then you have to come to weddings and listen to people like me talking about it. And asume we're all hopeless romantics... It's very easy to be cynical about love, but this, tonight, this is hard.

  • Wallace: And what is the worst thing that ever happened to you?

    Chantry: My mom died when I was is junior high.

    Chantry: Uhm... , she had breast cancer.

    Chantry: You don't realise how quickly everything can fall apart until it does, it makes you never want to give up anything good ever again

  • Wallace: I thought a lot about something you said. About how when you realize how quickly everything can fall apart it makes you never want to give up anything good ever again. Whatever this is between us, it is good. It is so good. It is actually the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't want it to be over.

    Chantry: I don't want it to be over either. I kind of wish we could invent a time machine or something.

    Wallace: If we ever invent time travel, I would go back to the night we met.

    Chantry: [moves in closer] You would?

    Wallace: Yes.

    Chantry: What would you do differently?

    Wallace: [smiles] Nothing.

    Chantry: [also smiles] Me too.

    [They kiss]

  • Chantry: [Whispering] Um... Are you alone?

    Wallace: Like... in the universe?

    Chantry: No, in the hallway!

  • Wallace: I don't want the sex to be too good right away.

    Chantry: Mmm-hmm.

    Wallace: I'm intentionally being much worse in bed than I actually am, so that it can just keep getting better and better forever.

    Chantry: But like, very slowly over many, many decades, so that we hit our sexual peak in our 90s.

    Wallace: That's the plan, actually... is if the last time we have sex is also the best, and that it actually kills you.

    Chantry: That wouldn't be such a bad way to go.

  • Chantry: And you know what? Treating it like a joke IS being an asshole.

    Wallace: I'm not treating this like a joke. And I am not being an asshole. ALLAN is being an asshole and NICOLE is being an asshole, and right now, YOU'RE kinda being an asshole. Me? I'm standing here with a BRANCH! A branch that cuts down approximately ZERO percent of the windchill factor on my DICK, okay! I've got a branch, you've got a sleeping bag! How does that make me an asshole?

  • Allan: A hundred percent honesty is the foundation of any relationship.

    Wallace: Whoa! You are a hundred percent honest with Nicole?

    Allan: Yes!

    Wallace: About everything?

    Allan: Yep!

    Wallace: Wh... New Orleans, 2006! What was her name... Uh, Fabia? Yeah, she did LOOK like a woman, to be fair!

    Allan: Ninety-nine percent honesty is the foundation of any relationship.

  • Chantry: Hey... I need to wear something to this company dinner with our production partners in Taiwan. What do you think?

    Wallace: I think that's quite a dress.

    Chantry: [Whispering] Do you think it's, like, a little too slutty for me?

    Wallace: [Whispering back] No. Nothing is too slutty for you.

  • Eli: You know what the best part about my gay dads is?

    Adam: What?

    Eli: They're never gonna eat out my ex-girlfriends.

    Wallace: You and your dad are tunnel buddies, huh?

  • Wallace: Look at my face.

  • Wallace: After everything she told me, and checking on your excellent record in college, I'm wondering why you choose to drive a taxi for a living.

    Donald Morton: At my interview with IBM after I graduated college, they asked me what my plans were, and I said, "Probably go to McDonalds for a 12-piece McNugget and two cheeseburgers, and then do my laundry."

    Wallace: Did they laugh, at least?

    Donald Morton: They smiled and said they'd call me. They didn't.

  • Wallace: Uh, excuse me, please, I'm looking for Mr. Ball's office.

    [Robert doesn't respond.]

    Wallace: Mr. Ball's office?

    [No response. He starts to leave.]

    Robert: Now, what would be your most direct route? Tell you what. Down this corridor, then left after your third door.

    Wallace: Thank you.

    [Starts to leave.]

    Robert: You'll find two passages: one on your left, one on your right. Ignore them -- they're not the ones you want. Your best best would be... the very next one on the right.

    Wallace: Thank you.

    [Leaves.]

    Robert: Or would it?

  • Caroline Wallace: [about his factory client] How's the new place?

    Wallace: Oh, its strange. It's like visiting my grandfather's house and finding it full of people.

  • Wallace: Why, we're just one big ol' thermonuclear family, Wilder!

  • Wallace: I do love Beethoven.

    Vida Foudroyant: Mozart.

    Wallace: I love Beethoven.

  • Hoag: What if, when we took on that kraut ship, we didn't sink 'em? What if... they sunk us?

    Wallace: Oh, that's a good twist.

  • Wallace: [from trailer] Every civilization was built on the back of a disposable workforce, but I can only make so many.

  • Wallace: [from trailer] The key to the future is finally unearthed. Bring it to me.

  • Wallace: [to newborn Replicant] Shh... happy birthday.

  • Professor Brad Fletcher: In pain? Eh. You must know that torture's important, Wallace. It lifts the morale of the torturer. Didn't they teach you that at the university? You were... trapped by your... higher education. It leaves its own smell on you, I know it too well.

    Wallace: I know you do. And I can't imagine how a man of your background could...

    Professor Brad Fletcher: On the contrary, what's surprising is that a man like me could remain all those years watching life as a spectator, before he discovered the force that was in him. But... d'you have any idea what can be accomplished here if you're a man of intelligence? Where men who are morons have succeeded in usurping the power the power in the land?

    Wallace: Yes. He'd be certainly in a position to improve things... but not a weak man like Brad Fletcher. You change your spots. You're civilized among civilized people, violent among the violent. You're quite ready to adapt to any new background like a parasite!

    [Fletcher wipes Wallace's brow]

    Professor Brad Fletcher: Pity you didn't pay attention at school, Wallace. The philosophy of violence, you recall it? One violent soul is just an outlaw... a hundred a gang, but... they're an army at a hundred thousand. That is the point. Beyond the confines that limit the outlaw as an individual criminal, violence by masses of men is... called history! Hm... I must say that... I'm glad I've been able to speak with an equal, who understands me. Those others are only able to understand the simplest things... such as the fact that a spy pays the penalty.

    [Fletcher has one of his thugs hand him a gun, pulls back the hammer and puts the barrel to Wallace's neck]

    Professor Brad Fletcher: Reasons of state, Wallace. You studied history, so you know what I mean. Not out of hate... but with compassion.

    [He shoots Wallace point-blank]

  • Wallace: Hey... is that the cops? I'm an innocent victim in here! I was attacked by a coked up whore and a - a fuckin' crazy dentist!

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