Wadsworth Quotes in Clue (1985)


Wadsworth Quotes:

  • Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

    Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

    Wadsworth: So your work has not changed.

  • Wadsworth: You *were* jealous that your husband was schtupping Yvette. That's why you killed him, too!

    Mrs. White: Yes. Yes, I did it. I killed Yvette. I hated her, so much...


    Mrs. White: it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths. Heaving breaths... Heathing...

  • Wadsworth: Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.

  • Wadsworth: The game's up, Scarlet. There are no more bullets left in that gun.

    Miss Scarlet: Oh, come on, you don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?

    Wadsworth: It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the Study; two for the chandelier; two at the Lounge door and one for the singing telegram.

    Miss Scarlet: That's not six.

    Wadsworth: One plus two plus two plus one.

    Miss Scarlet: Uh-uh, there was only one shot that got the chandelier. That's one plus two plus *one* plus one.

    Wadsworth: Even if you were right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus *two* plus one plus one.

    Miss Scarlet: Okay, fine. One plus two plus one... Shut up! The point is, there is one bullet left in this gun and guess who's gonna get it!

  • Wadsworth: Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances?

    Miss Scarlet: Ah!


    Mrs. White: Why is that funny?

    Miss Scarlet: I see! That's why he was lying on his back, in his coffin.

    Mrs. White: I didn't kill him.

    Colonel Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?

    Mrs. White: I dont want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was

    [points to head]

    Mrs. White: a lunatic! He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.

    Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?

    Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.

    [rolls eyes]

    Miss Scarlet: Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?

    Mrs. White: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?

    Wadsworth: And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you!

    Miss Scarlet: What did he do for a living?

    Mrs. White: He was a scientist, nuclear physics.

    Miss Scarlet: What was he like?

    Mrs. White: He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to hime when he died, but, he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, uh... you *know*.

    [Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and Mr. Green cross legs]

    Mrs. White: I had been out all evening at the movies.

    Miss Scarlet: Do you miss him?

    Mrs. White: Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life.

    Wadsworth: But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.

    Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.

    Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!

    Mrs. White: [admittedly] He wasn't a very good illusionist.

  • Mr. Green: So it was you. I was going to expose you.

    Wadsworth: I know. So I choose to expose myself.

    Colonel Mustard: Please, there are ladies present!

  • Wadsworth: I can explain everything.

    Cop: You don't have to.

    Wadsworth: I don't?

    Cop: Don't worry, there's nothing illegal about any of this.

    Wadsworth: Are you sure?

    Cop: Of course, this is America.

    Wadsworth: I see.

    Cop: It's a free country, don't you know that?

    Wadsworth: I didn't know it was *that* free.

  • Colonel Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there's nobody else in this house?

    Wadsworth: Um... no.

    Colonel Mustard: Then there is someone else in this house?

    Wadsworth: Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes."

    Colonel Mustard: "No" meaning "yes?" Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there, yes, or no?

    Wadsworth: No.

    Colonel Mustard: No there is, or no there isn't?

    Wadsworth: Yes.

    Mrs. White: [shatters glass] PLEASE!

  • Wadsworth: The key is gone!

    Professor Plum: Never mind about the key, unlock the door!

    [smacks Mr.Green on the shoulder]

    Mr. Green: [grabs Professor Plum by the collar, throttling him] I CAN'T UNLOCK THE DOOR WITHOUT THE KEY!

    [releasing Plum, Mr. Green rattles doorknob]

    Mr. Green: LET US IN! LET US IN!

    Colonel MustardMiss Scarlet: [on other side of locked door] LET US OUT! LET US OUT!

  • Mr. Green: [to Miss Scarlet] So, how did you know Colonel Mustard works in Washington? Is he one of your clients?

    Colonel Mustard: Certainly not!

    Mr. Green: I was asking Miss Scarlet.

    Colonel Mustard: [to Miss Scarlet] Well, you tell him it's not true.

    Miss Scarlet: It's not true.

    Professor Plum: [to Miss Scarlet] Is that true?

    Miss Scarlet: No, it's not true.

    Mr. Green: Ah ha! So it is true!

    Wadsworth: A double negative!

    Colonel Mustard: A double negative?


    Colonel Mustard: You mean you have photographs?

    Wadsworth: That sounds like a confession to me. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.

    Colonel Mustard: [angry, to Wadsworth] Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

    Wadsworth: You don't need any help from me, sir.

    Colonel Mustard: That's right!

  • Wadsworth: You see? Like the Mounties, we always get our man.

    Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?

    [Colonel Mustard slaps Mr. Green, who turns to get slapped by Wadsworth]

  • Professor Plum: And what was your role in all this?

    Wadsworth: I was a victim, too. At least my wife was. She had friends who were

    [on the verge of tears]

    Wadsworth: Socialists.

    [all gasp, Mrs. Peacock is the loudest]

    Wadsworth: [starts to cry] Well, we all make mistakes.

    [Mrs. White approaches Wadsworth and hands him a handkerchief]

    Wadsworth: But, Mr. Boddy threatened to give my wife's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused, and so he blackmailed her. We had no money, and the price of his silence was that we worked for him for nothing. We were slaves. Well, to make a long story short...

    Colonel Mustard: Too late.

  • Wadsworth: At the start of the evening, Yvette was here, by herself, waiting to offer you all a glass of champagne. I was in the hall.


    Wadsworth: I know because I was there.

  • Wadsworth: [shouting] That's what we're trying to find out! We're trying to find out *who* killed him, and *where*, and with *what*!

    Professor Plum: There's no need to shout!

    Wadsworth: [shouting louder] I'm not shouting!

    [Guests stare at him pointedly]

    Wadsworth: [shouting] All right, I am! I'm shouting, I'm shouting, I'm shout...

    [candlestick falls from above and hits him on the head]

  • Mrs. White: [after Mrs. Peacock swears that the reason she's being blackmailed is a vicious lie] Well, I am willing to believe you. I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.

    Mr. Green: Me too.

    Colonel Mustard: And me.

    Miss Scarlet: Not me.

    Wadsworth: [surprised] You're *not* being blackmailed?

    Miss Scarlet: Oh, I'm being blackmailed all right, but I did what I'm being blackmailed for.

    Mr. Green: What did you do?

    Miss Scarlet: Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service which provides gentlemen with the company of a young lady, for a short while.

    Professor Plum: Oh yeah?

    [pulls out pen and a pad of paper]

    Professor Plum: What's the phone number?

  • Wadsworth: Communism was just a red herring.

  • Cop: [listening to caller on phone] Ah, would you hold on, please?

    [Walks over to locked door, rattling the knob and banging on door]

    Cop: Let me outta here! Let me outta here! You have no right to shut me in! I'll book you for false arrest, and wrongful imprisonment, and obstructing an officer in the course of his duty... and MURDER!

    Wadsworth: [Wadsworth opens the door, feigning innocence, while other guests gather around] What do you mean... murder?

    Cop: I just said it so you would open the door.

    [other guests laugh]

    Cop: What's going on around here? And why would you lock me in? And why are you receiving phone calls from J. Edgar Hoover?

    Wadsworth: J. Edgar Hoover?

    Cop: That's right! The head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation!

    Colonel Mustard: Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?

    Wadsworth: I don't know, he's on everybody else's, why shouldn't he be on mine?

  • Cop: Uh, can I come in and use your phone?

    Wadsworth: Of course you may, sir! You may use the one in the, um... no. Uh, you could use the one in the stud... no. Uh, uh, would you be kind enough to wait in the, um, in-in the, um, uh library?

  • Wadsworth: "Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die."

    Professor Plum: Die?

    Wadsworth: Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

    Colonel Mustard: Hm, I prefer Kipling, myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." You like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?

    [offers her a tray]

    Miss Scarlet: [takes food off the tray] Sure, I'll eat anything.

  • Professor Plum: Is there gonna be a cover up?

    Wadsworth: Isn't that in the public interest? What could be gained by exposure?

    Professor Plum: But is the FBI in the habit of cleaning up after a multiple murder?

    Wadsworth: Yes. Why do you think it's run by a man called Hoover?

  • Wadsworth: ...and to make a long story short...

    All: Too late!

  • Wadsworth: Three murders?

    Mr. Green: Six altogether.

    Wadsworth: This is getting serious.

  • Professor Plum: [after learning who killed Mr. Boddy, the motorist, the cook, the cop, and Yvette] So it must've been Mr. Green who shot the singing telegram!

    Mr. Green: I didn't do it!

    Colonel Mustard: Well, there's nobody else left.

    Mr. Green: But I didn't do it! The gun is missing! Whoever's got the gun shot the girl!

    Wadsworth: [extracts his gun] I shot her.

  • Wadsworth: Mr. Boddy. Dead... Again!

  • Miss Scarlet: What about that motorist? What kind of information did he have?

    Colonel Mustard: He was my driver during the war.

    Wadsworth: And what was he holding over you?

    Colonel Mustard: He knew that I was a war profiteer. I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them on the black market. That is how I made all my money. But that does not make me a murderer!

    Mrs. Peacock: Well, a lot of our airmen died, because their radios didn't work.

  • Wadsworth: I suggest we take the cook's body into the study.

    Colonel Mustard: Why?

    Wadsworth: I'm the butler, I like to keep the kitchen tidy.

  • Professor Plum: What is your top-secret job, Colonel?

    Wadsworth: I can tell you. He's working on the secret of the next fusion bomb.

    Colonel Mustard: How did you know that?

    Wadsworth: Can you keep a secret?

    Colonel Mustard: Yes...

    Wadsworth: So can I.

  • Mrs. Peacock: What are you all staring at?

    Mr. Green: Nothing.

    Mrs. Peacock: Well who's there?

    Colonel Mustard: Nobody.

    Mrs. Peacock: What do you mean?

    Wadsworth: Nobody. No body, that's what we mean. Mr. Boddy's body, it's gone.

    Mrs. White: Maybe he wasn't dead.

    Professor Plum: He was!

    Mrs. White: We should've made sure.

    Mrs. Peacock: How?


    Mrs. Peacock: By cutting his head off, I suppose.

    Mrs. White: That was uncalled for!

  • Wadsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common: you're all being blackmailed. For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford, and in some cases more than you can afford, to someone who threatens to expose you. And none of you know who's blackmailing you. Do you?

    Mrs. Peacock: [nervously smoking] Oh, please! I've never heard anything so ridiculous. I mean, nobody could blackmail me. My life is an open book. I've never done anything wrong.

    Wadsworth: [short pause] Anybody else wish to deny it?

  • Wadsworth: And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.

    Mr. Green: Is that what we ate?

    [makes a retching sound]

  • [Wadsworth has just greeted Mr. Green at the door]

    Wadsworth: [to the dogs] Sit!

    [Mr. Green quickly and nervously sits down on a bench]

    Wadsworth: No, not you, sir.

  • Colonel Mustard: Is this place for you?

    Wadsworth: Indeed no, sir. I'm merely a humble butler.

    Colonel Mustard: What exactly do you do?

    Wadsworth: I buttle, sir.

    Colonel Mustard: Which means what?

    Wadsworth: The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything tidy.

  • Mr. Green: You're Mr. Boddy!

    [Wadsworth laughs evilly]

    Professor Plum: Wait a minute. So who did I kill?

    Wadsworth: My butler.

    Professor Plum: Oh, shucks.

    Wadsworth: He was expendable like all of you. I'm grateful to you all for disposing of my network of spies and informers. Saved me a lot of trouble. Now there's no evidence against me.

  • The Motorist: Where is it?

    Wadsworth: What? The body?

    The Motorist: The phone. What body?

    Wadsworth: There's no body. Nobody. There's-there's nobody in the study.

  • Colonel Mustard: Mr. Boddy threatened to send those pictures to my dear old mother, the shock would've killed her.

    Mrs. White: Oh, that would've been quite an achievement, since you told us that she's dead already.

    [to Wadsworth]

    Mrs. White: So, he had the motive.

    Wadsworth: You *all* had a motive.

  • Mr. Green: But this is ridiculous. If he were such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?

    Wadsworth: He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?

  • Mrs. Peacock: [fanning herself] Oh, my God.

    Wadsworth: She's going to faint.

    Professor Plum: Somebody catch her!

    [Wadsworth goes behind Mrs. Peacock and encircles her with his arms]

    Wadsworth: I'll catch you. Fall into my arms.

    [Mrs. Peacock falls straight through Wadsworth's arms and onto the floor]

    Wadsworth: Sorry.

  • Wadsworth: Yvette, could you attend to the Colonel and give him anything he requires? Within reason, that is.

  • [Wadsworth reveals a secret passage from the study to the kitchen]

    Colonel Mustard: How did you know?

    Wadsworth: This house belongs to a friend of mine. I've known all along.

    Mr. Green: So you could be the murderer.

    Wadsworth: Don't be ridiculous. If I was the murderer, why would I reveal to you how I did it?

  • Miss Scarlet: [looks in an envelope] What's this, Wadsworth?

    Wadsworth: I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Mustard earlier referred.

    Colonel Mustard: Oh my God!

    Miss Scarlet: Were you planning to blackmail him, Wadsworth?

    Wadsworth: Certainly not! I detained them for the colonel and I was going to give them back as soon as Mr. Boddy was unmasked.

    Miss Scarlet: Mm, very pretty! Would you like to see these, Yvette, they might shock you.

    Yvette: No, merci. I am a lady.

    Miss Scarlet: Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a lay-dee?

    Professor Plum: What sort of pictures are they?

    Colonel Mustard: They are *my* pictures and I'd like them back, please!

    Miss Scarlet: No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns me, too.

    Professor Plum: Let me see.

    Mrs. White: [gasps] Oh no, nobody can get into that position.

    Professor Plum: Sure they can. Let me show you.

    [tries to do the position]

    Mrs. White: Get off me!

  • Wadsworth: Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.

    Mrs. Peacock: You mean... oh my God, of course!

  • Colonel Mustard: [both insistent] Well, there is still some confusion as to whether or not there is anybody else in this house!

    Wadsworth: I told you, there isn't.

    Colonel Mustard: There isn't any confusion, or there isn't anybody else?

    Wadsworth: Either! Or both.

    Colonel Mustard: Just give me a clear answer!

    Wadsworth: Certainly!

    [clears throat]

    Wadsworth: What was the question?

    Colonel Mustard: [shouting] Is there anybody else in this house?

    All: [shouting] No!

  • Wadsworth: Well, one of us did. We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive.

    Miss Scarlet: Great. We'll all go to the chair.

  • Wadsworth: ...and we all revealed that you had a letter and you had a letter and you had a letter and...

    All: Get on with it!

  • Wadsworth: Miss Scarlet seized the opportunity, and under cover of darkness, got to the library, where she hit the cop whom she'd been bribing on the head with the lead pipe. True or false?

    Miss Scarlet: [impressed] True! Who are you, Perry Mason?

  • Mr. Green: [yelling] Will you stop that?

    Wadsworth: No.

  • Wadsworth: Do come in, Madam. You are expected.

    Mrs. White: Do you know who I am?

    Wadsworth: Only that you are to be known as Mrs. White.

    Mrs. White: Yes. It said so in the letter. But why?

  • Professor Plum: [next to Miss Scarlet in the rain, with backs to the door] What a godforsaken place!

    [gropes her backside; she tries to brush his hand off]

    Wadsworth: [opens door suddenly and sees this] Professor Plum, and Miss Scarlet, I didn't realize you were acquainted.

    Miss Scarlet: We weren't.

  • Wadsworth: You recognized Yvette, didn't you? Don't deny it!

    Mrs. White: What do you mean, "Don't deny it"? I'm not denying anything!

    Wadsworth: Another denial!

    Mrs. White: Thhbbtt!

    [sticks her tongue out at Wadsworth]

  • Wadsworth: [referring to Mr. Boddy] Well, he's certainly dead now. Why would anyone want to kill him twice?

    Miss Scarlet: It seems so unnecessary.

    Colonel Mustard: Well, it's what we call "overkill."

    Professor Plum: It's what we call "psychotic."

  • Professor Plum: [after everyone introduces themselves] Well, that just leaves Mr. Boddy.

    Miss Scarlet: What's your little secret?

    Wadsworth: His secret? Oh, haven't you guessed? He's the one who's blackmailing you.

  • Wadsworth: Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.

  • Wadsworth: We didn't hear the cook scream... because Mrs. Peacock was screaming about the poisoned brandy.

  • Wadsworth: When I said that I was Mr. Boddy's butler, this was both true and misleading. I was once his butler. But it was not his untimely death this evening that brought my employment with him to an end.

    Colonel Mustard: When did it come to an end?

    Wadsworth: When my wife decided to end her life. She, too, was being blackmailed by this odious man who now lies dead before us. He hated my wife for the same reason that he hated all of you. He believed that you were all thoroughly un-American.

    Mr. Green: [the table which Mr. Green is leaning against breaks, causing a great crashing sound]


    Mr. Green: Sorry.

    Wadsworth: For some reason, he felt it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife; for a doctor to take advantage of his patients; for a wife to emasculate her husband; and, and... so forth.

    Mr. Green: But, this is ridiculous; if he was such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?

    Wadsworth: He decided to put his information to good use, and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?

    Professor Plum: And what was your role in all of this?

    Wadsworth: I was a victim, too. At least, my wife was. She had friends who were

    [pause, beginning to cry]

    Wadsworth: socialists.

    [the guests react, Mrs. Peacock loudly gasping]

    Wadsworth: Well,


    Wadsworth: we all make mistakes.

    [Mrs. White comforts him with her handkerchief]

    Wadsworth: But Mr. Boddy threatened to give my wife's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused. And so he blackmailed her. We had no money. And the price of his silence was that we work for him for nothing. We were slaves.

  • Cop: You all seem to be very anxious about something.

    Wadsworth: It's the chandelier. It fell down, almost killed us.

  • Wadsworth: [trying to find Mrs. White in the dark after hearing her scream] I'm coming! I'm just trying to find the door. Coming.

    [finds what seems to be a doorknob]

    Wadsworth: What's this? Another door?

    [turns "doorknob", gets blasted with water from a shower]

  • Wadsworth: Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you.

    Mr. Green: You're a bit late for that! I hate it when he does that.

    Mrs. White: Ahhh!

  • Wadsworth: Picked up the dagger, ran down the hall, and stabbed the cook!

  • Mrs. Peacock: This is one of my favorite recipes.

    Wadsworth: I know, Madam.

  • [Making fun of Mr. Green]

    Wadsworth: Well, I had to stop her screaming.

  • Colonel Mustard: [gesturing to another place setting at the dinner table] So, is this for our host?

    Wadsworth: No, sir, for the seventh guest, Mr Boddy.

    Mrs. White: I thought Mr. Boddy was our host.

    All: So did I.

    Mrs. White: So, who is our host Mr. Wadsworth?

    [Wadsworth only smiles in response]

  • [first lines]

    Wadsworth: Is everything ready?

    Yvette: Oui, Monsieur.

    Wadsworth: You have your, um, instructions.

  • Wadsworth: Is everything all right, Mrs. Ho?

    Mrs. Ho: Dinner will be ready at 7:30.

  • Mr. Boddy: You lockin' me in? I'll take the key.

    Wadsworth: Over my dead body, sir.

  • [Mr. Green shoots Wadsworth]

    Wadsworth: Good shot, Green!

    [he slowly slumps to the floor, checks his chest, revealing a bloody palm]

    Wadsworth: And *very* good.

    [he dies]

  • Miss Scarlet: Why?

    Wadsworth: To create confusion.

    Mrs. Peacock: It worked!

  • Wadsworth: [Wadsworth has just returned inside after throwing the key to the cupboard away] Well, what now?

    Mrs. White: Wadsworth, let me out.

    Wadsworth: No.

    Mrs. White: Why not?

    Wadsworth: We've gotta know who did it. We're all in this together now.

    Mrs. Peacock: If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.

    Miss Scarlet: Me too.

    Mr. Green: Me too.

    Colonel Mustard: Me too.

    Mrs. White: [Suddenly becoming mysteriously flirtatious] Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this.

    [She grabs hold of Wadsworth's tie, rubbing his chest]

    Mrs. White: One day, when we're alone together...

    Wadsworth: Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together with you.

    Mrs. White: [Letting go of Wadsworth] Oh.

  • Wadsworth: [nasally] No.

    All: [imitating him] No?

    Wadsworth: No.

  • Wadsworth: Ladies and gentlemen, the police will be here in about forty-five minutes. Tell them the truth and Mr. Boddy will be behind bars.

    [Mr. Boddy starts out of the room]

    Wadsworth: Where are you going this time?

    Mr. Boddy: I think I can help them make up their minds. Can I just get my little bag from the hall?

    [Mr. Boddy walks into the hall, grabs the bag, returns and places the bag on the table, opening it]

    Mr. Boddy: Who can guess what's in here? Huh?

    Miss Scarlet: The evidence against us, no doubt.

    Mrs. White: We didn't know we were meeting you tonight. Did you know you were meeting us?

    Mr. Boddy: Oh, yes.

    Mrs. White: What were you told, precisely?

    Mr. Boddy: Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little financial arrangements, and if I did not appear, Wadsworth would be informing the police about it all. Naturally, I could hardly resist putting in an appearance.

    [Mr. Boddy walks away from the group, towards the drink table]

    Mr. Boddy: Excuse me. Open them.

    Miss Scarlet: Why not? I enjoy getting presents from strange men.

  • Wadsworth: [Walking about the room, collecting all of the weapons] Look, we still have all of these weapons. The gun, the rope, the wrench, the lead pipe. Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it.

    [Picking up the weapons and locking them in the cupboard]

    Wadsworth: There's a homicidal maniac about.

    [Everyone agrees. Wadsworth puts the key in his pocket]

    Mr. Green: What are you doing with the key?

    Wadsworth: Putting it in my pocket.

    Mr. Green: Why?

    Wadsworth: Well, to keep it safe, obviously.

    Mrs. Peacock: That means you can open it whenever you want.

    Wadsworth: But it also means that you can't.

    Mrs. Peacock: Well, what if you're the murderer?

    Wadsworth: I'm not.

    Colonel Mustard: But what if you are?

    Wadsworth: Well, it's got to be put somewhere. If I've got it, I know I'm safe.

    Mrs. Peacock: [Expressively; Mrs. Peacock is waving her hand rapidly back and forth, lightly hitting Mrs. White's chest accidentally. Mrs. White reacts with a startled look] We don't know that we are!

    [Mrs. Peacock's leaf hat falls off as she gets frustrated with it]

    Wadsworth: I've an idea. We'll throw it away.

    Colonel Mustard: Good idea!

    Mr. Green: Good idea!

    Yvette: Wonderful!

    Miss Scarlet: Brilliant!

    Professor Plum: That'll do it!

  • Wadsworth: I suggest we all draw lots for partners.

    [Grabs eight long matchsticks. He cuts them into differently sized pairs, turns away from the others, shuffles them, then turns back]

    Wadsworth: Ready? The two shortest together, the next two shortest together; agreed? And I suggest the shortest search the cellar and so on up.

    [the others each grab a matchstick. Colonel Mustard is paired with Miss Scarlet, to which she reacts with disgust. Mrs. White is paired with Wadsworth. Mr. Green is paired with Yvette. Professor Plum is paired with Mrs. Peacock]

    Professor Plum: It's you and me, honey bunch.

  • Wadsworth: Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

    Professor Plum: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

    Wadsworth: Your work has not changed, but you don't practice medicine at the U.N.; his license to practice has been lifted, correct?

    Miss Scarlet: Why? What did he do?

    Wadsworth: You know what doctors aren't allowed to do with their lady patients?

    Miss Scarlet: Yeah?

    Wadsworth: Well, he did.

    Miss Scarlet: Ha!

    Mrs. Peacock: Oh, how disgusting!

  • Mr. Green: and you'll just, just go on blackmailing us all?

    Wadsworth: Of course. Why not?

    Mr. Green: Well, I'll tell you why not.

    [Green pulls out a gun and shoots him]

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