W.C. Quotes in Carry on at Your Convenience (1971)

[W.C. Boggs on fortune tellers... ]

W.C.: Fakes, that's all they are, sitting there staring in their crystal whatsitsnames.

Sid: Balls.

W.C.: I quite agree!

[Miss Withering tests out Mr Boggs' new toilet seat]

W.C.: Well Miss Withering, how does it feel, comfortable?

Hortence Withering: Yes I think so Mr Boggs.

W.C.: Good, good. Comfort before beauty, that's what I always say.

Sid: It a bit big in the bowl, ain't it?

Charles Coote: It is only 2 centrementres more than our last model and I'm sure we shan't fall out over that.

Sid: Its falling in I'm worried about!

W.C.: No, no! I live your overall design Mr Coote.

Charles Coote: Oh thank you Sir.

Hortence Withering: May I get off now please?

W.C.: Yes of course Mrs Withering, and thank you you have been most patient.

Sid: Yes like Jove on a monument, and what a monument!

W.C.: Yes, we must make sure that the catch is strong enough to support the seat.

Sid: Do you mind if I try it?

W.C.: No, go ahead.

[Sid gets out his paper and starts moving around from side to side on the new toilet]

Sid: Yes I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour.

Charles Coote: It was hardly designed for a reading room!

Sid: Ere... Look at this very slender this pedestle... Isn't it?

Charles Coote: It's streamlined!

Sid: What for, wind resistance?

Charles Coote: In any case the thickness has nothing to do whatsoever with the tensile strength.

W.C.: I hope your right Mr Coote. I have had bitter experience of what happens when one of these collapses, or rather my poor wife had, God rest her soul.

[last lines]

W.C: [Surrounded by the undead in a phone booth] I need the toilet