Vinnie Quotes in Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)

Axel Foley: Hey, man! Take off your glasses. I thought that was you, man! You *almost* got busted, I *did* get busted. I lost my whole investment because of you. Vinnie, what the hell is wrong with you, man? You know I'm a businessman. I got to work!

Vinnie: What?

Axel Foley: You come inside here a half hour late, and on top of all that you gonna bring the goddamn cop with you, too?

Vinnie: What you talking cop? He ain't no cop!

Axel Foley: That's Dirty Harry himself! Man, what the fuck is wrong with you gonna bring him in here?

Carlotta: You calling me a cop?

Axel Foley: You definitely a cop!

Vinnie: He ain't no cop, he's my nephew.

Axel Foley: Well, the dude is definitely bad luck. I don't know what he is to you; he's bad luck to me.

Carlotta: Bad luck? I'll fuckin' tell you what's bad luck. My friend's in a prison body shop fixin' all the cars that he smashed that day 'cause you had to fuck around. This guy's a fuckin' clown.

Axel Foley: Hey, what is- Wait a second.

Carlotta: What the fucking cock you tryin' to get away with?

Axel Foley: I'm checking you for a wire, man.

Carlotta: Get fuckin' outta here.

Vinnie: Oh, hey, hey, hey!

Axel Foley: Why can't I check ya?

Vinnie: [speaking at the same time] Ho, ho, ho! Stop the bullshit. Stop the bullshit! Stop this bullshit. Cut the bullshit. Cut the bullshit right now. Cut the bullshit, man.

Axel Foley: If he ain't a cop, if he ain't wired, why can't I- why can't I frisk him? Why can't- Why won't he let me frisk him, then? Then why can't I frisk him if he ain't got no wire on?

Vinnie: Look, I got 2000 blank American Express cards, right now. Gold. You got the money, you wanna do business or what?

Axel Foley: I have the money and I *do* wanna do business, but with *you*. I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude, 'cause this dude is a cop. I know when I can smell a pig inside the room. I used to be a Muslim, man. And I know that's pork over here. And th...

[sniffs]

Axel Foley: Yes, pork! It's definitely pork. I ain't doin' shit around this dude, man. You wanna do business, you know where to find me. Fuck you, man. Allahu Akbar.

Vinnie: Hey, Ace. I would very much like you to meet Judy. She can suck a golf ball through twenty feet of garden hose. Ain't that right?

Vinnie: Ladies, you're so fine I want to pour milk over you and make you a part of my complete breakfast.

Night Club Manager: What'd you say the name of your band was called?

Glam, Vinnie: Mondo Diarrhea.

Slam: Alien Vomit.

[Slam mistakes a letter opener as the dagger]

Vinnie: Did you hatch from a moron egg? Does that look like this?

Vinnie: I think that's him.

Slam: Who?

Glam: The old fart. The guy we're trying to steal this from.

[shows photo of dagger]

Vinnie: No wonder your uncle's offering twenty grand.

Vinnie: What are you guys, Teenage Mutant wannabes?

Samuel 'Rocky' Douglas Jr.: Not!

[swings down from tree and knocks them down]

Tum Tum, Jeffrey 'Colt' Douglas, Samuel 'Rocky' Douglas Jr.: We're the 3 Ninjas! Yah!

Slam: Let's get outta here while we're still standing.

Vinnie: I'm with that, brother. Out of my way, Slam, I'm outta here!

Glam: [Slam and Vinnie run] I'm working with idiots.

Slam: One! Two! Three... three...

Vinnie, Glam: Four!

Slam: Four!

Vinnie: Are you okay?

Paul Weston: Define "okay". Hey, what time is it?

Vinnie: It's just after 2:00. Do you need a doctor?

Paul Weston: More like a welder.

Lone Starr: A million? That's unfair.

Pizza the Hutt: Unfair to payor but not to payee. But you're gonna pay it, or else!

Barf: Or else what?

Pizza the Hutt: Tell him, Vinnie.

Vinnie: Or else Pizza is gonna send out for *you*!

Louie: Mark my words, Mittens. One day, someone's gonna stand up to you! Someone's gonna teach you a lesson!

[flies off]

Mittens: Yeah, I'm really scared now-

[Bolt jumps in and pins her to a garbage can]

Bolt: You should be!

Mittens: Aaah! Okay! You...!

Bolt: Where is she?

Mittens: Aaah... Who?

Bolt: You know why I'm here!

Mittens: Aaahhh...

Bolt: Where is she?

Mittens: Okay, okay! Look buddy, I- I don't know what you're getting at, but...

[she looks up and sees Joey, Bobby and Vinnie laughing on a telephone wire]

Vinnie: Come on, Mittens. Just tell the guy where she is. Tell the dog, make him happy.

Bobby: Yeah, yeah, come on, Mittens! Tell him!

Mittens: [chuckles briefly] Joey, Vinnie, Bobby, my boys! Would you tell the crazy canine that he's got the wrong cat?

Vinnie: [pause] You got her, pal!

Joey: That's her!

Vinnie: She's the one!

Joey: That is definitely the right cat!

[Mittens looks back at Bolt and laughs nervously]

Bolt: Looks like we're gonna do this the hard way.

[cuts to Bolt hanging Mittens over a busy highway]

Mittens: Whoa! Aaah! You're crazy, man!

[cuts to the pigeons, looking shocked]

Vinnie: Hey Joey, did we go to far on this?

Joey: You kidding? This is the best day of my life.

Vinnie: You know, I gotta say something, if I could say something here. You look familiar. Joey, look at this guy's mug.

Joey: Yeah, you know, I could've sworn I've seen this guy before

Bobby: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Vinnie: I gotta tell ya, I never forget a face.

Joey: He never does.

Bobby: Oh yeah, yeah.

Joey: Never.

Bobby: Yeah, yeah. He's really good with the faces and such.

Bolt: Listen, listen! The man with the green eye. Tell me what you know, birds!

Vinnie: [pause] I know this dog.

Bobby: Yeah, yeah, me too!

Vinnie: I gotta remember, it's gonna kill me. Hold on.

[a bus stops beside them showing a poster of Bolt]

Vinnie: [pause] No, I don't know. I, I, I thought I know.

Bobby: Hey, you ever hang out down on 14th Street with a stray named Kelvin?

Joey: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kelvin, the Labrador.

Bolt: What?

Vinnie: You gotta gimme something here, cause this is redonkulous.

Bobby: Absolutely redonkulous!

Vinnie: Capisch redonkulous! Ya know what that means?

Scanlon: Where am I going?

Vinnie: All I can say is it's a good place to lay low.

Scanlon: Why?

Vinnie: It's the kind of place nobody wants to go looking.

Scanlon: You wanna tell me where I'm going?

Vinnie: I swear to Christ I don't know.

Crazy Shapiro: Some nights I... I just feel like painting a picture.

Vinnie: Hey, Norman Rockwell - paint me a picture.

Crazy Shapiro: I didn't say I painted. I said I "felt like" like it.

Vinnie: Hey, there are over twenty million faggots in New York that "feel like it?" You wanna make it twenty million and one?

Vinnie: Well, listen, Ms. Movie star - Vinnie doesn't pay for it. OK? Vinnie NEVER pays for it.

Vinnie: Boogaloo don't fuckin show, ain't gonna be no rumble!

Vinnie: Most people got two... crazy got three, hehe.

Boogaloo: Well where was I last night, sucka?

Vinnie: Eatin' watermelon.

Vinnie: [after Crazy Shapiro kills some rival gang members] You fucking maniac!

Vinnie: Hey, good lookin... you made it.

Vinnie: He didn't teach you how to win, he taught you how not to lose. That's nothing to be proud of. You're playing not to lose, Josh. You've got to risk losing. You've got to risk everything. You've got to go to the edge of defeat. That's where you want to be, boy - on the edge of defeat.

Josh Waitzkin: But...

Vinnie: But what? Play. Never play the board, always the man. You've gotta play the man *playing* the board. Play *me*. I'm your opponent, you have to beat *me*. Not the board, beat *me*.

Vinnie: There it is!

Vinnie: What's that?

Josh Waitzkin: Schliemann attack.

Vinnie: Schliemann attack? Where'd you learn that from, a book?

Josh Waitzkin: No, my teacher taught me.

Vinnie: Oh, your teacher. Well, forget it. Play like you used to, from the gut. Get your pawns rolling on the queen's side. Come and get me.

Vinnie: I thought a great place to meet girls would be night school, you know, where they teach English as a second language. You know, because these girls would be from foreign lands and, you know, maybe still a little disoriented from the journey and I would look attractive because... I speak English very goodly. But in the end it did not work out as I had hoped, I mean, basically I was told to take a hike in fourteen languages.

Vinnie: If you need me, I'll be at the Meridian Motel in Miami Beach.

Oscar Madison: You'll be the first one I call, Vinnie.

Murray: What are you, crazy, letting him go to the john alone?

Roy: Suppose he tries to kill himself!

Oscar Madison: How's he gonna kill himself in the john?

Murray: Whaddaya mean, how? Razor blades, poison, anything that's in there.

Oscar Madison: Nah, that's the kids' bathroom. The worst he could do in there is brush his teeth to death.

Roy: He could jump!

Vinnie: That's right! Isn't there a window in there?

Oscar Madison: Yeah, but it's only six inches wide.

Murray: Yeah, well he could break the glass - he could cut his wrists!

Oscar Madison: He could also flush himself into the East River. I'm telling you he's not going to try anything.

Roy: Sh! Sh! Listen, listen!

[they all follow Roy to the bathroom door; Felix is heard crying]

Roy: He's crying. You hear that, he's crying!

Murray: Isn't that terrible? For God's sakes, Oscar, do something, say something!

Oscar Madison: What? What do you say to a man who's crying in your bathroom?

Vinnie: I thought he looked edgy the last couple of weeks. Don't you think he looked edgy?

Speed: No, as a matter of fact, I thought you looked edgy.

Oscar Madison: Hey wait a minute, wait a minute, the pot's shy. Who didn't put in a quarter?

Murray: You didn't.

Oscar Madison: You got a big mouth, Murray. Just for that, lend me twenty dollars.

Murray: I just loaned you twenty dollars. Borrow from somebody else, I keep winning my own money back.

Roy: You owe everybody in the game. If you don't have it, you shouldn't play.

Oscar Madison: All right, I'm through being a nice guy, you owe me six dollars apiece for the buffet!

Vinnie: What Buffet?

[they all chime in]

Vinnie: What buffet?

Speed: What buffet? Hot beer and two sandwiches left over from when you went to high school.

Oscar Madison: What do you want at a poker game, a tomato surprise? Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I'll call your wife and tell her you're in Central Park wearing a dress.

Murray: I'm telling you, I'm worried. I know Felix. He's going to try something crazy.

Vinnie: You mean you just threw him out?

Oscar Madison: That's right, I threw him out. It was my decision. All right, I admit it. Let it be on my head.

Vinnie: Let what be on your head?

Oscar Madison: How should I know? Felix put it there. Ask him.

Speed: He's out there somewhere.

Oscar Madison: Listen, he was driving us all crazy with his napkins and his ashtrays and his bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches. All of you said so.

Roy: We didn't say kick him out, Oscar.

Oscar Madison: Well, who do you think I did it for? I did it for us!

Roy: Us?

Oscar Madison: Yes, that's right. Do you know what he was planning for next Friday night's poker game as a change of pace? Do you have any idea?

Vinnie: What?

Oscar Madison: A luau! A Hawaiian luau! Roast pork, fried rice, spareribs - they don't play poker like that in Honolulu!

Vinnie: Last thing I heard, it's still illegal to sell Cuban cigars in this country.

Auggie Wren: It's the law that's buying. That's the beautiful thing about it. I mean, when's the last time you heard of a judge sending himself to jail?

Father: I don't go to church to be preached at as though I were some lost sheep.

Vinnie: Clare, you don't seem to understand what the Church is for.

Father: Vinnie, if there's one place the Church should leave alone, it's a man's soul!

Rev. Dr. Lloyd: After considerable thought, we voted that our supporting members should each contribute a sum equal to the cost of their pew.

Father: I paid $5,000 for that pew.

Vinnie: Yes, Clare, that makes our contribution $5,000.

Father: That's robbery. Do you know what that pew is worth today? $3,000. That's what the last one sold for. I've taken a dead loss on that pew of $2,000 already. Frank Bags sold me that pew when the market was at its peak. He knew when to get out. And I'm warning you, Vinnie. If the market ever goes up, I'm going to unload that pew!

Vinnie: Is that suit of your father's too tight for you?

Clarence Day: No, it's not too tight.

Vinnie: Well, what is it?

Clarence Day: Mother, very peculiar things have happened since I started to wear this suit. I can't seem to make these clothes do anything Father wouldn't do.

Vinnie: Oh, that's nonsense. And not to kneel in church is a sacrilege.

Clarence Day: Making Father's trousers kneel seemed like more of a sacrilege.

Vinnie: I do the best I can to keep down expenses. You know yourself Cousin Phoebe spends twice as much as we do.

Father: Don't talk to me about your cousin Phoebe.

Vinnie: You talk about your own relatives enough.

Vinnie: That's not fair, Vinnie. When I talk about my relatives, I criticize them.

Vinnie: Why didn't you kneel in the church today?

Clarence Day: I... I just couldn't.

Vinnie: Just because your father doesn't kneel, you must remember he wasn't brought up to kneel in church, but you *were*. Has it anything to do with Mary? I know that she is a Methodist.

Clarence Day: Oh, no, mother. Methodists kneel, Mary told me. They don't get up and down so much, but they stay down longer.

Clarence Day: Jiminy, another wreck on the New Haven. That always disturbs the stock market. Father won't like that.

Vinnie: I do wish the New Haven would stop having wrecks. If they knew how much it upsets your father.

Father: What's that doing in here?

Vinnie: That's our new rubber plant.

Father: The place for rubber plants is on the equator. Take that object out, Catherine. You're not Catherine.

Annie: No, sir.

Father: Good. Never liked Catherine, anyway.

Vinnie: But Clare, they're just staying in that little room of Clarence's.

Father: The trouble is, they don't stay there. They stay in the bathroom. Every time I want to take a bath, it's full of giggling females washing their hair!

Vinnie: That's the loveliest ring you ever bought me. Now that I have this, you needn't buy me any more rings.

Father: Well, if you don't want anymore ...

Vinnie: What I'd really like now is a nice diamond necklace.

Father: You're going to every house where you sold a bottle of that concoction and buy it all back.

John Day: But it's a dollar a bottle.

Father: I don't care how much it is. Here, I'll give you the money now. How many bottles did you sell?

John Day: A hundred and twenty-eight.

Father: A hundred and twenty-eight!

Vinnie: Clare, I always told you John would make a good businessman.

Father: Young man, you'll have to come down to my office with me. I'll give you the money to buy back that medicine. $128, and $10 more for Mrs. Sprague's dog, that's $138. But it's all coming out of your allowance. That means you'll not get another penny until the whole $138 is paid up.

John Day: [does math on his fingers] I'll be twenty-one years old!

Father: What did you pay for it?

[speaking of the pug dog figurine]

Vinnie: I didn't pay anything. I charged it.

Vinnie: [answering Hanky's call ordering him to close the factory] Come on, gimme a break, sweet pants, Vinnie's gotta make smoky links.

Vinnie: [on the phone] Maybe take you bowling. Oh, how about a movie?

[minutes later]

Vinnie: Maybe invite me to your place?

Bostonia: Can't we just get away from this tired town?

Vinnie: Where nobody knows us?

Bostonia: Honey, nobody knows us here.

Vinnie: Cryptika? Do you love me?

Bostonia: Now what kind of asshole question is that?

Vinnie: Did I ever tell you that I love you?

Bostonia: No, you son of a bitch.

Henry Hill: [narrating] I felt he used too many onions, but it was still a very good sauce.

Paul Cicero: Vinnie, don't put too many onions in the sauce.

Vinnie: I didn't put too much onions, uh, Paul. Three small onions. That's all I did.

Johnny Dio: Three onions? How many cans of tomatoes you put in there?

Vinnie: I put two cans, two big cans.

Johnny Dio: You don't need three onions.

Jimmy Conway: Yeah.

Vinnie: Yeah.

Jimmy Conway: Who's this?

Vinnie: This is Vinnie.

Jimmy Conway: Vinnie, what happened?

Vinnie: Well we-...

Jimmy Conway: You get it straightened out?

Vinnie: No, we had a problem... and uh, we tried to do everything we could.

Jimmy Conway: What d'you mean?

Vinnie: Well, you what I mean. He's gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it.

[pause]

Vinnie: That's it.

Jimmy Conway: What d'you mean? What d'you mean? Uh...

Vinnie: He's gone. Uh, he's gone.

[pause]

Vinnie: And that's it.

Jimmy Conway: [smashing telephone] Fuck. Can't fuckin' believe that, can't fuckin'...

Jimmy Conway: [crying] Fuck it, fuck... the fuck...

[Henry exits diner]

Henry Hill: What happened?

Jimmy Conway: They whacked him. They fuckin' whacked him.

Henry Hill: Aw, fuck.

[Jimmy kicks phone booth]

Jimmy Conway: Motherfucker!

[pushes over phone booth]

Jimmy Conway: [cries]

Vinnie: This is a mess. No way. I refuse to do this! You're the one who keeps fucking around with it so get off your ass and fix it! You understand? Pete!

Vinnie: [Pete honks the horn loudly, startling Vinnie. He then begins to laugh] You are an asshole!

Pete: Aww, what's the matter, Vinnie? You scared of the dark? You all creeped out by that murder at the nuthouse?

Vinnie: Oh yeah, sure. Look, as far as I'm concerned, all those loonies should be killed off one by one. Can you try it now?

Pete: [engine won't start] Geez, man, can't you do anything? Stop screwin' around! Get this thing done by the time I get back. I gotta take a crap.

Vinnie: Crap my ass!

Pete: Just do it, man! I mean it.

Vinnie: [Pete walks away] Fucking asshole!

Vinnie: I'm telling you, Pete, this is bullshit. This really sucks!

Pete: Just do it. Fix it, man. Those cunts aren't gonna wait all night.

Vinnie: [looks under the hood] Oh fuck, this is a mess.