Vice President Ted Matthews Quotes in My Fellow Americans (1996)

Vice President Ted Matthews: I'm so sorry, and I'm so embarrassed. I hope this doesn't scare you away from golf... Because it's such a great sport! I-I know your people... the black people, don't really enjoy the game, but I think that's because you can't get into the nice clubs! The restricted ones. And on the other hand, your people are so good at so many sports, that maybe it's good that we white folks have a sport that you people are not so good at!

Carl Witnaur: Mr. Vice President, please step this way.

Vice President Ted Matthews: Why? Is there a problem?

Carl Witnaur: There will be less of one if you step this way.

Vice President Ted Matthews: [Speaking at a funeral] Mrs. Sherman told me Charlie had a favorite song...

President William Haney: [Watching on the TV in the White House] Please God, don't let him quote song lyrics.

Vice President Ted Matthews: ...and I can't think of anything more fitting than to share with you the words from that song.

President William Haney: Oh Christ.

Vice President Ted Matthews: "Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam. Do the jitter-bug in Muskrat- Land. And they shimmy...

[emotionally]

Vice President Ted Matthews: and Sammy's so skinny."

President William Haney: Oy.