Veronica Vaughn Quotes in Billy Madison (1995)

Billy Madison: Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP.

3rd Grader: I dare you to touch her boobs.

Billy Madison: Touch her boobs? That's assault brotha. You double dare me?

Billy Madison: [walks down the bus to the teacher] Uhhh Miss Vaughn, I was wondering how long there's to get there, I need to go to the bathroom.

Veronica Vaughn: Not too long now...

[Billy pretends to fall on her, while groping her]

Billy Madison: Oh, I'm sorry! Damn bus driver drives like an animal!

Veronica Vaughn: That's alright, Billy, why don't you go back and sit now?

[smiling]

Veronica Vaughn: I double dare you.

Billy Madison: [Stuttering] That... tit... accident...

Veronica Vaughn: Go back to your seat now.

Billy Madison: ...I... Yes...

[looking embarrassed now]

Veronica Vaughn: So it's um, the last day of third grade, and you have the teacher alone in your tent, what do you want to do?

Billy Madison: Well I can think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo...

Veronica Vaughn: Really?

Billy Madison: ...Live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.

Billy Madison: [Veronica has taken Billy out of the classroom after making fun of the kid trying to read My sister Fanny] OW! Your tearing my ear off.

[Sits down on chair]

Veronica Vaughn: [scolding Billy in the hallway] Making fun of a little kid for trying to read. Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?

Billy Madison: I'm sorry I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear.

Veronica Vaughn: You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks or I'm going to fail you. End of story.

[Goes back into classroom]

Billy Madison: I see your lips moving but I can't make out the words. I'm deaf. Oh Veronica Vaughn so hot want to touch the heiney.

[Howls like a wolf]

Billy Madison: Arrroooooooo!

Veronica Vaughn: [to Billy] No milk will ever be our milk.

Veronica Vaughn: Good morning, class.

Third Grade Class: Good morning, Miss Vaughan.

Veronica Vaughn: We're going to start today by reading together a short story entitled "My Sister Fanny".

[the class laughs]

Veronica Vaughn: Quiet. So let's all open our "Reading Is Fun" books to page sixty nine.

Billy Madison: Sixty nine!

[laughs]

Veronica Vaughn: So what's it like, being back in school?

Billy Madison: I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Kyle: Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver.

[Dan throw's sandwhich at the bus driver]

Bus Driver: HEY!

Veronica Vaughn: Hey who threw that?

Bus Driver: I'll turn this damn bus around! That'll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick huh! Little shit!

[quivers lips up and down while face gets red]

Veronica Vaughn: [singing]

[to Billy]

Veronica Vaughn: Don't I have a nice rack?

Veronica Vaughn: [singing] Don't I have a nice rack?

Billy Madison: Bunt. B-U-N-T, in perfect cursive. Any more brain busters?

Veronica Vaughn: "Rizzuto"?

[Billy ponders, then writes]

Veronica Vaughn: Rirruto?

Billy Madison: Those're Z's.

Veronica Vaughn: They look like R's to me.

Billy Madison: That's not fair! Rizzuto's not a word! He's a baseball player! You're cheating!

Veronica Vaughn: Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your is Father, you get to do school all over again?

Brian Madison: Yes, I do.

[last lines]

Veronica Vaughn: [to Billy] You think he's horny? Come here.

Veronica Vaughn: You know some people have no will power, no ambition. They just drift through life like lumps of crap.

Jack: What is she talking about?

Veronica Vaughn: Norman invasion of England.

Billy Madison: 1066.

Veronica Vaughn: That is correct. The Magna Carta.

Billy Madison: 1215.

Veronica Vaughn: Yes. Spanish Armada.

Billy Madison: 1466. '67. 1469. 1514. 1981? 1986? Please do not do that. Come on, I swear... Just hang in there one second. Please, God, give me the answer!