Veronica Vaughn Quotes in Billy Madison (1995)


Veronica Vaughn Quotes:

  • Billy Madison: Hey I'm trying to score points with the teacher today. DON'T SCREW IT UP.

    3rd Grader: I dare you to touch her boobs.

    Billy Madison: Touch her boobs? That's assault brotha. You double dare me?

    Billy Madison: [walks down the bus to the teacher] Uhhh Miss Vaughn, I was wondering how long there's to get there, I need to go to the bathroom.

    Veronica Vaughn: Not too long now...

    [Billy pretends to fall on her, while groping her]

    Billy Madison: Oh, I'm sorry! Damn bus driver drives like an animal!

    Veronica Vaughn: That's alright, Billy, why don't you go back and sit now?


    Veronica Vaughn: I double dare you.

    Billy Madison: [Stuttering] That... tit... accident...

    Veronica Vaughn: Go back to your seat now.

    Billy Madison: ...I... Yes...

    [looking embarrassed now]

  • Veronica Vaughn: So it's um, the last day of third grade, and you have the teacher alone in your tent, what do you want to do?

    Billy Madison: Well I can think of three things I'd like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo...

    Veronica Vaughn: Really?

    Billy Madison: ...Live or stuffed, preferably stuffed for safety sake, and three, we bring back some of those ice cubes and switch it over to a pitching wedge.

  • Billy Madison: [Veronica has taken Billy out of the classroom after making fun of the kid trying to read My sister Fanny] OW! Your tearing my ear off.

    [Sits down on chair]

    Veronica Vaughn: [scolding Billy in the hallway] Making fun of a little kid for trying to read. Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?

    Billy Madison: I'm sorry I can't hear you. I've been physically abused in the ear.

    Veronica Vaughn: You keep your mouth shut for the next two weeks or I'm going to fail you. End of story.

    [Goes back into classroom]

    Billy Madison: I see your lips moving but I can't make out the words. I'm deaf. Oh Veronica Vaughn so hot want to touch the heiney.

    [Howls like a wolf]

    Billy Madison: Arrroooooooo!

  • Veronica Vaughn: [to Billy] No milk will ever be our milk.

  • Veronica Vaughn: Good morning, class.

    Third Grade Class: Good morning, Miss Vaughan.

    Veronica Vaughn: We're going to start today by reading together a short story entitled "My Sister Fanny".

    [the class laughs]

    Veronica Vaughn: Quiet. So let's all open our "Reading Is Fun" books to page sixty nine.

    Billy Madison: Sixty nine!


  • Veronica Vaughn: So what's it like, being back in school?

    Billy Madison: I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

  • Kyle: Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver.

    [Dan throw's sandwhich at the bus driver]

    Bus Driver: HEY!

    Veronica Vaughn: Hey who threw that?

    Bus Driver: I'll turn this damn bus around! That'll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick huh! Little shit!

    [quivers lips up and down while face gets red]

  • Veronica Vaughn: [singing]

    [to Billy]

    Veronica Vaughn: Don't I have a nice rack?

  • Veronica Vaughn: [singing] Don't I have a nice rack?

  • Billy Madison: Bunt. B-U-N-T, in perfect cursive. Any more brain busters?

    Veronica Vaughn: "Rizzuto"?

    [Billy ponders, then writes]

    Veronica Vaughn: Rirruto?

    Billy Madison: Those're Z's.

    Veronica Vaughn: They look like R's to me.

    Billy Madison: That's not fair! Rizzuto's not a word! He's a baseball player! You're cheating!

  • Veronica Vaughn: Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your is Father, you get to do school all over again?

    Brian Madison: Yes, I do.

  • [last lines]

    Veronica Vaughn: [to Billy] You think he's horny? Come here.

  • Veronica Vaughn: You know some people have no will power, no ambition. They just drift through life like lumps of crap.

    Jack: What is she talking about?

  • Veronica Vaughn: Norman invasion of England.

    Billy Madison: 1066.

    Veronica Vaughn: That is correct. The Magna Carta.

    Billy Madison: 1215.

    Veronica Vaughn: Yes. Spanish Armada.

    Billy Madison: 1466. '67. 1469. 1514. 1981? 1986? Please do not do that. Come on, I swear... Just hang in there one second. Please, God, give me the answer!

Browse more character quotes from Billy Madison (1995)